Chapter 23
LINDSAY
Everything about tonight felt different. We were both completely relaxed, and yet it still felt like an extended goodbye, and the tension of it was thick in the air.
I couldn’t count the amount of times I’d nearly gone back on the “living in the moment” rule and asked about our future. In the end, I hadn’t because it was obvious he’d spent a fair amount of time on our last day bringing the evening together, and I wanted to enjoy it for what it was.
A very big part inside me was screaming to just bring it up and get it over with, but that was the part of me that always needed to know what was going to happen next.
With Jaxon looking at me with molten heat in his eyes as he slowly unzipped the dress he’d gotten me in the steam-filled bathroom, I knew enough of what was going to happen next that I silenced that part of me.
After a kiss that I’d felt all the way to my soul back in the bedroom, he’d taken my hand wordlessly and led me in here. He moved around the room, lighting the candles before dimming the lights as low as they could go. I hadn’t been able to tear my gaze off him.
Now the bath was drawn, the petals were scattered on top of the bubbles in the claw-footed bath, and it was time to get in.
His fingers brushed against the bare skin of my spine from where he had pulled the zipper down torturously slow, then pushed the broad straps of the dress from my arms with equally deliberate movements.
A pleasured sigh escaped me when the material pooled around my feet on the floor and he dragged his fingers up my sides to unhook my bra behind my back.
When I was left in nothing but my heels, I turned to face him and gave him the same attentive treatment. He looked so damn handsome in his charcoal suit pants and black button-down shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
Why is it always so damn hot when men do that? It was like lady-part Kryptonite. I wondered if they all attended a class at some point in their lives where they were taught that.
My thoughts fled when I got to the last button of his shirt and pushed it off his defined shoulders. I’d had a week of seeing him shirtless, but I’d never felt as free to ogle the ink that decorated his skin as I did now.
All of the work was intricately done, the details precise and beautiful. Over his heart was a black and gray compass with clean lines, and I was pretty sure I knew what that one meant. I glanced up at him to confirm as I tapped a nail softly on it.
“Always follow your heart?”
He nodded, his gaze heavy as he watched me take him in like I hadn’t had the guts to do before. On his ribs, there was plain lettering reading “I am the Captain of my Fate and the Master of my Soul,” while the word on his inner bicep was simple, “ALIVE.”
A gorgeous Celtic cross decorated one of his shoulder blades, while his back and the other shoulder were like a patchwork canvas of stars, flames, and a nautical star symmetrically placed across from the cross.
“Do they all have meanings?” I asked, my breath catching as I thought about all the hours he must’ve spent under the needle to get it all done, and wondering how many more he’d spent deciding on what to get done.
Again, he nodded, but this time, he brought his hands up to mine, pulling them away from his body but holding them tight. “Let’s get in before all the bubbles are gone and the water goes cold.”
“I can spend hours just looking at all of those,” I admitted just before removing my heels and lifted one leg into the tub while he held my hands to provide balance.
He smirked, turning me around before I sat down. I heard him lowering his zipper and the slight rustle of clothes as he dropped his pants, then felt him climbing in behind me with his chest to my back.
“You’ve got two choices at this point. We have hours left, but would you rather spend them looking at me or touching me? I can’t promise I won’t touch you if you choose looking at me, though.”
My throat nearly closed up at the thought that we really did have only hours left. I was about to try maneuvering myself around to face him so I could do both at the same time when his hands came around my waist.
He dragged his fingertips over every part of my torso but avoided my breasts like the plague. Chills—the good kind—raced across my skin and left gooseflesh and raised hairs in the wake of his skilled hands.
Letting my head drop back against his shoulder, I planted my hands on his thick thighs on either side of my legs. I ran my fingers along the corded muscle I found there, feeling him growing even harder against the small of my back.
I moaned when one of his hands traveled lower, delivering the gentlest of brushes against my core while the other traced the underside of my breast. In response, my own fingers went higher on his legs until I felt the very top of them.
We built each other up as if we had all the time in the world. As if this really was our honeymoon and this was only the first night. Our soft moans and gasps mingled in the steamy air, the only sounds except for the occasional mumbling of my name or his.
Once the water was cool but my blood was boiling, we got out of the tub.
Jaxon held up a thick bath towel and patted me dry everywhere but at the dripping apex of my thighs.
I did the same to him, but I’d admit to copping a feel and maybe giving him a stroke or two as I worked around his raging erection.
The thing looked downright angry, but I wasn’t afraid of its wrath. Might even welcome it.
When we finally tumbled into bed though, he didn’t slide into me straightaway. Instead, we spent more time exploring each other with our hands and mouths until he gritted his teeth and let out an almost pained groan.
“I need you now,” he grunted, tapping my shoulder to get me to release the steel rod his cock had turned into from my mouth. “I can’t take anymore.”
“Thank fuck. I was there ages ago.” I climbed on top of him.
He used one hand to cup my cheek as he brought his lips to mine, the other on my hip as he guided me down.
I took his length greedily, faster than the rest of the evening had gone, but I didn’t hear any complaints from him.
We kissed each other with such passion that it was like we were trying to share our souls with one another.
I didn’t know about him, but I certainly felt branded when we fell apart holding each other and swallowing each other’s moans without stopping our kisses time and time again.
Well, I fell apart many more times than he did, but he always seemed to regain his strength faster than I’d have anticipated and was ready for me.
It had to be the early hours of the morning before we fell to the mattress in a tangled heap. Our skin was damp even though the air-conditioning was on, and my limbs were trembling so much that I let him handle our landing.
Jaxon rolled onto his back with his strong arms still holding me. I landed with my head on his chest, listening to the erratic beats of his heart slowly returning to normal.
His fingers burrowed into my hair, twining around the long strands before he brushed through them. It was a strangely soothing gesture, and after the intensity of what had just happened between us, I’d never been more tempted to ruin a moment.
I wanted to talk to him more than anything about whether he thought we might have a future together, but this moment seemed so fragile, so precious, that as tempted as I was to break my silence, I swallowed the words down and pressed a kiss to his bare skin instead.
“I don’t want to say goodbye tomorrow,” I whispered, settling for telling him the simplest, most important part of the truth.
In the morning before we went our separate ways, I would tell him the rest. I would let him know how I felt, and then I would go to the airport. Hopefully, there would be time to get his take on the matter as well.
If there wasn’t, at least I’d know I’d said my piece. I wouldn’t have to live with the what-ifs, and I’d be able to plan my immediate future accordingly. None of that had to happen tonight.
It’d been the most perfect, if bittersweet, last night I could’ve imagined. When Jaxon kissed the top of my head in response to my statement instead of bolting, a strong surge of hope bloomed in my chest.
I held on to that hope as I drifted off to sleep in the arms of the only man I ever wanted to hold again.