Chapter 10 #2
Emerson’s stomach sank.
“I am so sorry,” he forced out, but the words were barely audible. Maybe they sounded normal to everyone else; maybe he just couldn’t hear them over the ringing in his ears.
“We’ll get a cat!” Luca said, voice cheery in a way Emerson hadn’t quite heard before. Like he was desperately trying to cover for Emerson’s lack of hospitality. “Every barn needs a cat, right?”
“Yeah.” Ben straightened, attempted to throw a smile Luca’s way, but Emerson could see his facial expressions had turned shaky again. “Wedding cat. Wedding cow, wedding cat.”
Luca lifted his arms. “Bada bing, bada boom.”
Ben’s smile was just starting to turn stable when his jaw dropped, eyes blinking wide.
The scream he emitted was higher pitched than Julie’s.
They all jumped back, almost in unison, as the second mouse skittered across the floor between them.
God, Emerson hoped it was only a mouse.
“Jesus Mary and Joseph.” Julie clutched Ben’s arm. After a beat, the mouse out of sight, the surprise starting to settle, she smirked at him. “And that one didn’t even touch you.”
Ben laid a hand across his heart, shaking his head. “Sorry. Sorry.”
“Please.” Emerson’s voice was louder now, but just as strained. “Don’t apologize. I am sorry. I promise.” He waved a general hand at the space around them. The sun had truly set now, the air suddenly chilled. “This will all be different by your wedding day.”
Ben glanced at Emerson. Gave a nod. Looked back at the floor. Julie’s hand slid from his biceps toward his wrist; he intertwined their fingers when they met, gave them a squeeze.
“Time for us to head out, I think. Get back to Mae and Dell’s.” Julie gave Emerson and Luca a brief smile, stepping in for Ben. Her regular coloring had returned to her cheeks. “I’m still pretty wiped from the plane ride.”
“Of course.” Luca stepped back, motioned with an arm for Julie and Ben to leave the barn first. They held hands the whole way. “You said you’re staying with Dell McCleary?”
“Yeah,” Julie said as they exited. “Mae’s a good friend of Ben’s. Do you know them?”
Emerson brought up the rear, barely hearing the rest of the conversation, panic thudding in his veins.
Ben was going to cancel.
It was too close to the wedding to book somewhere else, at least somewhere nice, but Ben and Lex were resourceful people.
Probably had friends everywhere. They’d figure something out.
Find a different wildflower field to get married in, closer to Portland.
Whatever they did, it would be better than attempting to have a reception here, in this barely standing barn.
Better than subjecting all their loved ones to a vermin-filled structural hazard.
God. Emerson had wasted an entire week with his head stuck in wildflowers in the pursuit of avoiding a beautiful man.
How short-sighted he had been. He could’ve ignored that beautiful man just as well inside the old barn. Fixing the warped floorboards, sealing up all the gaps and holes in the walls.
Would he be able to pay his mortgage, come winter?
Would he ever be able to repair the greenhouses? Offer Jansel a raise?
Would he be able to keep Jansel on at all?
He could sell the goats, maybe. He could sell Sally. She was past her milking prime; he’d been losing money on her since they bought her. Except he knew he didn’t keep her fat enough to make her worthwhile to any butcher, and the idea of taking her away from Daisy before he absolutely had to—
Suddenly, they had reached the house, their cars sitting in the gravel, the light dying all around them. Emerson could barely remember getting there.
“Ben.” He stepped toward him, voice gruff. “I know. I know it all still needs a lot of work. But I promise—”
“Hey.” Ben forced a smile, patted Emerson on the shoulder. More kindness than Emerson deserved. “I know, man. I trust you. And even if—”
Ben glanced around before returning his gaze to Emerson’s.
“Even if it’s not picture perfect. No wedding is. And this farm is where Lex wants to get married.” The warmth that entered Ben’s eyes then, the way his mouth curved—that was real. This was the Ben Emerson knew. “So this is where we’re going to get married.”
And this made Emerson ache, too. Ben’s certainty. That his and Alexei’s love was strong enough to make anything golden. To weather any storm.
Emerson could only give a solemn nod.
He stepped back. Watched Julie and Ben get into their car. Gave a wave alongside Luca as they backed out of the drive and down the lane, through the trees that would spit them back toward Greyfin Bay, back toward the ocean.
He and Luca stood there in silence for a moment, after the sound of the car had faded.
“Hey. Emerson—” Luca started, but Emerson cut him off. He was already moving, hands stuck in his pockets.
“Thanks for everything tonight, Luca.” He spoke over his shoulder, his path intent. Glass of water, a couple ibuprofen, and his bed. “You were wonderful. Please, do something fun tomorrow, a real day off, outside this godforsaken farm.”
Except even as the door slammed behind him, the words rested sour in his stomach, a lie.
He was fucked, but he didn’t hate this farm at all.
He loved it so much he’d given up his marriage for it.
Even if Ben and Alexei’s love was somehow stronger, Emerson couldn’t quite bring himself to believe Ben’s optimism. As he’d learned these last few years, sometimes love wasn’t enough.
Even if Emerson had given this land all the love he had, he knew the truth.
He was going to lose it anyway.