Chapter 17 Hazel
SEVENTEEN
Hazel
“These are…good?” Reid’s comment sounded a lot more like a question than a statement.
I chewed, suffering through another bite of the concoction. “They aren’t terrible.”
He smirked. “Exactly what you were going for, right?”
“The flavor profile with the texture of tacos is…kind of weird,” I admitted, forcing myself to swallow without triggering my gag reflex.
It turned out there was a reason there weren’t any recipes online for Indian tacos. I set down my failed attempt at fusion and offered Reid an apologetic smile. He had been so supportive throughout the entire cooking process, despite a few side-eyes any time I added a new seasoning to the mix.
“At least my chopping was on point,” I said.
The moment I’d started attacking the vegetables with a knife, Reid had panicked and stepped in right away. He gently repositioned my fingers, showing me how to hold them so I didn’t accidentally slice one off, then hovered nearby, ready to intervene at the first sign of danger.
Reid laughed at that and graciously finished the taco on his plate. “These are the best-cut vegetables I’ve ever had. You should really start a food truck or something.”
“I’m thinking about it.”
We smiled across the table from each other.
“Has it ever occurred to you,” he started while grabbing my abandoned plate. “That you aren’t a bad cook, you’re just a bit too experimental?”
“If I don’t experiment, how will I come up with the next great recipe?”
“Is that the goal?” he asked, forehead scrunched as he placed the dishes in the sink.
“What else would the goal be?” I took my napkin and wiped off the crumbs that lingered on the table. Try as I might, I could never keep a clean place setting while eating.
“I think the goal is to prepare and eat a delicious meal.”
“Bor-ing.” I emphasized the two syllables.
Today with Reid had been exactly what I needed to take my mind off everything.
Bringing him to the thrift store felt like leading an alien on their first excursion to Earth.
He’d seemed both terrified and intrigued.
Okay, mostly terrified, but it had still been fun.
And my heart got all warm and fuzzy that he let me pick out whatever I wanted, even though he must have thought the finds were horrid.
Even running into his ex at the store hadn’t been enough to ruin the day.
At first, I’d been disconcerted. She was stunning—like, catalog-model pretty.
That was Reid’s ex-wife? I didn’t stand a chance in comparison.
But then I saw the way he tensed up the moment he spotted her.
I’d stepped in instinctively, standing up for him, shifting the mood, doing whatever I could to ease the awkwardness.
And I could tell he appreciated it. There was this unspoken sense that we were on the same team. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was in something with someone—not circling around the edges, not tagging along, but actually inside it. Together.
“So, how are you feeling about the big run-in?” I asked cautiously. Reid hadn’t said anything about Meghan and the boyfriend since we got home. He didn’t seem overly affected, but I also couldn’t imagine Reid crashing out. Holding in emotion seemed more his move.
Reid sighed and leaned against the kitchen island. “It was fine. Honestly, better than I would have thought. It was good that you were there.”
“Really?” My heart pounded at the admission.
“Yeah, I was more relaxed. And you making a joke out of the thing really broke the tension. Thanks for that.”
“No problem.” I chewed my lip, dying to ask him more. “You said the divorce was a while ago, right?”
“Just over a year.”
“And you were together for…”
“Since senior year of college, so six-ish years.”
“Holy shit, that’s a long time,” I blurted out before smacking my hand to my mouth. Damnit Hazel. Play it cool.
But he just shrugged, as if he didn’t care. “I mean, I thought it was going to be much longer before she told me otherwise,” he joked, a smile reaching his eyes.
I studied him, searching for even an inkling that he wasn’t okay. It had to be hard, thinking you’d spend your whole life with someone, only to have it end. Especially since it didn’t sound like it had been his decision.
“And you haven’t moved on since her?” I asked, shifting the topic of conversation back to him.
Our gaze broke like a trance as he started scrubbing the dishes in the sink. “I mean, I’ve dated a little, but it isn’t exactly a priority for me.”
“You don’t want another relationship?” I wondered if he’d ever consider getting married again, but I didn’t ask.
I wasn’t sure if it was because it felt inappropriate, or because I was afraid the answer would be no.
Even though there was nothing even close to official between us, I still didn’t want his answer to be no. Not at all.
“I mean, I’m fine with the idea of moving on, I just want it to happen naturally. I’m happy on my own. I’ve got a life, and I’d rather be by myself than change just to fit someone else’s standards.”
“And she tried to change you? Your ex?”
“Kind of. She always wanted me to try new things, branch out. Maybe it’s a character flaw of mine that I didn’t want to, but I liked my life. I was happy.”
I turned around completely in my chair, leaning my chin against the back as I watched him. “But she wasn’t?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I guess not. Maybe it was just incompatibility at the end of the day, and no one’s fault, but it still stung that I wasn’t enough for her.”
Reid was so sweet—soft, kind, wouldn’t hurt a fly. The idea of someone hurting him made my stomach twist.
After a second, I let out a breath. “I know what you mean. My ex was always trying to change me. Said I should dress cuter, or be quieter, or clean more.” I stuck out my tongue, pretending to gag.
“Eventually, I’d had enough. I couldn’t sit through his constant criticisms when, at the end of the day, what was he even bringing to the table?
It was like he wanted me to take care of him, but I could barely take care of myself. ”
“Hazel.” Reid’s voice was soft, gentle. “You take care of yourself just fine.”
“I think my current predicament would argue otherwise,” I joked half-heartedly.
“Your current predicament isn’t your fault.”
“You keep saying that, but if I had just been more responsible—”
“No, it’s not your fault,” he insisted, sharper this time. “I mean, I wouldn’t hate it if you were a touch more responsible. Like, maybe don’t post your whereabouts and your exact financial situation for people to take advantage of, and whatnot.”
My lip turned up in amusement. “I’ll have to give that a try going forward.”
“And for the record, your ex sounds like a complete idiot.”
“For the record, so does yours.”
He snorted. “She’s really not.”
“If she let you go, she definitely can’t be that smart.”
His eyes locked onto mine through the lenses of his glasses, piercing and unreadable.
The tension between us heightened, but I couldn’t stop myself.
The words had slipped out before I could pull them back.
Maybe this whole crush I’d been quietly nursing was misguided, completely one-sided.
Maybe I was reading too much into every glance, every soft moment we shared.
But something was there. It crackled just beneath the surface, waiting to break through.
It couldn’t all be in my head…could it?
“Did she break your heart?” The question tumbled out before I could snatch it back.
He looked away from me and squinted out the large window.
The sun had already set, the sky just getting to the point where it was almost completely dark, but you could still make out the outlines of trees.
I thought for sure I’d overstepped, but when he met my eyes again, his expression was soft and warm.
“It’s funny, you’re the first person to ask me that.
I think my family just assumed I was a blubbering mess after it happened.
They checked in on me daily, forced me to go on all these activities.
At the time, I’d found their overbearingness pretty annoying.
I had just gotten friendlier with the guys in the internet sleuthing forum, and I was having way more fun going over cold cases to distract myself.
My family thought it was a cry for help. ”
“So you weren’t heartbroken?” The glimmer of hope in my voice made me cringe.
“You know, not really, I guess. It hurt, that’s for sure.
I felt blindsided by the whole thing. She said…she said, she fell out of love with me.
That she could picture our whole life together already, because in twenty years we’d be doing the exact same things we were doing now.
She wanted something new. Something different. ”
“Ouch.” I winced, hating the thought of anyone saying that to Reid. I regretted not being ruder to Meghan at the store. I should’ve hit her with some passive-aggressive line about how “comfortable” her outfit looked, or something equally petty.
“Yeah, it sucked at the time. Made me question everything—who I was, the way I lived my life.”
“I hoped you told her stability isn’t so bad,” I said softly. “Some people crave it more than anything.”
Shit. Why had I said that? Now he was looking at me with a heavy gaze. The air in the room was even thicker than it had been before.
“Is that…something you crave?” he asked, tripping a little over the words.
Our eyes lingered on each other’s for a breath too long. “Yeah. It really is.”
I pulled my feet up, tucking them underneath myself. He pushed himself away from the sink, and stepped toward the table, leaning against it. He hovered just feet away from me.
“Hazel…” He licked his lips but didn’t seem like he knew quite what to say. I was used to that. Used to people pitying me because my childhood story didn’t fit into the stereotypical happy one.
“I didn’t mean I haven’t had any stability,” I added.