Chapter 13
NATALIE
Ihoped Hudson would be too busy with his guys to even look my way.
I didn’t know what to say to him. It was a conversation for another day.
He would probably apologize, and I would be obligated to accept, but would it be meaningful on either side?
For now, avoiding the problem felt like the easiest solution.
I closed my office door and sat down at the desk. Hux would be in soon. He could open the front of the house while I did my thing in the quiet of my office. It wasn’t long before I heard male voices and knew the morning was underway.
“Are you hiding?” Hux asked from my door.
“No. Close the door. I’m working.”
He walked inside the office and shut the door behind him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just have a lot of work to get done.” I took off my reading glasses that I only ever wore when I was working on some of the finer details of a plan. “Your face looks good.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“I thought you’d have a swollen nose,” I said.
He touched the bridge of his nose that was slightly discolored. “It wasn’t really that bad. I just wanted to make my brother feel bad.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I doubt that is going to work.”
“Ah, is that why you’re hiding in here?” he said.
“No. I’m not hiding. I’m working.”
“Hudson is not going to do shit here,” he said. “He’s fine. It was just a little fight.”
“I know,” I said. “It’s fine. I’m not worried about that.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” I said.
“I’ll send him in here to apologize.”
“No!” I cleared my throat. “I mean, no, that’s fine. He already did. I’m just trying to get caught up on some things. I’m fine.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll leave you alone.”
He had only been gone a couple minutes when my door opened again. “Hux,” I groaned.
“It’s me.”
My head popped up to find Hudson standing in the doorway. I ripped off my glasses. “Hudson.”
“Got a minute?” he asked.
“I’m working,” I replied.
“I’d like to talk,” he said. “Please.”
“I don’t think we need to,” I said.
“Nat, please.”
“Fine,” I said. “Do you want to sit?”
“No. Let’s go for a walk. If I have to start spending my days indoors, I need to take advantage of the time I can get out.”
“Hudson, I don’t have time,” I said. “I’ve got a lot to do.”
“You can spare fifteen minutes,” he insisted. “I bet you’ve already been working for an hour.”
He wasn’t wrong. “Fine, but I can’t be gone long. I need to get this hull design finalized.”
“It isn’t going anywhere,” he said.
I grabbed my cell phone and shoved it in my back pocket. “Let’s go.”
We went out the front door and walked down the dock.
I said nothing. This was his party. If he wanted to talk, it was up to him.
I tried to remember my mom’s advice to remember where he’d been and what he had been through.
I offered myself up as a friend before I started thinking about something else with him. I could still be a friend.
“I went to a meeting yesterday,” he said.
“A meeting?” I questioned.
“For vets,” he replied.
I wasn’t going to make him explain what kind of meeting it was. “Did you like it?”
“It was good,” he said.
We came to a stop in front of an old Catalina that was almost identical to the one my father had. It was on consignment. “Are you going to go again?” I asked.
“I am,” he replied. “I met a guy there that seemed pretty decent. He seems like a good guy.”
“Good,” I said with a smile. “I’m glad you’ve found some people you can relate to.”
“Thanks,” he said, shrugging. “It took a minute, but I realized I wasn’t going to be able to do this without a little help. It takes some time to turn it off.”
“You were in the service for a long time,” I said gently. “More than half your life. That’s not something you just shut off.”
“No, I guess it isn’t,” he said. “I’m sorry you got pushed around the other night. I don’t normally go around hitting strangers.”
“Good to know,” I said.
He stepped toward the boat that was gently bobbing in the slip. “Isn’t this like the one your dad had?”
“Yes.”
“Is it for sale?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “A customer had to move out of the country. We’re selling it for him.”
“Let’s check it out,” he said and stepped onto the boat.
“Go ahead,” I said, shrugging. “Are you in the market for a sailboat?”
He smirked. “No, but it doesn’t mean I can’t admire it.”
I stayed on the dock. A myriad of feelings ran through my head. Memories flooded me. It was a combination of good and bad.
“Hey,” Hudson said.
I blinked and focused on him. “What?”
“Come on,” he said and held out a hand. “Give me a tour.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No thanks.”
“I’ll help you aboard,” he said.
“Hudson, I don’t get on boats,” I said. “You’ve been gone a while, but I thought that was widely known. People love making fun of the girl that can’t get on the boats she designs.”
“I’m not making fun of you,” he said. “I think sometimes you need a gentle nudge to get over something holding you back.”
“I don’t need nor want a nudge,” I said. “Definitely not today.”
“Tomorrow?” he teased. “Do you think it will be different?”
“Hudson, of all the boats in the world you want me to get on, it has to be this one?” I asked.
“I think it’s familiar,” he replied.
“Not in a good way.”
“I noticed the blueprints,” he said. “I’m not a boat engineer, but I know a little something about them. Those boats you design are inspired by this one, are they not?”
“Not all,” I said, shrugging. “Besides, it’s a good design.”
“Take my hand,” he said.
“Hudson, I can’t. Yesterday was—it was the day. The anniversary.”
He dropped his head. “Shit. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine. I just don’t want to get on the boat.”
“Natalie, I know it’s hard,” he said. “Really hard, but I’m right here.
Nothing is going to happen. It starts with one step at a time.
You can do it. Just one step. I’ll hold your hand.
You’re not going to fall overboard. Even if you do, I’m half frog.
I’ll rescue you. Nothing is going to happen to you. ”
“I know it’s completely irrational,” I said. “I get it. I feel ridiculous, but there is just something in my head I can’t seem to get around. It’s as futile as trying to move a mountain.”
“I don’t believe anything is futile,” he said. “Not when you’ve got someone to hold your hand. You encouraged me to do something about my issues. I did. Let me help you take the first step to doing something about yours.”
“I don’t think I need help,” I countered. “I mean, I know I need help, but my issues are not keeping me from working or living. I’m not punching people out.”
He smirked. “You never know. These things have a way of graduating.”
“I’ve lived with it for twenty years,” I said dryly. “No graduations. Just the same old shit. I’m not getting on that boat.”
He stepped off the boat and grabbed both my hands. “Sprite?”
There was a cute smile pulling at his lips. He knew what he was doing. That was a look that I knew would turn any straight woman into putty in his hands. He probably reserved the sexy little smile for his most challenging cases. Was I a challenge?
“Hudson, you can look adorable and be charming, but that’s not going to work on me. You are asking me to conquer a fear I’ve had for years. Decades. It doesn’t just go away because you flash that panty-soaking smile at me.”
He grinned even bigger. “Are you telling me your panties are wet?”
“Stop!”
“Step on the boat and I’ll show you just how wet I can make those panties,” he said in a voice full of promise.
I almost fell for it. “You are not going to trick me into getting on that boat.”
“Your father would be so proud to see you conquering your fear,” he said. “Don’t you want to make him proud?”
“You are not making this easy,” I groaned.
“I don’t want to make it easy to reject my suggestion,” he said.
“Hudson, do you know how many people have tried to get me to get back on a boat?” I asked.
“I’m sure a lot, but they weren’t me,” he said. “I’m me. I’m a fucking SEAL. Water is my thing. No one is a better swimmer than I am. Swimmer and saver. You will not drown when I’m with you.”
It was a very reasonable point. For the first time in forever, I was actually thinking about it. “Maybe,” I said.
“That’s my girl,” he whispered. “I’m going to step onto the boat and then I’ll reach out and help you on, okay?”
“I don’t know,” I hesitated.
“I do. You’re going to be fine.”
I couldn’t believe I was doing it, but I reached out and let him take my hand. My heart was in my throat. It felt like I was going to vomit. The warmth of his hand infused me with strength.
“You’re okay,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”
The boat rocked when I stepped on. Fear gripped me, paralyzing me. I looked into his eyes. There was safety there.
“Just one more step,” he said gently. “One more step and I’m going to pull you into my arms. You’re going to feel my solid, sturdy body. I’m going to hold you close until you feel secure. I’ll hold you for two minutes or two hundred. Whatever it takes.”
I believed him. He made me feel safe. I took the second step and was completely on the boat. He did what he promised and pulled me against him. I was on a boat. I couldn’t believe I was actually standing on a boat.
“I got you,” he said close to my ear. “I’m right here. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
I swallowed the lump of fear. “I’m on a boat,” I breathed.
“Yes, you are. I’m going to take a couple steps back, but I’m keeping you with me. I’m not letting go. I just want to get you away from the edge.”
“Okay.”
“You’re amazing,” he said. “Look at you. You’re standing on a boat.”
“I am,” I said nervously.
“I guess now that I have you where I want you, I can properly apologize,” he said.
“I’m really sorry I lost my temper. I want to promise I’ll never do it again, but I can’t.
I will say I’m absolutely going to do everything I can to never do it again.
I didn’t mean for you to get scared or hurt.
We were having such a good time and then that guy ruined it.
I let him ruin it. I would love to try again.
We were just getting to the good stuff. Will you give me a second chance? I promise I’m worth it.”
I looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity. “I’ll give you a second chance if you give me another chance,” I said. “I should have been more understanding. I was short and didn’t even think about how you might have felt.”
“Second chances all around,” I said.
He continued to hold me while the boat slowly rocked back and forth. My nerves were unwinding, and things felt a little better.