30. Gemma
THIRTY
GEMMA
It felt better than I thought it would to get all of that off my chest. To tell Aaron everything I didn’t dream I could.
Not that it’s solved whatever the fuck is going on between us, but it’s certainly made me feel lighter—and I mean that physically. It’s like a literal load off my shoulders. The heaviness that has followed me around these past weeks and months, that’s only gotten worse as this rift between the two of us grew, it finally feels like it’s shrunk, significantly.
I’m not sure how long we stayed out there on my patio, him crying silently into my chest, holding me as tightly as I can ever remember him doing, me with my arms wrapped around him, my cheek pressed to the top of his head, my own soundless tears dripping into his soft brown hair.
Eventually, we both pulled back at the same time. It was like a catharsis, the two of us reconnecting physically after me coming clean on everything I’ve held back from him.
I know it wasn’t fun for him to hear those things, but it needed to be done. Needed to be said. Especially before I give in and hear whatever his side of things are—not that he’ll try to excuse his behavior, I don’t think he will after what I’ve seen from him lately, but when he shares whatever realizations he’s had… I’m not sure I’ll be strong enough to resist giving into him, if he really is jumping into this with both feet, as it seems like he is.
When he didn’t take me up on my offer to walk away, once and for all, my belief in him solidified. As much as I didn’t want to think that he’d truly become some callous creature, fueled only by jealousy and some temper tantrum of entitlement, I needed to know, without a doubt, that he is serious about this, about me, or us.
Between him respecting my wishes so wholeheartedly—showing up (respectfully) day after day, not badgering me for anything more than I’ve offered him these past weeks, leaving me my personal space, not coming into the house without permission, then his utter silence during my life story tonight…it tells me he’s matured. He’s seen how bad his behavior really was, and that he’s changed it.
Hopefully the thoughts in his head, whatever made that bullshit okay by his standards in the first place is fixed, too, but there’s only one way for me to find out.
I’m going to hear him out.
But before I do that, I want just a little bit of normalcy. Maybe just a smidge of what our lives were for so long. A few minutes where things aren’t so heavy between us.
So I invited Aaron inside, where we ordered some DoorDash and just shot the shit, catching up on life for the last forty-five minutes while we waited for our food to get here.
There’s a sense of ease between us, our conversation, that’s been missing for the last several months. It feels right again, like it used to. Yes, we still have things to get out in the open, things to resolve, issues to tackle. But the foundation of our relationship has always been how well we get along, how we love to spend our time together, doing nothing, anything, everything together. And that’s what the last hour has been.
He’s filled me in on his parents, how they’ve been. I’ve never gone this long without seeing or talking to them myself, it’s been weird for me. Apparently they’ve got some news of their own. They’re trying to have another baby. They’re both around forty, and before it’s too late, they’ve decided they want to expand their family and are seeing a fertility specialist. The thought makes me happy. My parents had me when they were older in life, and with Aaron being born to teenage parents, I don’t think they ever really had the option to add to their family, they were too busy playing catch up, trying to stay on top of bills, and life, and growing up themselves while raising a child. Then, of course, their entire lives became supporting him and his dream. Moving to Atlanta, meetings, auditions, then prioritizing the jobs he landed, all around his school schedule. It was a full-time job for his mom, getting his career started. I hope she gets to live the life she wants now that most of her work with Aaron is done, she deserves it.
After some wheedling and begging on his part, I finally share my designs with him, showing him my Etsy storefront with my bookish clothing designs. He was more impressed than I think I deserve, but it was sweet. He offered to fund a hard launch of the company (marketing, PR, the works), asking first to just gift the funds, and when I turned that down, he asked to invest. I explained that I wanted to do something entirely on my own for once, but that I appreciated his support, and he told me I couldn’t stop him from buying some shirts. And thus I got my first sale. I thought he might get one or two shirts in his size, just to be supportive, but no. The jackass bought, like, fifty. He says he’s gonna bring ’em to the next bi-monthly romance book club at the library, which just confirms my worst fears that he could hear our discussions last week, and now I want to die.
It’s once the food has arrived and we’ve dug into our late dinners that I finally get the courage to ask him something that’s been eating away at me for the past two weeks he’s been hanging out at the library all day.
“Aren’t you supposed to be filming? Didn’t Midnight Empire go back into production?”
He’s got a mouthful of chicken breast, but tries to answer me anyway. “Mo. Worst Ally McBeal.” Or at least, that’s what I heard.
“What?” My laugh breaks free at how ridiculous he looks and sounds with his mouth full.
He makes an exaggerated swallowing motion, looks like it takes a lot of effort to clear out his mouth, before he tries again. “No, I worked out a deal.”
“You…worked out—what does that mean, Stone? What did you do? Please tell me you didn’t jeopardize your role.” Fear creeps up my spine, claws at my throat at the thought of him risking this job, which has basically made his career what it is today, giving him a launching pad to jump into some seriously high-profile movie roles in the next three to five years. Word is, he’s being considered for a major nomination this awards season. He can’t fuck that up.
He shoots me a lethal smirk, eyes lifting to meet mine from the other side of my tiny dining room table. It’s not enough space between us to keep the heat from swarming to my cheeks, flushing at just a look from this man, despite all of our…unfinished business, if you will. The knowledge that we both want the same thing, for the first time ever, where us is concerned, isn’t lost on me. In fact, it’s hard to get that thought out of my mind even while watching him try to talk around a mouthful of food. He swallows the next bite and tries again.
“I didn’t fuck it up, if that’s what you’re thinking, Gem. You’re sweet to worry about me. I just made a very convincing case to my producers and the showrunner.”
When he doesn’t bother telling me anything else, I hit him with an impatient look and twirl my fingers in the air, in the universal signal for go on, asshole . He chuckles at it and humors me.
“So you know how we left off last season?”
“Obviously,” I reply dryly. We both know I was there for every single day of shooting, every single scene he filmed, up until late in the season, but it’s not like I didn’t keep up with the show since then. I have my ways to get intel.
“So I gave the bosses an idea. What if my character got captured by the rival family for an indefinite period, rather than an immediate rescue like they’d had planned. It’s kind of like a hiatus for me. I’ll have to go in to film just one or two shots over the next few weeks, but otherwise, my character will be off-camera for at least the first four or six episodes, but maybe longer. I even planted the seed of the option of him being killed off if needed.”
My jaw drops. “Why the fuck would that be needed, Stone? What is wrong with you! We worked so fucking hard to get you to this role, to get you to this place.”
He pauses for a second, not answering me until he’s captured my gaze with those striking, deep blue eyes of his. “All of that means nothing if I’ve ruined this, Gem. You’ve been there for me our entire lives. I’ve taken advantage of that, taken you for granted time and time again, and done so many things I’m ashamed of. But this is my time to be here for you. To show up for you. To support you, for once. To make this right. If you don’t want me to go back, I won’t. I wouldn’t trade what I want with you for anything.”
Suddenly, the air is tight, my breaths are shallow, and the room might start spinning if I don’t get some oxygen into my lungs.
“It was a hard sell, but I was honest with my bosses. Alex was there too, and she may have helped me sell it to them, too. But in the end, they took my suggestions on the storyline and the path for my character, and they wished me luck. I think they’re considering it a mental wellness break for me, if I’m honest.” He shrugs, self-deprecatingly. “It kind of is, I guess. I went pretty nuts without you this summer.”
My jaw is stammering. I’m speechless. For once. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that, Aaron. No part of me wants your career to be ruined for me.”
He shrugs a shoulder like it’s no big deal, but it’s a big fucking deal. A huge one, actually.
“Let’s just hope I can win you over before they get tempted to kill me off then.” The half smile tells me he’s only half-joking. This crazy kid really would let his career go up in flames if that’s what it took to make things up to me.
“Aaron, your career was never the problem. Your fucking attitude was.”
“I know that, Gem. I do. But if my career is keeping me away from you, showing you how much my attitude and my priorities have changed… It’s just on the back burner for the time being. Okay? Please don’t worry about me, Jellybean. This is my chance to finally show up for you for once.”
“But…” The words don’t come to me, because what can I even say to him? A big part of me is touched that he would make such a drastic gesture to right things between us, but most of me thinks he’s a fucking idiot for risking it.
“Look. You know I’ve been pretty smart with my earnings.” A self-indulgent smirk breaks out on his face. “For the most part. Anyway, even if I never acted again, I’d be okay, Gem. My investments are doing good. I don’t need the money from acting at this point. And nothing is more important to me than getting you back in my life. So I don’t wanna hear any arguments on this, okay? I’m here for you. If you want, we can revisit this in another month or so, before the next meeting I have scheduled with the bosses.”
I nod softly at that, still lost for words. It’s really sinking in how serious he is about making things right between us, and I’m worried when he gets his turn to speak his side of things, the rest of what he has to say is only going to melt my heart that much further. Trepidation builds in my core, seeping out like a cold wave to my vital organs. Nervous energy is brewing, with no outlet. I’m not hungry anymore, so I push back from the table (he follows, as he always does these days), and make my way to the same seat I had on the loveseat the night that broke us for good.
I sit sideways in it, my back pressed against the rolled arm on the far side of the couch. My right leg comes up, folded under my leg that’s still hanging off the edge of the couch, making sure I’m comfy and facing him, as he mirrors my position across from me, but not nearly far enough away for my heart’s protection.
I have a feeling the barely two feet of space between our faces is going to feel like a single breath as I finally let him spill what he needs to. His confessions, apologies, realizations, dreams, whatever they may be. I’m ready to hear them.
“Okay,” I tell him. “I want to hear what you have to say.”