Chapter 30 #2
I noticed Charlotte on the edge of the dance floor, watching us with a look of longing on her face.
I felt sorry for her. She had made a mistake leaving Jake all those years ago.
I knew all too well the consequences of mistakes like that.
The mistake of misjudging a person. Of acting impulsively.
Of taking your eye off the ball. Of feeling a calling outside of the mold society created for you, and then once you took that leap, realizing perhaps it was not the right direction after all.
Jake grabbed my hands and pulled them together to his chest. Did he notice Charlotte watching us? I couldn’t be sure. Maybe he wanted her to see him as he was now: the catch she’d released too easily.
A country song started over the speakers as the polka band took a break. I noticed the cutie in tight jeans from earlier standing right next to Charlotte, looking right at me. Jake followed my gaze but landed on Charlotte.
I walked us in their direction.
“Hey, Charlotte. You look like you could use a dance,” I said. I tried to muster as much kindness as I could in my eyes. My tone.
“You two. Go dance.” I gestured toward Jake to lead Charlotte on the dance floor.
Poor guy started, with a look of confusion in his eyes. Charlotte jumped at the chance and walked out to the other side of the dance floor. I stepped into her spot on the side and inched closer to the hottie.
I knew his type. He didn’t miss a beat.
“Wanna dance, beautiful?” He had a deep, husky voice and a little twang to his words. He was shorter than Jake, but not by too much.
“Sure.”
He grabbed my waist and pulled me in close. Lifted my arms up around his neck. Draped his arms around my waist. Then shuffled me around slowly.
“You’re not from around here, are you?” he asked.
I didn’t have a chance to answer, though.
Jake had walked up close behind me. Stiff. Unmoving. I looked up to see my dance partner’s face, his jaw tight, before turning toward the presence I sense at my back.
Jake was fuming. The wildness in his eyes. I didn’t think he’d get this angry.
My dance partner lifted his hands in surrender. “Look, man, I just took advantage of the opportunity you left open for me.”
Then to me he said, “Sorry, beautiful, but I can’t get carted off to jail for another fight.” Then he walked away.
“We’re leaving.” Jake grabbed my hand and started to lead me off the dance floor and back to our table to flag down Charlotte of all people. Great.
He visibly softened and dropped my hand when he looked in her direction. I turned away. I couldn’t watch this.
“You headed out?” I heard her ask. “It was nice to meet you,” she said to me. I didn’t respond—not that it mattered. “And really good to see you, Jake.”
I flashed a glance up. She smiled and moved her hair behind her ear—a classic flirty move.
One I had perfected myself over the years.
I think all single women knew how to do it and exactly what it signaled.
I’d found that men were surprisingly clueless to it happening but powerless to its unspoken suggestion.
“You too, Charlie,” Jake said and placed his credit card down on top of the check. I wanted to scream. I hated that he called her that. I hated that he was subjecting me to this banter with the love of his life.
“Jake, do you still happen to have that box of stuff I left behind?” Charlotte asked. Nice move, Charlie, I thought as I rolled my eyes away from them.
“Of course. I have it stored in the basement for you.”
He still had it?
“Do you want me to ship it to you?” he asked.
Poor, clueless Jake. No, she did not want it shipped to her. She wanted an excuse to visit you.
“Actually, I—” she started, but I interrupted her.
“Charlotte, you should totally come to Lakeside and pick it up. I’m sure it is full of stuff you wouldn’t want to risk losing in the mail.
If Jake hung on to it for this long, it must be important.
You two should totally get together. Catch up.
” I made sure my voice was cheerful. Almost sisterly.
To both of them. I maintained control of my emotions, regardless of how my stomach felt like it was doing flip-flops.
“Oh, well, that would be great!” Charlotte said with some glee in her response. “There were some books that might make it heavy and shipping expensive,” Charlotte responded with a shrug and, dare I say, hope in her eyes.
You’re welcome, Char-lieee. I wanted to spit on her shoes.
But instead, I said, “Cool. You two talk it out. I’m going to hit the bathroom again before we leave. That beer is running right through me.”
With that, I spun around and walked away. I tried to maintain an air of breezy, chill-girl vibes. I hoped I was pulling it off. My heart was racing, and I feared my legs were moving at double time too. Shit, did I run?
In the bathroom . . . again. I let out a long breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. And then panic set in. My breathing became heavy. Labored. Gasping. And tears. Fucking tears. Burned my eyes.
Get it together, Ali.
Jake was waiting for me outside the bathroom.
“All set?” he asked when I walked out.
We walked outside.
“What was that about?” He stopped us outside the entrance and turned me to face him. His voice was gentle, but I knew this line of questioning was not going to end well. Especially not here and not now.
“What?” I asked.
“That. With Charlotte. You. Dancing with another guy. I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to see another man’s hands on you.” His lip curled in anger.
A lie. At least the part about not wanting to see her. And that’s when I broke.
“Yes, you do. She’s beautiful and clearly still loves you. This might be good for you.” I matched his intensity in tone and clenched teeth.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“I mean maybe there is still something there for you and Charlotte.”
“No, Ali. I’ve moved on.” He looked so earnest. I guessed now was as good a time as any to draw a line in the sand.
“Do you mean with me?” I added a pitying laugh. “Jake. I am having a blast with you, but our time together has an expiration date. And you should keep your options open.”
“What? Ali, you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions here. I—I didn’t know we had an expiration date.” His tone was softening to . . . Was that hurt?
“You knew I was in Lakeside for just the summer. I am working my way back to my real life. In Chicago. Lakeside is not my home. It’s yours. I have no plans to maintain ties after the summer.” Tension in my chest, around my heart, was building with each word.
“Okay. Fair. I knew you had plans to return to Chicago, but why does that have to mean we have an expiration date?” he asked.
“Come on, Jake. Long distance? That is not going to work.” I turned away from him, maintaining a flippant tone—nothing like the rising hurt inside.
“It could if we wanted it to. I wa—”
“I don’t want that.” I cut him off.
“I can’t believe this is happening right now.” He raked his hands through his hair and down his face, his frustration and worry making me feel bad for him. Maybe I was being too cold. We were just having fun together. I realized I was the one making this a bigger deal.
“I know the timing isn’t ideal. But this is good, actually. I like that we can clear the air. Define what we are and aren’t. You should feel free to explore other options. Maybe the one who got away isn’t gone forever, Jake. This—this is good news for you.”
“She is not the one who got away, Ali,” he said emphatically.
“I saw you hugging when I came out of the bathroom. It’s okay, we’re not exclusive.
You’re free to do your thing. And there’s still something there with her.
I saw it with my own eyes. I think tonight was a good thing.
Both of us needed the reminder not to catch feelings here. ” I gestured between our chests.
“Hey, this doesn’t have to ruin our evening. Don’t worry about me. We have such a tight friendship and working relationship. We can easily fall right back into step.” I placed my hand reassuringly on top of his holding the doorframe.
Bile burned my throat with the lie—reducing what Jake and I shared to a fling with an expiration date. I hated myself. But I knew this was the best way to avoid . . . what? I couldn’t even remember anymore. It felt awful and that’s how I knew it was the right thing to do.
We made our way back to the hotel. The car ride was quiet. I pretended to absentmindedly scroll on my phone. Jake concentrated on driving. We entered the hotel room, and I started to remove my earrings. Jake’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Wow. Charlotte acts fast, I thought. I couldn’t help it.
“My dad is texting me. He needs me to head back over there.” He sighed. “He says it’s an emergency.”
“Oh God. Of course. Do you need me to come with you?” I asked casually, hoping the answer would be no. I could use the alone time. To process. To curl up in the fetal position. To let all the emotions I was suppressing out in an ugly cry.
“No. I . . . uh . . . think I got it. It’s probably nothing serious. I—I . . . I’ll be back.”
I nodded and busied myself at my suitcase.
As soon as the room was quiet, I crumpled to the floor and allowed myself to break into pieces.
The sobs came out sharp and sudden. I pressed my fist to my chest as if I could hold the ache in place. No chance. It was a tidal wave with forces I had no strength to hold back. I let the tears, thick and hot, streak down my face and didn’t even bother wiping them away.
I knew better. I knew I should have been more careful! More controlled. Not let the feelings take hold of me.
Watching Charlotte slide back into Jake’s orbit like she never left—and watching him let her—it gutted me.
I let wave after wave of emotion spill from me until I was all cried out. My breath hiccupped out of me. Unsteady. Uneven.
“I’m such an idiot,” I whispered to no one.
I didn’t want Jake to belong to Charlotte.
I wanted him to belong with me in a way that left me with no doubt. Ever.
But I had no idea how to admit that or how to trust it—and now I’d already dismissed him.