Chapter 16 #2
It took me a moment to process her words. When I realized what she was saying, I stiffened in Tom’s arms and scrambled to sit up. This whole time I thought my mom was with Odette. I’d even texted with her this afternoon and she’d said she was fine. What the hell was going on?
“What do you mean? I thought she’d gone up to the house with you?” I sounded scared and Tom immediately sat up on the couch, his face alert.
I heard Odette click her tongue. “No, when we went to pick her up last night, she said she wasn’t feeling well and was going to stay home.
I tried to convince her, but you know how she gets.
I told her I’d check on her today, but she’s not answering her phone.
I didn’t want to worry you, dear, but you know she’s been down lately. ”
I was in a full panic by now, because this meant my mom had been alone and so depressed she couldn’t even leave her house while I’d been out with Tom all day.
I’d barely checked in with her this week; I’d been so preoccupied with meeting Libe.
I knew she wasn’t doing well, but I was so caught up in this thing I had with Tom, I’d totally dropped the ball.
“I haven’t talked to her since yesterday, Odette. I’ve been at my—”
I looked over at Tom.
“I’ve been busy. I texted her today and she said she was good. It was short, but I figured she was distracted doing stuff with you.” I got up and started walking downstairs with Tom right on my heels. “Thanks for calling. I’ll go over to her place now and see how she’s doing.”
“Okay, sweetheart, and please don’t feel guilty. You didn’t know and your mother is an adult. Please, don’t blame yourself okay?” She sounded worried. If anyone knew how hard I took things with my mother, it was Odette.
“I won’t. I’ll check in with you once I see her.
” I ended the call before she could even say goodbye and started looking for my stuff.
I got my shoes and jacket on then grabbed my backpack on the way to the door, without saying a word to Tom.
The happiness I’d been feeling all day had completely evaporated.
If anything happened to my mother, I would never forgive myself.
I was in my head and feeling too fucked up for explanations. He might as well see me like this, in one of my “ugly moods,” like Paul used to call them.
Tom followed me to the door, and I stood there holding the doorknob with my back to him.
I didn’t want to look at him. I didn’t want to have to explain why I needed to go to check on my mom.
I could already see the puzzled expression when he heard why I had to go.
The questions, the implication about my “co-dependent” relationship with my mother, or my using her as an excuse for running out.
I didn’t have the energy to do it tonight.
I felt Tom’s gentle hand on my shoulder. “?Que paso? Is your mom okay?”
I took a couple of deep breaths, then turned around slowly, trying not to glare at him. This wasn’t his fault.
“That was Odette, Patrice’s mother. Sounds like my mom didn’t go up to the Poconos with them. She’s not answering her phone either. She’s been down lately and I’m worried. I was so distracted—”
I paused because I didn’t want to lash out at Tom, even though I really wanted to find a reason to yell at somebody.
I pulled on the strap of my backpack feeling restless at the fact that I was still here talking and not on the way to see my mother already.
“We only texted once today. I figured she was around people and wouldn’t want me pestering her. But she’s been home this whole time, and I’m sure she probably hasn’t left her house. I have to go and check on her. I’m just going to get a Lyft and go up there.”
The concern on his face did a lot to soften the edges of the panic I was feeling.
“I can drive you there.” He offered. “I’ll just ask Sanjay to come and stay with Libe. They’re home right now. It’ll take him a minute to get here. I’ll get my car from the garage. It’s just across the street. Let me help, please.”
My instinct was to say no. To tell him I didn’t need anyone to do anything for me and could handle this on my own. That I couldn’t start relying on him when it came to my mother. I was feeling fragile though, so I nodded, and I saw his shoulders immediately relax. “Okay, I’ll wait for you outside.”
I don’t know how he did it, but within ten minutes he’d gotten Sanjay to come over, retrieved his car from the garage, and was taking me up to the Bronx.
We drove in silence as I tried again and again to call my mom, but her phone was shut off.
Tom was tense and I knew I was being rude by not talking, but I was so worried, I was incapable of making conversation.
As we pulled up to my mom’s building I started unbuckling my seat belt, so I could jump out of the car as soon as we stopped.
“Thanks for driving me, Tom. I really appreciate it.” I was about to step out of the car when he pulled me by my arm.
“Can I at least get a kiss?”
I was about to snap at him that I didn’t have time to kiss him, then reminded myself once again none of this was his fault.
I sagged and turned to give him a peck on the lips. “I’ll call you later. Okay?”
His mouth was pursed and he looked worried, but he nodded. “I hope everything’s alright with your mom.”
“Me, too.” I appreciated Tom not attempting to make me feel better or minimizing things, but I had no time to talk. I jumped out of the car, a copy of my mom’s keys in hand, and rushed into the building as he drove away.