TWENTY-TWO
V ane woke me by lifting me into his arms to vanish back to Ashbone Castle.
Except I hadn’t been sleeping. I was certain I’d never sleep again. Not in this realm with this king or any of his companions near me.
I feigned confusion and drowsiness and even curled into him—looped my arm around his neck. The scent I’d come to find comforting now made my stomach gurgle with sickness.
A game.
This was nothing but another challenge. I thrived within the bounds of uncertainty. I came alive under the scrutiny of those who anticipated my weakness. I found freedom while trapped.
So why did this feel so different? Almost… impossible.
As soon as Vane reached the open doors to his chambers, I wriggled, wanting to leave the arms I’d thought would provide safety. Wanting to whirl upon him and slam my fists into his face and scream obscenities at him.
Never had I lamented not being full-faerie and gifted with magic. Not carrying so much as a trace of noble faerie blood.
Not until now.
Instead of submitting to the beast within me howling for retribution, I mumbled something about needing to relieve myself and walked to the bathing room. I made sure to stumble, then laugh for good measure.
When the door closed, I breathed. I inhaled deep and exhaled slowly—let the burn rise to my eyes as I slid down the door to the tiles and covered my mouth.
I thought I’d been quiet enough.
I’d thought wrong. A gentle tapping on the door made me scramble forward.
“Mildred?” Vane called softly. “Are you well?”
I sniffed and did so loudly because I was at a loss for what else to do. There was no hiding my fear and heartbreak as he opened the door.
“I’m…” I coughed. “I’m fine.”
He was a darkness blocking the meager light from the bedchamber. His wings rustled as he stood in the doorway and stared down at me.
I didn’t look at him. Not until I could force a shaky smile and rasp, “I just needed another minute, I suppose. Sleep makes me forget, and then I wake up…”
I needn’t have said more.
Understanding, he took two of his large steps to crouch before me. Carefully, as if I were a tiny doll that might break, he swept his knuckles over my damp cheek. “It pains me to see your pain.”
I almost laughed. Mercifully, the sound that left me was more of a choked sob.
Vane groaned as if he’d spoken true, and it did pain him. “Come,” he said, holding out his hand. “Let’s get you to bed.”
I nodded and tried to rise. Tried to look at those eyes.
I wasn’t ready. So I pretended to be weak, although rage and sorrow threatened to make me leap to my feet and reach for a bar of soap to bludgeon his handsome face.
He did as predicted, collecting me into his arms with ease. But he didn’t release me. He sat upon his bed, leaned back against the headboard, and turned me into him until I had no choice but to look at him.
I couldn’t.
Instead, I tucked my face into his neck, where his scent was most overwhelming, and I let myself grieve. I let myself fall into sharp pieces in the arms of the monster who’d broken me.
And I let him believe I didn’t know.
I reinforced it by wrapping my arm around his shoulders and pressing a wet kiss against his thick neck. Perhaps I should have shuddered and felt repulsed. All I felt was a sadness so deep, it blistered my bones.
He’d almost had me. This king had nearly reshaped me into the remedy he needed.
“Goddess,” I whispered to his skin. “I’ve had too much wine.”
He smoothed his hand over my back, then toyed with strands of my hair. “I shouldn’t have forced you to come with me.” His voice lowered to a throaty rumble. “You needed more time.”
“No,” I said and found I meant it. “I have to start living with it.” Living with what you’ve done, I didn’t say.
Panic twisted my innards into a knot more painful than his betrayal. Somehow, some way, I had to escape this lair of hunters masquerading as trapped prey.
“But living with it’s just…” I sighed, rubbing my forehead into the crook of his neck.
“I know,” he murmured. He cupped the back of my head, turning his own to lay his lips on my cheek. “I will kill them for all they’ve done, Princess.” He kissed my wet skin. “I promise you.”
Indeed, promise dripped from those words.
Suddenly stifled, I pressed against his chest and pushed up. I swiped beneath my eyes, ready to roll from his body when his hand banded tight at my hip. I made the mistake of looking down. A mistake that filled my eyes anew.
I met his gaze.
And I felt my entire face crumple at the gentle concern in his blue eyes. How he could possibly care when he hadn’t cared enough to keep from breaking my heart…
“What do you need?”
“Nothing.” I swallowed thickly. “I just loathe them so much.”
His features hardened. He demanded an answer to the question he’d asked hours ago. “Tell me what Atakan did to you, Mildred.”
I didn’t want to tell him anything. These faeries already knew too much. But when I tried to climb from his lap, he stopped me. And that he would force me to talk about that right now only made my fury burn hotter.
“He played with me like I was an unwilling pet,” I said through gritted teeth. “One he didn’t want.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was all I wished to say.
Vane waited for more.
Fine.
I leaned back, feeling his erection beneath my ass and wondering if my anguish aroused him or if it was simply a result of our touching bodies.
Feigning insecurity, I tucked a tear-dampened lock of hair behind my ear and stared at my hands on his hard chest. “I hate him, but I think I hate myself more because some part of me…” I made my breath hitch and closed my eyes. “Some part of me wanted him. Despite his cruel nature, I…” I opened my eyes but kept them away from his to appear shamed. “I couldn’t help it.”
Vane seemed to absorb that for crackling seconds. Absorb me.
He ran his finger over mine on his chest. “The thrill of surviving against all odds gives an addictive high.”
Survival hadn’t been the reason I’d wanted to kiss the prince nor take his cock inside my body. Still, I portrayed being grateful for his attempt to comfort me and smiled.
It fell as my eyes lifted to his. “I can’t go back.” I looked at his mouth and whispered pleadingly, “Please don’t make me go back.”
“I told you…” Vane tugged me over him until my hands reached his shoulders. One slipped on his tunic, nearly touching his wing. “You have my protection.”
I wasn’t sure why I believed him. I certainly didn’t want to. “Protection isn’t what I’m asking for out of this.”
“You have it regardless.”
He pushed my face toward his. His gaze hooded upon my mouth. Unable to think of a way to avoid it, I closed my eyes so tight as he kissed me so softly.
My heart bleated in my ears. My stomach churned. Yet my body melted over his as if forgetting what had been discovered.
When his lips parted, I retreated before he could take it farther than I thought I could go. “My stomach feels a little…” I failed to find the right word for too many things. “Off,” I settled on.
“Then let me help you feel better,” he said, gruff against my mouth.
He reclaimed it, and I moaned in protest as he immediately separated my lips with his tongue. He mistook it for a moan of pleasure, rolling until I was splayed beneath him.
He might have been a murderer, but he sure knew how to make me forget that important fact. His hand swept down my side, gathering my skirts. Slowly, as he lavished my mouth in gentle adoration, he lifted the material over my legs, fingers grazing my skin.
“You’re so soft,” he whispered, mouth slipping over my chin to my neck. It tilted, giving him better access. “I need to know if you feel like silk everywhere, Princess.”
My eyes fell upon the carvings of pytherions in the headboard and widened as those calloused and calculated fingers crawled over my thigh. Only one male had touched me so intimately, and although Atakan was anything but caring, I’d still wanted it.
I wasn’t certain I could say the same now.
But my legs couldn’t close. Not with Vane’s bulk between them.
Not when one caress of his fingers over my core caused my eyes to shut. Bile climbed my throat, even as heat gathered low in my quaking stomach.
Does that feel good, dread?
My eyes flashed open. His crooning voice was another evil. One I feared would never cease tormenting.
Or does it only feel good when you think of me?
Maybe it had finally happened—I truly had been broken. For I thought defiantly, I’m not thinking of you.
A sinister laugh sounded so real. So close, as if Atakan were tucked within the stalking shadows of the room. I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.
I gasped too loudly. Vane reared back and tilted my chin, his gaze searching. “Did I hurt you?”
So fucking much , I thought but didn’t say. I closed my eyes and laid my arm over them. “I really do think I’ve had too much wine. I’m rather dizzy.”
And hearing things.
And doing things I didn’t wholly want to do.
I expected he’d try to sway me, but a moment later, I felt my skirts lower over my legs, and then the embrace of cool night air in his absence. “Get some rest, Princess.” His boots thudded one by one against the stone.
I peeked beneath my arm as he settled on the bed, fully clothed.
“Will I upset your stomach more by holding you?”
Yes, I wanted to scream. Of course you will.
But I rolled over to keep from looking at him and said, “I want you to, anyway.”