Chapter 7 #3
“I’m not really comfortable ordering alcohol, since this is a business lunch.
” I made sure I really emphasized comfortable, given his request I point out my discomfort.
He reddened and looked at me contritely.
I didn’t want to make things too awkward so, I ventured into a territory I usually avoided. I compromised.
I stared up at the server who was patiently waiting by our table, then at Tom.
“I haven’t had lunch though. So, I’ll take the chicken and waffles. They’re so good here.” I made sure I looked extra hyped about the food to lighten the mood a bit.
He seemed pretty pleased with the fact that he would be paying for some of my nourishment during this business meeting.
To be fair, I didn’t really have to fake my enthusiasm.
I loved the food here and could rarely afford it.
If Tom the gazillionaire wanted to have meetings at my favorite restaurant, then the least he could do was pay for my meal.
“Chicken and waffles and waters then.” Tom’s tone was a mixture of relief and surrender.
After the server walked away, Tom put his hands over the papers on the table, winked at me and went back to reading as I sat there assessing the situation.
Tom Hughes had an unnerving effect on my body.
Not just my body, my person. I felt out of sorts around him, like I wanted to perform for him.
Make him see I was likeable and sexy and smart.
That I wasn’t just some random who sucked off guys at parties.
And that line of thinking did make me uncomfortable.
I didn’t care about what people thought of me or how or who I fucked.
If Tom was making a judgment on my character over a blow job we both participated in and enjoyed, then he wasn’t the kind of man I wanted to be involved with.
But it wasn’t Tom judging me. Hell, everything he’d done so far made it pretty clear he wasn’t a judgmental asshole, and yet here I was feeling self-conscious.
This was my MO.
Anytime a lover tried to be kind or surprised me by not fulfilling my expectations of being a fuckboy, I mined every word or action for the true meaning, the hidden subtext or falsehood.
I filled in the blanks with my own self-doubts and baggage.
Then I tried to smother my own neurosis by throwing myself into the relationship too hard and too fast, until I either ran out of steam and walked away or scared the other guy off with my clinginess.
And where the fuck was I going with any of this?
Tom wasn’t my lover. Tom wasn’t my anything.
He was a guy I was working with, so I needed to get my shit together.
My face must have been doing something particularly distressing because when Tom finally looked up, he did a double take at whatever he saw.
I tried to smile it away and pointed at the estimate. “Any questions?”
He gave me a worried look, but in the end just shook his head.
“This all looks good to me. Honestly, I’m not looking to be this closely involved in the decision making for the project, Camilo.
I chose New Beginning because you’re doing important work in my community and have a great track record.
I trust you.” He said, earnestly. “My expectation is to get an update and maybe hear about how things are going when we meet. I don’t think it’s my place to pick who you use as contractors or anything else. ”
He could have said that from the beginning, but I wasn’t going to make a thing out of it.
“All right,” I nodded as he handed me the papers, trying not to get distracted by how hot he looked in that sapphire blue cashmere sweater.
“Well then, I guess the update is we have a contractor. I’ll talk to Melissa tomorrow morning and let her know we’re good to go.
We’ll do the renovations in stages, so it doesn’t affect operations too much.
The whole thing should be done within six months, give or take.
We should have a fully renovated shelter by March. ”
I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice for the last part. We’d been wanting to do some work on the shelter ever since I’d started five years ago and our goals for what we could do never got close to all the changes Tom’s generous donation would allow.
“Thank you, Tom, really, from all of us at New Beginning. This project is life-changing for the residential program.”
He shook his head again, as if trying to push away the compliment.
“Like I said in the first meeting, I’m very happy and honored to be able to do this. This is something very close to my heart. I’m just glad I have the means to make it happen.”
This should have been a great moment to wind things down and get the hell out of there, instead I blurted out, “Who are you doing this for?”
It seemed like whenever he was around me, Tom’s face only had two settings: amusement and disbelief. We sat there quietly for a second and after a moment, he leaned in closer.
“I guess it’s time for us to get to know each other then.”