Chapter 26 #3
“He’s also the other dad of Emerson’s kid,” Luca said. “Who…I also love. So…we’ll be in each other’s orbit a lot. If I do this, if I go all in.”
“And considering you want to sell this place, I’d say you’re all in.”
“Yeah. I really am.”
And as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Luca felt them in his bones.
God, he was. He was so in. He felt suddenly antsy, like the two remaining percentage points of his doubts had just evaporated into thin air.
He was ready to tell Emerson, about all of it; ready to make his peace with this place; ready to go find cardboard boxes.
“In that case…” Dell finally turned, looking back out at the ocean too. “I think your best option is to try to fall a little in love with Emerson’s ex, too.”
Luca laughed. Fucking queer people. But when Dell didn’t join in, he wondered if it was the right reaction.
When he looked over, though, Dell was smiling.
“I mean, maybe not actually, not unless you’d all be into that.
But what I mean is, don’t view him as your enemy, someone who’s taking something away from you.
If you all love the kid, maybe try to view things around that.
So it’s not just this other guy the person you love is still in love with.
It’s this guy who’s now part of your family.
Because if you’re moving in with this guy, Luca, and he has a kid—you’re all a family now. ”
“Yeah.” Uncle Luca had already settled in, a bit more each day.
He knew the phrasing still wasn’t right, but he was working through it, the idea of actually being a parental figure to Daisy.
And Dell’s framing of the whole situation made sense to Luca.
He was used to being part of big families.
Finding his own quiet spot within them. He could do this, too. “You’re right. Thank you, Dell.”
“If I actually helped at all, then thank you. It’s nice to feel important.”
Luca laughed again.
“Please, Dell, you know you’re important. This town loves you.”
From the corner of his eye, Luca was surprised to see Dell look startled.
“It does?”
“Yeah, Dell.”
Dell settled back into his chair, contemplating this.
“It loves Mae, too,” Luca said, in a low, grumbly voice that he’d hoped would make Dell smile.
It did.
“The best of the town does,” Dell said after a moment. “And that’s the only part that matters.”
“Yeah,” Luca agreed. He’d certainly only survived in Greyfin Bay this long knowing that.
A small, comfortable stretch of silence passed, wherein plans started forming in Luca’s head.
What he would keep, what he would give away.
How he’d tell Emerson. He knew Emerson wouldn’t like it, but he’d have to deal with it anyway.
How nice it felt, sitting here with Dell.
How grateful he was for every single thing in his life right then, even if that literary agent never got back to him. Even if none of them ever did again.
“All right,” Dell said after a while, picking up his empty beer can. “I don’t drink that much at all anymore, now that I don’t come here to see you, and this single beer is making me really want to kiss you, so I better go.”
Luca blushed as he laughed a little, flattered.
“Yeah,” he let himself admit. “Same.”
And maybe a tiny bit of himself felt guilty about that admittance, like it was cheating on Emerson or something.
But what Dell had said still hung around his brain: The expectations society pushes on us go a lot deeper than we realize.
He knew now that he was a monogamous motherfucker, overall, from the gut reactions he’d had when Dell had first suggested a flexible situationship over a year ago, to the little kick of discomfort his stomach gave twenty minutes ago at the twinkle of rekindled curiosity in Dell’s eye when he’d brought that conversation up.
But considering Luca had never let himself have a serious relationship before, maybe he could let himself think seriously now about what societal expectations had pushed themselves into his head.
Maybe he only ever wanted to actually sleep with Emerson now, but maybe it was okay that he still wanted to kiss Dell McCleary every time he saw him.
Maybe he could let himself fall a little bit in love with Jayden, too.
He’d been there for Emerson when he’d really needed it, when they were both young and had needed each other.
Jayden had been there to make sure Emerson made it to here, to now.
To Luca. He was Daisy’s dad. He had helped build the farm, shaped its bones alongside Emerson before Luca showed up.
Maybe they already were firmly entwined. They just had to talk about it.
Luca just had to show up about it.
“I’ll get my inspector out here this week,” Dell repeated as they made their way back inside and toward the front door.
“But my accounts are in pretty good order at the moment, so I could probably get it off your hands relatively soon, once we get the title paperwork and all that done. But if you need more time, that’s fine, too. It’s all your call.”
Luca swallowed, leaning against the doorframe as Dell stood just outside, keys to his truck in his hand.
“Thanks. I think the faster the better, probably, but I don’t want you to rush on anything either. No stress.”
Dell nodded. “No stress sounds good to me.”
“You good to drive?” Luca asked, thinking about Dell’s comment about his beer. Dell smiled.
“Yeah, I’m good. The beer affected me enough to think about doing stupid things, not enough to actually do them.”
Luca shrugged a shoulder. “Kissing you was never stupid. But yeah. Please get home safe.”
“You too, Luca.” And with an affectionate nod, Dell got into his truck. Luca watched him drive all the way away, his words sinking in. You too.
Because this wasn’t his home anymore. Or maybe it was. He knew he’d been splitting what home meant to him for months now—both the cabin and the farm—and maybe he didn’t have to stop. Maybe he could still keep the cabin in his heart, even if he didn’t own the deed anymore.
Maybe it was possible for a person to be in love with multiple people at once.
And maybe it was possible for a person to collect as many homes as they wanted.
Luca rinsed the beer cans, put them out with the recycling. And then he returned to the deck, for just a few minutes more.
This is what he would miss, he realized.
The cabin had been good to him. Steady, solid walls that kept him safe and comfortable, that let him grow into himself.
He had written so many words inside these walls.
Had had a lot of good sex. Had recovered from so many fishing trips, his body always most relaxed here.
Until he’d started falling asleep next to Emerson.
But this view of the Pacific.
If he gave up this place, that was what scared him most to lose.
The sea had always been there in his periphery, from his childhood home to the boats to here.
It was maybe silly, he knew, to feel sentimental about it; the ocean would still be here.
Short King Farms was still in Greyfin Bay, even if it was farther from the shoreline than he’d ever lived.
But he’d been thinking. Maybe his family would think it was dumb, but he was going to ask his dad if he could be added back to the boats’ group chat.
Even if Luca never responded to anything, even if he ended up not understanding half of it since he wasn’t there.
It would be nice, getting to hear about it all anyway.
And as he looked out at the view that had helped raise him, he knew he wasn’t in true danger of forgetting about the ocean.
Even if he ended up getting too wrapped up in all the duties on the farm he wanted to take on, even if he and Emerson worked too hard to remember to take a walk on the beach sometimes.
They had Daisy to remind them.