Chapter 7 #2
I’m already confessing now, so I might as well lay it all out there. “It feels like I could actually build something real here… and I want it to last. My gut is telling me it could be worth the risk.”
He pauses again. “I mean, I guess if they have a bad reaction, you can just show them firsthand how skilled you are with a gun.”
Just the thought makes me snort. I wouldn’t hurt Calvin, no matter how he took the news. “I wouldn’t—”
“I’m joking, Dad. If you’re actually thinking of telling them who you are, I get that they aren’t a person to shoot. I’m your rational son, remember?”
Right. “Probably more of a new identity, new name kind of thing, right?” I’m kidding. Kind of.
There’s another pause, and I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head before he speaks again.
“If you think there’s actually something there, take a leap, Dad.
Sometimes people are worth taking a risk for.
Spend a little time getting to know them, and if it still feels right…
do it. You deserve to be happy.” Wylder’s voice is careful, like he’s worried his own advice might rub off on him.
“You were a great parent to us growing up, and you always put us first. I know that meant you were alone, that you shouldered a lot that you shouldn’t have, especially with the kind of kids we were.
And Mom…” He trails off then, and something in my chest constricts.
We don’t talk about Julia that much, but I remember when Wylder was small.
I remember the night terrors he used to have, the way his eyes would search for me in the dark sometimes… the way he’d look so relieved when he came through the door after school and saw me sitting there. Her death hit him deeper than he ever let on. So his words now mean something.
“Wylder…”
“Mom would have wanted you to be happy. I know that. She would want you to try.”
Fuck.
“You too, you know.” The soft encouragement comes out before I can help it, and he snorts.
“I’m plenty happy.”
It’s a lie—I know it, because I’m the one who taught him how to do it. But hearing the way his usually composed tone is fragile and frayed around the edges tells me now’s not the time to push. So I just sigh. “Okay, son… and… thank you.”
He laughs at that. “Listen, just don’t expect me to call them Mom.”
Mom.
Right. I hadn’t mentioned that Calvin was a man. Still… “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Calvin is bleary-eyed and more than a little confused when he opens the door to his apartment the next morning. I’d timed this little visit so I was early, since he told me he was usually meticulous about his alarm. From the half-asleep expression in his eyes, I can tell I was right.
“Atlas?”
I hold out a cup of coffee as a peace offering, and I watch his expression shift from confused to blissful as he takes it and brings it to his lips. His eyes only widen in shock for a moment as he lowers the cup.
“Did you change the order?”
“More sugar.” I shrug. “I noticed last time you made a face when you drank it, so…”
I can see it when he melts. Noticing little details about him, remembering what he says… it seems to mean a lot to him. I don’t want to tell him I’d spend the rest of my life memorizing every little thing about him, since that seems a bit intense, but Wylder’s advice is still ringing in my ears.
I need to spend more time with him—we need to go out. I need to know that this is real and then take the leap…
“I thought maybe I could drive you to work again this morning?” I should have been doing it all along—I’d wanted to do it all along. From the way his expression shifts slightly, I can tell maybe he thought the same thing too, but he waves me off in the same breath.
“That’s too much trouble, it’s—” I lean in, pressing my lips to his. He tastes like coffee, a little too sweet… but somehow perfect for him.
“It’s no trouble. Honestly, it’s been a test of my willpower not coming here every morning.” I grin, leaning against his doorframe and arching a brow as I look him up and down. He’s in a baggy T-shirt and sleep pants, but he makes them look amazing. “You’re kind of hard to resist, Nurse Hayes.”
I don’t mistake the flush that crosses his cheeks, mixing and mingling with the sleepy expression on his face. It makes me think of how good he’d look waking up in the morning—how good he’d look in bed.
And I have to squash down those thoughts before I push my way into his apartment and break the only rule I’ve really set for myself.
I have to tell him about myself before we go much further… and I know I’m not going to be able to hold out for long.
“You can drive me to work since you’re already here.” He sounds like he’s relenting, but I see the absolute pleasure on his face.
“You have a day off soon, right?”
“Yeah,” he says, and I can hear the eagerness in his tone even though he’s trying to play it casual. “Two more days and I’m off night shift.”
I lean in again, brushing my thumb gently along his lower lip to catch a drop of coffee.
“If you’ll let me, I’d like to spend your mornings with you until then.
” Before he can protest, I keep on. “I’ve got nothing better to do, since I’m recovering.
” Truthfully, I already feel better, but…
“I want to know you, Calvin.” I tilt my head and look him over, wondering if I can convey what I need with just words.
“And I want you to know me. So yeah…” I lean in, brushing my lips against his again.
“I want to take you to work, and I want to bring you home. If you have time, maybe I can even bring you lunch. And then, when you have a day off… I want to take you on a date.”
His eyes are huge as he stares at me, but I can tell what I’m saying isn’t unwelcome. That’s another thing I’ve picked up from our texting. He isn’t the kind of person who wants a fling, or something unserious.
He wants something that can last.
Calvin finally nods, leaning in and returning my kiss in a gentle brush of his lips. “That sounds good to me, Atlas.”
The sound of my name, the heat of it breathed against my mouth, is almost enough to make me break down and tell him everything right now.
But no.
Coffee, rides to work, bringing him lunch… a date.
And then…
Well, then I’ll decide if Calvin is the kind of man I can bring home, when home is a place filled with dead bodies and blood.