38. Jude
38
jude
W e were barely out of the police department before I was swinging Romy in my arms, laughing.
“My feisty girl! I loved that so much! Did you see Chase’s face? You just told him his dick was small! I forgot how much I enjoyed irritating him! And did I hear that right? You’re really staying?”
Romy was giggling, her breath hot in my ear as she held on to my neck.
“I’m staying, Jude.”
I set her down on her feet, crushing my mouth to hers. She pushed against my chest, causing me to pull back and look down at her.
“But we should probably talk.”
My stomach plummeted at that but .
“Come on, let’s go for a ride,” she said, leading me to the stables.
After dropping off the paperwork at the courthouse, she was quiet on the drive home, snuggling into my side on the bench seat. My heart was thrashing around like a caged bird. Doubt swirled around in my mind. She had just defended me in front of the dude I was jealous of all through high school. Then she drops that bomb on me? We should probably talk. Four words no one ever wants to hear.
She was staying. However, that but hung over me like a storm cloud. It was still hard to believe she could possibly want me. That’s where my toxic thoughts went. My brain was so programmed to think I would never be enough for someone to ever want me. I knew it wasn’t true, but I was still working on changing that narrative.
I could tell she was trying to ease my tension, rubbing her hand along my thigh and flitting soft smiles my way whenever I glanced away from the road.
When we turned into Thornbrush, she finally said, “Let’s change, then head to the stables.”
I thought she might want to pull out the box Hazel hid, but instead, she guided me toward Chip’s stall.
After saddling Chip and Winnie, I followed her through the open fields. We would have to bale again soon. The hay field was already long enough to brush grass tips beneath my stirrups. Nervous, I flipped the Thornbrush Ranch cap I was now wearing, even though the setting sun caused me to squint.
Romy sat tall in the saddle, her wavy, blonde hair flowing behind her. The sun glowed off her crown like a halo, washing her in gold. After several summer weeks working the ranch, her creamy skin was brown beneath her white, cropped tee. Peeks of her belly and thighs from those high-waisted, ripped jeans she always wore made me want to stop my horse and pull her down so I could touch every hidden inch of her. She was stunning. It was a wonder my lungs still functioned when I looked at her.
No matter where she was leading me, I knew I would follow. If it was to the ends of the earth, I would gladly trail behind her. I’d known it for a long time now. I might have regretted never doing more to find her all those years ago, but it wouldn’t have led us here. Maybe we needed to lose each other for a while to be ready to find each other again.
We rode on through the prickly sagebrush—how the ranch got its name. The land opened to the view of the river beyond.
Before I realized it, she had led us to the burn pile. It was the best place on the ranch to watch the sunset, but instead of sitting around the pit of ashes, we tied our horses to the hitching post and walked past it to where the craggy edge overlooked the Deschutes River. Facing west, there was nothing but the snowcapped, volcanic rock mountains of the Cascade Range and forested hills. Facing east lie arid desert studded with more sagebrush and tumbleweed, shaded by ponderosa pines.
“This is my favorite place on the ranch,” I told her, standing there on the cliff.
She smiled up at me. “I know.”
“You do?” I tried to remember if I’d told her.
She nodded. “I notice things. Teacher, you know.”
I looked at her and released a huffing laugh. “I need to remember that. You must have eyes in the back of your head. Won’t get anything past you.”
Her smile faded. “I got calls to interview for a couple of teaching positions.”
“Romy! That’s great!” I was genuinely happy for her. I wanted her to find every success in life. I would be her biggest cheerleader if she’d let me. But I couldn’t ignore the sting of disappointment beneath it.
“They’re in California, of course. I’m going to thank them but decline the interviews.”
“You shouldn’t do that.”
“I’m staying, Jude. I want to follow my heart for once, and my heart is here.”
“We’ll figure it out. I could go with you.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want that.”
My heart dropped.
“It’s painful to even think about leaving this place, leaving you. I was homesick for so long, I think I became accustomed to the feeling. Like it was my norm. I don’t want to feel that way anymore, and I couldn’t let you feel that way, either. Being here these last couple months, being with you, being a part of the ranch. Seeing you be a part of the ranch. I understand how you feel about this place?—”
“But you’re my home.” She truly was. I could be at home anywhere she was.
She held up a hand to stop me. “I saw how you took this all in the last time we were here.” Romy gestured to the amazing view. “You had a smile on your face that lit you from the inside out, and you were breathing it in as though you were either trying to memorize it or absorb it into your very being. That’s how I feel every time I look at you.”
My chest tightened, and I couldn’t wait a moment more to touch her. I stepped into her, one hand digging into her hip, the other cupping her jaw. My fingers buried beneath the hair at her temple while my thumb stroked her cheek. She leaned her head into my hand, as if she could mold it to her skin, her eyes gleaming, gazing at me with such love and tenderness.
She was incredible. Beautiful. I had fallen hard for this fiery, independent woman. I loved that she wasn’t willing to put up with shit, to challenge me, to put her trust in me despite the number of people who’d let her down—including me. I felt so honored that she was choosing me. I loved that she saw me … maybe she always had. Maybe I was just too consumed with convincing myself that I was the only one who felt that way.
“I didn’t know you were watching. I thought you were too busy laughing with the girls while you passed wine back and forth in your saddles.” My voice came out breathless. I almost cringed at how trivial it sounded after she basically just told me I was her sunset. My damn self-doubt needed to fuck off.
I thought back to her standing in the dim light of the stable after the bonfire. Looking so luscious, lust blazing in her eyes. The night she’d asked me if I ever thought of that night all those years ago. I had known she was leaving again, and I couldn’t help but take the chance to kiss her. She drove me wild when she’d told me to take her to the truck. She saw me even then.
“It’s hard not to look at you, Jude. People are drawn to you. It’s always been that way. I think it’s endearing that you’ve never noticed. I know you don’t realize it because you can be hard on yourself and you often doubt yourself, but you are such an incredible, selfless, and generous man. Your successful fighting career would have made a lesser man an arrogant ass, but that’s not you. Instead, you give to the people who matter to you. You’d give the skin off your own back. Just look at what you’ve done for the ranch—improving the facilities, investing funds where Chuck lets you.”
I chuckled at that. Yeah, where he lets me. One of these days, Uncle Chuck may let me buy him new equipment and renovate the arena.
She smiled, turning her face just enough to brush a kiss across my palm. “What you’ve done for me. Being there for me, even when I’ve tried to push you away. Making me breakfast every morning and making sure I have your support, no matter what.
“I see you, Jude. I know we’ve both been scared. Scared of getting hurt. Scared of losing each other. But I don’t feel afraid anymore. You know why?”
“Why?” I asked in a whisper.
“Because I trust how I feel about you, and the strength of that feeling is strong enough to lift me up. To keep me from stumbling. Strong enough to hold all my pieces together, even when I feel like I’m falling apart. I’m crazy about you, Jude Larsen, and I want to quit dodging these feelings. I want you to catch me because I’m falling for you.”
My lungs froze up just for a moment, before the peace of relief rolled over me, breathing life back into me.
“Honey,” I said on my first exhale. “I feel as if I’ve been plummeting, just waiting for you to fall with me.”
She giggled. I loved her fucking giggle so much, it made my chest hurt.
“We can catch each other.” She was so close now, I could feel her breath brush my lips.
I smiled, repeating her words. “We can catch each other.”
She reached up, taking the hat from my head and placing it on her own. She turned it backward with a smirk. I leaned down, pressing my lips to hers. Tender and gentle. My lips molded around the bow of her lip, nestling my bottom lip between hers.
“I’ll love on each and every piece of you,” I said, dropping a kiss to either corner of her mouth. “Every single piece.” My mouth traced her jaw along her throat to the sensitive spot beneath her ear. She shuddered beneath my hands as they dug into her hip, pressing her to me. “I never needed to hold you together, though,” I whispered against her ear. “You’ve done that all on your own. You show your strength with fury and claws, but it’s your quiet inner strength that shows your fortitude. We are more alike than we both realize. Protective of our hearts because we’ve had to be—no one else was willing to do it for us—but we don’t have to anymore. Because I know mine is in good hands. You have to know I would die a happy man just knowing you trusted me enough to protect yours.”
Salty wetness moistened my lips, and I lifted my head to see tears silently slipping down her face.
“Oh, Romy, honey.” It killed me to see her cry. “What is it?”
“I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that. I’ve been so guarded.”
Emotion stung behind my nose. “I know, honey.”
She never had to tell me because I knew her. Every piece of her. Even back then when she felt as if she had no choice but to build walls, to shield herself from her father’s emotional abuse all through high school. I had built walls, too, but brick by brick, we tore them down for each other.
“You have my heart,” she mumbled while I swiped tears from beneath her beautiful eyes.
I leaned in, brushing my lips across her cheeks to kiss her tears away. “You’ve always had mine, and I trust you to keep it. I don’t think I ever really got it back after you left.”
“I’ll keep it forever.” Her lashes fluttered closed. The last of her tears escaped for me to vanquish. She tipped back her head as though she were sunning her face beneath the sunbeam of our love.
“Good because I intend to keep yours forever, too.”
I gathered her in my arms, letting her hop up to wrap her legs around my waist. She hugged my neck, burrowing her face while I gripped her ass. I let her cry silently there, dampening the hair at my nape, her lips coasting softly along the curve of my neck.
“Love me, babe?” She murmured it as if she needed reassurance.
I was such a fool for her; I never wanted her to question it. She should only demand it because that was what she deserved.
“I’ll always love you,” I confirmed, desire rocking through me.
I wanted to show her how much I loved her. How much I craved her every moment of every day.
“Let’s ride back so I can love you properly,” I told her.
Her legs tightened around me. I could almost feel the pulse in her center.
“No,” she whispered in my ear. Her breath sent shivers down my spine. “I want you to fuck me in the dirt until I feel that I’m as much a part of this place as the sagebrush roots.”