21. HUNTER
21
T his was a mistake.
I take in the people hauling themselves into the creek. Girls squeal when their hair gets wet. Boys holler when they lift into the air by the swinging rope they set up on the big oak on the riverbank, before they crash through the water. A group of guys is trying to light a fire, now that the sun is slowly setting behind the tree line.
But it's all a blur looking at it with my dark mood.
My mother’s words still echo through my head like church bells ringing every hour.
“I can’t wait until you graduate and get the fuck out of here.”
She doesn’t mean it was the first thing that snapped into my head. She’s drunk, but she doesn’t want you to leave. She’ll miss you once you’re gone. But I’m at the point where I need to stop telling myself these lies and accept the fact that my entire family died that night. Including my mother.
I thought coming here was a good idea. That it would push away my thoughts, maybe cheer me up a little, but I was wrong.
It only makes me realize I don’t want to be surrounded by people right now.
I just want one.
My eyes keep glancing back at Charlotte. She sits near the creek with Julie, occasionally dipping their toes into the water. She looks relaxed, more relaxed than I’ve seen her for a while. I don’t want to ruin it for her, but at the same time, all I want to do is drag her out of here and hang out in my truck.
I let her be for a while, knowing she hasn’t seen Julie in a long time. But at some point, I can’t keep up with whatever Jason and the boys are talking about as we hang out on the tailgate of Jason’s truck, and before I know it, I jump off.
“Where are you going?” Jason bellows behind me.
“I’ll be right back.”
I saunter over to check on her, aching to hold her in my arms after the day I had.
Julie’s hair sways over her shoulder as we lock eyes. “What’s up, Julie?”
“Coming to claim your girl again?” she jokes, wiggling her eyebrows at me as Charlotte twists her body to look up at me too.
“Only if she wants me to.” I shrug, my eyes locking with Charlotte’s. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You okay?”
“Mmhmm,” she muses, giving me a coy smile.
“You wanna go?”
She stays quiet, her eyes moving back and forth over my face, as if she’s trying to decipher my mood. I’m praying she can read between the lines, decoding the words I can’t say out loud. Let’s get out of here. I just want to be with you. I need you.
“Nah, we can stay. It’s okay.”
Fuck.
“You sure?”
“Definitely.”
“Alright. You wanna come hang with me for a bit?” I lift my snapback to run a hand through my hair, putting it back on my head backwards. She stays quiet, biting her lip, looking cute as hell, and I do my best to suppress a groan .
Just tell her, man.
“I’m gonna stay here, okay? Hang out with Julie and catch up.”
My ribs tighten as a cold breeze rushes through my core. She eyes her friend, and I nod in agreement, even though deep down my heart is saying no.
“Yeah, of course. Just let me know when you wanna leave.” I don’t wait for her reaction, walking straight back to the rest of the boys. I have no right to be mad, disappointed, or act like an asshole. Still, I can stop the agitated feeling forming inside of me, and I ball my fists.
I ended up at Charlotte’s doorstep because I needed her when my mom decided to fuck me up in the head. I need her to pick me back up, and tell me I’m not a little shit like my mother keeps mentioning. That I’m useless, or I won’t ever get out of this shit town. I know my drunk mother is full of shit, but still, I have this nagging voice in my head that tells me she’s right. That I’m doomed to spend my days out here, not getting any further than a shit job in Raleigh. It’s feeding my insecurity every time she rants against me.
But Charlotte?
Charlotte makes me forget.
She builds me up, just being with me, existing beside me, comforting me without saying a word. I need her. Just her. And I was stupid enough to suggest coming here for no fucking reason. Now, there’s this urge to drive my fist into something, proving my mother she’s right.
I am a piece of shit.
I push myself up to take a seat on the tailgate of the truck we’re standing next to, and I reach my hand out to Jason, standing next to the cooler. The skin on my body feels tight, making it hard for me to breathe as I glance at the two girls again.
“Yo, can you hand me a beer? ”
Jason hesitates with a frown, pissing me off even more. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I bark out.
“Sure? Because you usually don’t drink.”
“I do now.” My dark glare silently tells him to fuck off.
There’s a stunned flutter of his lashes, challenging me with a single look, but I can’t fucking find the fucks to give right now. I need to stop feeling, before I do something that I’ll regret.
“We’ve been friends for years, and all the times you had a drink is countable on one hand. What’s going, Hunter?”
“Just give me the damn beer, Jay.”
“Alright.” He rolls his eyes as he grabs a beer, twisting the cap with a lighter, then hands it to me.
“Thanks.”
“You gonna be alright, man?” he asks with a tilt of his head.
I shoot him a fake smile, taking a pull from my beer. The hoppy flavor attacks my taste buds like it did when I drank for the first time, but I ignore it, just chasing the effect of the alcohol.
“Peachy.”
There’s one thing my mom taught me.
Alcohol is bad.
Showing me all the bad things that come from alcohol made it easy for me not to drink. I’m a bad boy. I’ll kick your ass if you challenge me, in and out of the cage. I ditch school if I get the chance, and I’m graduating, but only barely .
But you wouldn’t ever catch me drunk.
Until tonight .
Having zero tolerance, I’m feeling wasted as fuck after six beers and a couple of shots, entertaining everyone with my fast comments.
Everyone except Charlotte.
And Julie, who keeps looking at me like she wants to rip my head off and put it on a stick.
The twilight is setting in, and we’re all sitting on big logs around the firepit. I failed to keep up with the conversation for the last, who knows how many minutes, so instead I focus my heavy lashes on the blonde sitting in my lap. She smells so sweet it’s disgusting, and every now and then, I squint my eyes, wondering how much of her face is real and how much comes from a bottle.
She’s hot.
I think. I’m not sure, because my brain seems to have a hard time figuring out what it needs. She purrs in my ear, burying her nose into my neck.
“You wanna get out of here?” The fake husky voice makes me cringe, but for some fucked-up reason, I keep her on my lap. Having no restraint whatsoever, I glance at Charlotte, who’s eying me from the other side of the pit, still sitting with Julie instead of me. After the second beer, I went into full dick mode, barely acknowledging her as I gave my attention to the first girl who came along that wasn’t her. At first, I felt guilty, feeling the girl’s lips on my neck, while my eyes stayed locked on Charlotte, looking at me with a disappointed glare as I gave her a daring one.
If she wants me, she can claim me.
After the third, I didn’t give a shit, and I started making out with Kim in plain sight, for everyone to enjoy. Is her name Kim? Or is it Jen?
It’s something short.
“Yeah, sure. Let’s go,” I reply .
My hands on her hips guide her up, before I do the same, needing a second to hold my balance, then I wave at Charlotte. Because apparently, I have a death wish.
She stares at me, unimpressed, a dull look plastered on her face.
“Come on, let’s go, Charls,” I bark.
It’s funny, because there’s this very loud, yet distant voice in my head that’s yelling something like: abort mission and don’t fucking do it. But it’s not as loud as the voice that’s telling me to live up to my reputation, since that’s all I got left anyway.
Charlotte shoots Julie a confused look, who shrugs her shoulders in response. Then she gets up as I do my best to make sure the world stops spinning by taking deep breaths.
Charlotte walks past me, without giving me a second glance, stalking toward the truck with a scowl on her face. Wrapping my arm around Jen’s neck, or Kim’s, who knows, I tug her along with me, following Charlotte. Her hips do that swish swash thing you see in movies, her gorgeous waves bouncing with every step forward. Her anger is shown in every flick of her hips, and I bite my lip to suppress a moan.
When she reaches the tailgate, she turns around, holding her hand up. I like seeing Charlotte all riled up, making demands. She plants her hands on her sides.
“Keys.” Her bark is loud, vibrating all the way to my toes. But then her luminous green eyes widen, a shocked expression cutting through my heart when she shakes her head, pointing at the girl under my arm. “Hold up. She’s not coming.”
Clearly unaware of the little vixen I just released with my dickish moves, the girl under my arm seems to think this is a good time to open her mouth.
“Excuse me, bitch . You are not coming.” She takes a threatening step forward, and instinctively, I tug her back as Charlotte folds her arms in front of her body with an amused scowl on her face. Her eyes are shooting daggers, and the sweet girl I know is completely replaced by the sassy girl tucked inside of her. She doesn’t let her out often, but when she does?
Fuck me, it steals my breath away.
“You better not be planning on fucking her in the back of your truck while I drive your drunk ass home.”
I bite my lip at her words, her gaze fixated on mine.
What was my plan anyway?
Find a spot with this girl and fuck her until I’m sober? A year ago, it would sound like the perfect plan. But the fucking problem is… there’s only one girl I want. And it’s the thunderstorm standing in front of me. It’s the reason I haven’t slept with anyone in months, knowing they could never live up to the fantasy I have in my head.
“You’ve got some nerve, Hansen.” The tone in her voice is low and menacing, telling me I need to be careful, but the damn alcohol inside me doesn’t get the memo.
Just shut up, Hunter . “You can’t tell me who I can or can’t fuck. I’m fucking Jen tonight,” I slur.
“Kim,” a voice clarifies beside me.
Dammit, I knew it was Kim.
“Kim,” I recover.
Charlotte stalks forward, pointing her finger against my chest, ignoring Kim beside me. I want to snatch her wrist and shut her up with my mouth crashing against hers. But her fury has me rooted, like a fucking bunny hoping the wolf won’t rip out its neck.
You’re a fucking pussy, Hunt.
“I never tell you who you can or can’t fuck! Don’t you dare pull that shit on me! I don’t care who you fuck! I never cared who you fuck! But I do care about you dragging me out here, and then expecting me to leave with you and your flavor of the month.” Her voice grows louder with every sentence she pushes out, showing her teeth as if she’s about to bite my head off. She might.
I’d let her, because she’s right.
Drunk Hunter doesn’t agree, though.
Drunk Hunter thinks he can afford to be an asshole.
Drunk Hunter is a dumbass.
“Well, that was clearly a mistake, anyway,” I sneer, lowering my head closer to her face, my fury matching hers. “I should’ve left you sitting on your damn porch.” Our eyes stay locked, like two magnets unable to resist the pull. Kim and anyone else completely forgotten.
“I would’ve, if you didn’t show up at my doorstep.”
Without a second thought, I press my hand into her stomach, pushing her against the cold metal of my truck, caging her in as my breath starts to fan her face. Kim mutters some shit behind me while my intoxicated body tries to stay focused on the girl I call my best friend.
“You want me to stop coming over?” I growl.
“I do if you’re going to keep acting like an asshole!”
“I wouldn’t be an asshole if I actually would’ve seen you tonight!” I roar, making her wince before the fiery look on her face turns into wildfire. I might be drunk, but I don’t miss the silence that has formed around us, and I realize we’ve caught everyone’s attention.
I’m totally fucking this up.
“How the fuck dare you?! You do not get to act like a baby, when for once my world doesn’t revolve around you!” Her shouts are as feral as her eyes, yet she’s still gorgeous as an angel. Her words expand the rock in my stomach, but before I can tell her she’s right, she pushes me off her, slapping my face.
What in the actual fuck?
The feeling of her palm connecting with the skin on my cheek burns the intoxication right out of my body, leaving nothing more than the anger that’s been the root of my energy the entire day. I roughly grab her wrist, pulling her flush against my body, my hand moving up to grip her chin, forcing her to face me as I glare down at her in a dominating way. My chest is heaving as I look into her fearless eyes.
“You know slapping me doesn’t impress me anymore.”
Her eyes slightly widen, putting her scowl back in place while I squeeze her chin out of frustration.
“You don’t come to me for pity,” she grates out. Time seems to stop around me as I take a deep breath to calm myself down, trying to find the right words rather than swing her over my shoulder and throw her into my truck.
“You’re right,” I rumble against her face, with a menacing tone, her eyes fluttering when my breath fans her face, “I don’t. I come to you for support, because I fucking need you when everything else is going shit. ”
“And I’m here,” she howls. “What fucking more do you want, Hunter?” The ache in her eyes sobers me right up, but instead of pushing my asshole behavior to the background, all that it does is expand the fear I’m sensing.
She can’t walk away too. I won’t let her.
“ You ! I haven’t seen you all night, even though you’re here for me!”
“I can’t do this.” She frantically shakes her head. “I can’t be at your beck and call, if all you do is take! A relationship is a two-way street, Hunter!”
“Shut up,” I bark, increasing my grip on her face, unable to let her go.
I can’t.
She slaps my hand away, trying to push me off her, but I keep a hold of her wrist, while her other hand tries to slap me again.
“Let go of me, asshole.”
I wish I could. I wish I could set her free and walk away .
“Hunt,” a deep voice growls beside me, and I find Jason glaring at me. “Let her go.”
I grind my teeth, letting go of her wrist. She rubs the hurt skin on her arm, shooting me another glare while Jason approaches us, holding up his hand with a disappointed look on his face.
“Keys.” Wanting to avoid a fight with both my friends, I reach into my back pocket, slamming my keys into his palm.
“Get in. Both of you,” he orders as he climbs behind the wheel.
I glance at Charlotte, following his move until her fury-filled eyes snap toward me, shooting me deep in the chest.
“I’m calling shotgun. You can climb in the back, or the tailgate, for all I care, but don’t you dare come near me.” She pokes her finger into my chest, then rounds the truck to get into the passenger seat, and I bring my hand up, pinching the bridge of my nose while closing my eyes.
What the fuck are you doing, Hunter?
“Err, Hunter?” Kim’s voice rings somewhere around me like a loud and screeching alarm when you want to sleep in. She’s still here? Fuck’s sake.
“What?” I twist my torso to look at the blonde I was planning to take home.
“We can go to my place? My parents aren’t home until midnight.”
Charlotte’s door slams shut, and I wince. “Yeah, not gonna happen, sweetheart.”
I went to Charlotte today, hoping spending my time with her would make this day at least somewhat better. Instead, I fucked it up even worse, hurting the one girl who is always on my side.
“Hansen, get your ass in,” Jason barks at my back after he opens the window.
Rubbing a hand over my face, I look in front of me, locking eyes with Julie. I expect her to shoot me a glare, to be angry with me for fighting with Charlotte. God knows I deserve it all. But she sends me a sympathetic look as she purses her lips and shrugs her shoulders. I shake my head at her. The last thing I need is people feeling sorry for me. This is my own doing.
Spinning on the spot, strutting back to my car, I climb into the backseat.
Jason hits the throttle without waiting for me to have my seatbelt on, and I get pressed back against the seat. The suspenseful energy is filling the truck with tension, their anger feeling heavy on my chest, and I do my best to keep my focus on the road. My head feels fuzzy, and I take deep breaths, trying to get it together while my eyes stay focused on the girl in front of me. Her stance is rigid, ready to lash out at me if I dare to talk to her again.
I shouldn’t talk to her.
But there is a lot of shit I shouldn’t do, and the amount of alcohol still running through my veins doesn’t seem to shut me up.
“Babe, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t fucking ‘babe’ me,” she growls, her tone dripping with adversity, keeping her gaze focused on the road in front of her.
“Okay.” I bring my hands up in surrender, staring at the back of her neck through my lashes. “ Charlotte. I’m sorry.”
She snaps her body toward me, sending me a look that comes straight from the devil. Her eyes are greener than normal, glowing in the dark, and the stern look on her face makes me either want to hold her until she relaxes again, or hide in a corner, hoping she’ll forgive me as time passes.
I swallow hard at the sight of it while she points her finger at me, her feral voice bringing goosebumps over my body.
“Next time you want to drink, you better leave me at home, because let me tell you something, Hansen. I’m not taking your shit. I’m your friend, and the minute you’re going to start treating me like one of those bimbos—I’m outta here. ”
“ Best friend,” I whisper boldly, keeping my eyes locked with hers.
“That wasn’t best friend behavior, asshole.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Save it. You can tell me that when you’re sober.” She straightens her body again, as if she can’t fathom to look at me anymore, and a sharp pain goes through my heart.
This is the exact reason why I can never cross that line with her. I’m doomed to hurt her. Maybe not all the time, maybe not at first. But in the long run, I’m not the guy you marry, living in a house with a picket white fence. I’m the bad boy from your youth, the one you tell your friends about when you’re pissed at your husband.
“Will you forgive me?” I whisper, barely audibly, even though I notice Jason locking his gaze with me in the rearview mirror.
She lets out a frustrated sigh, running her hand through her silky hair.
“Ask me that tomorrow, Hunter,” she breathes out, the fatigue noticeable in her voice.
Tomorrow.
Right.