48
SELENA
Lucien's mum couldn't find a flight in time. She called him, crying. I left the room to give him some privacy.
My family was outside the door. I hugged them, crying. I told them I needed to pray. I knew there was nothing I could do. But I was still hoping. Whether that was stupid or not, I didn't care. They told me to go to the chapel. Pray. If anything happened, they would find me.
So that's where I ran. Crying. I just needed to speak to God. I needed God, or the universe, to hear my prayer. They created this love story. And I needed more time with him.
I entered. It was quiet. Just me. I got on my knees and cried.
"I need you to hear me." My voice echoed in the empty space. "I need you to really hear me. For a long time, I didn't know if God existed. I was a broken girl. And you sent me the most amazing man I have ever met."
"I wanted true love. And you showed me that I was asking for it in all the wrong places. And I believed you. I believed that everything happens for a reason. And that my reason was Lucien."
"But why are you taking my reason away from me? He is the kindest soul I have ever met. And he doesn't deserve this."
"From a young age, I had to bleed for love. And when I was too weak and stopped believing, you stepped in. You handed me my husband. And now, why are you taking him away?"
"God, I know I'm supposed to be strong for my baby. But I—" I choked on the words. "I had to let go of one baby and grieve. I had to accept that you took that baby from me because he or she is with you, watching over me. And I was understanding. I picked up the pieces, and with a heavy heart, I tried to move on."
"But now you're taking my light. God, please don't take my husband. I can't bury my husband."
I sobbed hysterically.
Then I felt a hand on me. Soft. Tattooed. I looked up.
Kai.
His eyes were filled with pain. He helped me up. Looked at me with an emotion I didn't even think he was capable of. Then he pulled me into a hug. The hug we used to give each other for years. When I cried about my boy problems to him. When we both failed at our careers or had a fight with our parents. The hug that used to feel safe. The hug from my best friend.
For a few minutes, I let him hold me. I cried in his arms. He stroked my hair like he always did.
"Shh. I got you."
And I just felt it. The heartache. The pain. Losing my baby. Losing my husband. Everything.
After a while, we sat down. Silent. Me still crying.
"I know I'm the last person you want to see. And you probably won't believe me. But I am truly sorry for everything you're going through." He wiped my tears. I pushed his hand away, uncomfortable with anyone else touching my face except Lucien.
"Lucien is a good man," he said.
I smiled sadly. "The best man."
"I'm worried about you. I know I nearly pushed you over the edge many times. And I know you won't forgive me, or that my words mean nothing. But I need to know that you will be okay."
I shook my head. "Can anyone ever get over losing the love of their life?" I asked. "But I am forced to be okay because I have to live for our baby."
His eyes widened. "You're pregnant."
I nodded. "Seems like history is repeating itself, with a twist. Maybe I was always meant to be a single parent. Maybe my purpose in life was to be a mother. And I'll be good at it. I just wanted—" I broke off.
"A family," he finished.
He took my hand, looking deeply into my eyes. "I know whatever happened between us is unforgivable. But I still love you. I just didn't know what love was until I lost you."
I pulled my hand back. This was not the time.
But as I stood to leave, he stood with me. "We can be a family. Marry me. Your baby won't just be your baby. It will be our baby. And I will earn your love. Lucien started this plan. But I want to end it."
"When I chose Jade, I was stupid. I fucked up, and I paid the price. I hear my own words over and over, telling you to get rid of our baby, not caring, because I was a man who confused lust with love."
"A year into our marriage, I was empty. Jade and I were just a match in bed. There was nothing beyond that. She didn't know how to make me feel better. She wouldn't laugh at my jokes. She wouldn't be there for me. I realized you were the one I was always running from. The one I took for granted. The one she could never measure up to."
"I told her I couldn't do it anymore. She found someone else and went her separate way. No hard feelings. Just two people who realized that you were the one thing we had in common."
"I was devastated without you. And what I said about our baby, it ate me up. Whenever I saw a baby, I wondered what happened to you. What happened to our baby. I couldn't ask anyone. No one would tell me where you were. And you weren't on social media. You were a ghost."
"Every month, I wrote letters to you, asking for your forgiveness. I kept them in a box. There was nowhere I could send them. I started drinking heavily. My life went up in flames. And I deserved it. Parties, friends, even our Friday nights movies, everything meant nothing without you. So I suffered."
"And I'm sorry. Give me a chance to finally be your husband. To make it up to you. Please, Sel. You are my north star. And I lost my way without you."
I looked at him. This was the dream. Everything I ever wanted.
"Kai." I took a breath. In and out. "The day of your wedding, when I left, after you told me that if our baby lives or dies, you don't care, I was in pain. Both emotional and physical."
"Our baby, Kai, our baby didn't even make it past your wedding venue bathroom before dying. So while you were saying your vows, I was bleeding and losing my baby. The one you told me to get rid of. The one I was living for."
He gripped the pew. His eyes wide. Tears falling. The horror of what he had done settling in.
"I went to the hospital in a blood-soaked dress. They told me there was nothing I could have done. But I had nothing. You took my job. You took my title. You took everything. Including my baby."
"Sel, I—"
"I went home and tried to kill myself."
He froze.
"Then I got a call from Lucien's company. And Kai, he saved me. And I can't fucking save him."
"You want to marry me? No. Never."
"You were my best friend, Kai. My person. The one I called when the world was too heavy. The one who climbed my balcony when I couldn't breathe. The one who held me together when my life was falling apart."
"But somewhere along the way, you stopped being that person. And I didn't even notice until it was too late. You took my job. You took my friends. You took my pride. And then you took my baby."
"That's not a best friend. That's not even a friend. That's a stranger wearing the face of someone I used to love."
"Lucien became my best friend. He held me when I cried. He showed up when I didn't ask. He gave me back the pieces of myself you threw away. You didn't just break my heart. You broke my trust. And that's something you can never earn back."
"My husband gave his heart to a kid. While you told me to get rid of our baby. His heart may be failing, but he has a heart. Unlike you."
"I can't forgive you for what you did. It wasn't that you didn't love me. It was that you made me suffer because I loved you. You were my best friend. But when I looked at you that night, you didn't care. You left me to die."
"A best friend is someone who is there for you. But you weren't. You weren't there when you left me alone waiting for an Uber. You didn't care when you called me while sleeping with her. You didn't care when you told me to get rid of the baby."
"You want the title of my husband? When you never did a thing to earn it?"
"That man who is dying right now, he came through for me. He picked me up even though he didn't have to. He gave me everything while I asked for nothing. You thought you were my true love? You are, and can never be, anything compared to him."
"I made a vow to myself that I will never marry again. But I will start a foundation to help people with heart failure. In his name. And I will go back to London and raise my baby with Lucien's mum. Because I don't want her to be alone."
"You want to take his title? You can't. He is twice the man you will ever be."
"My chapter with him is ending. But yours and mine ended a long time ago. We just refused to close the book."
Kai stood there. Broken.
"Selena, I didn't know any of this. I didn't know I put you through so much pain. I didn't know that the baby, God, our baby, I'm so sorry for everything. Tell me how to fix it. Tell me how to make your pain stop. Just tell me, and I'll do it."
"Unless you have some magic gift that will save my husband, you can't stop the pain."
I looked at him. Really looked.
"You know what the saddest part is, Kai? I don't even hate you anymore. I used to. I used to wake up every morning and hate you for what you did to me. For what you took from me. For the baby who never got to live."
"But now? Now I feel nothing. You're just a stranger who used to know my name."
"And maybe that's the real tragedy. Not that you broke my heart. But that you broke it so completely there's nothing left to feel."
"But I should thank you. Because if you hadn't broken me, I never would have left. And if I never left, I never would have found him. So in a way, you gave me the greatest gift you ever could. You gave me the man who taught me what love actually is."
"You just weren't him."
"It's funny. My entire life, I thought there was something wrong with me. But you were actually the problem. You don't change the menu because someone is allergic to the feast. You change the person."
"After our baby died, there was no coming back for you and me."
"I genuinely hope you find what you're looking for, Kai. But it isn't me. I want the man who teaches me how to live. Not the man who makes me want to die."