36
SELENA
We were back in our hotel room. Mum brought Lucien here and left, giving us space to talk.
I looked at my husband. He defended me. My honour. He knocked the lights out of Kai.
I grabbed the first aid kit and took his wounded hand from the punch, beginning to clean it. He looked at my face, which was not smiling at him, and said, "You should see the other guy." He let out a weak laugh, trying to break the tension.
I looked at him. Not amused.
"I'm sorry," his voice softened. "I'm so, so sorry."
He reached out and pulled me closer. "I read everything he did to you. And I couldn't stand it. He put you through so much more than you ever deserved. So actually, I'm not sorry. I would do it again if I had the choice."
"Lucien, it is the past. I didn't give you that diary for you to hit him. I gave it to you because you brought me back to life after him. You gave me a new life. I became a version of myself I didn't even know was possible."
I took a breath. "I wanted you to know my past. I didn't want to be that wife that kept secrets. There are some things that are still too dark for you to know, but in time I'm hoping to—"
He nodded.
"I'm just so angry at myself for thinking Kai was a good guy. For not knowing. And for trying to—"
"For trying to what?" I asked.
He looked down. Guilty.
"I'm not stupid, Lucien. I know something is going on. You, Jade, Kai, Sabrina and even Rohit. Aunt Carol saw you all together. And today you were all mumbling something. So what are you not telling me? And why are you even hanging around my ex?"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just—" He cut himself off. "Whenever I hear your name, everyone tells me that Kai is your true love. The love you never got. The man you still loved. I didn't know any of this. That he cheated on you. About the vanilla comment. About your birthday. Your job. The phone call. None of it."
He rambled, frustrated.
"Lucien, you are not making sense."
"I'm an idiot."
Fear flickered in his eyes. Fear that I might never look at him the same again. Fear that he would lose me. I recognized that look. He was scared of me.
"I wanted to reunite you and Kai."
My heart stopped.
"I wanted you to fall back in love with him. Marry him. Grow old with him. I wanted you to love again. And I did it all so you could be happy."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My heart raced. Tears started forming.
"You don't want me?" I asked softly. "You are pushing me onto Kai because you don't want me?"
My hands shook. I didn't want to ask the next question. I was scared. Was history repeating itself?
"Did you find someone else? Is that it? Is that why you are trying to give me back to my ex?"
"What? No! Never! God, never!"
He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms before I could fall apart.
"Then why?" I cried.
Deep down I already knew the answer.
He looked into my eyes. Wiped my tears. Brushed my hair away from my face. Then he looked down. Tears filled his eyes.
"Because I'm dying."
That was it. Those were the words I knew were coming.
And I let out the most gut-wrenching scream. A scream so raw I was sure the entire wedding party heard it. But I didn't care.
The man I loved so fucking much. The man who loved me. The man who put me back together. The man who held me when I broke down a million times. The man I chose to grow old and die with was leaving me.
I sank to the floor. He sank with me, holding me.
"There has to be a way! Lucien! Anyone but you. Not you. Please. I cannot live without you. Why is this happening to us?"
"Hey. Shh. It's okay, little love."
"It is not okay. It is not." My voice broke. "What is it? What can't the doctors fix?"
"My heart is failing."
"Can't they get you a new one?" I asked desperately.
"They did. But I gave it to a kid who needed it more."
"Why do you have to be so kind that I cannot even hate you for this?"
I didn't even know what I was saying anymore.
"How long?" I asked quietly.
"Not long enough."
I held him. We cried together. I beat my fists against his chest, angry at him but loving him too much to truly be mad.
"And you had this whole plan to give me back to Kai. How dare you. How dare you think I could recover from your death. How dare you think I would remarry. And how dare you think that man would be Kai."
"Because I do not want you to be alone. Because I saw how you were when I first met you. Because I did not want to cause you more pain. Because I wanted to know that you would be happy in the end." He paused. "I am sorry I did not know. I am sorry I thought he could be what you needed. I am sorry I almost gave you away without asking if you wanted to be kept."
"Lucien, I do not want to lose you." I broke down again.
"I know, little love."
He was quiet for a moment. Then, so softly I almost did not hear it, he said, "I am scared."
I pulled my husband into my arms and we cried together. I knew I had to be strong for him. But I did not know how.
We stayed like that for a long time. Just holding each other.
Then I heard the hotel door open.
Sabrina and Mum walked in. They were both crying. And I knew then. Sabrina knew before I did. And she told Mum.
They did not say anything. They just came to us. And held us while we cried.