The Box
‘Stop smiling like that,’ she says, clearly unnerved.
I keep smiling, enjoying her discomfort.
She sits down. ‘Cheugy has lost it.’ I hear her mumble, which sets off a ripple of giggles amongst the class.
‘That is a very good question, Beatrice,’ I say.
I take out my desk scissors, and there is a big gasp.
I suppose the smile and scissors combo is a little creepy.
I slice open the cardboard box, take hold of the first thing my fingertips find and lob it across the lab.
A pink object flies over the girls’ heads and hits the papier-maché Mars at the back of the lab.
‘What is that?’ Arabella yells. Ophelia runs over and waves it in the air.
‘It’s a menstrual cup,’ she says, and the class look at me like I need to be locked up in a padded room. Maybe I do. HAHAHA. I take a handful of tampons, and they fly like cotton bullets across their heads. Ping. Ping. Ping.
‘What the hell, Miss Elman?’ Arabella says as she ducks away from one of them. The sight of this makes me laugh, and the class start to laugh too. I throw out pads like frisbees (they don’t fly so well), then more tampons and menstrual cups.
‘Oh my God, stop!’ Ashwini yells.
More tampons.
‘Are you okay?’ Beatrice cries as she covers her head.
More pads.
‘Miss Elman, stop!’ Arabella says. I can’t stop, though. Every time I lob a period product, it feels like I’m throwing a punch at life. Dr Therone. Ping. Promotion. Ping. Linda. Ping. Joe Rogan. Ping. Carrot cake. Ping.
Soon, my Year 10 class are surrounded by menstruation products – my lab is covered. They’re laughing, and I’m laughing with them.
‘You’re right, Ophelia. We need to do something more relevant and personal to us girls.
’ The girls turn to each other. They can guess where this is going, but can’t quite believe it.
I lift out a menstrual cup, inspect it and throw it.
‘I mean, plastic in the ocean is a problem, and I feel sorry for the poor turtles, but we women have issues too.’ I lob another tampon.
‘And birth control is an issue.’ I lob my empty packet of contraceptive pills across the lab and then some condoms. Arabella picks one up and puts it in her skirt pocket.
‘Miss Elman? Are you saying we can do . . .’ Before Ophelia can finish her sentence, I whack the keyboard and huge capitals fill the screen.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE WORLD?
THE PILL AND HOW IT AFFECTS US.
The class begins to cheer, and I do a little bow. Is this what losing your mind looks like?
*
I keep my smile for the rest of the afternoon.
The class have volunteered to do extra work to catch up on the time we’ve lost and even agreed to an additional session on Mondays so they can practise their presentation.
I know it’s immature, and the ultimate goal for a teacher is not about being liked, but to have the class laughing with me instead of at me feels pretty damn good.
I go to the staffroom for the last hour of the day to do my marking.
Nina is at her table, surrounded by mugs and typing away on her laptop.
We always share this hour on Wednesday together, and I usually look forward to it, but today I’m not sure what to expect.
I tap her shoulder gently. She glances at me and then takes off her headphones.
‘I’ve done the craziest thing today,’ I say.
She doesn’t lift her eyes from the screen. ‘Go on.’
I slide a chair next to her and can sense this is the wrong move from how her body stiffens up, but I carry on anyway.
I tell her about my science contest rebellion, the way I threw tampons at my class, and how they cheered me.
I hoped this would impress her, but she just carried on typing. I take a deep breath.
‘Nina, I’m sorry about Josh getting the promotion. We all know you deserved it, and that’s coming from me.’
She slams her laptop down. For a second, I am worried that she’s going to storm off.
‘Amy . . .’ She takes off her thick-framed glasses and rubs her eyes. ‘There are thousands of women being sex trafficked right now.’
‘I know. It’s horrific,’ I reply, wondering what to do with that fact.
‘I’m just saying, I can’t be angry about this stupid promotion.’ She looks down at her lap. This is classic Nina mentality.
‘Yes, you can. It’s devastating and disgusting what’s happening to women in the world, but .
. . you are allowed to be angry at your situation too.
We all know it’s bullshit. The pupils love you.
You are the hardest worker, the most qualified .
. .’ She rubs her eyes again and seems frustrated at me.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to patronise you.’
‘No, I’m sorry.’ She sighs. ‘I shouldn’t say anything, but I find the whole Dr Therone and Josh relationship . . .’ She contemplates her words. ‘Hard. Sorry. I know he’s your fiancé.’
‘You find it hard? Nina, they have such a good relationship that Josh has invited her to my wedding.’ Nina’s face drops. ‘Exactly.’
‘I may have to pull out of being your bridesmaid,’ she says.
‘I may have to pull out,’ I say, and this makes her smile for a second.
‘Look.’ I lower my voice even though we’re the only ones in the staffroom.
‘Between you and me, Josh didn’t deserve that promotion, nor did Mr Rawlinson.
Dr Therone is a misogynistic beast, and that’s the only reason why this has happened. ’
‘Good. I’m glad you see it too,’ Nina says.
I tell her that I’m thinking of applying for another job. She doesn’t look surprised.
‘It’s a shame, but I understand. I don’t know how you don’t go crazy, working under the same roof.’
‘It’s not all that bad,’ I say, brushing it off, conscious not to go down the road of bad-mouthing my fiancé, but Nina doesn’t look convinced. ‘What about you? You can’t stay, surely?’ I ask. She looks at me like I’ve just suggested something ridiculous.
‘I’ll never leave. I love the girls, the school and my classroom. It’s my home.’ She then looks me dead in the eyes. ‘If anyone is going to go, it’s going to be her.’
‘What do you mean?’
She gives me a smirk and reopens her laptop and begins typing.
This is my cue to leave. I go to my favourite spot – it’s a desk with a view of the hockey field.
I like to watch the PE lesson, especially when it’s raining, like now, because it makes my subject more appealing.
I open the first book, and Nina calls out.
‘By the way, your science contest rebellion is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard you do. I’m so proud.’
Josh and Amy’s Wedding 2025
To Do:
Ask Mum if Uncle Clarke and Aunt Margaret are still alive.
Add Dr Therone to the seating plan.
Request 11 vegan, 16 vegetarian and 5 gluten-free meals.
Go to Lace’s final fitting of the wedding dress.
Rebecca’s bridesmaid dress party.
Buy flowers from Petunia.
Tell Josh the band needs to be booked by next week, or else you will do it.
Talk to Mum about being civil to Dad and Jean-Ivy.
Try on sexy lingerie.
Buy Josh ski goggles for his birthday.
Bleach hair.