Chapter 15
NATALIE
Ishouldn’t be trying so hard. Hudson knew me. He saw me all day in my jeans and a polo. Maybe that was why I wanted him to see me in a different light. He’d only ever seen me in the stupid polo. I wanted to look a little more feminine. Prettier. Sexier.
I decided to go for a summer dress. That was feminine.
I added some product to my hair to enhance the curls and hopefully give me a sexy, slightly wet look.
I even took the time to put on a little makeup.
Once dressed, I stepped back and checked out my reflection in the mirror. I looked like a girl.
Maybe that wasn’t what he liked. He had come on to me while I was in the jeans and polo.
That might be his jam. What if I was trying too hard?
I wasn’t going to kid myself into thinking I was his usual type.
Everyone liked to try something new. I was the something new.
But maybe he would be interested in me. He certainly seemed like it.
I heard the doorbell. Butterflies erupted in my belly. I scrunched my hair and wiped under my eyes before rushing out to answer the door. “Hi,” I said.
“Damn,” Hudson groaned. “I’m going to keep standing out here. If I’m anywhere near that door, I’m going to try something.”
I had to laugh at his ridiculous flirting. It was pretty cheesy. “I’ll get my purse.”
“You really do look nice,” he said.
I tugged at the dress and fluffed my hair. “Thank you.”
“Why are you acting so uncomfortable?” he asked.
“I’m not.”
“You are,” he insisted.
“I’m just not used to wearing dresses,” I replied.
“You look gorgeous. I like the dress. But I also like the jeans.”
“I always see these dresses in the store and think they’re pretty. Then I get them home and I wear them, and I feel like it’s just a hot mess.”
“Hot is one word I would use to describe it,” he said.
“Are you always this flirty?” I laughed.
“No.”
We arrived at the restaurant. It was casual but nice.
The jeans and button-up he was wearing were perfect for the occasion.
He was devastatingly handsome. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure he knew that.
He always gave the impression he didn’t care what he looked like.
It must be nice to be a man with confidence.
We were shown to a table and ordered beer. It wasn’t really a wine kind of establishment. I wasn’t really a wine girl. “How did it go today?” I asked him. “I didn’t really interact with the guys.”
“They were purposely keeping their distance.”
“Why?” I asked. “Did I turn them off? I hope I wasn’t rude.”
“You weren’t rude, but I did tell them to just keep their heads down,” he said, shrugging. “They have to prove themselves. They know you’re the one to convince they are valuable.”
“Hudson, I hope they don’t think that.”
“They do,” he said. “They should. I want them to. I want them to try and impress you.”
“They don’t have to impress me,” I said, shrugging. “I just want them to do the job.”
“And they will.”
“How did you like the group?” I asked casually.
“I liked it and I will be going back,” he said. “I don’t know if I’m cured, but I’m going to try and chill things out.”
“Do you think you need to be cured?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s a bad idea to have a backup plan,” he said. “I’ve got something to lose now.”
The way he was looking at me suggested he was talking about me. Was he? Was I something for him to lose? I couldn’t imagine he would be interested enough to do something he didn’t want to do. “I hope you are doing the meetings for you.”
“I am. I don’t know if the group setting is really my thing, but I did meet at least one guy I think I can talk to.”
“And you can talk to me,” I offered.
“Thanks, but some of the shit that’s in my head isn’t really polite conversation,” he said.
“Understood, but I can listen to the other stuff,” I said. “Not that I know anything, but sometimes just talking helps. I talk to my mom all the time. Hux sometimes, but mostly my mom. I talked to her about you.”
“You did?” he asked.
“I did.”
“Did she tell you to run far and fast?” he said.
“No,” I said with a laugh. “She just reminded me that sometimes things aren’t easy. She is the one that suggested lots of talking.”
“Gee, my favorite thing to do,” he groaned.
“I know, I know,” I said. “I’m not nagging and I’m not going to ask you how you’re feeling a hundred times. Just know I’m right here with two great listening ears.”
“And they are very sexy ears at that,” he teased.
I didn’t remember him being so flirty. Or maybe he was just never flirty with me.
Either way, I couldn’t figure out if it was real, like he was actually interested, or just a personality trait.
The inner voice that always told me I wasn’t thin enough or pretty enough could get pretty loud.
Just then, it was trying to tell me he wasn’t actually interested but just being nice.
“Did you buy a bed?” I blurted out. Then I realized that was kind of an awkward question to ask a man I was on a first date with. It made it sound like I was asking about his bed because I was interested in getting into it.
“I have not,” he answered with a quirk of his lips once again. “I might just take you up on the offer to help me pick one out.”
“I’d be happy to.”
“A good bed is important,” he said.
I was not as good at the flirting as he was. I couldn’t act cool. I just found myself to be flustered, which would quickly turn into awkward. “It is,” I said.
“So, the guy I met told me he is part of a volunteer group with the local search and rescue team,” he said.
I was so glad he was changing topics. I was feeling like a total moron. “Oh?”
“I talked to the coordinator today and applied for a volunteer position as well.”
“Really?” I asked. “That’s amazing. I bet they would love to have you. I think you’re exactly what any search and rescue team would want. If I ever got lost in the wilderness, you’re the man I want looking for me.”
“I would find you,” he said with complete seriousness.
“Have you thought about applying for an actual paying position?” I asked him. “I feel like that would be a perfect job for you.”
“I’m not sure what I want to do,” he said. “I’m just feeling things out. For now, I think I want to focus on the helping of fellow vets.”
“That is a very noble venture as well,” I said.
“What about you?” he asked.
“What about me?”
“When you look ahead, what is it you see yourself doing?” he asked.
“Oh gosh,” I said. “I don’t have any grand plans. I like doing what I’m doing.”
“Designing boats?”
“Yes,” I said. “I know it seems uninspired, but I love sitting down and coming up with a design that checks all the boxes a client is looking for.”
“Are you going to build your own boat one of these days?” he asked.
“I would like to,” I said. “Ultimately, I would like to sail the boat I design for myself. I want to take one of those really long trips. Maybe down to Florida or something like that. I don’t know. I guess that’s a pretty goofy idea, considering I can’t even get on a boat.”
“You did get on a boat,” he corrected. “It was the first step. You’ll be sailing the open water in no time.”
I laughed at the idea. “Yeah, I’m not sure about that, but we all have to have dreams.”
“Yes, we do,” he said. “If we didn’t, we would spin out. We’d tread water and get nowhere. That’s no way to live.”
“I know,” I said. “I don’t want to tread water. Some days I feel like my feet are stuck in cement. I see what I want, and I just can’t reach it.”
“You said you were a good listening ear. I can be a good motivator,” he said. “I can be supportive. I can also be the guy screaming in your ear telling you to move your ass.”
“I’m not sure that sounds very pleasant,” I said with a laugh.
“Just offering my skills,” he said. “If your dad was here, what do you think he would say? Would he encourage you to get back on the water?”
“Absolutely,” I answered without hesitation. “He would be disgusted that I stopped sailing at all.”
“I think he would understand your hesitation,” he said gently. “You suffered a trauma. You dealt with it in your own way. Now it’s time to start living your life without fear.”
“That’s easier said than done,” I said.
“I know,” he said. “Your dad would want you to move forward. He would want you to do the thing you loved so much.”
“He would think me staying off the water was the real tragedy,” I said softly. “I know he must be so disappointed with me right now. He put all that time and energy into teaching me how to sail and I just dismissed it. I threw it away.”
“I don’t think he would be disappointed at all,” he said. “You’ve taken your knowledge of sailing and turned it into a career. It’s all still there. You haven’t thrown it away. You’re still using the information he taught you. It’s up to you to apply it in a way that really brings you happiness.”
“I want to, but I’m just not sure I’ve got the guts to do it,” I replied. “One day.”
“I will offer up my services,” he said. “When you’re ready, say the word and I’ll be right beside you at the captain’s wheel. I will hold your hand, hold your body, or just hang back.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.
It was strange to think he and I could be a real thing.
He was so different than I was. When I thought about my future husband, Hudson was not the guy I pictured.
He was not the kind of man I expected to want me.
I pictured myself with a dock worker. Maybe one of the foremen on a construction crew.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had been preparing myself to settle.
I wasn’t getting any younger and my prospects were getting narrower by the day.
“Everything okay?” Hudson asked.
“What?”
“You got a look on your face,” he said. “You look like you’re thinking about running out of here.”
I laughed and reached for my beer. “I’m definitely not running anywhere. I was just thinking.”
“I wonder if we’re thinking the same thing,” he said.
“I doubt it.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I was thinking about a new bed.”
He was dropping plenty of innuendo. Normally, I would be shy and pretend I didn’t understand.
But he was making me feel emboldened. I could be the girl that shamelessly flirted.
He wasn’t going to laugh at me. This wasn’t a high school prank.
He wasn’t flirting with me and pretending to like me just to set me up for some horrible joke.
I wasn’t the same awkward teenager from twenty years ago. “Were you now?” I asked.
“I was. I’m thinking something big. Something with plenty of room to move around in.”
“Are you a restless sleeper?” I asked with a coy smile.
“Nope.”
“Hard or soft?” I asked quietly.
“Right now?” he shot back.
There was no stopping the burning cheeks. “You’re bad,” I said with a laugh.
“I don’t think so, but we’ll let you be the judge of that.”
Again, he was blatantly alluding to sex. Sex with Hudson seemed like a dream that would never come true.
Was it going to happen?