51
SELENA
3 YEARS LATER
I hold my swollen tummy and watch Lucien throw our son up in the air. Kai shrieks with laughter, his tiny arms reaching for the sky, completely fearless. Because his father is catching him. His father always catches him.
"Higher, Papa! Higher!"
"You'll touch the sun, little man."
"I wanna touch the sun!"
"Then hold on tight."
Lucien launches him higher. Kai's laughter echoes across the garden. Pure joy. Pure trust. Pure love.
I never would have thought this was possible. The family. The happy ending. But in the end, Kai gave me the greatest gift anyone could have asked for. My family.
Lucien catches Kai and swings him onto his hip, walking toward me with that smile. That smile.
"You're staring," he says.
"I'm appreciating."
"Same thing."
He dips me right there in the middle of the garden. One arm around my waist, the other holding Kai like it's the most natural thing in the world.
"Lucien! People are watching!"
"Let them watch. I'm kissing my wife."
He does. Thoroughly. Kai pats both our faces, giggling.
"Mama! Papa eating your face!"
"Your father is ridiculous," I say, laughing against his lips.
"You're ridiculous."
"Behave."
"Never."
Kai squirms down and runs to his grandmothers, both of them waiting with open arms. Lucien's mum wins. She always wins.
Lucien pulls me close, his hands resting on my swollen belly.
"How's our girl today?"
"Kicking. A lot. She has your energy."
"Impossible. I'm very calm."
I raise an eyebrow. "You once set the kitchen on fire making toast."
"That was a controlled burn."
"You ran around waving a towel at the smoke detector."
"Dramatic. Not the same thing."
I laugh. He joins in.
Sabrina appears with Rohit, both of them tanned from their latest adventure. They decided to travel the world, throw a dart and go wherever life takes them. She thrived in India, so now she wants to conquer everywhere else.
"You two are disgusting," she says.
"Jealous," Lucien replies.
"Deeply."
"When do you leave again?" I ask.
"Tomorrow. Iceland." She grins. "Then who knows?"
"You're going to get lost."
"That's the point."
Mum and Lucien's mum are deep in conversation. The new book club they started. They've become inseparable. Two women who found each other through their children. Through loss. Through love.
Jade and her husband sit at a table across the way. Polite smiles. Distant waves. It's not the same between us. It never will be. We're just polite. That's it. Some wounds don't fully heal. They just scar.
Kai runs back to us, tugging on Lucien's sleeve.
"Papa! Push me on the swings!"
"Right now?"
"RIGHT NOW!"
Lucien looks at me. I nod. He grins. "Race you."
He takes off running. Kai shrieks and chases him. They're both laughing. Both glowing. Both mine.
I watch them from the bench. My husband. My son. My life.
Lucien reaches the swings first, spins around, and scoops Kai up just as he arrives.
"I win!"
"No fair! You have longer legs!"
"Should have thought of that before you challenged me."
He sets Kai on the swing and pushes him. Gently at first, then higher. Kai's laughter fills the air.
Every year on this day, I invite our family and we have a Thanksgiving for Kai. Because this is the day he gave his life to give me my happy ending. Who else can say that about their ex? That he was the reason your husband got to live?
I stand up, my juice glass in hand. Everyone quiets.
"Kai…" I start. My voice cracks. I look at Lucien. He squeezes my hand. Steady. Warm. Home.
"Kai was a man who made mistakes. I mean, we all do. That doesn't make us villains. It makes us human. For our mistakes, we pay a price. But he chose to pay for his with his life."
I choke on the words. Lucien's hand tightens around mine.
"Kai was my best friend. We grew up leaning on each other so much that I didn't know we would one day choose different directions and have to let each other go."
I look around the table. Mum is crying. Sabrina is holding Rohit's hand. Aunt Carol is quiet for once.
"The truth is, I'm both thankful and sad. I'm thankful because Kai gave my husband a new life. And I'm sad because my best friend had to die for that to happen."
I pause. Take a breath.
"He took away one baby but gave me two more. He took away my first love to give me my true love. And I…" Tears fall. I don't wipe them. "I want him to know, wherever he is, I forgive him."
Lucien stands, putting his arm around me. "And I want to give him the peace that he finally gave me."
I raise my glass. "He gave my husband a heart. But he gave me everything."
We toast. The room is quiet. Then Sabrina stands and raises her glass.
"To Kai."
"To Kai," everyone echoes.
We drink.
I look at Lucien. He's watching me. That smile.
"You okay?" he whispers.
"I am now."
He kisses my forehead. "He'd be proud of you."
"You think?"
"I know."
I look at our son, playing at his grandmother's feet. Laughing. Alive. I look at my stomach. Our daughter kicking. Alive. I look at Lucien. His chest rising and falling. Alive.
Kai's heart. Still beating. Still loving. Still theirs.
I smile. "To Kai."
Later, when everyone has gone home and Kai is asleep, I find myself in the study. The box is on the shelf. Old. Worn. Sacred.
I open it. The sonogram. The diary. The letters.
And at the bottom, the envelope. Kai's handwriting. For Selena.
I unfold it. Read it.
Selena,
You taught me how to love, but you never taught me how to live without you. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder if I had done things differently, if I would still have you in my arms.
I spent my whole life running from you. It took losing you to realize that I was running from myself.
God took the sunshine from me and gave me a storm because I only appreciated the storm. And my karma was having my sunshine shine on another man and having to watch it.
I was a monster to you. I punished you for loving me. I was your hero when we first met, only to watch myself become a villain in your story.
I was the man who protected you, but I became the man who left you bleeding out in the bathroom.
What kills me is to see all the love in your eyes gone and replaced with nothing.
I hear you everywhere. In crowds. On the street. I turn around like an idiot, hoping it's you. It's never you. I leave the TV on just to hear voices.
But none of them are yours. The silence in my apartment is deafening. I eat alone. I sleep alone. I wake up alone. Every morning, I reach for you. Every morning, you're not there.
I tried to date. I tried to move on. But no one was you. No one laughed like you. No one looked at me like I was worth something.
No one made me feel like I was home. And that's when I realized what love actually is. It's not the big gestures. It's not the passion.
It's the tiny, small moments. Saturday night movies on the couch. Falling asleep on someone's shoulder.
Sharing a pizza and pretending the crust is the best part. Those moments don't seem like much. But they add up. They become everything. And I didn't notice until they were gone.
I took everything from you, and you didn't deserve any of it. Living life without you has been torture, and I can't do it anymore.
You gave me your heart and I smashed it into pieces. So now I give you mine. To create the family that I robbed you of. For you to finally get the true love you wanted.
Remember me as the guy who was your best friend. Not the monster I became.
Because my heart was always yours.
It just took dying to give it.
—Kai