39
SELENA
FLASHBACK
I entered the venue of Kai's wedding. It looked amazing. Everything we talked about, the decor, the flowers. Same dream. Different bride.
I looked around, thinking how much of my dream this was. The soulmate. The wedding. Walking down the aisle to your one true love. Having your friends and family witness you find love. I wanted that for me and Kai. That was supposed to be the end for us.
I'm a good person. I have been my whole life. Then why do I get to watch someone else get the love I wanted over and over? Why am I always a background character in everyone else's movie? This was supposed to be my movie. Now my cousin gets the title of his wife. She gets to be his true love. She gets to wake up to him every morning.
I wore the engagement ring. She gets the wedding ring.
I loved him my entire life. She loved him for only a season. How is this fair? I was with him all through school and college. I was there for him when he was jobless, sick. I was his best friend. The girl he used to talk to about his dreams, his life. I held him together when he fell apart. But now he's making me fall apart.
I loved him first. I loved him longest. I loved him best.
And now he's giving all of that to someone else.
I wiped away tears and walked past the caterers. I hid and ran down the hallway, careful not to be seen by any of my family and friends, if I could even call them that. I know I shouldn't have come here. But I needed him to know. I only found out the day before. I tried to call him, but he blocked my number. I could hide this from him and do it alone. But I didn't want to. I wanted to be a family. I was scared to do it alone. And I needed him to know.
The timing could not have been worse. But I guess this was it. Kai's last chance.
Maybe I am silly. Maybe I deserve better. Maybe he did too much to me. Or maybe, once and for all, I was hoping that he would still choose me. Even by default. I mean, we were happy before Jade. So maybe we could be happy again.
But if I were to do this, I needed Kai's help.
I watched someone come out of his dressing room. I waited. Then I ran and turned the door handle.
He was in a black suit with a white shirt. God, he looked so handsome. You could see his neck tattoos. It reminded me of the first day we met.
He saw me coming in through the mirror. I bit back tears. Tears from thinking this was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be his bride. He was supposed to be in a suit for me.
"Hi," I said. "You look handsome."
I don't know why I said it. Maybe because it was true. Or maybe because I knew no one will ever have my heart like this man. This fucked up man.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. No smile. Intense. Looking. I didn't understand. He cheated on me. He left me. Why is he treating me like I'm the enemy?
"I need to talk to you."
He looked at his gold watch. "I need to be out there in a few minutes to get married."
The words hit like a punch to my gut.
"You should take your seat." He thought I was actually going to stay and watch him get married. Even Mum and Sabrina boycotted this wedding. They didn't know I was here.
"I'm not here for that."
"Then why are you here?" He looked annoyed and turned around, retying his tie.
"Kai, I just need a moment. Please. Five minutes."
He sighed. "Make it quick."
I opened my mouth to tell him. But he spoke again.
"Actually, no. I don't wanna hear it. It's always something with you, and honestly, I'm sick of it. Today is the most important day of my life, and here you are again with something."
I started to tear up. "Why are you being so mean?" My voice was soft.
"Because you're not getting it. You won't leave me alone. I'm sorry, Selena. I'm sorry you were not the one I chose to marry. I'm sorry the only girl I ever loved had to be your cousin. But fuck it, why won't you let us be happy?"
"I won't let you be happy? I'm the problem? Kai, I can only be so kind for so long. You left me. You cheated on me. You came back with her. You took my job, my friends, and everything. But I'm still here right now because I love you. And I think we can still make it work because no matter what, we have to be in each other's lives because I'm—"
"I don't want you in my life, Selena." His voice was cold. Final. "And I can't keep telling you time and time again that the only girl I ever loved was Jade. What don't you understand? In a few minutes, I am going to walk down the aisle to her. And after that, she is going to be MY WIFE. Do you understand? She will be my WIFE. A title that you will never have. Because I didn't choose you. I chose her. Pick up your dignity and leave."
"Why did you propose to me then, if you never wanted to give me that title?" I was crying heavily now.
He laughed bitterly. Not believing me. "Don't act like you don't know. I'm sure the whole thing was your idea."
I wiped my tears, genuinely confused. "Know what?"
"Seriously?" He laughed again. "You know you forced my hand into that."
"Kai, what are you—"
"Your dad saw me sneaking out of your room. He sat me down. Gave me an ultimatum. If I don't want to marry you, get out of your life because people talk or some bullshit like that. You were my best friend, and I didn't want to lose you. Plus, you were stable and loved me so much, and—"
"My father forced you to propose."
I held my hand over my mouth.
"You... You didn't choose me? You didn't choose to date me? You didn't choose to marry me? He forced you?"
It all registered in my head. I would have chosen him over anybody but he chose everybody over me. I looked at him, devastated. I sank to the floor.
I vaguely remembered my dad talking to him. But I didn't know. I thought Kai realized that he loved me. But he never did. I wasn't his choice. And he told me in so many words.
I cried ugly tears.
"I didn't know... I thought you—" I broke off. "So Jade is really the girl you love?"
I broke down.
"This is such a mess, Kai. It's such a mess. I know you don't love me, but I—"
I broke off, hoping he would console me or hold me or something. But he just stared at me. Irritated. Cold. He looked like he was tired of my drama.
"I'm pregnant, Kai."
His eyes widened. Shock. "No. No, you can't be. Are you sure?"
I nodded, unable to speak.
Before I knew it, he got mad. His hand swept everything off the dresser. It burst. Glass shattered everywhere. He looked at me and pulled me up from the floor.
"Is this another lie to get me to be with you? Is it even mine?"
I looked at him. His eyes. I didn't recognize him anymore. He wasn't my best friend. He wasn't the boy I fell in love with. He was a man possessed. Obsessed with Jade. She had consumed him completely, and there was nothing left of the person I used to know.
"I've never slept with anyone else in my entire life. You know that."
"Who else knows?" His mind was racing. I could see him thinking.
"No one. I just found out yesterday—"
He calmed down slightly. "Okay. We can get rid of it without anyone finding out. Jade won't need to know. When we're on our honeymoon is the perfect time. I'll write you a cheque. And by the time we get back, you would have already lost it. So it's fine."
I couldn't believe it. "You are talking about me getting rid of our baby!" I snapped. "This is a baby! An innocent life! It's a part of you and a part of me!"
"No!" He yelled louder. "It's a trap for you to break me and Jade up!"
"No, it's not, Kai. If you don't want it, it's fine. I'll raise it on my own. But it's my baby. I won't get rid of it. I won't—"
I held my stomach. In that moment, I didn't care what Kai said. I didn't care if he didn't love me. I'd do it on my own. I'd get a job. My baby and I would struggle. But I would raise it. And we would be happy.
"And what will we tell Jade when you suddenly appear with a baby? She won't want me. And it will be because of you. I will hate you." His eyes were red. "I will fucking hate you for ruining my life!"
He wasn't bluffing. His eyes were empty. He really didn't care if his own child lived or died.
I realized I was looking at a man obsessed with my cousin. Possessed by her. He cared about nothing else.
"I don't care about you. And I don't care what Jade thinks. I will not get rid of my baby!"
"Fine. I'll deny I'm the father, then. It lives or dies. I don't care."
I fell to the floor, crying.
"Get out!" he screamed. "I have a wife to get to!"
I ran. Out of there. Past everyone.
I made it to the bathroom and locked the door. My hands were shaking. My whole body was shaking. I leaned over the sink, trying to catch my breath, trying to stop the world from spinning.
Then I felt it. A cramp. Low and deep. Not like anything I had ever felt before.
I froze.
Another one came. Stronger. I doubled over, gripping the edge of the sink.
"No. No, no, no—"
And then I saw it. Blood. Everywhere. My dress was soaked with blood.
I sank to the floor.
"Nooooo! Nooo! God, please! Not my baby!" I screamed.
I got home from the hospital. I knocked on the door and Mum opened it. The moment she saw me, she screamed. Her arms wrapped around me as she cried.
She doesn't know what happened. No one does.
I can still hear the doctors' voices in my head. The doctors said it was the stress. The trauma. My body couldn't hold on. They said it wasn't my fault, but what do doctors know? They weren't there. They didn't see me running down that hallway, crying, falling apart while my baby was dying inside me.
I lost my baby. The baby I loved even before meeting.
I kept reaching for a bump that wasn't there anymore.
Maybe this was my fault. If I never went to tell Kai, if I didn't want to be a family with him, none of this would have happened. None of this. It's my fault I lost it. My fault an innocent baby had to die.
I had nothing. No one.
I could hear the taxi driver shouting because I didn't pay him. I didn't have the money. I had nothing anymore. No will to live.
I watched Mum digging through her purse, paying the taxi driver for me. I'm such a burden to her. I only bring everyone pain.
I walked upstairs in my hospital gown and locked my door. I went to the bathroom cabinet and pulled out the pills.
I heard Mum banging on the door, terrified.
"I'm sorry, Mum. I'm sorry for everything," I said as she cried on the other side.
"Please, baby, whatever it is, we can handle it."
I cried harder because she is such a good mother. The best. But I couldn't take this pain anymore.
"God, I'm sorry. Please take away my pain," I begged.
I cried for my baby. For losing it. For falling into such darkness that I couldn't do this anymore.
I lifted the pills to my mouth.
Then my answering machine started ringing. They couldn't get through, so it switched to voicemail.
"This is Thorne Industries confirming your interview. Mr. Thorne looks forward to meeting you. He wanted me to add that no matter how dark things seem, there's always another chapter. He hopes you'll give him the chance to help you write it."
I don't know if that's exactly what they said. But that's what I heard.
I cried so hard. Then I threw the pills across the room. They scattered across the floor.
I looked horrible when I stood up. I shoved a few clothes into my bag, grabbed the letter from the table, and opened the door just as they were about to nail it down.
Sabrina was there too, looking worried. Mum hugged me tightly.
"I have to go, Mum. I have to leave this place," I said.
She looked at me in shock. "But look at your condition, my baby. You can't. I can't let you."
"Let her, Mum," Sabrina said through tears. "Look at her. She will die if she stays."
The two of them held me as we cried together. They gave me some money.
And before I knew it, I was on a flight. Leaving everyone. Leaving everything behind.
I didn't know if I would survive this. But for the first time in months, I wanted to try.