Chapter 14
LAYLA
One-on-one training with Santiago Cortez. This was going to be interesting. None of the floodlights aimed at the course were on, but there were lights on the side of the building that housed the training center.
I’d gotten used to working on the wall in the low light out here at night, but it was different now that Santiago was here with me. The lack of bright lights on us made it feel strangely intimate, and with his face halfway covered by shadows, I noticed details I hadn’t noticed before.
He wasn’t looking at me, his gaze cast upon the wall like he was studying it even though I knew he knew it like the back of his hand.
In profile like this, however, with all those shadows sharpening the edges of his features, I saw the five o’clock shadow on his jaw, the faint, dark stubble that had grown over the course of the day.
I also noticed that his nose had an elegant slant to it and that it was straight as an arrow.
The man’s cheekbones were a work of art with those shadows underneath them.
I was pretty sure that any photographer worth his salt would’ve dropped a ton of money to be able to take a picture of my instructor just like this.
He’d have been able to sell it as cover art for a romance novel with absolutely no issues, and he would probably have gotten hundreds of dollars for it.
As Santiago crossed his arms loosely over his chest, his head tilting as he kept studying the wall, my attention was drawn down.
To his broad shoulders and muscled biceps, and the lean ropes of muscle running from his elbows to his wrists when his forearms flexed.
With his deeply tanned skin and his USCG shirt, he really did look like he could’ve been posing for something.
A commercial for the Coast Guard perhaps.
God knew we’d have had a lot more women signing up if they could see him like this.
Between that and those incredibly blue eyes, the guy was the very embodiment of military porn done right.
He lifted his hand and ran it over the top of his light brown hair, then suddenly turned his head and looked right at me. My cheeks caught fire.
Busted!
“What?” he asked. “I can feel you staring and I can only assume it’s because you have a question for me. You’re still speaking freely, so go for it. What is it?”
“It’s just, uh, not that I’m not grateful, but why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?” Technically, he hadn’t helped me just yet, but I knew he would. He seemed like the type to stick to his word, and since he’d said he was going to help me, that was what he was going to do.
Also, since he’d felt me staring, I’d had to come up with something believable to ask him and that was definitely believable. Even so, his mouth curved into a slight smirk as those sparkly eyes looked into mine.
“You’re stronger than you think, Perkins. You can get over that wall. You just need the technique to do it. As it happens, I’m an instructor. This is what I do. I instruct.”
“Yeah, but why me? Why now? I’ve been struggling with this wall every night and other people are struggling with it every day.”
“And I’ll instruct those people on their technique when the time comes.
You’re up first because no one has worked harder on this than you.
You’ve already given it your best shot, you’ve taken the time and made the effort to figure it out by yourself, and you still haven’t managed to get over it.
The others still need to do what you’ve already done.
Once they have, I’ll help them too. It’s that simple. ”
My eyebrows slanted up just a little bit. “Are you sure that’s really all that it’s about? It’s not about my father at all, then?”
“No, it’s not about your father,” he said firmly. “You and I have never even spoken about him. Why would you think I’m helping you because of him?”
“Because my last name is Perkins. We haven’t spoken about him, but I know that he would’ve told you who I am. Did he ask you to help me?”
“No, he didn’t, but you’re right. I do know who you are, but I don’t care. You are not your father. You are your own person, and that person is in my class and needs help. That’s really all I care about.”
“I like that,” I declared after thinking it over. “Part of me has been afraid that this is all because of him. That I only got in because of him. That I’ve only gotten this far because of him. That if I graduate, it will only be because he made you put me through.”
Santiago chuckled again, and the sound was so beautiful and smooth that I honestly wondered why he didn’t do it more often.
On the other hand, I didn’t really know anything about him other than that he was a tough taskmaster during class.
Maybe he did chuckle often. Maybe he even laughed. Who knows?
“This has nothing to do with your father, and if it’s any consolation, I didn’t even know you’d gotten in until after you were already put into my class.
I don’t think he got you in, and he certainly hasn’t gotten you this far.
You’re the one in training and you’re the one who’s been out here every night, working on this wall.
Not him. None of this has anything to do with him. ”
“See, I know that, but I wasn’t sure if anyone else did,” I said honestly, not quite knowing why it was so easy to talk to him openly about things I hadn’t even discussed with Hanna.
It just was, though. Honesty came naturally with him, not only tonight, but in every conversation we’d had so far. It was possible that it was like this because he was so blunt. He said things exactly as he saw them and that helped me do the same thing.
“Well, I’m happy to clear it up for you.
You’re not here because of him, not directly anyway.
I’m not sure if you would’ve been interested in this career choice if it hadn’t been for him, but that’s a whole different conversation.
Maybe, indirectly, you are here because of him, but whether you make it or not is entirely up to you. ”
“Alright,” I said, turning my attention back to the wall. “Are we going to do this?”
“I have one last question before we do,” he said, looking at me with intent curiosity in those eyes when I looked back at him.
“If you’d asked your dad to help you with this, he would’ve been able to give you a few pointers and you’d almost certainly have made it over the wall by now.
Which is why I’m thinking you haven’t asked him about it. Why not?”
“Like you said, I’m my own person. I could’ve asked him for help, but I want to do this by myself.
When the other cadets find out that I’m related to the man who redesigned the training program and headed it up for over two decades, they’re going to question whether I belong here.
I want to be able to assure them that I’ve done it all by myself, without any special treatment, and that I do, in fact, deserve my place here. ”
“You do deserve your place here,” he said, his voice so soft and gentle that it was almost difficult to believe I was speaking to Master Chief Santiago Cortez.
But then he ruined it by smirking and pointing at the wall. “Okay, cadet. Let’s see what you’ve got. Show me one last time how you’ve been approaching this, then we’ll take it from there.”
I nodded, quickly making the mental shift from deep conversation to training mode. Doing it came as easily with him as honesty, which was weird, but true. With him, I just felt safe. He’d pulled me out of that pool today, and somehow, that had only cemented the fact that I trusted him.
It was that trust that allowed me to forget all about how I would look while I was failing at this and to fling myself at the wall without worrying what he was going to think about me.
Once again, I took a running start, sprinting at the wall before launching myself into the air at the exact place that I knew would at least let me get my fingertips at the top, but once again, that was as far as I came.
The fingers of one hand managed to find purchase, but I slipped before I could get my other hand on the wall and I definitely wasn’t strong enough to pull myself up by only the fingertips of one hand. As I slid down to the ground, I groaned and shook my head.
“Are you sure I’m strong enough?” I asked. “I feel like I need to build some muscle before this is going to be even remotely possible.”
“No, it’s not that,” he said in a low murmur behind me, suddenly much closer than I’d thought he was.
As I spun around, he was right there, like not even a foot away.
My gaze snagged on his, and for just a moment, we simply stared into each other’s eyes.
Something passed between us in that one quiet moment in the dark, but before I could put my finger on what it was, he stepped past me and inclined his head at the wall.
“Okay, do it again. This time, when you grab it, I’m going to help you up, okay? ”
I nodded, blinking rapidly to shake the cobwebs caused by that moment out of my head before I moved back to my starting position. When I hit the wall again, I grabbed the top and then he was there, his hands on my legs and I froze.
This was the first time he was touching me like this, and it was like I could feel his strength pouring into me.
His grip was firm and strong, his arms powerful as he lifted me up like I weighed nothing at all.
With him below me once I regained control of my body, it was almost too easy to swing my other arm up, get a good grip on the wall, and pull myself up.
In the process, however, I realized that he was right. My arms were strong enough, but it wasn’t just them I should’ve been using in my attempts. Even with him there, I needed my legs, feet, and stomach, too.
A surprised gasp tore out of me when the realization dawned, and he chuckled. “You just got it, didn’t you?”
“I think so,” I said as I heaved myself all the way until I was sitting on top of the wall, one leg dangling down on either side of it.
“I thought it was all about my arms, but it’s not.
I’ve seen the others using their feet, but since mine have never been able to find purchase, I’ve stopped trying to use them myself. ”
“Exactly,” he said. “The technique that will get you over this thing lies in using your whole body. You really are strong enough, but brute strength isn’t what this is about.”
“Can we try it again?” I asked excitedly and he let out a soft groan, but then he nodded.
“Sure. Let’s do it one more time.”
“Only one?” I dropped down beside him, landing on my feet before flashing him the sweetest smile I could muster. “How about two?”
He swiped a hand across his face, his jaw tight for some reason as he nodded. “Fine, two more times, but then you’re going to bed.”
I had no idea what his sudden reluctance was all about, but I didn’t care. I was too exhilarated about finally getting somewhere. In the end, I didn’t make it over the wall by myself that night, but he’d shown me how I was eventually going to get there, and that was everything to me.
It was exactly the motivation I’d needed, and I was thrilled about it. My mood took a definite nosedive when I arrived back at my bunk to see all of Hanna’s stuff gone, though.
Knowing that she’d quit and actually seeing the empty spaces where her things had been were two very different things, and I was struck by the feeling that I’d lost my only friend. But as I crawled into my bed, I knew I had to keep moving forward.
During training, it was every man and woman for themselves, and while it sucked that she was gone, I had to remember that I was still here.
I was here, and I was ready to take this thing by the horns.
This was my dream, not hers, and as sad as I was to have lost her, I was closer than I’d ever been to making my dreams come true.
That was what I had to focus on. That was what would get me through. And that was what I was thinking about as I finally closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.