Chapter 13
thirteen
Later that night, Emerson leaned against the doorframe that separated his kitchen from the living room.
A baseball game was on the TV. San Francisco Giants versus the Toronto Blue Jays.
Luca Yaeger sat on Emerson’s couch.
It was the first time Emerson had seen him there alone.
While they’d shared dinner each night the week prior, Emerson was involved with Daisy’s nighttime routine pretty much as soon as the dishes were cleaned.
By the time he’d returned to the living room each night, Luca had already retreated downstairs to the guest room.
But Daisy wasn’t here this week.
Emerson had heard the game playing when he’d finally entered the kitchen through the sliding glass door a half hour before.
He’d lost track of time earlier in the old barn after Leah had left.
He’d needed to go into town for some supplies and groceries after, and by the time he’d gotten home, Jansel’s truck was gone and Emerson was behind on taking care of the animals.
He wasn’t sure what Luca had made himself for dinner, but when Emerson had walked over to the sink to wash his hands after saying goodnight to Sally, a new plate was sitting clean in the drying rack.
Emerson had cobbled together a quick dinner for himself, listening to the baseball game in the other room. All the while aware that Luca was on the other side of the wall.
He had no more excuses. Emerson needed to face him. And he finally, maybe, felt ready.
He lingered at the doorframe anyway, staring at the back of Luca’s neck.
“You can sit down, you know,” Luca eventually said without turning his head. “I don’t bite.” And then, with a hint of a tease in his voice: “Unless you want me to.”
Emerson’s whole body flushed.
Luca sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Sorry,” Emerson barely heard him mumble. “Fuck.”
Emerson walked into the room.
There was a recliner closer to the window, where Daisy most liked to sit. It would be safest there, probably, but Emerson was trying to be brave. He sat on the opposite end of the couch. He would survive the few feet that separated him from Luca Yaeger’s sweatpants.
“I take it you’re a Giants fan?”
Luca shrugged in the periphery of his vision.
“Yeah, well. As established when I was telling you about my spreadsheets yesterday. I enjoy spending too much time with things that hurt me.”
A grin tugged at Emerson’s mouth. Luca was talking to him. This was good.
“How was the day?” he asked next.
“We got a lot harvested,” Luca answered. “Put it all into storage. Jansel left you some notes on the board.”
Emerson rubbed his right knee.
“Your mom stopped by earlier today.”
This made Luca turn his head.
“My mom?”
Emerson nodded. “She brought some stuff to help out with the old barn.”
A brief pause, then Luca returned his gaze to the TV with a rueful shake of his head.
“Leah fucking Yaeger,” he muttered to himself, with affection. “Of course she did.”
“She was helpful,” Emerson said. “Thank you. For asking for her help. Previous to that night I met you at the brewery, I…haven’t always been good at that.” His fingertips dug into his jeans a bit harder. “Asking for help.”
A Blue Jays hitter cracked a home run. Luca groaned, his head dropping to the back of the couch. Emerson attempted to ignore the sound. And the exposed column of Luca’s throat.
“She’s really nice,” he added. “Your mom.”
“Yeah.” Luca raised his head. “She’s the best.”
They watched an entire new inning in silence.
But it was an okay silence. Maybe. Emerson couldn’t remember the last time he’d watched a baseball game.
Something about the slow rhythm of it was lulling him into some kind of peaceful liminal space.
Maybe they could just watch the baseball game together and go to sleep and everything would be back to normal in the morning.
Luca hadn’t mentioned it; Emerson hadn’t mentioned it. They could move on.
Except—
Emerson had fucked up. Luca was saving his ass with his extra help on the farm. He deserved a boss who was responsible enough to at least apologize.
“Luca,” he started. “About yesterday.”
Emerson straightened from his relaxed position on the couch. Rested his elbows on his knees, hands clasped between them.
“I’m sorry. I got carried away, obviously, in a situation I never should have started in the first place. And the way I left—”
“Emerson,” Luca interrupted his apology. “Can we not?”
Emerson frowned. “I kind of feel like we have to. It was entirely inappropriate. I’ve—” He shook his head at himself.
“I’ve never done that kind of thing before, and I promise to never do it again.
I really appreciate what you’re doing for me by helping out with the farm, and I… want you to feel safe here.”
A long moment stretched. It wasn’t comfortable anymore; every call and observation made by the commentators on TV grated against Emerson’s brain.
He thought he’d done an okay job, apology wise, but maybe Luca was still upset.
Maybe he’d just need some time to get over it, to look at Emerson the same again.
Finally, Luca sighed.
“Here’s the thing.” From Emerson’s periphery, he saw Luca look away from him to stare out the window.
“I know I should just let this go, but I’m having a hard time—” He wrapped his fingers around his mouth before dropping his arm back to the couch.
“I know you want to forget it. I know I should be able to forget it, because I really want to keep this job. Except—you kissed me like you meant it, Emerson.”
Emerson took an unsteady breath, his heartbeat off-kilter in his chest.
Lie, his brain told him.
His mouth did not listen at all.
“I mean. I did. Mean it. But—”
Any other words his mouth might have had in store cut off in his throat, his brain taking the reins once more.
He knew this wasn’t a typical employment situation; Luca wasn’t collecting a paycheck from him.
But he was still under Emerson’s care. The power dynamics still didn’t feel right.
Emerson was Daisy’s dad, the owner of this farm.
He needed to give every day as much focus as he possibly could in order to give this place a chance of survival.
He needed to shut this down now. But he sensed Luca had more to say. And the animal part of himself, the part of his bloodstream that was still, somehow, running hot twenty-four hours after that kiss, wanted to hear it.
Luca’s fingertips tapped the arm of the couch.
“I’m going to offer an observation,” he said. Emerson tensed.
“Okay.”
“I don’t think this farm is as much of a mess as you think it is.”
Emerson frowned. That wasn’t—
“Yes, the old barn is a problem, in terms of the wedding. I’m glad my mom is helping out. She likes the opportunity to fix things, and she’ll do a good job. I know the rest of it is a lot of work. My body can attest to that now. But mostly—mostly, Emerson, I think you’re kicking ass here.”
This song and dance again. Luca wouldn’t fucking give it up. But he hadn’t actually seen Emerson’s spreadsheets. He’d barely been here a week. He had no idea what he was talking about.
“What I think you actually need help with, and I say this with respect,” Luca continued, the words coming more slowly, “is chilling the hell out.”
Emerson went still.
“What?”
Luca sat up. Shuffled until he was facing Emerson, one knee bent on the couch between them.
“You need help relaxing. You’re bearing too much on your own here, running this whole place by yourself, being a dad to Daisy at the same time that you’re working twelve hour days.
I think the stress of the wedding has just pushed you past your mental breaking point.
Like, even though I know you can handle it, that the wedding will go fine, that the farm is a piece of art, your brain isn’t letting you see that. ”
Emerson still couldn’t look at him. He stared straight ahead at the TV, not comprehending what was happening in the game at all.
“And?” he eventually asked.
“And,” Luca replied, “I have a proposition.”
When the silence stretched, Emerson finally turned his head, apprehension raising every hair on his body.
“A proposition.”
Luca swallowed, a hint of nerves entering his face.
“Yeah. That I could…help you with that.”
“With?”
“Relaxing.”
Emerson stared at him, waiting for him to explain more. Luca gestured between them. “I could help you,” he said again. “Relax.”
This time, Luca’s eyes traveled down Emerson’s body, sliding from his eyes to his mouth to his lap.
Emerson’s face flushed, fast and hot, when he took in Luca’s meaning.
“I—”
“No strings attached, obviously,” Luca cut him off.
Which was fine, being that Emerson had no clue what he had actually been about to say.
“I understand that you might still have—that it’s complicated, with your ex.
I’m only proposing some physical release now and then.
Some fun, you know?” A pause. “Kinda seems like you don’t let yourself have enough fun.
But I saw what it could look like, yesterday. If you did.”
Emerson couldn’t breathe. Every bit of oxygen in his body was caught and tangled in the middle of his throat.
But somehow, he managed to swallow and get out, “I’ve never…
had sex as a just-for-fun thing before. Even though—” Even though he knew a lot of the world did.
Even though it wasn’t an idea he was philosophically opposed to.
He realized he was trying to tell Luca that he’d only ever been with one person, and he felt quite positive that Luca…
had been with more. But why would Luca even need to know this?
What the hell was Emerson even thinking right now?
“Well.” Luca shrugged when Emerson never finished his thought, a half smirk quirking his lips. “Maybe it’s time to try out something new.”
But the smirk disappeared nearly as soon as it had appeared.
“Or, we can pretend this discussion never happened. Or you can fire me now. Or whatever.”