56. CHARLOTTE
56
I ’m sitting on the kitchen island, reading a book with a cup of tea, when my mother walks in. Her long blonde hair is perfectly styled, and she’s wearing a gorgeous yellow sundress, shining like never before. She’s been in remission for a long time now, and every day she looks better than the day before. She hasn’t started working again, but she’s enjoying her life, spending time with her friends and me. She even started cooking again a while back, and I’m enjoying every plate she puts in front of my face.
“Wow, Mama. You look amazing!”
“Thank you, my sweet girl. I feel amazing.” She takes the stool next to me, grabbing my tea off the counter to take a sip.
“Do you have a date?” I ask, closing my book to give her my full attention.
“No, I’m just going to dinner with Margie from the gym. She was going on and on about this new place in Raleigh. She’ll be here to pick me up in a minute.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Yeah, I’m excited.” She beams. “What are your plans today?”
“Jules is coming over. We’re making cocktails and listening to the nineties top 100.” I chuckle, right as my phone beeps.
“Hunter?” My mom’s eyes widen with a hopeful look, one that pisses me off as much as it makes me sad. She’s never made it a secret that she loved Hunter, but once again, lately, our time together, even over the phone, has become more and more brief. Our friendship is dying a slow death, and it makes me sad that my mama hasn’t really realized that.
“No,” I snort. Ever since he got engaged, we’ve barely been in touch, other than him asking what kind of suit would look best on him. I told him to go naked as a joke, but really, it was because I didn’t seriously want to discuss anything related to his wedding. He’s lucky I’m even going. God knows I’d rather skinny dip in the Antarctic.
“You haven’t been talking?” Mama places a comforting hand on my arm when I push my phone to the side.
“Barely. His fiancée doesn’t want us to talk too much.”
“We haven’t really talked about it, because I figured you needed some time. But how are you feeling about his engagement?”
Like shit? Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and thrown into a shredder?
“Should’ve seen it coming, I guess.”
“Maybe. But what are your thoughts?”
I sigh, knowing she’ll never let me suppress my feelings about anything. When she was ill, I might have gotten away with certain things, but now that she’s healthy and sparkling? Mama lets no moment pass where she can force me to face my fears and talk about my feelings.
“I want to be happy for him,” I admit, really feeling it in my heart, because he deserves to be happy. “But I can’t. I feel like he’s making a mistake, because I don’t like her. He deserves better. And when I’m being completely selfish? I hate her for stealing my best friend. Which is complete bullshit because it’s him. He shouldn’t give me that feeling. But I guess that’s what happens when you fall in love? Your partner becomes more important than your best friend.”
“Oh, please,” Mama sputters. “You know he’s not in love.”
I give her a doubtful look .
“He’s not,” she repeats. “Let me tell you something about Hunter Hansen. That boy had a troubled youth, losing his father and his brother like that. Being verbally and physically abused by his alcoholic mama for years. Even though he feels love deep down inside of him, he believes he doesn’t deserve it.”
“He doesn’t love. His words.”
“Funny, because the first time I laid eyes on him, that’s all I saw. Love . In fact, the love dripped from his face like a love-struck puppy.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Mama?” I give her an incredulous look, the corner of my mouth rising because of her ridiculous words. If that was true, he’d be fighting for me instead of getting engaged to the girl he started fake dating a few years back. He’d give me the words I asked him for five years ago.
“He loves you , Charlotte. He has loved you since the first day he walked you home. He didn’t even deny it when I confronted him about it on his eighteenth birthday.”
Come again?
“You did what?! Are you serious?”
“As serious as my mama in her grave.”
My eyes widen in shock, not knowing what to think of this. “He confessed he loved me when he was still here?”
“Pretty much. Look,” she continues, “he thinks he doesn’t deserve you. But trust me when I tell you, he loves you. It’s written in his eyes. Even a blind man can see the love he feels for you. He’s just a scared fool.”
I stare at the countertop for a while, replaying Mama’s words over in my head.
“If that’s true… what do I do?”
“Nothing, sweetheart.” She gets up and presses a kiss to my hair. “It will work out. Your souls are linked. They will never be able to stay apart for long.” On that note, she grabs her bag from the counter, ready to head out, as if she didn’t just drop a huge bomb in my lap. “I’m going. We might go for drinks later, so don’t wait up.”
I give her a small wave and mutter, “Bye, Mama,” still stunned about her confession. Part of me wants to believe it, meaning the big part pounding against my ribcage, but my mind is telling me to let it go, to stop hurting myself by thinking this is more than just friends. My heart is begging me to not let my mind get in the way, but too much has happened for me to fully give it control like that. He’s engaged to someone else, for crying out loud.
Brushing my thoughts away, I get up, just as the doorbell rings, and head over to open the door.
“I brought food.” Julie smiles wide, holding up a bag from the sushi restaurant.
“You’re the best!”
She walks in, her denim playsuit snug around her hips, and I follow her to the kitchen, where she puts the bag in the fridge for later.
“Saw your mama heading out.”
“Yeah, she’s going out to dinner with a friend. She actually said something weird just now.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” She leans over the counter with an intrigued look on her face.
“She thinks Hunter is in love with me.”
Julie’s lashes flutter up and down, an anticipating look coming my way when nothing follows before she breaks out into a laugh. “That’s it? Babe, the entire town thinks Hunter is in love with you.”
“After all these years, still?” I ask, surprised. I can see how they did when we were still seniors in high school, but now? He’s been living in LA for the last five years, and I’ve been… well, here .
“Well, maybe not everyone still believes that, but the ones close to both of you? Yeah, for sure.”
“Do you?” A frown creases my forehead.
“Believe Hunter is in love with you? One hundred percent.”
“What?!” I call out.
“Don’t play dumb, Charlie. You might have needed some more time, but it was love at first sight for him.”
“You can’t be serious?”
“Dead,” she replies with a straight face.
“He loves me. I know that. But he’s not in love with me.”
“Charlotte Roux, that boy has been in love with you since the day you first met. He’s just too stupid to admit it.”
My head is spinning, and I grab the cold surface of the counter, trying to keep myself on my feet. Sucking in deep breaths, I shake my head, needing a minute to process this.
Because what if they are right? What if he really loves me, but is too scared to admit it? Am I going to let that slide? See if faith one day brings us back together? I don’t know. That’s a huge gamble, and I’m not sure my heart can handle it.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower,” I say, needing a minute to order my thoughts. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes.”
“Sure, girl.”
A few hours later, I’m making our third cocktail with our bellies full of sushi while chatting at the breakfast bar. After the shower, I pushed my thoughts aside, not willing to address anything Hunter Hansen right this minute.
He can wait until tomorrow. But in reality? The possible truth in my mama’s words has been nagging me more and more with each cocktail I pour down my throat .
Am I really going to just see what happens? He might not be fighting for me, but should I be fighting for him?
The doorbell rings as I’m finishing up our cocktails, while Julie is just staring at me like the lazy fuck that she can be.
“I’ll get it.” She gets off the stool, walking into the hallway to open the door as I stir our cocktails, throwing a lime wedge in there for good measure. I wipe my hands on a dishcloth, then pick up the glasses in excitement, ready to continue our girls’ night on the porch. Hopefully talking to Jules about it will demolish some of my fear and help me make a decision about what to do with this new piece of information.
“Charlie?” Julie shouts from the front door, a slight panic in her voice that makes me pick up the glasses and head into the hallway.
“What?” I exclaim, looking at who’s standing at the door.
I stop in my tracks for a second, narrowing my eyes, when I notice the two police officers standing on my porch, both showing me a troubled look.
“Miss Roux?” one of them asks as I slowly saunter their way, an ominous feeling washing my body the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, a shiver running through my spine. The air is sucked from my lungs, my feet heavy, glued to the hardwood floor.
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry,” he offers. His composed stance makes my eyes well up, a feeling settling in my gut that whatever comes next will turn my world upside down, and I swallow hard to brace myself. “It’s about your mother. She was in an accident.”
“Oh my god.” Julie gasps, bringing her hand to her mouth. “Is she okay?”
But one glance at the look in his eyes, and I already know the answer to that question. I know they don’t grace you with a personal visit unless it’s bad. Really bad. But mostly, it’s the heavy feeling in my bones that tells me everything I need to know before he voices it. The feeling that’s pulling me under, though I’m doing my best to stay afloat. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Please, don’t say it.
“She didn’t make it.”
When the words are pushed through his lips and into the world, it feels like an energy field slams into me. Glass splinters around me as my body connects with the cold floor, knocking me out.
And everything goes black.