23
SELENA
It was Sabrina and Rohit's Sangeet night. I was excited, as always. Dancing. Music. A whole Bollywood feel to it. I love Bollywood movies, they make you fall in love.
We practiced a stick dance for the event, the girls and I. Sabrina sent me video tutorials, and we even practiced on video calls because I couldn't be there for rehearsals in person. Thank God for that. I love my sister, but she is a nightmare when it comes to anything being perfect. She even yelled at me over video calls when I couldn't get the moves right. But with video calls, you can always pretend it's glitching. If I'd attended rehearsals in person, she probably would have cut my head off.
I wore a dark green lehenga, my hair in a sleek bun. Dark makeup. A bindi. The fabric shimmered under the lights, gold embroidery catching every flicker. Lucien matched me in a green sherwani, the deep color making him look like he'd stepped out of a painting. From what I understand about Sangeets, it's like a musical where both families show off their dance skills.
Lucien couldn't stop staring at me in this attire. His eyes followed me around the room like I was the only thing worth looking at.
I entered with Lucien, but a few minutes later, I realized I had left my sticks in the hotel room. I went back out to get them. Lucien insisted he would go, but I knew where they were and didn't want to waste time. I left him with my family, weaving through the crowd of glittering lehengas and laughing relatives.
I was walking out, tightening my earring screw, when I bumped right into him.
I knew that scent anywhere, the familiar cologne I'd spent years breathing in.
I looked up.
He had his hands on my hips to stop me from falling. He smirked.
"You good?"
I nodded once, pulling in a steady breath, stepping back to put space between us.
He was wearing a black shirt, sleeves rolled up, showing off his tattoos. I noticed the faded skin on his hand, the removed tattoo, the one that used to say Jade. A scar where her name used to be.
I couldn't believe my luck. Of all the people, I had to bump into my ex.
I pushed his body away gently, motioning that I was fine. He stared at me, his eyes full of something soft, the way he used to look at her.
"You look breathtaking."
"Thanks." I didn't smile. I just brushed past him.
His compliments meant nothing to me now. When I see him, I don't see my best friend anymore. I see a man who was horribly cruel with his words. I close my eyes and see the blood. The gut-wrenching screams. I try to calm myself, pressing my nails into my palm to ground myself.
"Excuse me." I tried to move past him.
He didn't budge.
"Can we talk, Sel?" Sadness pooled in his eyes.
"Now's not a good time." I still wasn't looking at him, adjusting the edge of my dupatta, my fingers trembling slightly.
"When will be?" he pushed.
"I don't know."
"Please hear me out," he begged. "Just five minutes. That's all."
I snapped a little, turning toward him. "What could you possibly have to say to me?" Anger flashed in my eyes.
He looked confused. Hurt. "I hurt you. I hate myself for it."
"Kai, I don't want to do this. Move out of my way." I crossed my arms, trying to keep my voice steady.
He kept blocking me. Everyone else was in the hall, the music pulsed faintly through the walls, laughter spilling out, but here in the corridor, it was just us and the weight of everything unsaid.
"I need to tell you—"
"How sorry you are?" I cut him off.
He nodded slowly, giving me those looks. Those eyes. The ones I always forgave.
"Okay. You're sorry. Got it." I gestured past him. "Can I pass now?" My voice was cold.
He looked at me in disbelief. He had never seen this version of me, the one not in love with him, the one that didn't care for his apology, the one that didn't easily forgive.
"Sel, I'm serious. I'm sorry."
"What am I supposed to do with that?" My voice came out colder than I expected.
He was taken aback. I pushed past him.
"You don't know how I've been living. Struggling without you. I fucked up." He followed me, his voice pleading now, footsteps quick behind mine. "Sel, I'm trying to talk to you."
I sped up, my heels clicking sharply against the marble floor.
"Sel, can you please listen?"
"Sel, stop. Please. I'm begging. I'm so fucking sorry about everything."
"I still love you!"
That caught my attention.
I stopped walking.
My shoulders stiffened before I slowly turned on my heels and walked toward him, my face hard with anger. I couldn't believe him. After everything he did. After that night. After breaking me. After letting me bleed. He thought those were the magic words?
"So?" I asked, lifting my chin.
He ran a hand through his hair, confused. "I just love you. I've always—"
"Shut the fuck up." My hands were shaking now.
He froze.
"Do you know what you put me through?" I stepped closer, my voice low and trembling. "Kai, that's not love. When you love someone, you water them so they grow. You don't rip them to pieces and destroy them and call that love. You don't love me. You never could."
He opened his mouth. I raised my hand to stop him.
"Let me finish."
I lifted my ring finger between us, letting the diamond catch the chandelier light.
"Can you see this? I'm married."
"I know you are," he said quickly. "But call it ego, I know you can never love him as much as you love me."
"You're right."
A small, knowing smile spread across his face.
"Because I love him much more than I've ever loved you."
It was like watching something inside him break.
"I married him because he is the love of my life. The man who gives me peace, not pain. He taught me what I truly deserve. I was accepting crumbs when I deserved the buffet."
Tears blurred my vision.
"The whole time, Kai… the whole time, I thought something was wrong with me. That pain was love. But I realized that if you love someone, you don't have to hurt them this much and call it love. A love like that isn't love. You don't have to bleed for love." My voice cracked. "And you, you made me bleed that night."
The tears fell.
He stepped forward to hug me. I moved back immediately, pushing him away.
"I can't take away what I said and did," he said, voice shaking. "And I spent years wondering what happened. I couldn't ask anybody because no one knew but you and me. But I'm done making excuses, Sel. I'm done. I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. And I'm sorry for the pain I put you through. When you're ready, I hope we can sit down and talk about what happened. I deserve to know. I was the—"
"NO!"
My voice echoed through the hallway.
"You don't deserve to know what happened. You made that very clear that night." I wiped my cheeks angrily, smudging my makeup. "I am not reliving it for you. I went through it once, and it was torture. I don't care if you don't know what happened. You made it clear when you told me to leave you alone. I did. I took your hateful words and I walked away. You don't get to know! And you don't get to ask! You have no right. No right!"
He dropped to his knees.
It was the first time I'd ever seen him like this. The confident, untouchable Kai, on the floor, broken.
"Please… please. It's killing me." Tears streamed down his face. "I've lived with this guilt. I've lived without you. I took you for granted. I wanted wild when you were my home. I set my home on fire just to realize I'm homeless without you." His voice cracked. "And I was a fucking idiot, I thought you were just my best friend… until you were gone. And then I realized no one, no one, not even Jade, could ever be you."
"When my dad died," he said, voice barely a whisper, "I didn't want Jade to hold me. I wanted to call you. And that's when I knew."
"Please forgive me. I know I don't have a right to ask… but I suffered for it too. Not just you."
I let out a hollow laugh, shaking my head.
"When, Kai?" I stepped closer, my voice rising. "Did you suffer when you took her to Rome on your honeymoon? Did you suffer when you posted online with her? Did you suffer on your wedding day when you said 'I do' while I was in the bathroom dying over you?"
I pointed at him, my finger trembling.
"Tell me. Please. When exactly did you suffer?"
"I'm suffering right now." His voice broke on every word.
"Well, that's your problem." My voice went cold. "Not mine anymore."
I took a breath, steadying myself.
"You made it seem like I was hard to love." I wiped the last of my tears. "I wasn't hard. You just didn't know how to love."
I turned and walked away, my lehenga swishing against the floor, each step taking me further from him, closer to the life I built without him.
Behind me, he said nothing.
He was stunned.
Why wasn't I running back to him? Why wasn't I comforting him?
Because that girl was gone.