Chapter 11
NATALIE
Iwoke up feeling off. Last night had been weird. One moment I thought I was living out the fantasy from my teenage years. The next I was living out the nightmare I never knew I had.
I wasn’t a violent person. I detested violence. I understood the military. They served a very valuable purpose. But we had those brave men and women to protect us so we could go to a pub and have a drink without worrying about violence.
Obviously, I wasn’t na?ve enough to believe there would never be a bar fight or any other kind of danger, but this was our little town. The people here were good and peaceful. Of course, there were dustups but what happened last night just didn’t sit right with me.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something was just making me feel off. I was glad today was the day I got to spend time with my mom. She’d help me figure this stuff out. I was always a little weird around this date. It was the anniversary of my father’s death.
It was strange to acknowledge the day he died. We didn’t celebrate it necessarily, but we did usually do something special. It was more about remembering him, honoring his memory, and recognizing how lucky we were to still have each other.
I dressed for the day in a pair of shorts, a pair of sandals with pretty little sparkles, and a nice baggy blouse.
I hated wearing anything too fitting. I preferred to hide the ample curves God saw fit to give me.
I loved sweater weather. Unfortunately, I would die if I tried to wear a hoodie in the heat and humidity of the summer.
I drove up the coast to my mother’s small home in Lincolnville.
It was a small cabin surrounded by trees.
It was a hideaway. That was undeniable. After Dad died, the life insurance had been nominal.
She managed to scrape by. After I moved out and started my own life, she sold the house and found this little place that had no view of the water.
I didn’t blame her for selling the house.
It was a constant reminder of the future she wasn’t going to have.
I parked in the gravel driveway and walked up to the door. There were bird feeders everywhere, along with an assortment of windchimes hanging from the covered porch that was just big enough for two rocking chairs.
“Good morning.” She greeted me with a hug.
“You look good this morning,” I commented.
She did look good. She looked brighter. “Oh, I finally did that thing you were talking about.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Sex?”
“Stop.” She blushed.
I loved to tease her. I knew she had finally started seeing a man I had yet to meet. I was totally on board with her moving on. It had been twenty years. No one expected her to live the rest of her days alone. “When do I get to meet the man that has made you so happy?”
“Oh, I don’t know if it’s anything like that,” she said.
“Well, it looks good on you.”
“What does?” she asked.
“Happiness, Mom. You’re happy. I like it.”
“Oh goodness, I just lightened my hair with one of those rinses,” she said with a laugh. “It’s so subtle I barely notice it at all.”
I hadn’t noticed the hair. It was her aura. “Are you ready to go?”
“Let me grab my purse,” she said. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Not lobster,” I replied.
We both got in my car and quickly decided to keep it simple.
It really was never a debate. We were always going to end up at the same restaurant that served good old-fashioned meals.
But today I wanted to eat my feelings a little.
I ordered a cheeseburger with mushrooms and onion rings with a chocolate milkshake.
My mother went with a turkey sandwich as usual.
“How is work going?” she asked nonchalantly. “Sell any more designs?”
“I’m working on it,” I answered. “I have one client I thought was ready to pull the trigger, but he’s pulled back.”
“It’s a big purchase.”
“Do you remember Hudson Steele?” I asked casually.
“Of course,” she said. “How could I forget any of the Steele kids, especially with how much time you spend with Hux?”
“He’s back,” I said.
“He’s out of the military?”
“Yes,” I said. “He’s working at the shop with us. He is working on a new project. Hudson wants to help veterans that are struggling by getting them work. Some have records or other issues that have made it difficult for them to find jobs. So, he is bringing on a few guys to work for us.”
“That’s a wonderful idea,” she said. “Good for him.”
I took a bite of my burger and debated whether or not to tell her the rest of my sad story.
Actually, it wasn’t even a story. It had been the first chapter and then the book was burned.
“It is a good idea. I hope it works. Some of these guys have records. Hudson is going to be there to keep an eye on things, but I’m hoping it will increase our productivity.
One of the guys used to be a used car salesman.
He has the knack for selling. We’re keeping him up front. ”
“You’ve been saying you needed some help,” she said.
“Yes.”
“Okay, spill it,” she said and wiped her mouth.
“What?”
“You’re my daughter, and I know when something is on your mind,” she said.
I saw a little leverage. “Fine, I’ll tell you about my boy trouble if you tell me more about this man that has you smiling.”
So far, she’d been keeping the details sparse, which only increased my curiosity. “Fine. Tell me. Who is it? Is it serious?”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. “We’re not seeing each other, but I thought maybe we might for about a half-second. Then his true colors shone through and I’m not sure I’m up for that kind of drama.”
“What were his true colors?” she asked.
“It’s Hudson,” I blurted out.
“You’re dating Hudson Steele?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Not dating. He just got back. We flirted. We kissed once. Last night we were dancing, and I thought maybe it could be something. Then some drunk dude fell into me. Hudson lost his cool. He hit the guy, Mom. Like really hit him. It ended up in a bar fight at Teresa’s place. Hux got hit. It was a mess.”
“Oh, my goodness,” she exclaimed. “Is Hux okay?”
“He’s fine,” I said. “It’s just so not cool. I hate fighting. I thought at this age I didn’t have to worry about being out with a guy and him getting into a fistfight. Do they ever grow up?”
She laughed and waved one of her fries. “No, but most of them do learn a little self-control. It sounds like Hudson was sticking up for you.”
“Maybe, but it was an accident,” I said. “He didn’t have to hit the guy. He was really, really pissed. I can’t be around someone that is prone to violence.”
“Do you like him?”
“You know I had a crush on him back in school,” I said. “I don’t know if I like him because it’s pretty clear I don’t know him. He’s not the same guy.”
“I would venture to say that’s true,” she agreed. “None of us are the same. I would expect with as long as he was in the Navy, he probably saw some things. Things that change a man.”
“Exactly,” I said. “I’ve seen the statistics and the movies. I know what happens. I just don’t think I’m ready to be with someone with that kind of baggage. I’m completely unequipped to help him. I don’t want to be the thing that makes it worse.”
“You know that old saying,” she replied. “They have to help themselves.”
“I know, I just feel bad for not wanting anything to do with him because of it,” I said. “I really thought there could be something.”
“He’s just gotten out and it was only one fight,” she reminded me. “I don’t think it’s fair to condemn him without giving him a real chance. There’s only one real solution.”
“What would that be?”
“Time. Patience. Conversation.”
“That’s three things,” I replied.
She laughed and shook it off. “You know what I mean. No one comes to us in a perfect package. He might need to lean on you a little, but that’s not so bad.
It makes you feel needed and valuable. And you might just get a great guy in return.
I wouldn’t be so quick to push him out of your life before really giving this thing a shot. It might work out.”
“And it might not.”
“You have to take a chance sometime,” she said with a soft smile.
“That is very good advice,” I teased. “Does that mean you’ve taken a chance?”
“I think so,” she whispered.
“Mom, tell me,” I said. “I want to know everything. Who is he?”
“We actually knew each other a very long time ago,” she said with a soft smile.
“He was a friend of your father’s before you were even born.
He got married and moved to Portland. He’s since been divorced.
He’s got two girls. One is in school and the other is a teacher.
He owns a nice house not too far away. He’s retired and just enjoying life. ”
“What did he do?” I asked curiously. I wondered if he had been into boats like my father.
“He’s an ex-airline pilot,” she said.
“Wow,” I said. “Good job. How did you guys reunite?”
She blushed a little. “I signed up for that stupid dating site you kept telling me about.”
“Mom! You didn’t tell me you did that. Good for you! That’s how you guys reconnected?”
“Yes,” she said. “He felt just as foolish as I did. I’m not on there anymore. I found him and that’s enough for me. I’m not risking some freak tracking me down.”
“But it worked once, and that’s all that matters,” I said. “Good for you. I’m happy you’re happy. It’s about damn time. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“You will soon enough,” she said. “We’re taking it slow. We both felt a little guilty at first, but I think we’re getting over it.”
“Dad has been gone a long time,” I said gently. “If this guy was his friend, then I think you know he would approve.”
“I suppose,” she said. “It’s very strange. I haven’t even looked at a man since your father died.”
“Then I would say it’s about time,” I said. “Have you told him?” I asked softly.
Tears welled in her eyes. “I’ve spent a lot of time with that headstone the last few weeks. The groundskeepers probably think I’m crazy. I just talk and talk and talk.”
“I’m sure you’re not the only one,” I assured her. “And if it makes you feel better, that’s all that matters.”
“It does,” she said on a breath.
We finished our lunch, went by the florist to get flowers, and headed out to the cemetery on the hill.
It was silly, but we wanted to make sure he had a view of the water he loved so much.
We both knelt in front of the headstone and brushed away the dirt and moss that always formed.
Mom pulled away the flowers she had left in the last few days, judging by the condition of the petals.
We both sat in silence with our thoughts for a few moments.
I stared at the date on the headstone and was taken back to the day.
It was crazy that it was twenty years ago, but I still remembered what I was wearing that day.
I remembered my mother knocking on my bedroom door, walking in and collapsing on the floor.
People always used the term white as a ghost, but I had never understood it until that day. She’d been so pale.
“I’ll give you two a minute alone,” Mom said and touched the headstone.
After she walked away, it was my turn to press my hand to the granite slab.
“Hey, Dad. Things are good here. I’ve been working on my designs.
No matter how hard I try not to repeat the same design, I find I’m always going back to the old Catalina.
I remember every word you ever said about that boat.
I remember everything you told me about a boat slicing through the water or gliding over the top.
One of these days, I’m going to test drive my boats.
I know you’ll be right there with me. Don’t get your hopes up too high though.
That day won’t be anytime soon. One day though, we’ll be on the water again.
I promise. I’ll find a way to get back on the horse like you would always say.
It just sucks trying to do it without you. ”
I closed my eyes when a breeze floated by, lifting my hair. I wanted to believe it was him sending me some kind of message. “Bye, Dad,” I said and got to my feet. “I’ll come by again soon.”