Chapter 10
Under normal circumstances, attending a ball at Ashbury Manor would have filled me with excitement. But when the day arrived and I took out my white muslin from the wardrobe and hung it up to air, all I felt was dread—dread that Mr Humbleton would cling like limpet to me all evening and not leave me alone. Or that I would have to anticipate his every movement to successfully avoid him. That reason, and that reason alone, was overshadowing any of the thrill I usually took in getting ready. I knew I wasn’t going to have an enjoyable time of it.
‘Perhaps I should stay at home,’ I murmured, sitting on the bed and stroking the soft velvet brim of Mr Fitzroy’s black hat.
‘Pardon?’ said Harriet from the dresser, where she’d been sorting through her jewellery box.
‘I didn’t say anything,’ I replied.
‘You did, and it sounded remarkably like you want to stay at home, which is an impossibility.’
‘Do not mind me. Of course I am going.’ Even if I have to force myself ...
She turned to face me, looking worried. ‘Do you really think our cousin will propose to you? It seems outrageous that he would attempt it, especially as you’ve given him no encouragement whatsoever.’
‘All indications point to it,’ I said glumly.
‘But surely, if he did, you could just say, “Thank you very much for the offer, but no thank you.” Papa wouldn’t scold you for that reply if he knew it would make you unhappy.’
‘It depends how much Papa wishes to keep on the good side of my cousin. He holds a lot of power over us since he’s the heir of our home.’
‘Such a stupid little law,’ grumbled Harriet. ‘Whoever thought that up?’
‘Some stupid little man,’ I said flatly. We looked at each other and giggled, and I felt slightly better.
She held up a sapphire earring and a ruby earring next to each ear. ‘Which do you think would go better with my dress?’
They were coloured glass, for we could only afford costume jewellery, but she was trying to secure a man who could give her the real thing.
‘The ruby ones. They look more expensive,’ I said.
‘I have some seed pearls on a silk thread that would look lovely wound through your hair, if you want me to put it up for you?’
I could tell it was her attempt to encourage me; she wanted me to look forward to the ball tonight as much as she was. If I had a gentleman like Mr Pringle waiting for me there and who I knew wanted to dance every dance with me, then I too should be excited to attend. But I did not.
Harriet drew the pearls out of a black velvet bag to show me. I had to admit it was a pretty accessory.
‘Where did you get it?’
‘Aunt. She thought I might like it. She wore it on her wedding day.’
I cringed that I was about to wear a bridal adornment, yet here I was doing my best to avoid a marriage proposal from a man I didn’t want to marry. But Harriet meant well.
I relented. ‘All right. If I must.’
The carriage journey to Ashbury Manor was a repeat of how it had been the night of the supper: hot, squashed, and uncomfortable. Except that I was now dressed up in my finery and holding the blasted book to give to Mr Fitzroy.
How it would be received, I had no idea, and it was making me nervous. Harriet had given me the Gothic romance she’d been reading before we’d left as it was one she needed to return, and it fitted with my ruse.
‘Tell him to return it to Mr Austen once he’s finished with it,’ she’d said, adjusting her shawl.
‘Oh, I don’t think he’ll actually read it ...’
‘Why not? You never know, he might have a penchant for Gothic romances. He looks the brooding type.’
So I clutched it in my sweating fist and avoided the gaze of Mr Humbleton, who was directly across from me. He’d attempted to speak to me before assisting me into the carriage (about what, I did not wish to know). But I’d successfully avoided the attempt by remarking upon the evening and looking up at the sky, which was studded with stars. ‘What a lovely evening, is it not? ’
The carriage hit a bump in the road, making us all yelp, and I gripped the book even tighter. Mr Fitzroy hadn’t replied to my letter either. I hadn’t expected him to as it had been very forward of me to write to him. But what if he’d considered it disgracefully impertinent and had ripped it to shreds? That would make the atmosphere between us even worse! With my anxiety spiking, plus the closeness and the swaying of the carriage, I started to feel slightly nauseous.
Finally, we pulled up outside Ashbury Manor amongst the other ball-goers’ carriages and guests who were sorting out their finery as they alighted. Papa gave me his hand to step down. I looked up at the entranceway and spied Mr Pringle and Mr Fitzroy greeting guests one by one. My stomach clenched with nerves. There was to be no sidling in unnoticed. I was going to have to deliver the book to him in front of everyone. Breathe , I told myself. He won’t bite.
But the firm set of his mouth when he glimpsed me amongst our party made me think otherwise. There was no welcoming smile from him, but Mr Pringle’s beam when he saw Harriet made up for it ten times over.
‘Miss Blackburn, how beautiful you look.’ Upon grasping her gloved hand, he raised it to his lips and kissed it. I risked a look at Mr Fitzroy; his eyes were dark under his thickset brows, and his grim expression gave nothing away as he bowed silently to Harriet.
I gulped when it was my turn to stand in front of him.
‘G-good evening, Mr Fitzroy,’ I stuttered, bowing and feeling extremely ill at ease.
But he returned it smoothly. ‘Miss Blackburn.’
‘H-here is the book you wanted to read.’ I thrust it at him, and he looked at it blankly. I could see he had no idea why I was giving it to him.
‘You did get my letter, I hope?’ I added, knowing that Aunt was next to me and listening to every word.
‘Yes, I did, thank you.’ He turned over the book and peered at the title. ‘Is it a good ... read?’
‘Gripping.’ I replied. ‘If you could please return it to Mr Austen when you have finished with it. ’
There was an awkward silence as he tried to process what on earth I was talking about. I was relieved that he wasn’t saying anything that would drop me in it; his taciturn nature was a boon in this circumstance.
But to my surprise, he spoke before I could move away. ‘Miss Blackburn, would you do me the honour of standing up with me for the first dance?’
I felt like I’d dived into the lake and had duckweed in my ears. I almost said ‘Pardon?’ But I’d heard him as clear as a bell. He wished to dance with me.
‘Yes,’ I said faintly.
Harriet clutched at my arm and drew me, almost stumbling into the heat and noise of the candlelit ballroom. I, somewhat in shock and feeling like I needed smelling salts, leaned on her heavily.
‘Let us proceed slowly around the room as if admiring it,’ she whispered. ‘It will give you time to calm yourself.’
I didn’t think I would ever feel calm again. Our proceeding around the room and greeting people we knew went like this: walk, walk. Smile, nod.
‘Did that just happen, or was it a dream?’
‘Yes, dearest, it happened.’
Walk, walk. Smile, nod.
‘Pray, did Mr Fitzroy just ask me to dance?’
‘Yes, dearest, he did. ’
Walk, walk. Smile, nod.
‘So now I will actually dance with him?’
‘Yes, dearest, you will.’
We rejoined our party on the opposite side of the room, and by that time, I had recovered my senses. It was just one dance; there was no harm in that, and it had neatly circumvented Mr Humbleton. That gentleman had excused himself the moment Harriet and I approached and took it upon himself to talk to a group of older women who were fluttering their fans. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked around for Jane but could not see her.
‘Is Jane here?’ I asked in general.
‘Yes,’ said Aunt. ‘I caught sight of her arriving with her father and sister as we came in.’
Cassie had made it back in time for the ball. It was too bad that I was forbidden by Jane from pushing her into Mr Humbleton’s arms!
Aunt turned sharp eyes towards me. ‘I must say, I was surprised that Mr Fitzroy deigned to come down from his lofty perch to dance with you, a mere country girl. You must have said something to please him in that letter. Or perhaps it is only that he is grateful to you for bringing him his book.’
Aunt’s comment brought me down to earth with a thump. Of course, he was simply being polite. To think he’d set his sights on me was a bit presumptuous on my part!
The strains of the orchestra tuning up for the first dance grew louder over the babble, and across the room, I saw Mr Pringle and Mr Fitzroy approaching in tandem towards us—one smiling widely and nodding to guests, the other doing his best not to smile or look at anyone if he could help it. The crowd seemed to part for them, being the most handsome and eligible gentlemen in the room, as they strode through.
‘Here they come,’ whispered Harriet. She, like me, seemed a little awestruck.
Mr Fitzroy’s eyes locked on mine; and for a moment, the chatter ceased, and the room stilled.
Then they were in front of us. Mr Pringle whisked Harriet off without further ado, and Mr Fitzroy proffered his arm to me. ‘Shall we?’
I took his arm gingerly, not daring to grasp it with too much force in case he bared his teeth. As he led me onto the floor, I couldn’t help remarking, ‘I’m surprised to see that you dance, Mr Fitzroy.’
‘I think you’ll find there are a lot of things about me that might surprise you, Miss Blackburn.’
Touché , I thought.
The music began, and we bowed to each other. I thought that this would be our lot for conversation. But Mr Fitzroy, for once, seemed inclined to talk.
‘But a more pressing mystery, apart from your letter, which I was also wholly intrigued by’, he continued, ‘is why you have given me a Gothic romance novel.’
I flushed and averted my eyes as we went through the motions of the dance. Glancing at the sidelines as I sailed past, I happened to see Jane with her sister watching the dancers. Seeing me partnered with Mr Fitzroy, her mouth dropped open. She nudged Cassie, and they stared with interest. Goodness, was it that much of a strange thing for him to ask me to dance? But I too had been blindsided and had almost fainted when he did.
He was still waiting for my reply.
‘Ah, it is a long and tedious story ... Not the novel, I assure you,’ I added as I came back to him upon completing a turn. ‘That, by all accounts, is wonderful, according to my sister.’
‘I see I shan’t be able to pry the mystery out of you.’
‘It is quite harmless, rest assured,’ I replied as we faced straight ahead. Our hands were lightly touching, which made it most difficult to concentrate on my steps.
‘Well, thank you for letting me know my hat is safe and sound at least. I shall need to procure it from you.’
Is that why he asked me to dance, to get his hat back?
‘Of course. ’
‘Perhaps I could call on you next week?’
He sounded genuine about this intention. Indeed, when we were facing each other again, I noted he looked rather nervous about my reply, if his darting eyes and tense jawline were anything to go by.
‘So you accept my apology in good faith, about what happened at the pond?’ I asked.
He nodded.
I let out a breath. Wonders would never cease. Not only had he forgiven me and asked me to dance, but now he wanted to call on me. Even though I knew it was mostly because he wanted to collect his hat, I was flattered.
‘Very well. Shall we say Tuesday at three o’clock? If you are available?’ I stated formally.
‘Yes, that suits.’
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr Humbleton hovering as we completed the finishing steps. Mr Fitzroy followed my gaze.
‘Your cousin seems intent on asking you for the next dance.’
‘He does,’ I said tightly, my heart sinking.
‘Perhaps I should dance with you for the entire evening so he cannot achieve his goal,’ said Mr Fitzroy smoothly.
I gave him a small smile and said nothing, but a thrill shot through me. What in heaven’s name ...? Maybe it was not all about his hat!
As we took our final bows, I noticed Jane, now alone, on the sidelines. She was peering intently at us, as if trying to work out what we were saying.
Harriet was dancing the next with Mr Pringle, and I had a wistful hope that Mr Fitzroy would make good on his statement and ask me to dance again. But he politely thanked me and melted away into the crowd. Maybe he had said it only in jest? I felt a bit lost after he’d left but came to my senses when I realised I was standing on the dance floor partnerless.
‘Jane!’ I hissed when I reached her side. ‘We must talk!’ I felt like I might burst if I didn’t tell her, and Mr Humbleton had been distracted by another party of middle-aged ladies, so now was our chance.
‘Come, let us find an alcove where we will not be disturbed,’ she said in a serious tone, knowing that I must have something momentous to say after what she had just witnessed.
‘Where is Cassie?’
‘She’s dancing the next. Do not worry. She is well informed about ... everything.’
Wondering exactly what Jane had been saying to Cassie, I followed her out of the ballroom.
We found a quiet corner in the room where supper was being laid out, and I relayed to Jane in a hushed whisper behind my unfurled fan about what Mr Fitzroy had said—namely that he planned to call to retrieve his hat on Tuesday and that he’d noticed Mr Humbleton’s interest in me and had seemed rather intent on securing me for all the dances.
‘Tell me his exact words,’ said Jane eagerly, unfurling her own fan to create more privacy.
‘He said, “Perhaps I should dance with you for the entire evening so he cannot achieve his goal.”’
Jane fluttered her fan excitedly. ‘He likes you!’ she whispered.
My cheeks blushed hotly as I remembered the way Mr Fitzroy had looked at me throughout the dance. My throat constricted, and I found it hard to swallow. ‘I ... I had that same thought. But then I can’t quite believe it either, especially after his piglet insult and our altercation at the lake.’
‘A man can change his mind,’ she said reasonably. ‘I’m sure your letter of apology has gone some way to helping him take the blinkers off.’
‘But I can’t ... I shouldn’t hope that he’s calling for any reason other than his hat ...’
‘Flissy, his hat is just an excuse. He’s really calling to see you ,’ she said sagely as if she was privy to Mr Fitzroy’s innermost thoughts, and I trusted her judgement. Jane had shown on many an occasion that she did have insight into the way upper-class gentlemen behaved when in pursuit of a woman (more insight than I had anyway!).
I fluttered my fan, feeling rather feverish all of a sudden as I realised I would not be averse to Mr Fitzroy calling to see me and for that purpose alone.
‘Well then, if that is the case, I wonder what kind of cake he likes,’ I pondered.
‘Something solid and serious,’ said Jane. ‘Like pound cake.’
We giggled behind our fans.
There was the sound of someone clearing their throat, and we lowered our fans.
Mr Humbleton was standing there with a pompous look on his face. Oh no, I thought. I was supposed to be keeping an eye out for him.
‘Ladies,’ he said, bowing low. ‘So sorry to disturb your conversation. I’ve come to invite my cousin to dance.’
I had the feeling he wasn’t going to take no for an answer, so there was nothing for it but to agree or risk being extremely rude by scurrying away without a word and leaving Jane to make my apologies.
I pulled a face at her as he led me away, and she pouted in commiseration. We’d been having fun after all until he’d shown up .
The experience of dancing with Mr Humbleton was nothing like that of dancing with Mr Fitzroy. I had to force myself to go through the motions. When he took my fingers, pressing them between his own limp cold ones, it was like holding hands with a mackerel. The thought of him touching any other part of my body made me shudder. But I had to go through with it for propriety’s sake since he had asked me.
However, I could not help glancing surreptitiously about the room to discover the whereabouts of Mr Fitzroy—thinking, indeed, that he might ask me for the next dance and the next after that. Unfortunately, I wasn’t paying much heed to my current dance partner; and soon, it was remarked upon.
‘You seem distracted, cousin,’ he said, inhaling sharply as I trod heavily on his foot for the second time .
‘Do forgive me. I was looking for Harriet,’ I muttered.
‘She is dancing with Mr Pringle, further up the line.’ He gestured with his head.
‘Oh yes, I see now ...’ I said, but words failed me when I clapped eyes on Mr Fitzroy dancing with an tall elegant lady with shining auburn hair. Her skin was translucent, and she wore diamond earrings and a matching necklace, which offset her gold-embroidered cream muslin dress. She was beautiful, I couldn’t deny it, even if her eyes seemed a touch too large and her features a little too pointed. Most concerning, though, was that she seemed very attentive to Mr Fitzroy, peeping at him continuously through her lashes, though they were not making conversation as far as I could tell.
‘Who is that woman?’ I wondered aloud before I could stop myself.
‘Lady Rosalind Whiteley,’ supplied Mr Humbleton, attempting some fancy footwork to keep out of my way as I stepped forward when I was meant to be stepping back. ‘She’s a cousin of Mr Pringle’s, I believe, who has come up from London specifically for the ball.’
Specifically for some other reason too perhaps, I thought, seeing her smile as Mr Fitzroy took her hand, and she twirled gracefully. A fierce stabbing pain overtook my entire chest when I saw him flick an approving glance at her. I whipped my head back to face the front, well aware that what I felt resembled pure, unadulterated jealousy. Indeed, I fervently hoped that Lady Rosalind Whiteley would return to London immediately once the ball was over and not dally here in Steventon!