Chapter 26
LAYLA
The things he left unsaid hung in the air between us, and I opened the passenger door in an attempt to diffuse the tension by drawing his attention back to what we were actually doing here. “Are we fishing or are we going to just sit here and look at the water?”
“We’re going fishing.” Without hesitation, he turned to open his own door and then we got busy putting together our rods.
As he watched me assemble and ready my own, I got the feeling that he had questions he didn’t want to ask, and since I was pretty sure I knew what those questions were, I smiled and answered them.
“Yes, I have done a lot of fishing. My dad used to take me when he had time, which wasn’t often enough for me, so eventually, I just learned what I had to and went out by myself. It’s not that hard, but it is that fun. It was worth messing it up a few times to be able to go whenever I wanted to.”
He grinned, running a hand over the top of his crew cut and shaking his head.
“The more I learn about you, the more I want to ask where you’ve been all my life, but I already know where you’ve been.
At school. Cheerleading practice, maybe?
All the while, I was throwing myself out of helicopters and getting old. ”
“That’s cute, but I was never a cheerleader,” I said as he picked up the tackle box, and we walked to the shore. “Also, what are you talking about? You’re not old.”
He snorted, moving those incredible blue eyes to mine for a moment when we stopped to bait our hooks. “When I was twenty-four, I used to think people in their thirties were ancient. In case you missed it somehow, I’m in my thirties. To you, I’m definitely old.”
I scoffed. “No, you’re not. Older than me doesn’t make you old.”
As I bent over and worked on my bait, I felt him still staring at me. Looking up, I arched an eyebrow at him when I found him studying me with a puzzled look on his face. “What?”
“Nothing.” He shrugged, hiding a smile as he shook his head again.
“I just don’t really understand how the age gap doesn’t seem to bother you.
I mean, why are you fooling around with me instead of one of the cadets?
There are some pretty good-looking guys in your class. If this is just because you’re horn—”
“Yeah, I’m cutting you off right there. This isn’t about that. I’m not with any of them because they’re not you. I didn’t go into the program looking to start something. With you, it just kind of happened.”
“Sure, but why me? Again, there’s a pretty big age gap between us. It also would’ve been a lot easier for you to go with one of the cadets instead.”
“Are you fishing for compliments, or are you being serious right now?”
He chuckled. “I’m fishing alright, but it’s not for compliments.”
As he said it, he cast his line and then slowly tugged on the reel before he glanced back at me. “Are you being serious? My age has never bothered you?”
“To be honest, I’ve never even really thought about it,” I said. “It’s never crossed my mind. How old are you, anyway?”
“Thirty-two.”
I laughed. “That’s an eight-year gap. It’s not so bad at all.”
“Uh, yes. It definitely is,” he argued, but there was still amusement dancing in his eyes. “The fact that you don’t realize it worries me a little. What if we wake up one morning and you see a gray hair on my head?”
“Then you’ll be a silver fox and I’ll be even more into you,” I teased. “Does it really bother you that much that I’m younger than you?”
He raised his eyebrows at me. “Does it look like it bothers me that much? We woke up naked together just a few hours ago, and before the sun sets, we’ll be naked together again. I think I’ve proven that it doesn’t exactly turn me off.”
I chuckled, feeling warmth creeping into my heart as well as onto my skin. “Does that mean you like me?”
He snorted as he turned back to the lake. “I think we’ve established that.”
“Nah, not really,” I said as I cast my own line. “We’ve established you like sleeping with me, but you’ve also almost killed me a few times. Especially way back at the beginning and then again on Monday. Seriously, you’ve been brutal.”
“Just doing my job. You wouldn’t be feeling like you’re getting stronger every day if I didn’t put you through your paces.”
“True, but you were such a dick at first. I think we all had dreams about torturing you at least once.”
He laughed. “I wouldn’t have been doing my job right if you didn’t. It’s not fun to see all the cadets glaring at me like they’re wishing I’ll drop dead on the spot, but it also kind of is.”
“You’re twisted,” I joked. “Since you’re also not really such a massive dick, though, I imagine it can be a bit hurtful at times to see people look at you that way. Only once you’re done enjoying it, that is.”
“I’ll admit that I’ve been enjoying this session a little more than I have the others. My view has definitely been better this time around. Especially while we’ve been running or you’ve been doing sit-ups, or while you’ve been crawling through the sand for that matter.”
“Wait, you’ve been checking me out while making us feel like you want us to faint?”
He shrugged, but the laughter twinkling in his eyes made me reach for his ribs.
Neatly dodging my hand, he winked when he looked at me again.
“Don’t even try to tell me you haven’t done the exact same thing.
I feel your eyes on me all the time, Perkins.
I know I’m not the only one who’s been enjoying the view. ”
“Yeah, okay. You caught me,” I admitted. “On that note, could we have more exercises at the training pool when we get back? I really enjoy those.”
“You and me both,” he muttered. “On the other hand, maybe I should scrap those exercises altogether. Avoid the temptation, you know?”
“As it happens, I prefer to think about it as anticipation.”
He laughed. “You really do seem to like anticipation. I’ll keep that in mind. Until I get so old that I start forgetting things, that is.”
“What is it with you and our ages?” I teased. “Are you really that hung up on yours?”
“Not usually, but being with you has made it come up a lot more often in my mind. How can it not? I’m constantly reminded of how long it’s been since I was where you are now, and of everything I’ve done in the meantime. We’re in two completely different phases of our lives.”
“What, does that mean you don’t want to meet my father and tell him we’re going steady?
” I was only joking, but the horrified look he shot me in return made me laugh.
“Just kidding, Master Chief. Jeez. The last thing I want is for you to meet my father as my boyfriend. He’ll have both of our asses. ”
“Especially mine,” Santiago said dryly. “I know your dad and I know he’s expecting me to teach you well, but I doubt he’s been expecting me to teach you that you liked being spanked or any of that other stuff.”
Once again, my cheeks burst into flame. “Is it really that easy for you to talk about spanking me? You don’t even look a little bit embarrassed.”
“Why should I be?” He glanced at me again, looking genuinely confused as he motioned around us. “It’s just you and me here, Layla. I figure we can talk about it.”
“Yeah, but…” My teeth sank into the back of my lower lip. “How are you confident all the time about absolutely frigging everything? It’s unnatural.”
He laughed. “I’m not confident about everything.
Meeting your father as your boyfriend, for example, I would definitely not be confident about.
Mostly because I know he’d kill me, and I’m not exaggerating.
I’m pretty sure my body would wash out of the ocean a couple weeks after we told him what was happening between us. ”
I sighed. “You’re probably not wrong, but he’s just protective of me. It’s only really been me and him for a long time, so you can’t blame him for being on the overprotective side.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. “What about your mom?”
“Oh, uh, Angela isn’t my mom. I mean, she raised me, but my mom died when I was young. The current Mrs. Perkins has done her best and I love her, but she’s still not my mom.”
Santiago’s jaw worked. “Shit, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, my dad doesn’t like talking about it too much.
Neither do I, really. It makes me feel too vulnerable.
Plus, it doesn’t feel like it’s fair to Angela.
She’s been a good mom to me and I know she really does care, but at the same time, it also feels like we’re betraying my mother when we refer to her as my mom. ”
Something in my stomach fluttered and my chest suddenly felt hollow.
When I said I didn’t like talking about this, I meant it.
My emotions were all over the place about this particular subject.
I was surprised I’d even told him the truth.
Usually, I would’ve just gone with the assumption that Angela was my mother and that would’ve been that.
Talking about it to Santiago felt different, though. My emotions were still all over the place, but I somehow felt safe expressing them to him anyway. Like some part of me deep down inside knew he’d understand and not judge me for still feeling so confused about it all even after so many years.
“My biological father died when I was eleven,” he said quietly before blowing out a heavy breath. “I remember him so well, but my mother’s new husband seems to think that if he just keeps saying he’s my dad, it’ll somehow turn him into it.”
Twisting to face him, my eyes widened. “Seriously? We have this terrible thing in common?”
He offered me a sad smile. “It seems so. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, though, does it? We can’t bring our parents back and we’ve got to live with our remaining parents’ choices. Frankly, it’s not that I mind my stepfather. He’s a decent guy and he’s good to my mom. He’s just not my dad.”
“I get that,” I said. “Angela is amazing. She really took me under her wing and she treats me like I’m her own. Can’t really ask for more than that, but it still makes me feel guilty.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I know, but we’re lucky we didn’t get horrible step-people, you know? Besides, the guilt won’t bring our own parents back, either. I think they’d be happy we’re still being treated well by their successors.”
“Successors?” I said, nearly choking on my laughter as I gaped at him. “I mean, I guess that’s what they are, but still.”
He shrugged, a grin of his own appearing on those full lips. “Yeah, I know, but it is what it is.”
“You’re very matter-of-fact, aren’t you?”
He nodded. “Sure am. I’m a realist to the bone. More so these days. There’s no point in being any different.”
“I guess, but that’s a little bit depressing.”
“It still is what it is,” he replied as he turned back to the water.
“While we’re on the subject, you do know that once we get back to the Station, this is all just going to be a memory, right?
Just this morning, I was thinking that maybe we could just see where it goes, but now that the glow has worn off and we’re talking about the reality, I’m realizing we can’t really do that. ”
“No, we can’t,” I agreed. “I still can’t think of anything I want to do right now but this, though. It’s fun to pretend while we can.”
It really was, but pretending was also dangerous. We had about twenty-four hours of this left, and after that, I’d have to go back to remembering that this hadn’t been real, and I had a feeling that was going to be more difficult than ever after this weekend.