Chapter 33 Hazel #2
“It’s not fine. It’s the opposite of fine.”
I shrugged haplessly, letting my arm fall away from his loose grip. “He didn’t say anything I didn’t already know. It’s true. I’m a mess. I don’t have my life together.”
“Hazel—”
“No, it’s okay. Really. I get it.” I took a step back, but he mirrored my movements, not letting me get too far from him. “I just thought…I thought you saw me differently.”
“I do!”
“I thought my flaws weren’t as magnified when you were looking at me.”
He shook his head. “I don’t even see flaws, Hazel. I just see you.”
That was it. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. Tears were officially flowing now.
Reid’s face softened. “I’m sorry West said that to you. Especially when the only thoughts that have been running through my head lately have been about how incredible you are.”
“What?” I choked out, pointing at his destroyed glasses. “Incredible? You’re delusional! Look what I got you into today.”
He tilted his head. “Well, today wasn’t ideal,” he admitted. “But you love harder than you think, sometimes, and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Other than maybe insist you come to me first before acting on any potentially dangerous impulses in the future.”
I shook my head and tried to move away but he held onto me, grounding me in place.
“I like your brand of mess. I’ve never felt so accepted by anyone until you, and I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t accept you, for even a second.”
I stared up at him, my tears stopped dead in their tracks. His words weren’t quite computing. “I—I accept you?” I asked, having a hard time believing that I’d had any positive influence over Reid’s life whatsoever.
His gaze bored into mine. “You do. You let me be myself, but you still challenge me to not be so freaking stubborn and stuck in my ways. I’m happier when you’re around. I worry about you, sure, but that’s only because I care. So much.”
His words wrapped around me like a security blanket. They were exactly what I wanted to hear. But he was too good for me. He always had been. “You’d be way better off without me, Reid. Trust me.”
“Well, I don’t want to be without you!” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms. “You’re so…
alive. So unapologetically yourself. I don’t even care that you’re always running late.
I think it’s cute that you can’t multitask, because you constantly have a million thoughts running through your head.
I love that you think cooking dinner together is fun and that you always beg me to try new things, even when I fight you on it.
You don’t think online sleuthing is the dumbest hobby ever to exist. And for whatever reason, you actually like spending time with my overbearing family.
I can’t get enough of you. And I sure as hell am not better off without you. ”
My face crumpled for a different reason entirely. He breathed, stepping even closer into my orbit, and I had to crane my neck to look up at him.
“You said once that stability wouldn’t be so bad.
And I can see why you’d think that. You’ve had to be flexible, to accept what you were given and make the best of it.
You’re so strong. And I want nothing more than to be your stability.
I want you to be able to lean on me. Whether it’s rescuing your cat or just crying on my shoulder because you had a hard day.
I want to be here for you, not because you need me, but because you want me. ”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I wrapped my arms around his waist and fell against his chest, squeezing him like my life depended on it.
He choked out a relieved laugh and pulled me to him, holding on tight.
“I’ve loved every minute I’ve spent with you,” I said into his chest. “You make me feel so safe, it’s almost scary. Because what if I need you and then you’re gone?” I pulled away slightly to look up at him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, and for some reason, I believed him more than anyone who’d ever said it before.
“Chaotic things will probably keep happening to me,” I pointed out.
“I don’t care.” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.
“You say that now, but—”
“I love you, Hazel.”
I blinked and stared up at him. I didn’t see anything but earnestness in his eyes.
“W-what?” I sputtered. How could he? I was utterly unlovable. There was no way someone as amazing as Reid could possibly love me—
“I’m in love with you,” he repeated, cupping my cheek. “I didn’t want to say it in case it was too soon, and I scared you off, but you deserve to know. You think you’re hard to love, but you’re not. Falling for you has been the easiest thing I’ve ever done. In fact, it was impossible to stop.”
He leaned down and kissed me, my wet tears transferring onto his cheeks. When he pulled away, I blinked back at him, still in disbelief.
“Are you going to say anything or…” his words trailed off, and I realized he was actually nervous. I wanted to laugh. As if I had any choice but to love him back.
My brain momentarily forgot how to send signals to my mouth to speak.
Reid’s eyebrows lifted as he traced a slow circle against my cheek with his thumb. The picture of patience. Always. A rock. My rock.
“I love you too,” I finally got out. “Of course I do. You’re amazing, Reid. You helped me when you didn’t have to, just because that’s the kind of person you are—good to everyone. I accepted you? You accepted me! I’ve never felt more secure than when I’m with you.”
He let out a relieved laugh before leaning down and stealing another kiss.
I should never have doubted him. I was so used to no one staying, of having people pass through my life without a second glance. But Reid saw me. Really saw me.
Vermont let out a demanding meow from the front hallway.
Reid pulled away, a huge grin still on his face. “Should we let him explore? I’d like to officially meet the little guy, after all this build up.”
I smiled back at him. “Hopefully he lives up to the hype.”
“Maybe we should go out and get a litter box and some things for the house,” he said, wiping the last of my tears from my cheeks with his thumbs.
My heart nearly burst. I wasn’t about to move in here for real, but I didn’t want to bring up going back to my apartment. Not yet. I just wanted to cozy up with Reid and Vermont on the couch and savor this feeling—the overwhelming peace that came with finally no longer feeling alone.
“Maybe some new glasses, too.”
“Oh.” He laughed and took off his mangled pair. “Don’t worry, I have backups.”
“Of course you do. Always prepared.” I kept beaming up at him, and he mirrored it right back.
Reid carefully unzipped the backpack and let Vermont sniff his hand. Vermont stepped out of the carrier like he owned the place, rubbing against Reid. Reid shot me a smile. My heart was so whole it might burst.
There was no way to know for sure if Reid was in this for the long haul. It didn’t make sense to assume he would be, not after such a short time.
But deep down, I knew.
He wasn’t going anywhere. And neither was I.