Chapter 38
SOFIA
Naked and exposed to him in more ways than one, I looked into the reddish-brown eyes of the man I loved.
I had fears, sure.
Fears that he wouldn’t return to me as the same man he was now.
Fears that he’d grow to resent me for the decisions he had made as a result of my father’s influence.
Fears that he wouldn’t return at all.
But in that moment, I pushed them all aside. Fear wouldn’t stand in my way. Fear wouldn’t hold me back, and it wouldn’t dictate my actions.
I knew our admissions to one another could spell disaster. I knew I could have walked away, and maybe I should have.
My instinct for self-preservation seemed to have taken a nice, long hike. In its place was nothing but absolute love for this man, and I was willing to take the consequences of that love. Even if I didn’t know yet what they might be.
When Lincoln let me go and laid me gently across the bed, I saw that same love echoing back at me.
He looked at me like he thought he was crazy for even thinking that I was actually there.
He looked at me like I was a painting in a faraway land he never thought he’d see.
He looked at me like he’d have another freaking Taj Mahal built just to signify his love for me forevermore.
As a monument of love, I’d always thought the Taj Mahal was a little ostentatious. But that was because I’d never known a love like this existed.
I totally got it now. Building a legit wonder of the world to show your love for someone had never made more sense to me.
Lincoln crawled onto the bed with me, his lips finding mine and never leaving them again. Our kisses were frantic but slowed after a while so we could soak in the feeling of being together.
When he finally ran his fingers up my thigh, it was also slow.
Almost reverent.
Every brush of his fingertips and every sound he made confirmed the words we had spoken to one another. He loved me. He loved me, and I loved him.
His skin was warm and his body hard as he hovered above me. A set of dog tags he wore now but never had before rested at the hollow of my throat.
I felt him rock hard and ready to go between my legs, but he didn’t rush things. Nor did he make a move to progress things at all.
Our hips rolled together, his shaft resembling the brick the walls behind the bed were made of. Whenever his cock brushed against my clit, I shivered and released little noises into his mouth. My legs hooked around him again, my ankles twining together at the base of his butt.
My chest pressed against his, my skin touching him in every possible way and place. Both of us were emitting gasps and sounds of pleasure as we made out like horny teenagers.
Eventually when I couldn’t take it anymore, I rolled his sweatpants off and kicked them away from the bed. Feeling him bare against me was a rush like I’d never felt before.
I moaned again, rubbing his shaft between my slippery folds. Lincoln’s breathing picked up pace, his heart thundering right along with mine. “Fuck, Sofia. I’m too close. It can’t happen like this.”
“Yes, it can,” I whispered, my lips brushing against his. “This isn’t only about me, Linc. It’s not some hookup. You can let go whenever you want.”
“But I want to let go with you. Inside you.” He buried his head in the crook of my neck, his hips pistoning like he just couldn’t help himself. “Plus, I need to put on a condom.”
“Don’t,” I murmured. “Are you clean?”
He nodded, his forehead clammy against my skin. “Yeah, we get tested for everything all the damn time. I had another test done in the brig.”
“I’m clean, too. I haven’t been with anyone but you since my last test. My campus has a student health facility that we have to volunteer at. I get tested often with students too afraid to get tested by themselves.”
“That’s sweet of you, baby, but—” He hissed as his dick touched my entrance. There was a soft noise from him sliding through my wetness, and he sucked in another breath. “That’s not the only reason why we need a condom.”
“It’s not,” I agreed. “I used to be on birth control, but I’m not anymore. I hadn’t been with anyone for so long that it didn’t seem to matter that I hadn’t gone for my next injection.”
“Exactly,” he groaned. “So condom.”
“I think we might be safe,” I said, knowing the kind of fire I was playing with. “But if I’m not, I want to be with you for the rest of my life anyway. Would having a baby together be the worst thing in the world?”
“No,” he said, pulling back to look into my eyes. Those Cognac orbs burned into me, more serious and honest than they’d ever been before. “I’ve always wanted a family more than anything, but Sofia…”
“I want to give you that family,” I whispered when he didn’t add anything after trailing off. “We can wait a few more years, but why? We both know what we want. We might as well start practicing now.”
“You don’t have to practice. You’re already perfect.” He planted another kiss on my lips, then lined himself up and fixed his gaze on mine as he thrust home. “Any baby you and I might have if we’re lucky will also be perfect.”
His hips rocked against mine with a steady pace that only ramped up my need. Lincoln felt it, though. He gave me what I needed three times before finally surrendering to his own release.
After he’d cried out my name and had twitched deep inside me, both of us collapsed like spineless eels. We lay together for a long time. I was thinking about the possible consequences of what we’d just done, and I had no doubt he was, too.
But I was at peace with it. I wanted a baby with him, and he’d made it clear he wanted the same with me. It would suck to find out I was pregnant when he was half a world away, especially considering the fears I already had.
I’d decided I wouldn’t let those rule me, though. I was planning for a long, happy life with Lincoln. I’d keep believing that would happen until life proved my beliefs wrong. Besides, we had far more pressing issues to think about.
I rolled lazily to my side, admiring the profile of the man I loved as he lay there catching his breath. His lips were slightly parted. There was a hint of a flush along the tops of his cheeks and the muscular arm which wasn’t holding me was draped over the washboard of his abs.
Once again, I was struck by how much he looked like a cover model. The guy was just insanely fucking hot.
The kicker was that as ruggedly handsome as the packaging was, what was inside was even better. All those weeks ago when I’d met him and known he was the kind of bad boy I could fall for, I wouldn’t have guessed for one second that he wasn’t bad at all.
Well, okay, maybe he had been. But he wasn’t anymore. He had a heart of gold and a soul made out of pure sunlight.
And he was all mine.
A smile curled on my lips just as Lincoln opened his eyes and frowned at me. “What are you smiling about?”
“You,” I said simply, turning my head to plant a kiss on his shoulder.
Those gorgeous, sexy dimples popped out as he returned my smile and twined his fingers around mine. “Well then smile all you want. I know I will. Every day for as long as you love me, I’ll have the best thing in the world to smile about.”
The words melted my heart into yet another puddle of girl-goo, but they also made a question worm its way through the post-orgasmic haze in my mind.
“What are we going to do, Linc? It’s one thing to admit how we feel to each other, but it’s a whole different thing to make a new relationship work long distance and long term. ”
Vulnerability hit me in the gut as I heard the question I had just asked.
Voicing my fears and insecurities was as difficult for me as it was for anybody, but voicing them to this Adonis of a man who was now also going to be in actual command of a unit of SEALs?
These guys feared nothing and no one. Confessing fear to him just seemed foolish and immature.
Lincoln didn’t laugh at me, though. Nor did he dismiss my questions for being so damn clingy when we’d only just told each other how we felt.
He tightened the grip he had on me, then dipped his head until he was looking into my eyes. Sincerity shone in his, his expression open and unguarded.
“It’s not going to be easy, but we’ll be okay. We’ll talk on video calls and on the phone as often as we can. We’ll go old school and write love letters. I don’t care what it takes, I’m all in. I love you, and you love me. Love might not be all we need, but it’s a pretty good place to start from.”
“Okay,” I said, moving my hand to his chest to feel his heart beating beneath my palm. “I just wish you didn’t have to go so soon. Why couldn’t he have given you a few months to sort everything out?”
I closed my eyes against the pain brought on by the thought that I was going to have to say goodbye to Lincoln again so soon. I didn’t know exactly when he’d be leaving, but I knew it would be within a matter of a week or two.
He squeezed my hand to get my attention. “Don’t be mad at your dad, baby. I signed up for this, and I want to do it. Your dad has made me a better man, and I’m pretty sure it’s because he knew that I was going to be your man. We will be fine. The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll be back, right?”
“Right.” I sighed, then rested my head over his heart instead of my hand and listened to its steady beats. “Just stay safe over there, okay? Stay safe, never forget that I love you, and know that I’ll be counting down the minutes until I get to see you again.”
What the hell, right? If I couldn’t be honest, vulnerable, and clingy with him, what was the point of loving him at all?
Lincoln dropped a kiss on top of my head and then repeated my own words back to me. The best thing of all was that I could tell that he really meant them and that he was learning how to bare his soul to me in the same way I had to learn to do it with him.
But we would.
And we’d have old-school love letters to do it in.
I could live with that.