Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Iris, you have a visitor.” It was Eveline, appearing in the doorway to Iris’ bedroom. She left it open now, determined to begin the healing process, which started by not shutting herself off from the world.
Iris had been reading. Sitting on a chair in the sun, she heard her sister and snapped her head up, her heart leaping through her chest because in her mind there could be only one person who might come and see her.
“There… there is?” she asked hopefully. “Is it…”
Eveline shook her head. “I am afraid not.”
Iris’ heart sank back to where it had been. “Oh…”
“Do you not wish to know who it is?”
“I suppose so,” she sighed, finding that she did not really care. “Who is it then? Aurelia?”
Eveline’s brow furrowed. “It is a strange thing, and I was not sure if you would wish to be told. If you like, I can tell him you are busy and send him away—”
“Who is it, Eveline,” she spoke over her sister.
“It is Lord Robert,” she said, fidgeting now with her hands. “And he was rather insistent on seeing you.”
Iris frowned at the announcement. Lord Robert… what on earth could he want?
She found that she did not much wish to speak with Lord Robert. Not because she held him any ill will, but simply because he represented a part of her life which she wanted to forget entirely. He was the past and she was determined to focus on the future.
That he had come here to speak with her suggested importance. And besides, was she not the one who had been so insistent on the need to forgive and forget? Robert was not Philip, but maybe speaking to Robert would be a good step to take. Her first chance to finally move on…
“As you say.” She sighed and closed her book. “Where is he?”
“He is in the back garden,” Eveline said. “Would you like for me to…” She trailed off.
“No,” Iris told her. “I will speak with him myself.”
“Are you sure?”
Iris laughed. “I am not sure about anything. But things can hardly get any worse, so what harm can it do?”
Eveline did not look as if she believed her, but she did not argue. Rather, she walked with Iris through the home and onto the back deck which sat over the garden. There, Iris saw Robert waiting by the fountain, his back to them as he watched the blue waters bubble in the pool.
“I’ll be here if you need anything,” Eveline told her.
“Thank you,” Iris said back as she started toward her husband’s brother.
She walked the path and Robert heard her coming. He turned and when he saw her, he smiled. It was reserved and a little awkward, back to being his not-so-sure self, rather than that which brimmed with confidence.
“Your Grace,” he said as she came for him.
“Please, Iris is fine,” she said.
He nodded. “Iris, then. I am thinking that this is quite the surprise.”
“You were not at the top of my list for random visitors, that is for sure,” she said with humor. She came to within a few feet of him but stopped short. “And I might ask what this is about, but I assume you will have no trouble telling me.”
Robert sighed. “I came to apologize.”
“Again?” she frowned. “I thought you did that already.”
He laughed. “I did. But I find I have a bit of a knack for it—who would have guessed. So, when on a run, why not press it.”
She did not laugh in return, studying Lord Robert with curiosity because she doubted his apology pertained to that which he had already offered her.
“I have been doing some thinking this past week,” Robert started, the humor falling from his tone. “When Philip and I… I wish to say spoke, but I don’t think that quite covers it.”
“I remember.”
“The point is, Philip accused me of some things. All of which are true. My entire life…” A shake of the head. “I have run from my responsibility, shirking my duty, leaving in my wake chaos and anarchy because I never was much good at taking responsibility for my actions.”
“Robert…” She held out a hand. “You have already apologized to me for what you did. And I already forgave you.”
“Oh, I am not here to apologize for that,” he said.
“No, no. The point of all of this is that I am trying to do things differently. Now, when I do something to cause harm, I intend to apologize for it, without simply running and hoping that in time it is forgotten. I want to change,” he emphasized, and she could see the truth in his eyes as well as hearing it on his tongue. “And that starts right here.”
She gave her head a shake. “I still do not understand what you are apologizing for.”
“You will think it is stupid,” he said with a grimace. “Likely, it is, and it’s all in my head. But again, that is not what matters. Mistakes were made and need to be rectified.”
“What mistakes?”
“I have been hounded with guilt these past few days, whenever I think back to my unannounced visit at your home. And the way I left it…” Another grimace.
“I worry that my intrusion might have upset my brother, and that it might have added some tension into your marriage. My fear being that I acted as a spoiler, and all that has happened since was a direct result of, well…” He let his shoulders slump. “Of me being me.”
Iris stared with bewilderment, taken completely by surprise at Robert’s words. “Robert… that is… surely, that is not why you are here?”
“It is the only reason,” he said seriously. “I wish to make amends. And after I leave here, I will visit my brother again. At the very least I can try and right one wrong before it is too late.”
She exhaled and shook her head at him. “I appreciate what you are saying, Robert. But you must know, your visit had no effect on my marriage whatsoever.”
“There is no need to lie for me, Iris.”
“I am not lying.”
“Oh?” He looked at her with a disbelieving expression.
“And the fact that you moved out the following day is just a coincidence? That you are now living with your sister—one of the four you have, mind you. It made you rather hard to find,” he chuckled.
“I know this is my fault, Iris, and where I might not be able to change what I did, the least I can do is make amends.”
There was an irony here somewhere, Iris was sure.
That Robert of all people was the one to apologize, doing so not because he thought it would change anything, but because it was the right thing to do.
Not seeking forgiveness. Not trying to fix anything.
Just admitting his mistake, for better or for worse.
If only Philip might learn from him. If only I might learn from him…
She smiled softly, closed the gap between them, and rested a hand on his arm. “Robert, I appreciate that you thought to come here. So much. But you need to know that what happened with your brother and me had nothing to do with you.”
“But—"
“I assure you, Philip’s and my problems are our own, caused by my hand, confirmed when I was unable to admit my own mistakes.” She scoffed. “And Philip was unable to forgive them. You had nothing to do with it.”
His brow furrowed. “Truly?”
“Truly.”
Robert sighed with relief. “Well, that is… I hesitate to say good news. You and my brother,” he began. “Might I ask what… or how it happened? Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Sadly, no. It is for us to work through. Which we are still far from doing. It takes a lot to admit when you are wrong, and it takes just as much to forgive. I pray that I might be so strong.” She squeezed his arm thankfully. “But again, I do appreciate—”
“Robert!”
The call washed across the garden like a hammer smashed against a gong. Iris’ eyes widened and she snatched her hand back from Robert’s arm. Robert grimaced and his body turned rigid, fear present in his eyes.
“What is the meaning of this!” It was Philip, of course, and Iris turned just in time to see him striding across the garden toward them. “Well! Answer me!”
For days now, Iris had wondered if Philip might come and see her. And every time she had dared to do so, she’d thought through how it might look. The reasons and the consequences.
Would he come to apologize? Would he come to denounce her once and for all? Would he be happy? Sad? Forgiving? Vengeful? She pictured it all, and in none of them could she say which version of Philip she might have preferred.
I do know one thing. This is possibly the worst of a bad scenario. Philip heated, anger taking him, and unwilling to listen because when he gets like this no man is more stubborn than he.
“Ph—Philip!” Robert stammered. “I… this is not… I was just about to come and see you.”
“You need not have bothered,” Philip snapped as he came for them. “A waste of time, as I would have turned you away at the door. Now, you will be lucky if that is all I do.”
Somehow, Robert managed to draw himself up. “I do not wish to argue with you, brother. Nor do I wish to fight.”
“And I care for what you wish, because?”
“I want to apologize.”
“And I don’t want to hear it.” Philip stopped short of where the two were standing. Body shaking, he was careful to keep his gaze fixed upon his brother as if Iris were not there.
“Maybe not,” Robert agreed. “But I am going to, nonetheless. I have been doing some thinking lately and—”
“I don’t want to hear it!” Philip barked.
Then he rubbed his eyes with frustration and groaned.
“Do you need to hear me say it again, Robert? Will that finally hit home? It is too late for apologies—a lifetime of misdeeds and you can’t decide suddenly that you deserve forgiveness.
And that I should give it! That’s not how it works. ”
“I don’t want forgiveness.”
“Whatever you want, you will not get it from me,” Philip snapped. “For too long, I have lived with your mistakes. I have excused them. It is time that I do as I should have years ago and cut you loose.”
“Philip…” Robert started, voice dropped to a whisper and laced with pain.
Iris looked between the brothers, seeing once again a mirror image of the same problems which plagued Philip’s and her relationship. Mistakes made and unwillingness to forgive. And pain suffered because of it.