Chapter 3
LINDSAY
Isat on my couch with my feet tucked in underneath me, staring at two birds in a tree in my backyard.
My long hair was tied in a messy bun on top of my head and my face was bare of any makeup.
A cup of tea dangled between my fingers in my lap, but it was probably cold by now.
I didn’t really know how long I’d been sitting there since I made it, but I’d only had about half of it.
My thoughts were racing, but at the same time, my mind was at peace. It was difficult to explain how I felt. I guessed I didn’t really know how to feel. Who would know how to feel less than a day after being left at the altar?
No one expected that kind of thing to happen to them. I was no exception.
A key turned in my lock at the front door, but I didn’t get excited. It wasn’t Will coming back to beg me to give him another chance—not that I wanted him to.
Ember was the only person with a key to my place and she used it liberally, never bothering to call ahead anymore.
“I’ve got breakfast,” she said. “Tell me you haven’t eaten yet.”
“Not since yesterday,” I replied, not moving from my position. The scent of freshly baked goods preceded my friend into the room, making my stomach grumble. “You’re an angel. Please tell me those are from Newmarket Bakery.”
She grinned, throwing herself down beside me before stretching her legs out in front of her and propping her feet on the coffee table. “You know it. Best sticky buns in town. I got us Super Fudge Brownies as well, since it’s a special occasion.”
“Why is it a special occasion?”
“It’s not every day you get stood up on your own wedding day.” She reached out to pat my leg. “How are you holding up?”
“I don’t really know.” I shook my head before leaning it back against the couch to look up at the beams in my ceiling. “I just didn’t see it coming. I feel like there had to have been some kind of sign that I missed. I should have at least suspected something.”
“Will isn’t exactly very in touch with his emotions. He’s on one solid level all the fucking time. How do you think you could have suspected it when the inflection of his voice never even changes?”
“He’s not that bad.” I rolled my eyes at her. “You can stop ragging on him now. He’s out of the picture, remember?”
“How can you say he’s not that bad when he ran out on you just yesterday? You should be ranting and raving about what a total and utter dick he is.”
I lifted a shoulder and released a breath through my nose. “I honestly don’t feel like ranting and raving about him. I understand why he did what he did. I might even be a little bit relieved. It just came as a surprise, is all. I thought I was the one settling, not the other way around.”
“Trust me. You were the one settling.” She flicked a hand at a photo of Will and me on the mantel. “You’re eleven years younger than him, you’re gorgeous, and you don’t even have one bald spot. He is almost exclusively bald spots.”
I smacked her in the arm. “He’s very sensitive about his hair situation. Don’t be mean. He really isn’t a bad guy. He’s going to make some woman very happy one day.”
“As long as it isn’t you.” Opening the stamped brown paper bag in her lap, she dug into it and extracted a treat, handing it over to me. “He might be a nice guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s the right guy for you.”
“Pray tell then, who would the right guy for me be?” I tore a bite off the mouthwatering pastry and waited patiently while she moved her lips from side to side in thought.
“Someone fun. Possibly a little spontaneous. Hot obviously. He’d have to be smart, too, and funny.” She snapped her fingers and smirked. “I’d also vote for a guy who doesn’t only do missionary.”
“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?” I laughed. “I swear you’re more invested than I am.”
“That’s only because you don’t know what you’re missing.” Her smirk melted away. “You deserve the best of everything, my friend. You just don’t seem to realize it. That’s all I want for you. The best.”
“Well, that seems like a bit of a tall order at the moment.” She didn’t miss the edge of emotion in my voice.
Reaching out to pull me into a hug, she held me tight before releasing me just as abruptly. Her hands landed on my shoulders and she looked into my eyes, her hazel ones fierce with determination.
“Oh no, you don’t. I get that this came as a massive shock to you, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be happy or that you won’t be. It’s not a tall order. It’s a completely realistic order. You just need to find the right guy. It’ll happen.”
“Says the woman who believes humanity is broken and that everyone she meets has an ulterior motive?” I gave her a sad smile. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe people are just shitty.”
“Obviously, they are.” She winked. “But there are good people out there. Like you. You’re good. If anyone can find another good person out there, it’s you.”
“I did find a good person. He just didn’t want me.” I stated it as fact because that was what it was.
Ember pursed her lips before letting out an exasperated huff. “You didn’t want him either. Not really anyway. It was a convenient relationship for both of you. That’s it. It should never have gone as far as it did.”
I didn’t immediately protest against her assessment. I couldn’t because I was pretty sure she was right. The day after being left at the altar, I should’ve been heartbroken but I wasn’t. I was more concerned about what this meant for my plans for the future than the actual breakup.
“It went as far as it did because both of us felt like the time was right. It was the next logical step to take. As it happens, I am now completely out of logical next steps.”
“That’s the best news I’ve heard all week.
” She flashed me a slow grin when I frowned at her, clearly seeing my confusion.
With a roll of her eyes, she sat back on the couch and gave me a pointed look.
“It’s good news because it’s going to force you to stop trying to force your life into a daily planner.
Or any kind of planner, for that matter. ”
“How is that good news?” My heartbeat faltered at the mere thought of having to shoot from the hip or make decisions on the fly. I had to-do lists to make my to-do lists. It allowed me some measure of control in life—not much, but it was better than nothing.
My best friend knew me more than well enough to know where my thoughts had gone. She was much gentler when she looked at me again.
“It’s good news because sometimes we just need to let things happen.
You and Will both tried to force this, and obviously, neither of you were completely ecstatic about the prospect of your impending nuptials.
You approached the whole thing like a business deal and left all the details, like your fucking dress, to his mother.
” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, it was your wedding dress for God’s sake.
Surely, you couldn’t have felt like it was an extra little thing that didn’t fit in any other category. ”
“Will said it meant a lot to his mom to take care of it,” I said meekly. I had no other excuse. “At least I’ve learned from this experience what I don’t want in a dress.”
“There we go.” She smiled. “You found a silver lining.”
I let out a very unladylike snort and reached for a brownie. “It’s not much of a consolation. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do from here. Knowing what I don’t want in a wedding dress when I don’t even know if I’ll ever get married isn’t exactly useful.”
“Do you still want to get married?” she asked. There was no judgment in her tone, only curiosity.
Ember never understood why I wanted to get married in the first place. As much as she talked about finding the right guy, it was only because she thought that was what I wanted.
I shrugged. “We’ll see. Trying to plan it that way didn’t work and I’m not sure if I can live with the alternative of just waiting and seeing if it ever does.”
“I’m not sure there’s any other way to do it,” she said sympathetically. “On the bright side, you’ve got a couple of weeks off work now, don’t you? You have plenty of time to wrap your head around all this.”
“That’s part of my problem.” I blew out a breath.
“I already took time off for the wedding and the honeymoon and I’m just going to be sitting around the house.
I don’t need time to wrap my head around stuff.
I need to get on with my life. You know how much I hate empty days in my planner, and I’m staring at almost two weeks of empty days now. ”
Her teeth sank into her lip before she perked up. “So go on your honeymoon.”
“What?” I scoffed and held up my hands. “No, that’s a terrible idea. It would be the most depressing thing in the world to go to a romantic resort booked for my honeymoon alone.”
“Why? It’s a vacation that’s already been paid for. Someone has to go on it. It’d be even more depressing if all that money went to waste.”
“It’d be infinitely more depressing to sit on the beach in fucking Fiji drinking cocktails by myself while watching couples do activities and stroll around hand in hand.”
“The only parts of the sentence I heard were ‘fucking Fiji’ and ‘drinking cocktails on the beach.’ There’s no way that could be depressing, and if it is, you just order more cocktails.”
“You’re insane.” I folded my arms, but my gaze flicked to the clock on the wall. “There’s no way I’d make the flight anyway. It takes off in four hours.”
“It takes less than forty minutes to get to the airport from here. You’re already packed, aren’t you? Being who you are, I doubt you were leaving it until this morning before having your suitcase ready to go.”
“Of course, I’m packed but I haven’t even showered.” Nibbling on the inside of my cheek, I realized that—logistically, at least—she was right.
There was no reason why I couldn’t go. I had time to get cleaned up, grab my things, and make it to the airport with time to spare.
My passport was ready. My airplane ticket and accommodation at the resort was booked and paid for, and I already had the time off work.
If I didn’t go, I was staring down the barrel of doing nothing for much longer than I’d ever done nothing for before. I could go back to work early, but I didn’t really feel ready to face the pity and the “are you okays?” from everyone there.
Staying here would mean having to face that from family and friends who came around to check on me. I’d been getting messages about it all morning already.
“You’re really thinking about it, aren’t you?” she asked, excitement sparking in her eyes as she bounced on the cushion.
I nodded. “Any way you could come with me?”
She sighed and shook her head. “Unlike you, I don’t have all my ducks in a row to take off in such a short amount of time. There’s also the tiny issue of not having a paid-for plane ticket.”
“Good points.” I stared at her for another beat before slowly getting up. “I’m going to do it. I’m going to go on my fucking honeymoon. Alone. Screw it. I’m not sitting around here being felt sorry for and wondering how to get on with my life. I’m just going to get on with it.”
She clapped her hands and followed after me when I took off to my bedroom. “I’ll help get your things together and go drop you off at the airport. This is going to be epic! I’m so proud of you!”
So was I, but there was no time to waste. Getting ready and the drive to the airport were a blur. It was only once I was on the plane and my seatbelt clicked into place that I finally smiled.
Here I come, Fiji. God, please don’t let this be a massive mistake.