Chapter 21
LINCOLN
The only person who knew where I was was Sofia. When a series of loud knocks banged at the door, I knew it had to be her.
Walking the few feet from the living room to the front door took me longer than it should have since my legs were still leaden, and the knocking intensified. As I pulled it open, Sofia barreled into me.
She threw her arms around my neck and pressed her front tightly against mine as she hugged me close. I briefly wondered if she was about to climb onto me, which I wouldn’t have been opposed to, but her feet remained firmly planted on the ground.
My arms closed around her on instinct, hugging her back as we stood in a doorway that was no longer mine but the closest thing I had to a home. God. Things are really fucked up right now.
“I heard about what happened,” she murmured, and I stiffened but didn’t say anything. “Well, I mean, I heard something happened but not what it was. Are you okay?”
The worry in her voice chipped away at the wall I’d thrown up around myself, and I found myself holding her just a little bit closer. One of my hands moved to her head, and I stroked her hair and her back as I rested my chin on top of her head.
“I’m okay. I wasn’t hurt.”
“That’s a start, I guess.” Her voice was muffled by my shirt, but I heard her loud and clear.
“If you’re planning on staying here with me, I don’t want to talk about it,” I warned her before letting her go.
The blue-green swirls of color in her eyes darkened as she looked up at me, and the golden flecks in them turned a shade of amber. “You don’t want to talk about it, as in, no details because it’s all classified, or do you mean acting like it didn’t happen?”
“Acting like it didn’t happen,” I replied without hesitation. “I want you to be here if you want to stay, but I can’t talk about what happened.”
“If you want me here, then here is where I’ll be.” She took a deep breath, then plastered a smile across her face. “Before we forget it happened, can I just tell you how happy I am that you’re not hurt?”
“Nope.” I stepped back into the house, moving to the side and gesturing her in. “Do you want to come inside? I just made popcorn and there’s a shitty, B-rated movie starting in a few minutes.”
“Good thing I love shitty B-movies.” She winked as she walked past me, but despite her best efforts, I could see her worry was lingering.
I couldn’t blame her. We might not have known each other for a long time, but I’d have been beside myself if I thought she had gotten hurt. Still, at least she had agreed not to talk about it.
Once she was clear of the door, I shut and locked it, turning to find she had stopped just a few paces away. She slid her purse off her shoulder and placed it on the round dining-room table, then shot me a look over her shoulder.
“Whose place is this?”
I hooked my fingers into the pockets of my jeans and lifted my shoulders. “Eden and I used to live here. Friends of ours took it over during one of our deployments, but they’re away at the moment. I still had keys and we have a standing invitation to stay here whenever we want.”
She looked around, frowning when she realized we were alone. “Where is Eden?”
“Not here,” I said curtly. “You want something to drink? There are a few beers in the fridge, or water.”
“Water’s fine. Thank you.” Concern flickered in her gaze again when she watched me move past her and into the kitchen. I heard her exhaling a deep breath, knowing that she was trying to keep from asking about where Eden was.
I couldn’t tell her, though. Not only because I didn’t want to and couldn’t legally talk about it, but also because I didn’t think I’d be able to say the words out loud.
The guy had been right there by my side for so many years that he really had become a brother to me.
Knowing that he was hurt and acknowledging it out loud? Yeah, no.
“So—” She cleared her throat, following me into the small kitchen area. “Are you going to stay here from now on?”
I shrugged again. “I collected all my stuff from the hotel. The guys who live here probably won’t be back for months, so I might stay.”
The truth was that I just hadn’t been able to stay at the hotel where Eden should have been living a few doors down. As soon as I’d walked into the lobby, it felt like my skin had shrunk and my heart had expanded. I hadn’t been able to breathe, and I’d needed to get out of there.
I’d grabbed my few belongings from my room with no place in mind to go to. After driving around for a while, I’d ended up back here.
Sofia took in the slightly flickering light in the kitchen, the yellowing countertops, and the lack of any personal appliances covering them, and sighed. “Do they keep any food here? I’m in the mood to cook and I can do it without any fancy equipment, but I will need actual ingredients.”
I took two glasses out of a cabinet and filled them with water from the faucet, then handed one over to her before motioning toward the pantry. “They might not have left much. We never used to leave much around. It was one of the reasons we decided to move out eventually.”
“Because you left no food in your pantry?” she asked as she squeezed between me and the counter. There was no judgment in her tone, which was something I had come to appreciate about her.
While she’d obviously never lived this life herself, she did have more of an understanding of it than most other women I’d been with. I moved out of her way, shrugging as I lifted my glass to my lips.
“Well, not the food necessarily. It just seemed like a waste to have a place when we weren’t there for months at a time. The guys who took this place over crashed here so often it was practically theirs even before we moved our clothes out of our closets to make space for theirs.”
The pantry door creaked when she opened it, sticking her head in to investigate the scraps left in it. “That makes sense. I’m assuming all of you rented this place with all the furniture already in it?”
I nodded. “It comes fully furnished. We’ve all added bits and pieces but not much.”
“I saw some pictures up on the wall near the TV as we passed the living room. Are those actual people you know in them or the models that came with the frame?”
Despite the absolutely shit day I’d had, I chuckled at her question. “They’re people we know. I think I might even be in one or two of them. Eden had a girlfriend once who decided the place needed some character.”
“Ah.” Sofia came out of the pantry with half a bag of pasta clutched in her hand. “Let me guess. She said photos were essential to character?”
“Yep.” I tipped my glass in her direction before taking a sip and swallowing. “She also chose the decorative pillows on the couches, if that means anything.”
The corners of her lips edged upward. “I wondered about those.”
“You noticed a lot of details for someone who hasn’t even been in that room yet,” I said. “Do you have any surveillance training I should know about?”
“Nah, not formally.” Placing the pasta down on the counter, she moved her lips from side to side before opening the freezer. “My father did raise me, though. You can’t be around a man like that and not pick up a thing or two.”
I nodded. “Makes sense. Especially not if you’re as smart as you are.”
Peering out at me from behind the white door, she shot me a look, but her cheeks were pink. “It has nothing to do with intelligence. Well, not of that kind anyway.”
I chuckled again, and she smiled a smug smile before her head disappeared behind the door again. “I get it. You meant it had to do with intelligence gathering and not the intelligence of the actual gatherer.”
When she emerged again, she reached into the freezer to extract a package with a few chicken breasts left in it. “Thank you for pointing it out, Captain Obvious.”
“You’re welcome.” Both of us were surprised when my lips spread into a grin. “What are you planning on cooking?”
She pushed her dainty nose into the air and sniffed, the corners of her lips pressing in. “I don’t know yet. I’m still gathering intelligence.”
“Ha ha,” I said dryly but then laughed quietly as I watched her pushing up on her toes to inspect the contents of the cabinet nearest to her. “Okay then. What else did you notice about the place so far?”
Pulling her head out of the cabinet to roll her eyes at me, she also handed a bottle of cinnamon over. “Check the expiration date on that for me, please? Cinnamon should be fine either way, but it would help to know.”
Before diving back in, she glanced down at the counter, tested it with her palms, and shrugged. Out of nowhere, she hopped onto it and flashed me a triumphant grin. “That should make it easier to see what’s all in there.”
“You could have just asked.” I pointed at my chest. “I do have a slight height benefit.”
“Slight?” She scoffed but smiled at the same time. “What are you, like, six foot twenty-seven?”
“Nope, not twenty-seven. Just four.”
“Still almost a whole foot taller than me,” she said in a sing-song voice before going back on her search. “Thanks for the offer, but I won’t know what I need until I see something I can use. I’m a visual person.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Personally, I’m pretty sure I have the better visual right now.” The jeans she had on were tighter than any outfit I’d ever seen her in, and they displayed her ass very, very nicely.
“Quit staring at my ass,” she said jokingly, and I vaguely recalled having said something along the same lines to her when we’d been having our fight.
I laughed, hearing her joining in before she started taking glass bottles containing herbs and spices off the shelf she’d been inspecting. Her ass was at a comfortable level for my eyes, but my gaze snagged on the ratty, soft gray material that hung just at the waistband of her jeans.
“What shirt are you wearing, by the way?”
Sofia looked down as if she had to double-check. “This old thing? It’s my go-to outfit when I’m going to be busy around the house all day.”
“Usually when people say ‘this old thing,’ they mean it sarcastically. You know that, right?”
“Yep, but I mean it for real. It’s old. I’m also not sure it’s a shirt anymore, therefore ‘thing’ seems like an appropriate term. I think it might be more like a rag with holes in the right places now.”
“Holes in the right places?” I choked on the sip of water I’d just taken, laughing as her cheeks flushed a deep shade of red.
“You know what I mean.” She sighed, but her eyes glittered with her own repressed laughter. “To be fair, that did come out sounding wrong.”
I smirked at her. “You sure? I think it might have been a Freudian slip.”
“It wasn’t.” She narrowed her eyes but then laughed as she shook her head and went back to the bottles she’d collected. “I think this will be a good start. Pots and pans?”
“In here.” I pulled open a heavy drawer beside the stove. “Want any help? I can run to the store if you need something too?”
“Nah, let’s make do with what we have. It’s like a challenge in a cooking show. I’ve always wanted to take part in something like that. This is my chance.”
“How are you always finding a silver lining in everything?” I felt my brow furrow. “Seriously, did you take a class in optimism?”
“Nope. I’ve just always been an eternal optimist. I have to be. Otherwise, I would have broken down every time my daddy walked out the door in the mornings. Looking on the bright side and choosing optimism was a coping mechanism. Now it’s just who I am.”
“You’re also a realist, though,” I commented. “I know you well enough to know that.”
She shrugged. “People don’t have to fit into neat little boxes. I’m an optimist and a realist all rolled into one. Still want to know what else I noticed out there?”
“Sure.” The woman was an enigma, but I liked that about her.
“Mismatched couches, one medium-sized TV, a small coffee table, and a four-person dining table with chairs around it. Nothing else. Well, nothing except the photos on the walls. None of you have ever thought to add a rug or anything like that?”
“Not really.” It wasn’t a bad idea, though. Maybe I’d get Billy and Hank one as a welcome-home gift. “Like I said, we don’t spend much time here. Even when we’re here, we’re not often here, you know?”
“Yeah, I can imagine.”
We lapsed into silence while she worked, defrosting the chicken and making some kind of marinade out of ingredients she salvaged after another round of scavenging.
Sofia seemed pretty excited by the time just about every part of the counter was covered in odds and ends. Humming to herself as she cooked, I was content just watching and keeping her company.
This was new for me. I’d never had someone care enough about me to come check up on me, and I hadn’t had anyone cook me a meal in what felt like forever.
The chicken pasta dish she magicked up turned out to be delicious. We didn’t even bother going to sit at the table to eat. Both of us leaned with our hips against a counter and a bowl in our hands, talking while we ate and then washed up.
“You said something about a movie earlier,” Sofia said as she wiped her hands on a dishcloth. Everything she’d used was clean and stacked in the drying rack, and all that remained of her meal was a hint of spice in the air.
“It was on cable. It’ll be long over by now, but I’m sure we could find something else if you’re interested?”
“Definitely.” She hung the dishcloth neatly, gave an almost imperceptible nod as she gave the kitchen a last sweeping glance, then smiled up at me. “Let’s go see what’s on.”
We settled on the couch facing the TV, but before I reached for the remote, I turned to face her. As they had that night on the beach, my hands reached for her before I could stop them.
Surprise crossed her expression when I touched my fingertips to her cheeks, but she kept her eyes on mine and patiently waited for what I knew I needed to say.
“Thank you for coming here today,” I said. “Thank you for not letting me put down the phone when I told you I couldn’t talk, and thank you for cooking dinner.”
Her lips tilted up but not into a full smile. She wound her arms around my neck and brought our heads closer together until the tips of our noses touched. “You’re welcome, Linc. Thanks for letting me be here for you.”
Somehow, she knew that this wasn’t something I’d done before. She understood what it had taken to let her in, given the storm brewing over my life, and she was still here.
Gratitude swelled in my chest. If I’d been alone today, God only knew what I would have ended up doing. She had made sure that I wasn’t.
An overwhelming urge to kiss her came over me, and I didn’t bother trying to suppress it. I needed her, and not just because fucking her would be a damn good distraction.