Lab
‘Sorry, I need to collect some stuff.’ My voice is cracking. Josh has gone from my comfort blanket to the person who makes me the most nervous in this whole world.
‘I thought the fish may be hungry,’ he says as he watches the fish wriggle up to the surface and suck in the flakes. I don’t dare tell him that Nina has been feeding them. ‘I hear you’re going viral. That’s exciting,’ he says, sounding far from excited.
‘Yeah, it’s certainly strange,’ I say, and then there is an awkward silence.
I go to my desk and start packing my bag. Josh looks over, perplexed.
‘Isn’t Dr Therone going to give you your job back?’ he asks. I pack my lab coat into my bag and contemplate telling him.
‘You should hear it from me first. I’ve resigned,’ I say.
He freezes with his mouth wide open.
‘Was this Lace’s idea too? To quit your job?’ he says fiercely.
I bite my lip as I put another book into my bag. I’ve never been so insulted, but I don’t want us to fight.
‘She wanted us to break up, and she got that.’ I stop packing and look to see if it’s Josh standing there or some crazed guy who sounds like him.
‘Josh, she just made the wedding dress.’ He scoffs, and the sound of it squeezes me. ‘Why are you being like this? We mutually agreed that it was over.’
‘Hardly mutual . . .’
‘What’s going on, Josh?’
‘What’s going on?’ He lets out a sarcastic laugh. ‘Ha. I don’t know, Amy. We were fine before she came along. We were together and getting married, and you had a good job. And now all your stuff is in fucking boxes in our bedroom. Don’t you see she sabotaged everything?’ He sounds erratic as hell.
‘Don’t be so silly, this has nothing to do with Lace.’
‘You were laughing at me on my birthday.’
‘I know. You said, and I’m sorry,’ I shout. ‘You should have said something at the time.’
Josh runs his hands through his hair, and it sticks up at crazy angles.
‘I didn’t want to say anything before our wedding. In case—’
‘We broke up?’
‘I never thought we would break up.’ I can see he’s really trying not to cry, and it’s killing me. I wish he would just leave before one of us says something we’ll regret. I’m determined to not end up like Mum and Dad.
‘Josh, look, I know you’re scared—’
‘I’m not scared!’ he snaps. I take a breath and continue.
‘. . . I’m scared too. But come on, let’s be real, we didn’t have sex for 221 days.’ As soon as it’s out of my mouth, I regret it. He narrows his eyes.
‘You were counting?’ he yells.
‘Um.’
‘Did you tell Lace it was 221 days? Did you laugh about it?’
‘No, Josh, we didn’t laugh about it.’
‘Whatever. I don’t know what’s happened, but you’re not the same person,’ he says.
‘No, I’m not, and nor are you, and that’s why we’re here.’
He throws up his hands and looks like he is about to say something, but stops himself, then turns and storms out.
The door slams behind him. The sound of the fish tank pump fills the room.
I start shaking and gasping like there is suddenly no air.
It feels like I’ve just run for miles. I shove one last book about the moon into my backpack.
I murmur a sad goodbye to my fish and turn the lights off.
It’s not how I thought I would leave this place.
Outside it’s drizzling, and the wind is biting my skin. I dream of my childhood bed and wish to be deep under the covers, away from this messy adult world I have made for myself.
Josh’s bike is locked up at the end of the shed.
I imagine him alone, locking it up, and it pulls my heart apart.
No, I can’t think like that, I shouldn’t think like that.
I crouch next to my bike and start twisting the numbers of the lock.
My fingers are damp from the rain, so they slip as I twist. The number six at the end is the hardest to get into place, and I keep trying to push it and push it, and then I fall back onto the gravel with my head in my hands.
To Do:
Email all guests.
Cancel Velvet Cats.
Cancel flowers from Petunia.
Find out where Lace has gone.
Collect belongings from Josh’s.
Start again.