Chapter Twenty
After my workout and cold plunge Tuesday morning, I check my phone and find a new post on Skye’s Instagram.
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Skye’s photo is a selfie—right out of the shower and dressed in a pink tank top, her hair still wet. Her lips are puckered as if she’s blowing a kiss to her audience. And yeah, her skin is actually glowing. I don’t think she’s wearing any other makeup.
I flash back to Addie’s posts for Bean There Done That. The woman despises the smell and taste of coffee, yet she takes all kinds of money from the company to advertise their drinks and she has no qualms about doing so.
Addie is fake, but Skye is the real thing. She’s not afraid to post a photo of herself after a bad day or a photo of herself with bedhead. Makes her all the more adorable.
God, I love that woman.
I need her to figure this shit out.
And in the meantime…
Maybe I have some shit to figure out as well. Maybe Skye had a point when she said I went to Kansas for myself.
My therapist is actually here in New York, which works well to maintain my privacy. My monthly appointment isn’t for another two weeks, but I’ve got a few hours this morning, so I call his office.
“Dr. Avery’s office,” a perky voice says.
“This is Braden Black,” I say. “Does the doc have any time this morning?”
“I’m afraid not. He can see you over lunch.”
“I have a lunch meeting. Are you sure he can’t squeeze me in?”
Tapping of computer keys comes through the phone.
“I don’t see any cancellation— Wait, yes. One just came in. Can you be here at ten?”
“That’s perfect. I’ll see you soon.”
…
“Braden, good to see you.” Dr. Bennett Avery waves me into his office. “This is unexpected.”
“Yeah, Doc. I was in town and thought I could use some…guidance.”
“I’m always here. Have a seat.”
I sit in the leather recliner while Dr. Avery faces me on his wingback chair. He’s very casual, and we’re on a first name basis, though I just call him Doc.
Doc leans back in his chair and steeples his fingers over his stomach. He’s grown the beginnings of a beard since I last saw him—salt-and-pepper gray. “What kind of guidance can I give you?”
I hesitate for a moment. The leather of the recliner is cool beneath my hands. Then I draw in a breath.
“I’ve gone and fallen in love.”
Doc raises his eyebrows. “And you need guidance with that?” He gives me a smirk.
“You know me, Doc. I’m not wired for relationships, but this woman—Skye is her name—makes me want things I have no business wanting.”
Doc’s smirk fades into a thoughtful gaze. He scratches his growing beard. “Well, Braden, love doesn’t concern itself with business or reason. It just happens.”
I shift in the recliner. “That’s the problem, Doc. I’ve spent so much time focusing on my business empire that I don’t know how to be part of someone else’s life without messing it up. I’m sure it has something to do with losing my mother so young. With feeling responsible for her death.”
“You weren’t responsible for your mother’s death, Braden.”
I sigh. Doc and I have been through that particular subject ad nauseum, and I don’t want to rehash it now.
“You know I’m a Dominant. And Skye… She’s a control freak, but she’s a sub at heart. I knew it the first time I laid eyes on her.”
“What did you notice first about her?”
“Honestly? Her mouth. She has the sexiest mouth I’ve ever seen. And she’s beautiful, of course. But after I got over the physical attraction, it was her strength that drew me in. Her strength and her independence. Her facade of control. She’s fiercely protective of her space, of her world.”
Doc nods slowly, crossing his legs, a thoughtful frown shaping his face. “And this scares you?”
“Hell, Doc.” I chuckle and run a hand through my hair. “Nothing scares me. But what’s perplexing is that I’m more comfortable staring down corporate sharks than figuring out how to navigate a relationship with Skye.”
“Yet you are here.” Doc smiles.
“Yeah, I am.” I glance at the familiar book-laden shelves that line Doc’s office, the walls bearing his degrees and certificates.
“Braden, love isn’t about dominating or controlling. It’s about understanding and compromise.”
“But I’m a Dominant,” I say. “I want to control her. It’s sexually satisfying for both of us.”
“That’s not what I mean. You say she’s a submissive.”
“I’ve never encountered a more natural submissive,” I say. “She’s amazing. And so smart and driven. But she has a need I can’t fulfill.”
“And what is that?”
“She wants me to choke her, Doc.” I shake my head. “And you know that’s my hard limit.”
Doc nods. “I see. And she ended the relationship because you wouldn’t engage in breath play?”
I inhale. “That’s just it,” I say. “She didn’t end it. I did.”
He raises his eyebrows.
“For some reason, she wants the ultimate penance. She wants me to punish her for something that she can’t put into words. And that’s not what the lifestyle is about for me. When I punish my sub, it’s because she’s disobeyed me, not because of something in her past.”
“Have you tried talking to her about this?” Doc asks.
“We’ve had discussions, but it’s like she’s holding back something. Like there’s a part of her past that she can’t face, that she wants to punish herself for.”
“And you don’t want to be the instrument of that punishment.”
“No,” I say. “That’s not me. That’s not us. I care about her too much to be part of that self-destruction.”
Doc leans back in his chair, stroking his beard pensively. He stares at me for a moment and then at the ceiling.
“Have you considered bringing her to therapy with you?” he suggests.
I shake my head. “This is for me. I won’t share it with anyone. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone.”
He nods. “Yes, but if you love her as you say you do, you can’t keep her in the dark.”
I pause a moment. Then, “She told me she had a therapy session yesterday. While she was in her hometown in Kansas.”
“So she wants to work through this.”
“Yes, she seems to.”
Doc drums his fingers lightly against the armrest of his chair. “Maybe Skye needs something from you that isn’t part of the Dominant and submissive dynamic.”
“I need to help her face her demons.”
“Without using your lifestyle as a crutch or an escape,” Doc adds. “And what else?”
Realization hits me like a punch in the gut. “I need to let her help me face mine, too.”
Doc offers a slight smile. “Exactly, Braden. Being vulnerable with one another might be the one thing you both need.”
I lean back into the recliner, my mind churning over the idea. It’s not something I’ve ever allowed. I’ve always maintained control, not just in the bedroom, but in every aspect of my life. To release that control, to this woman…
It’s not something I’ve ever contemplated.
But the other night…
The sex…
The touching…
The lovemaking…
It was satisfying in a way I’ve never imagined.
Because it was Skye. Skye, who I love. Her strength and independence, her feisty spirit and sharp intellect, her bold heart. And yes, her stubbornness. She matches my dominance with a determination that’s uniquely hers.
“Thanks, Doc.”
“Always glad to help.” Doc stands.
“See you next time,” I say.
And as I leave, my heart feels lighter than it has in a long, long time.