32. Romy
32
romy
I was already upset about Hazel’s suicide attempt and the delayed hearing, but then Jude had to insist I wait and decide whether or not I wanted to testify after I’d told him I wouldn’t. Not respecting my boundaries, just like Hazel with Frank. It triggered me, and I couldn’t slam that truck door hard enough.
I waited for him to chase after me, but when he didn’t, I decided to rage-clean. I ended up disinfecting every surface, trapping every dust bunny and conditioning every wood surface while I continued to spin in angry circles in my head about needing Jude to just respect my choice, and whether or not to tell him about Junior. I felt like this was such a clusterfuck! I just knew if I told Jude, he’d murder Junior. I wasn’t about to visit two people in jail!
Then when Jude didn’t come home, I decided to remain quiet—at least until after his fight. I couldn’t be what distracted him from this.
When he finally snuck into bed last night smelling like beer, I was pissed all over again. Did he seriously go drinking instead of facing me?
Coward.
Did he not consider such behavior would hurt my already fragile trust? Especially after what my ex did?
I was furious. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to push him out of the bed or climb him like a tree. And just like I rage-cleaned, I would have rage-fucked him.
Feigning sleep while I weighed my options, Jude started snoring, and I knew my window of opportunity had closed.
My phone read two forty-five in the morning. Fuck! So much for sleep.
I tiptoed around the room, blindly finding leggings and a sports bra before escaping to the bathroom to change.
Pulling on a pair of tennis shoes, I bypassed the truck in front of the double-wide and headed to the dirt road.
The early morning was still quiet, except for the chirps of crickets and the sleepy bellows of cattle. I shoved earbuds into my ears and found a power playlist, slipping my cell phone into the small, hidden pocket on my waistband to jog across the property to the big house.
It had been over a month since I exercised. The last time was in my apartment gym in California, and I needed this.
Rolling up the garage door, I hit the switch, casting fluorescent light across the equipment.
My lungs were already on fire from my run across the ranch. Shit. I was out of shape.
My muscles already warm, I hopped onto the rowing machine. I was going to row out my aggression with female rage music blaring, fueling me across this tumultuous sea, until I burned out. My shoulder protested at first, but I ignored the twinge. I was willing to power through it if it meant vanquishing Junior’s attack and threat from my thoughts and dousing my anger at Jude.
Lost in a Miranda Lambert tune and the tick of the time on the machine console, I didn’t notice someone approaching until his shadow cast over me. Looking up, Jude stood in the garage door wearing workout shorts and a hoodie, that damn hat on backward, and his lips pinched in worry. He pointed at his ear, gesturing I take out my earbud.
Slowing my movements to a stop, I set my feet down and released the handles to reach up and remove it.
“You going to tell me what’s going on?” Jude’s voice had a hard edge to it.
I kind of liked it. Not sure what that said about me. But I was still pissed, and I wasn’t about to tell him what was going on.
“Nope,” I said, starting to return my earbud to my ear.
“I’ve never once seen you in the gym, and now you’re rowing that thing like a fucking shield maiden. You’re angry—I get it—but you need to talk to me.”
I got up off the rower. “Vikings row. Shield maidens fight.”
“That’s beside the point.”
I scoffed. “You don’t get it.”
“Then help me understand.” He shuffled his hat around, his one tell that gave away his discomfort.
“There’s nothing to understand, Jude. I just need some space.”
I regretted my last words as soon as they left my mouth. Honestly, the last thing I wanted was space from him.
Jude’s face fell, his arms dropping to his side as if the wind was knocked from his sails.
But I couldn’t tell him. I just needed time to let my anger fizzle out. And then things could return to the way they were. Happy. Fun. Having the most earth-shattering orgasms. While we got through this bullshit.
“Okay,” he said. His nose pinched with a deep inhale that he held in his lungs before pushing air out his mouth.
His okay could have easily been I’m giving up on you the way it hit me in the gut.
My mouth went dry. I didn’t even think to bring a water bottle.
Not wanting to stay there a moment longer, I shoved my earbud back in, turning up the volume as loud as I could before walking the three miles back to the house.
Thank goodness Jude was busy all day helping Chuck load up tack, horses, and bulls for the rodeo because it kept me from seeing that look of resignation on his face. The ranch didn’t offer trail rides today since it was a holiday and the rodeo was taking precedence, which was unfortunate for me because I needed to keep myself busy.
Physically exhausted from not sleeping, the impromptu early morning workout, and emotionally drained on top of that, I did manage a nap before spending the afternoon on the computer searching for teaching jobs.
Staying on the ranch was not part of my plan, and I needed an income. I just had my California teaching license, so that’s where I was looking. There were very few positions open, but I was able to find two positions teaching humanities that I applied to. Both in different districts—one being in the toughest district in LA and another one in San Diego. If I ended up getting a call to interview, then I’d have to leave.
My cell phone buzzed on the desktop.
Jude
Hitching a ride with Uncle Chuck at 2. You coming with us?
That meant I had about forty-five minutes to get ready. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be sandwiched between Jude and Chuck while we drove into town.
Me
I’ll hit Sage up for a ride.
Sage had given me her number when she joined us for the bonfire.
Jude
Ok, see you there.
I gripped my phone in my hand, letting the edges dig into my palm. I was about two seconds away from throwing it across the office. Why was he being so fucking complacent? I wanted him to fight. Demand I come with him. Not lie down and take it.
With angry jabs of my fingers, I texted Sage.
Me
Can I ride with you to the rodeo?
Sage
Sure! I can be there by three.
Me
Perfect. See you then!
Taking a quick shower, I then blew out my hair and curled it into soft waves down my back. I hadn’t worn makeup in weeks, and it felt so good to layer mascara on my lashes, bronzer on my cheeks, and red lipstick on my lips.
Determined to wear something that made me feel hot as a temptress, I pulled out a denim minidress from the closet. The bodice was fitted and would show off my ample cleavage, and the skirt flared at the hips, hitting me just above midthigh. The straps were adjustable, allowing me to show off my back. I wrapped a hair tie around my wrist in case I got sweaty and wanted to give Jude more than a glimpse of my skin.
A honk beeped from outside, and I threw my purse over my shoulder and stepped into boots before meeting Sage.
“Look at you! Are we trying to make someone jealous tonight?” Sage called from where she stood at her open Jeep door.
She was dressed in Daisy Dukes and a tight, white tank. As always, her hair was piled on her head in a messy bun, and her lips were bright crimson, making her smile seem the brightest white. This time, she also had a red bandanna tied like a headband around her head. Oversize sunglasses shielded her eyes.
I laughed. “Something like that. Should I ask you the same thing? Or are we trying to grab the attention of a certain cowboy?”
Sage scoffed. “Christian thinks he has a chance, but he knows I don’t do cowboys.”
“No?”
“Been there, done that. It’s not worth the trouble. I’m just going to be a supportive sister and drink beer. It’s my patriotic duty every year.”
I briefly saluted her before piling into the passenger seat.