Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
“What are you doing here?” Iris asked rudely before she could stop herself.
“Excuse me?” Philip asked her, a smirk on his lips that told he saw how put out she was… and how much he enjoyed it.
“I did not mean it like that.” She took a deep breath. “I just did not think to see you here, is all.”
“Where else would I break my fast?”
“I was told you liked to eat in your office.”
“Often, that is the case,” he agreed, still with a sense of humor. “But this morning, I thought I might do the more traditional thing and eat at a table. Wicked of me, I know.”
Iris had not been expecting to see her husband today. In fact, she did not think she would see him again for some time. After what had happened the previous evening, she had determined that unless he came to her, she would not go to him.
For my own safety, if nothing else. I lost control last night, and it was all I could do not to give in completely… which I likely would have done, had he not stopped me.
She had done much thinking since then and as strange as it sounded, she was forced to admit that the duke was right.
This marriage was not a normal thing, they had agreed on that, just as they had agreed not to pretend otherwise.
She did not want to spend any more time with him than she had to, and he was of the exact same mind. Or so she thought…
It was thus that when she came to break her fast this morning the last thing she had expected was to find Philip sitting at the table waiting for her. Hence, her confusion.
“Is there a problem?” Philip asked coyly, noting the way that she hovered in the doorway. It was a sunny morning and for the first time since they had married, the light radiated around him so he seemed to glow.
It was a different type of intimidating. Not scary. Not tense. But tempting…
“No…”
“Are you sure about that? You seem a little put out.”
Despite herself, she glared at him. “I was led to believe that you and I would be spending as little time together as possible. You were quite clear on the fact.”
He laughed. “I am merely breaking my fast, Iris. Please, try not to read too much into what isn’t there.” He raised an eyebrow and still she hesitated. “Come now,” he sighed. “You are starting to hurt my feelings. Why, it is almost as if you don’t trust yourself around me.”
“Don’t be absurd.” She blew through her lips.
“Well then…” He indicated to the seat just down from where he sat at the table’s head. “If that is the case don’t let me stop you.”
It felt like a trap to Iris. No doubt Philip was aware of how Iris had reacted to their kiss last night. Just as he was aware of how weak she would become if he was to try and kiss her again.
Is that what he wants? To seduce me? Or does he just want to prove that he can any time he wants it, once again stamping his authority on this marriage to remind me of how little power I have.
With that in mind, Iris straightened her back, firmed her chin, and strode into the breakfast room.
“There we are,” he said with a smile. “That wasn’t so hard now, was it.”
“Being in your presence, you mean?” She sat down and looked at him coldly. “Suddenly, I find myself without appetite.”
“You have quite a tongue on you, you know. Have you always been so outspoken?”
“I don’t know what you mean. Of all my sisters, I am often considered the politest and softly spoken. Perhaps you are the one who should consider what he says.” She looked at him pointedly. “And how he says it.”
He chuckled at that but said nothing.
The next few minutes were tense. Iris did everything she could to ignore the duke as she had her breakfast made before her.
A glass of juice poured also, paired with some black tea.
And as it was, she felt the duke eyeing her with a sense of curiosity, amusement flashing behind his eyes as if she had done something funny.
“Might I ask what you have planned for today?” he asked finally.
“Do you care?”
“I suppose I don’t,” he admitted. “I just want to make sure that it won’t end with you storming into my office again.”
She rolled her eyes. “I can assure you, that will not happen. In fact, I have been doing some thinking.”
“Oh.”
“Yes.” She made sure to be looking right at him. “You were correct last night, regarding the mixed messages I have been giving you. It was wrong of me to blame you for not paying me any attention, just as it confused things.”
“Is that right.”
“I no more want a traditional marriage than you do, just as I no more expect us to pretend otherwise. If you wish to act as if I do not live here, I will only too happily accept this mode of living and find ways to entertain myself.” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Alone, and happier for it.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said simply. “That should make things a lot easier going forward.”
“Good.” She pulled her plate toward her. “Now that we have settled that…” And then, she proceeded to eat her breakfast, determined to leave the conversation there.
It was a rather childish thing to say, Iris thought to herself.
And not at all the full truth. Despite her misgivings about Philip, there was still a part of her that thought to want more.
Where love and happiness were clearly off the table, it would have been nice to have liked the man she was destined to spend the rest of her life with.
Sadly, that just wasn’t possible. Whenever she thought about spending time with Philip, she was reminded of that kiss and how it had felt. How she wanted it to go further. How she enjoyed the control he took and how utterly helpless she had felt.
She did not trust herself. And knowing that Philip thought so little of her, that he wanted just the one thing and would likely discard her after the fact, she had come to the decision that it was simply not worth the cost. She would be lonely, yes. But at least she would never be heartbroken.
“You still have not answered my question,” Philip spoke suddenly.
Iris blinked and looked up. “What question?”
“What you plan on doing today.”
“I thought you did not care?”
He shrugged. “The truth is, I find myself in a bit of a bind. One that I am, admittedly, having a hard time getting around.”
She sighed with exaggeration. “And what bind is that?”
“On the one hand, I am of the same mind as you. And truly, I am glad that we are. It will make things a lot simpler going forward. Yet on the other…” His smirk grew and his dark eyes flicked slowly over her body, and she could see the wicked thought contained behind them.
“I have not changed my mind, concerning what I expect from you.”
Despite her best efforts, Iris’ heart began to beat quickly. “I… you are speaking of…”
“The heir you will give me,” he said, his eyes resting on her bare neck. He licked his lips and then tore his gaze away, giving his head a small shake. “We can ignore one another all we wish, but my mind will not be changed. You must know this.”
“I did not consider that.” She swallowed.
“Oh, I doubt that very much,” he laughed.
“I did not,” she snapped, determined for him to believe it.
It was a half-truth at best. Iris had been so shaken by what happened the previous evening, and so resilient in her need to rebuff the duke’s advances, that she had forgotten about what he expected…
what was to come. That despite her desire to ignore him fully, the day would come where he would bed her.
A tingle ran up her spine at the thought. Excitement, it was, which she tried desperately to beat back.
“Be that as it may, it will happen. Only now I am wondering how that might look if in a month’s time you and I are little more than strangers.”
That had her frowning. “Are you saying… you want to spend more time with me?”
“Not at all,” he said, his eyes flashing. “But seeing as you have nothing to do today, all those hours to kill, I thought you might want to…” He clicked his tongue. “How can I put this? Skip ahead and do as I know you want to.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “Excuse me?”
“Was I not clear? Come now…” He reached down the table and rested a hand on top of her own. She eyed that hand, feeling its touch spread through her body. “Let us not play games. If anything, you should want this.”
“I don’t.”
“Think of it like this. The sooner we do, the sooner you can put me from your mind completely. I thought that’s what you wanted?”
“I… I…” Her mouth ran dry. “I told you what I wanted.”
“Words are one thing, but actions are another entirely.” His hand squeezed. “And your actions last night spoke very loudly.”
She shook her head. “That was you.”
“You liked it,” he said.
“You’re wrong.”
“You want more.”
“I want you to leave me alone.”
“And if I refuse?” He flashed his eyes.
Iris’ body was shaking. She could hardly breathe.
Her eyes were trained on his hand as if it was a snake that might bite her, and where it would have been nice for her to be disgusted by it, hating the feel of the duke’s touch and wanting nothing to do with him…
that was a lie too big for her to swallow.
Would it be such a bad thing? He is right, one day, maybe two or three, and then I can put him out of my mind entirely…
She was starting to sweat. Her will was starting to break. Her eyes flicked from his hand to his lips and she remembered how they felt last night, how they tasted, and how her body had exploded when he’d taken her. She had no control. No power. Nothing. And she had loved it…
“No.” She snatched her hand away. “You promised me a month to prepare myself, and you will give me that month.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“I am.” She fixed a glare on him, needing him to see that and not how flushed red her skin had turned.
For the first time, Philip looked angry. That Iris would deny him. That she was the one who had managed to take back some of the control, and he couldn’t have been more put out.
“Fine,” he said, fixing her with a glare. “If that is how it must be…” He pushed his chair back and stood, and she breathed a sigh of relief, certain he was going to leave. “I’ll leave you to your breakfast. I would hate to make you uncomfortable.”
Her heart was still racing but she looked ahead, not trusting herself to meet his eyes because if she did, he might see the truth of it in them. That her saying no just now was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.
He stepped around her and was about to leave, only to pause. Her eyes widened, her breathing still heavy as she looked ahead. But she felt him come in behind her and her skin prickled when he leaned in close so that his lips grazed her ear.
“This won’t be forgotten…” He breathed and she shuddered to feel it creep up her neck. “And just know that the next time, I’ll be sure to punish you for it.”
She said nothing. Body rigid. Stare fixed ahead. It was all she could do to not react to his words. But oh, how she wanted to.
The duke pulled away and she listened to his footsteps storming from the breakfast room. And only once she was alone did she breathe a sigh of relief.
That was too close. Much, much too close.
She had done it. She had turned him down, proving that she was capable of such a thing. But could she do it twice? Was she so strong as that? Iris wasn’t so sure.
That did not go nearly as well as I had hoped…
Philip stumbled from the breakfast room, determined to put as much distance between himself and Iris as was humanly possible.
He needed to get away from her so he could think.
And most importantly, so he could calm himself down and reassess everything he thought he knew about his so-called ‘self-control.’
The idea had been a noble one, and it shouldn’t have been nearly so difficult.
To sit and eat with Iris and do nothing more than engage in pleasant conversation.
Doing so would have proven without doubt that Philip was in complete control here and that he knew what he wanted. Or so he had told himself.
It started when she’d snapped at him. An innocent question asked and she roared like a lioness in his face, setting his hair on end while inducing extreme arousal in his very being.
In that moment, Philip had wanted nothing more than to put her in her place once and for all. To do as he nearly did the previous night and assert himself over her, if for no other reason than to remind her of her place. But he had contained that impulse, desperate to keep things civil.
To prove to myself that I can be.
It became clear to Philip quite quickly that something had changed in Iris overnight.
She seemed determined to distance herself from him once and for all, not giving him a chance to create some sense of civility between them.
And as Philip had already told her he was of the same mind, he was trapped, unable and unwilling to change course.
By then he was intrigued. Aroused. His self-control slipping as his need to prove that Iris wasn’t nearly so controlled bubbled to the fore.
That was why he’d suggested that they speed up the timeline and be done with it today.
If for no other reason than to make her want it, so that he could turn her down.
But she denied me! Dammit, she laughed in my face as she did.
Philip stumbled into his office and slammed the door closed. It was early but he strode to his drinking cabinet, uncorked a bottle of whiskey, and took a long swig. The mere act of being turned down like that was like fire in his blood and all he wanted to do was unleash it like never before.
Where last night, Philip had been determined to prove to himself that he could control his urges around his wife, now he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to. That she could turn him down, that she thought she was that strong, he needed to prove otherwise. Consequences be damned.
I don’t know what to do. To be glad that she is capable of turning me away, forcing me to control myself. Or to prove otherwise, reminding her that she isn’t nearly so strong as she thinks.
It was confusing. It was unheard of. It had Philip questioning himself in ways he didn’t know were possible.
All his life, Philip had spurned the idea of marriage, not trusting it, not trusting that he was deserving of such a thing.
Happiness? Love? These were alien concepts to him.
And now, in one fell swoop, the walls he had spent a life time erecting were starting to crack.
The smart thing to do would be to do as he promised and avoid his wife from this point onwards. But the not so smart thing…
Another swig of whiskey and Philip was no closer to deciding what he was going to do. What he wanted to do. And most importantly, where his wife was concerned—with what she did to him—he wasn’t so sure that he had any choice in the matter.