21. Ready For Love
ready for love
THIS CHAPTER HAS A SOUNDTRACK
Ready For Love by India.Arie
julian
It had been eight days since I’d touched Alyssa.
I’d counted, which was not something I did.
The morning after the auction dinner I had to fly to LA for a distribution deal that had been circling for months and landed on the one week I’d have given anything to spend home instead.
I’d spent eight days in conference rooms three time zones away, thinking about the way she’d come undone, in my lap.
We’d left it unfinished. Agreed that this wasn’t a decision either of us should make turned up that high.
So I’d spent over a week hearing myself out, in hotel beds and in the back of cars, arriving at the same place.
I wanted her. Not the careful version of wanting I’d allowed myself for months.
All of it. I’d decided somewhere flying over Kansas that I was done managing it, and whatever it might cost me down the line I was going to reach for her.
What I didn’t know was where she’d landed.
I’d made my decision thirty thousand feet in the air.
Her decision I couldn’t read from a text.
We’d communicated every day I was gone, both of us stepping around the live wire in the middle of the floor.
I had no idea if she’d arrived where I had, or had talked herself out of it.
And tonight my whole family was going to be in my house.
Which meant we were going to have to feel it in a room full of people we couldn’t say a word in front of.
It was my turn to host karaoke night at my home on Belmead. A knock rattled the front door, followed by the sound of shrieking kids, and I knew my night of peace was over.
Simone and Raschad arrived first, with Zhaire pushing past them looking for Micah, and Zaria toddling behind, clutching a plastic toy microphone.
“Micah’s not here yet, Zhaire,” I shouted to him as he bounded up my stairs checking rooms.
Simone shoved a bag of takeout containers into my arms before saying hello. “Egg rolls, lo mein, extra sauces,” she announced.
Taryn breezed in with Zion, talking a mile a minute about how she had zero intention of singing, but she’d probably do it anyway if the liquor was right. Tre brought enough beer to drown an army. “I swear, if y’all make me sing Chris Brown again, we fighting.”
I was halfway unpacking food when I heard her voice.
“Hey.” I turned, and there Alyssa was, Micah at her side, carrying a giant bottle of ginger ale and a smile.
I took it from him and clapped his shoulder. “Thanks, little man. Zhaire is down the hall.”
He nodded, then ran off. I turned back to Alyssa, and for a moment neither of us said anything.
“I was starting to forget what you looked like,” she joked.
I nodded and smiled. “Yeah. It’s been a long week.”
It had been the longest week I could remember, and from the way she was looking at me, it had been for her too. I wasn’t going to be sure until she told me, and she wasn’t going to tell me with my family feet away.
Simone’s voice broke the moment. “Come on, y’all! Warm-up round. Julian, you’re hosting, so you go first!”
“No,” I replied simply.
They booed, loudly and dramatically, while Taryn was already flipping through karaoke songs.
The whole house pulsed with life, laughter, food, kids shrieking, old R&B playing low until the mics took over.
The night got louder in waves, the way karaoke always did. Simone kicked things off with some Ari Lennox, owning every note. Taryn tried to claim she wouldn’t sing but ended up on a Janelle Monáe medley, so off-key the room was in tears laughing.
Tre, Raschad, and Zion all followed, while I stayed back, watching, enjoying the sight of my family enjoying themselves.
Every once in a while I’d catch Alyssa’s eyes, soft across the room, and we’d smile at each other.
When everybody was full on dumplings and sweet-and-sour chicken, Simone clapped her hands like a ringmaster.
“Alright,” she shouted. “Next round. Alyssa, you’re up!”
Alyssa looked startled. “No, no, I’m good!”
Taryn was already shaking her head, waving a hand. “Uh-uh. You in the Wade circle now, sis, that means you sing.”
I watched from my corner, arms folded, heart beating too fast for something so simple. Alyssa rubbed her lips together, then ran her palms down her thighs. She met my eyes then stepped forward, picked up the mic, took a deep breath.
“You got this,” I found myself saying.
She pulled up her song and when the opening notes dropped, the whole room went silent.
India.Arie. Ready for Love.
Taryn blinked, like girl, you going there? Alyssa closed her eyes, shoulders square, and let it pour out of her.
Her voice was soft and airy with a slight raspiness to it. She opened her eyes halfway through the first verse, and the moment she found me across the room, everything in me lit up. Like volts of electricity dancing around in my body.
Her voice cut through the house. Even Tre put his hand to his chest, breathing out a “Damn.” Simone was dabbing at tears with a napkin. Taryn was fanning her face, shaking her head. Zion and Raschad just stared, wide-eyed, completely silent.
But Alyssa stayed looking at me, like I was the only one in the room.
I stood there, completely still, letting every word sink into places I’d never known were raw.
We held each other’s gazes through almost every line, and all I could think, over and over, was how badly I wanted everybody else to get the hell up and out of my house. Immediately.
I needed her.
The song ended, but nobody moved. It was like we’d all been put under a spell. Alyssa set the mic down, breathing a little shaky, her eyes still never leaving mine. I was rooted to the floor, heart hammering, trying to keep it together.
Simone wiped her eyes, sniffling hard. “Whew, uh…okay.”
Taryn snorted through tears. “Girl…girl!”
Zion glanced around, then cleared his throat. “Aight, y’all… uh… it’s late, right? Yeah?” His voice rose.
Taryn nudged him with an elbow. “Come on, baby, help me grab the rest of these egg rolls.”
She side-eyed Simone, who nodded like she was reading her mind. Simone jumped in, voice a little too bright. “Heyyy, Alyssa… listen, why don’t you let us take Micah home with us? The boys are having so much fun, no school tomorrow, they can have another sleepover.”
Alyssa blinked, surprised, and then glanced at me. I nodded once, slowly, still half stuck in a trance. She turned back to Simone. “Um…are you sure?”
Simone was already zipping up backpacks and scooping up Zaria with her free arm. “Girl, please. Them boys would sleep in the driveway if they had to just to hang out longer, it’s all good.”
Raschad appeared behind her, arms full of kid stuff, and grinned at me. “Be good.”
Tre winked at me on the way out, smacking me on my back, whispering, “Don’t break the damn couch, Jules.” Then he shook his head chuckling.
I almost laughed too. Almost.
One by one, they trickled out, carrying plates, shoving each other along, moving like a tiny army on a mission to get out of our way.
By the time the door closed behind Zion and Taryn, the house was silent again. Alyssa stood there, looking shell-shocked, holding a crumpled napkin in her hand like a lifeline. We just stood there, staring at each other, unable to speak.
Finally, she laughed, a tiny shaky sound. “That was…”
I stepped forward, slowly. “Beautiful. That was beautiful,” I told her. “You are beautiful.”
Her breathing was shallow, eyes wide, and then she did that thing again, the nervous habit of rubbing her lips together.
I stepped closer, lifted her chin, and with my thumb, gently pulled just enough to make her release her lips.
I bent down and pressed a soft kiss to her closed mouth, then looked at her.
“You were incredible.”
She swallowed. I kept my hand there, thumb brushing her jaw with my heart pounding like a war drum.
I leaned in and kissed again, longer this time.
There was no rush, no frantic clawing, just a slow, consuming press of lips that carried every ache I was feeling.
Her lips parted, and she tasted faintly of the wine she’d nursed.
My finger traced along her jawline, mapping every angle, then drifted to the soft skin of her throat where her pulse fluttered so wildly I could feel it under my thumb.
She let out a small gasp, and I felt it reverberate through me, down to my bones.
I pulled back, just an inch, and her eyes were glassy, tears welling up but not falling. She didn’t try to blink them away, just nodded, silent and open.
That was it. That was enough.
I kissed her again, deeper, then we broke apart, gasping, eyes locked, too tangled up in each other to look away. I reached for her hand and laced our fingers together.
“Come on.” We moved through my house together, past the living room, where echoes of laughter still lived in the corners. Past the kids’ crayon masterpieces taped on the hallway wall, up the stairs and into my bedroom.
I faced her, pressing my forehead to hers and breathing in the familiar scent of her.
“Do you want this?” I asked.
She nodded. “I’ve never been more sure.”
We stood still for a moment, holding each other. Her hands came to rest on my chest, I felt a faint tremor in her touch. I realized then that she was nervous.
“You know what I’ve been thinking about all week?” I asked as I kissed the corner of her mouth, then her chin, then traced my lips behind her ear.
“What?” she whispered.
“This. Touching you. Feeling you against me. The sounds you made when you came on my lap. How badly I want to hear them again… at full volume.”
She shuddered.
“It’s just us, Lyss.” I looked into her eyes. “I’m going to take care of you.”