Chapter Twenty-One
There are three trucks, all black and white with enormous roll bars, and together they speed across the roadless dirt and sidle up beside the tracks, spewing gravel and dust behind them.
There are at least four agentes standing in the back of each truck, plus more inside, and they’re all kitted out like they’re going to war.
Luca stares at them with his mouth open.
They wear boots and kneepads and helmets and giant, studded Kevlar vests and gloves and dark black visors so you can’t see their eyes, and their faces are entirely covered by black balaclavas.
Each one of them has weapons strapped all over his body and a really large gun slung diagonally across his chest, and Luca can’t even begin to imagine what they’d need all that weaponry for, just to catch a few migrants, and then he also thinks it would be impossible to tell the difference, in all that gear, between an agente federal de migración and a narcotraficante in disguise, and Luca isn’t sure there’s much difference between them anyway because a gun is a gun is a gun. Luca pees in his pants.
No one cares. Migrants are spilling over the edges of the train.
The ladders are full, and some men don’t wait their turn; they jump from the top, and Luca cringes as he watches them land.
One man doesn’t get up again after he leaps.
He writhes on the ground clutching his broken leg.
Many stumble and puff when they hit the ground, but they have to make a swift recovery.
They stagger and pick up speed. Luca has many questions, but he understands that now is not the time to ask them, so he listens to Mami and does exactly as she instructs.
They are the last ones to reach the top of the ladder, and the only good part about that is that it’s empty now—all the men have gone, and Luca can see them loping like jackrabbits through the fields, but it’s no use.
Luca can see that it’s no use. Because la migra has planned the raid perfectly—the train, where they are now, is in the middle of just fields and fields and fields, all harvested, flat, brown, and bald.
There is nowhere for those migrants to go, never mind how quick or clever or jackrabbity they might be.
As soon as the migrants disembark from the train, they are done for.
There is no town, no building, no tree, no bush, no ditch, no cover.
And Luca nearly opens his mouth to share this observation with his mother, to suggest that maybe they’d be better off staying put, but then the train engages its brakes and they all lurch forward and Rebeca loses her grip on the ladder, and Soledad lunges for her, but misses her hand, but then catches her stringing hair only because it has come loose in the rush, and when she hauls her sister back in by the hair, they are both crying.
They can all taste their hearts in their throats, and Luca says nothing at all as the train finally pulls to a jerky halt.
They run not because they have any feeling that they might actually escape, but rather against the certain futility of running, because their terror compels them to run.
They run because every one of them understands that if they are caught, when they are caught, all the hard-fought progress they’ve managed up to this point will come to an abrupt end.
Whatever they have suffered in order to get this far on their journey will have been for naught.
They understand that the best-case scenario now is to be captured by a man who obeys the dictates of his uniform, a man who will detain them and process them, and then erase their entire journey, and send them back to wherever they started.
That is the best-case scenario. On the other hand, they know, this capture might not be bureaucratic at all.
Perhaps there’s no one waiting to process them, fingerprint them, and send them home.
Instead, this capture may turn out to be much more nefarious than that: kidnapping, torture, extortion, a finger chopped off and photographed for the threatening text they will send to your family in el norte.
A slow, excruciating death if your family doesn’t pay up.
The stories are as common as the rocks in this field. Every migrant has heard them; they run.
Lydia’s mind is clear of all thoughts except running as she propels herself and Luca along the furrowed earth as quickly as their bodies can go.
Ahead of them, the sisters begin to pull away.
Luca’s moving as fast as he can, but his legs are so small.
It doesn’t matter. The train has chugged ahead to where it was instructed to stop, and the trucks have crossed the tracks behind it, and an agente in one of those trucks speaks into a bullhorn.
“Stop running. There is nowhere for you to go. Hermanos migrantes, sit down and rest where you are. We are here to collect you. We will collect you with or without your cooperation. Your choice now is to make us happy or to make us angry. Hermanos migrantes, we have food and water for you. Sit down and rest where you are.”
The disembodied voice coming, as it does, from the barrel chest of a masked man and traveling across the bald fields with the attached squawk of the bullhorn, is the creepiest thing Luca’s ever heard.
The message is intended to enfeeble them, to make them understand the powerlessness of their position, and on some of the men, it works.
Among the breakaway clusters, a few stop running.
They put their hands on their hips, their knees, their chests heaving.
They look up at the sky with some mixture of impotent rage and dread and acceptance.
They sit down in the dirt, their legs extended, their heads collapsing into the cradles of their hands.
But the voice doesn’t debilitate Luca; on the contrary, it makes him run faster.
It reminds him of the times at Abuela’s house when she’d ask him to go down to the basement and get another bottle of ginger ale to put in the refrigerator, and he knew he had to go down there and do it, but Abuela’s basement was creepy.
Even if you turned on all the lights and sang loudly to yourself the whole time, you’d still get only halfway back up the stairs before you’d feel that ice-cold certainty that something evil was chasing you, that it was right behind you grazing the slick of your neck, that it would, in another second, clutch at your ankle and yank you into the depths.
The bullhorn engenders that same feeling, except a thousand times worse, because it’s real.
Luca runs with his wet pants and his mami’s hand and all the horrific memories of Abuela’s green shower stall.
And then Mami cries out and it all goes into slow motion: Mami’s cry, a shrill, corporeal thing, it bubbles out of her like a fully formed bird and it flies, but Mami doesn’t.
She goes the other direction, down, down.
She tumbles, slow, slow. And Luca, because he’s familiar with people being shot, because he has just observed the many, many guns of la migra, because everyone else in his family was killed by a bullet, presumes quite naturally that Mami is dead.
Why else would she cry out like that? Why else would she fall?
It’s so slow. First her hands. Then her head, her shoulder.
Because of her significant velocity, she tumbles.
Her back, her bottom. Her knees. She is on her knees in the dirt and Luca is no longer holding her hand.
She is on her knees and her hands. Luca reaches for her arm.
He’s afraid to pull. Afraid that she’s propped up like that only by some strange trick, and that if he unsettles the weight that’s resting on her arms and legs, her body will collapse, and that it will never animate itself again.
He pushes past that fear. He grabs for her arm.
“Mami, come on. Mami, run.”
There is no blood, he notices. No blood. Gracias a Dios. He feels himself begin to breathe.
“I can’t run,” Mami says. “I can’t run. I’m sorry, Luca. My ankle.” She stands. It’s her ankle! It’s only her ankle. She tests her weight on it. A slice of pain. Not too bad. She hobbles in a small circle. She can walk, but she can’t run.
“Okay,” Luca says. His face is very wet.
He turns and sees Rebeca and Soledad still going, growing smaller into the distance as they run, and everything feels like euphoria now, in this terrible moment.
Because Mami’s voice still works and the sisters are still running.
He clutches Mami around her belly, and she drapes an arm over him.
Nothing else matters, Luca thinks. As long as she’s okay.
Lydia keeps Luca’s head there, pressed against her side so he won’t see the tears sliding down her face. She doesn’t know how caked with dirt she is, doesn’t know that the tears are cleaning telltale trails down her face that will divulge her tears later, even after she dries them.
“It’s okay, mijo,” she says. “We have every right to be here, to travel in our own country. We are Mexican. They can’t do anything to us. We will be okay.”
Luca believes her, but she doesn’t manage to convince herself. The trucks have spread out to round everyone up. The farthest one has already passed the sisters, and is circling back, hemming them in.
“Hermanos migrantes, stop running. Sit down and rest where you are.”
An agente hops out of the nearest truck and approaches Luca and Lydia, keeping one hand on his biggest gun. He uses it to gesture at them without using his voice so they know where to go.