Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
“There you are!” Philip cried from the top of the staircase. “Iris! Percy—where have you been!” His voice thundered as he hurried down the stairs and toward them.
Iris and Percy had only just arrived home, reaching the foyer with the intent of changing their clothes before presenting themselves for supper.
Having waded their way through the forest, blind for most of it, their clothes were torn and their skin was scratched and Iris didn’t want to think about how her hair must have looked.
“Philip!” Percy cried cheerfully. “You missed quite the little adventure.”
“I don’t want to hear it!” Philip barked as he reached the lower landing. “Now answer me. Where have you been?”
Percy’s cheerful smile faded when he saw the anger in his brother’s eyes. “I was… we were out for a walk, is all. The swimming hole in the forest. You know the one.”
“This late?” Philip snapped.
“To be fair to us, it was not so late when we left for it…” Percy affected a chuckle to try and diffuse the tension. “But we lost track of time and—”
“And you put my wife in danger,” Philip growled.
“Danger?” Percy frowned. “There was no danger. Just a little… caution required, was all. Truly, it was no big thing.”
Philip groaned and rubbed his eyes with vexation. “Do not treat me like a fool, Percy. I know the forest as well as you, just as I know what might happen if one is lost in it.” He fixed Percy in a glare. “The two of you were lucky to find your way out.”
Percy snorted. “You ask me not to treat you like a fool, but that is precisely how you are acting—”
“Silence!” Philip roared.
Iris stood frozen as she watched the scene unfold. Philip’s anger was palpable, and he fixed it entirely on his younger brother in a way that, had Iris not known how close they were, might have made her fearful for the young man.
He is worried for me, that much is clear. But is it really necessary? A tad over dramatic by my estimation.
“Philip…” Iris’ voice was soft, and she reached for her husband, her intention to rest a hand on his arm and calm him. “He speaks the truth, it really was no big—”
“I will deal with you in a moment,” Philip snapped at her.
Iris reared back, caught completely off guard by his venomous spray.
And the look in his eyes… rarely could she remember a time she had seen him so enraged.
Perhaps it was for good reason. Perhaps it came from a place of worry and concern.
But that did not negate how unnecessary it was. How darn rude!
Thankfully, Philip seemed to realize that he had taken his frustration too far.
He sighed and rubbed his eyes again. “You have no idea how worried I was. I thought that… it is not safe in those woods at nighttime. Regardless of how well you know them.”
“We are sorry, brother,” Percy eased him. “I was not thinking.”
“No,” Philip said sharply. “You were not.” He looked between them, clearly still brimming with anger. “Percy, if you do not mind, I think it will be best if you sup alone tonight.” He raised an eyebrow in warning. “In your room, would be best.”
Percy looked to argue but caught his tongue. “Yes… perhaps you are right.”
“Good.”
A moment of tension passed between the three of them. Philip was still shaking. Iris was still bewildered. And Percy, luckily, could take a hint.
“I’ll just…” He clicked his tongue and stepped around his brother. “Leave you to it, shall I?”
“Percy, wait,” Iris spoke after him. “You don’t have to go.”
“I do,” Percy said. “Believe me when I tell you that.” He then reached out and rested a hand on Philip’s shoulder. “Sorry again, brother. I’ll be more careful next time.” Philip said nothing and Percy dropped the hand, quickly scurrying from the foyer.
She and Philip stood in silence as they listened to the fading sound of Percy’s footsteps.
Iris watched Philip closely as they did.
His brow was furrowed, his body was trembling, and he could not bring himself to look at her.
That he was so worried about her brought hope, and she reminded herself of what Percy told her earlier.
Philip’s need to care for people. The constant battle his conscience had, this need against that of his upbringing.
This was not him being mad at her, but with himself.
And with all that had happened between them this last day, Iris decided that she would not try and match the duke’s anger. She did not appreciate him speaking to her this way, but she understood the reason.
He cares for me… I just wish he had a better way of showing it.
“Philip,” she started again, keeping her tone soft. “I am sorry, truly. I did not mean to… I did not think that…” She affected an awkward laugh. “I guess I wasn’t thinking at all.”
“No, you weren’t,” he said, his tone sharp and dismissive. He still couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “Iris, we need to talk.”
“Oh…”
He nodded to himself and then he turned and started toward the staircase. “Follow me, please.” He did not look to see if she followed, walking up the stairs at pace.
Iris had no choice but to follow. She did so with caution, worry stabbing her insides because she sensed that an argument was about to take place.
She thought they had passed this point. That they were beginning to understand one another and what was expected in this relationship.
But how could they do such a thing if every time she acted in a way Philip did not like, he saw fit to chastise her?
She might have been his wife, but she wasn’t a little girl in constant need of protection.
Still, she followed him. They walked down the hall and soon came upon her room. Philip walked in without looking back and she had no choice but to follow.
He was standing in the room’s center, his back facing her.
“Close the door,” he said.
She did so without hesitation, wincing slightly to hear the door click shut as if she was trapping herself inside.
“I want to start by saying…” Philip hesitated, and she saw his hands opening and closing into fists. “I do not blame you for what happened. That, I leave at the feet of my brother.”
“Blame?” Iris had to stop herself from scoffing. “There is no reason to blame anybody.”
“There is,” he said sternly, still not looking at her.
“I don’t… when night came and I learned that you had not returned, that you and Percy were nowhere to be found, you have no idea how worried I was.
” He spoke into his chest, the words rattling as if they hurt to speak.
“I was terrified that something had happened to you.”
Despite herself, Iris smiled. “I know that, Philip. But there was no need—”
“I do not like being made to feel that way,” he spoke over her. “I do not like being put in a position where I am made to worry or… or wonder if you are in danger. Perhaps my words just now were harsh, but you must know why they were necessary. I ask that you don’t put me in that position again.”
This was so hard for him. Iris looked at her husband, understanding now the struggle this caused. He was so desperate to appear strong and in command always, and to worry made him feel weak.
But he could not help it. First there was Percy, his younger brother whom he had cared for despite the shame he likely felt because of it.
And now with his wife, one he did not want, but was forced to accept and welcome into his life.
The push and pull of what he thought he must do versus what he wanted, and the effort it took him to come to terms with such feelings was wrecking him.
“I am sorry,” Iris said, starting slowly toward him. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not.”
She grimaced, feeling an urge to snap at him because she did not appreciate being spoken to like that. But she stayed that urge, needing Philip to know that he was appreciated. And most importantly, that she understood him better than he realized.
“I know why you worry,” she said softly as she reached him. “And you should know how much I appreciate it. But you must also realize that you do not need to worry nearly as much as you do.”
“I do,” he said sharply. “I don’t… it is not a choice that I have, Iris. It is just the way things are.”
“And I love that.” Reaching him, she gently placed her hands on his shoulders.
He tensed at first, but she felt him relax.
“I do. But Philip, I have spent my entire life being looked after – I told you of my mother and how she treated me. How trapped I felt by her. How I had no agency or… or freedom whatsoever because everything I did brought her fear.”
“I remember…”
“I don’t want to live that life again,” she said as she gently squeezed his shoulders. He reached up with one hand and rested it on her right hand. “I want you to worry after me, just as I want you to know that I am capable of looking after myself.”
He winced. “And if you aren’t?”
She laughed gently. “When that happens, then you can worry. Look…” She stepped in closer, her body pressed into his back.
“This is difficult for you, and it is just as new for me. We are both still learning, both still coming to terms with what is expected of this marriage. So that you felt the way you did…” Her free hand moved down his side and wrapped around his waist. “I’m going to forgive you for it this time.
I might even choose to see it as a positive. ”
“Forgive me?” There was an edge to his tone.
“Yes,” she said rightly. “I am good like that.”
She could feel him relaxing; his body no longer trembling, his breathing returning to normal.
“You are, aren’t you.” Her other hand moved so that it was around his waist. “But as I will try harder from now on, know too that I will never stop wanting to protect you. I can’t change that about myself. ”
“Nor should you.”
“At most I can…” He laughed as if something silly was said. “The most I can do is try not to let anger be my first response. That is unless it is warranted.”
She laughed also. “Which even I will admit that it can be at times.”