Chapter 29 Rafael
The moment we stepped back into the states, unease coated every inch of my body and nothing made it go away.
I was lying to the man I loved, betraying him every second that I didn't come clean.
I was too far into this to spill everything now.
While in Paris, although the trip was short, I felt like I had it.
I was able to grasp the life I dreamt of since the day I met Cesare.
A delusional part of me wanted to scream it was love.
That Cesare was falling for me. The reality was, I had no fucking clue.
The way he touched me and looked at me was different, but was it enough?
Fuck, was I enough?
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Another roll of nausea swept over me. While in Paris, it had been easy to ignore the thing. To pretend like I had no service and stay in la-la land with Cesare.
Unknown: We need to meet now.
Unknown: I’m not asking.
It didn’t take a genius to know it was Benito or one of his brothers. Guess they were done using Kelly. In fact, I hadn’t heard from her in a while, not that we were good friends to begin with.
Rafael: This isn’t a good time.
Unknown: I don’t care. Figure it the fuck out.
I stared at the message for a long while. What the hell was I even doing anymore?
Rafael: I can come to Silver Dreams for a little bit.
The dancing dots made my skin crawl as I waited for his response.
Unknown: No.
What the fuck did he mean no?
Rafael: I have a guard now.
Unknown: Not my problem.
There was a location attached, and the nausea doubled.
He wanted me to come alone and to an unknown place.
All the brothers were probably there. Not that it changed anything.
I doubted I could kill one. Even if I did grow the stomach to kill someone, Cesare would never touch me again.
In fact, he'd probably kill me for killing one of his kids.
Even with all their fighting, it was clear Cesare loved his kids; he just sucked at showing it.
I blew out a breath, and everything felt like it was moving too fast. The brothers have always been impatient, but it felt like things were getting worse.
I couldn't ignore the fact that maybe it had been Benito that called the hit out on us.
Asking Cesare was a no go. If I so much as mentioned it, he'd get defensive and shut me down.
There was only so much work-around I could do, and I hated fighting with him.
At the start of all this, I’d been so sure of my plan. Now it felt like I was some naive, lovestruck idiot with a half-cocked idea. What if it's all doomed? Our love story was never going to be pretty, but now that I had Cesare, I wanted to keep him even more.
Are we doomed to self-destruct?
“What are you frowning about?” Cesare’s voice cut through the silence.
I twisted around, hiding the jump and swallowing down the surprised yelp that nearly escaped me.
I'd been so wrapped up in my own head I hadn't noticed him approaching.
Cesare hadn't been in the bed, so I'd assumed he'd left for work.
His brows dipped as he moved toward me. I slipped my phone into my back pocket, powering it off in the process.
"What's wrong?" The concern in his voice didn't match the cold, calculated look on his face.
I had no right, but I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder. Nothing would be the right answer, but no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't come out. The lie was easy enough; two syllables and it would be done.
"I don't want to be away from you. I want to be selfish and beg you to run away with me."
Without him saying anything, I already knew the answer.
Cesare Vitale didn't run, and he never would.
Our little vacation was just that; a moment of serenity from the chaos.
I knew going in that if I wanted the man, I had to accept that he was the villain to many people's story.
He'd always be wrapped in destruction and mayhem.
Cesare's calloused fingers wrapped around the back of my neck and applied pressure that teetered on pain. It was grounding. I let out a moan as he tilted my head back.
"We've been over this."
I attempted to nod, but his hold was too tight. I licked my lips. "Doesn't mean I won't pout about it."
A soft chuckle rumbled up his chest before he brought his lips to mine. He delivered a slow, demanding kiss that left me breathless and lost.
"Is that what you're doing?" He nipped my bottom lip, adding a delicious spark of pain to the steady wave of pleasure his touch was invoking. "You can play with the cat till I get home, and if you get really bored, you can go shopping."
"Cesare Vitale, are you trying to buy my compliance?
" I teased. I tilted my head slightly to the left and kissed him once more, tracing the seam of his lips with my tongue, tasting him.
"Because if you are, can we talk about maybe getting me a few jewelry pieces?
I want you to pick them out, no one else. "
His dark brown eyes bore into me as if he looked hard enough he'd be able to understand what made me tick. "Fine."
I grinned against his lips and kissed him again. "I will send you what I like, so that way you're not staring at a bunch of shit and debating. Although I'm pretty sure I'd love anything I got from you. It could be a piece made from aluminum foil. I'd judge you of course but—"
"Rafael."
I met his gaze mid-ramble and was floored by the softness in his eyes.
What did it mean? Cesare didn't give me a chance to ask as he kissed me again.
Our tongues twisted together seamlessly.
Our bodies aligned perfectly, and I soaked in the heat from him.
I never wanted this to end. I wanted every day to start off with a kiss from him.
I wanted to be the one waiting at home, so when he inevitably had a shit day, he'd find solace in my arms. I wanted to be his peace and his problems. I wanted to occupy his every thought like he did mine.
My selfish desire for him had me in a chokehold. And I was in no hurry to escape.
"What about being tied to the bed? I'll ride your cock and give you massages in between. I’ll even hand feed you."
Cesare growled and it went straight to my cock. "Gattino."
He'd called me that a few times in Paris, but I hadn't thought about it. Hearing him say it again made my stomach twisted into knots. He almost sounded desperate.
"Be good." Cesare bit the side of my neck at my pulse point before he pulled away and headed for the door.
"Mmm, I don't know, I was planning on cumming on your pillow once or three times."
Cesare fixed me with a glare that would make most men piss themselves. "Go ahead. I'll make sure you suck it clean."
That shouldn't be hot. I groaned and flopped down on the couch. "Have a good day at work."
Cesare looked at me and then the door. For a split second, I was certain he was going to change his mind and not leave. My stomach twisted and hope bubbled up. Maybe he'd grab me and fuck me till I forgot about everything. Until all that was going through my head was me and him.
The door opened, and Cesare walked out. I held my breath, watching in anticipation for him to come back in.
My stomach tightened and my lungs started to burn.
I closed my eyes and took in a shallow breath.
Minutes went by, and when I was certain he wasn't coming back, I pulled my phone back out.
I turned it on. The small moment of comfort I'd soaked up from Cesare was gone the instant the screen came to life.
Unknown: 12:30
I glanced up at the corner and jumped at the time. It was already ten forty-five. Fucking assholes. I headed to my bedroom. I didn't even use it anymore except to house my clothes. I was in Cesare's bed nearly every night.
And I plan to stay there forever.
I'm willing to do anything to have him. I needed to remind myself that was how I went into this. I couldn't back out now. I couldn't second-guess every choice I had made.
I tugged on jeans and paired them with a skin-tight black top.
It had long sleeves but there were cutout sections that showed off my arms. I brushed my hair and wore minimum jewelry.
It wasn't like I was expecting anything to happen, but the last time I'd run into the brothers, they hadn't exactly been friendly.
Paolo had been ready to bash my skull in.
The only other problem I had was Andrew.
He was still my designated bodyguard. Cesare said that the guys who shot at us were no longer an issue, but that I still had to be guarded.
At the time I'd been overrun with joy, because to him, I was something worth protecting. Now it was a fucking nuisance.
I shoved a few things into a bag and headed for the door. I had to do this. I reminded myself it was all for one reason: To keep Cesare. To stay with him.
"Hey, wait up," Andrew called behind me.
I hit the button for the elevator. I glanced over at him, and he was all smiles.
"Where are we going?"
"Gym."
"You work out?"
I turned toward him and tilted my head. "Does it look like I don't?"
"No, I mean, you look buff for a—um, what I mean, you wear girly clothes, but you, um, shit." He pushed his fingers through his hair as the elevator arrived. We got on together, and he avoided my gaze. "What I mean is you haven't gone to the gym since you've been here."
That was true, it had been a while since I'd worked out, let alone sparred. "Today felt like a good day to get back into routine."
Andrew nodded like he understood, and maybe he did. We headed toward the black SUV. The garage was lined with various luxury cars and some hunks of metal that looked like they should be in a scrap yard instead.
"Can anyone park and abandon their car here?"
Andrew glanced around, a cheeky smile on his face. "You don't know him that well, huh?"
"Excuse me?"