Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“I…” Philip’s nerves surged to the fore, suppressed earlier when he’d confronted his brother, now well and truly taking him. “You look lovely,” he said lamely.
“Thank you,” Iris responded simply. “As do you.”
He hadn’t been expecting the confrontation with Robert.
Dammit, he hadn’t been expecting to see his brother here at all.
When Philip had decided that he needed to see Iris to tell her once and for all how he was feeling, that he was ready to admit it to himself, the last thing he had wanted to do was fight with his brother right in front of her.
And it had very nearly gone as badly as he could have predicted.
As luck had it… or maybe it was fate? Iris’ being there had made all the difference.
Philip had come here to admit everything to her.
How his past had affected him. How it was still holding him back.
How he struggled to forgive himself, unable to see that past mistakes were not worth losing her over.
And in Robert, he had his chance to prove this once and for all.
He very nearly hadn’t done. He had come so close to forgetting his promise to himself. But Iris… she was the calm in the storm, reminding him what he was doing this for.
If he’d had any doubts concerning whether this was the right thing to do or if he were too late, they faded like mist in sunlight. And what was more, from the look in her eyes, one of adoration and even love, he was certain she was on the same page as him.
“Iris.” He gave his head a shake and firmed himself. “You and I need to talk.” Nervous laughter. “Although I feel that we’ve needed to do so for some time.”
“We have,” she said simply, giving nothing away.
“I want to start by…” Philip was trembling, his tongue growing thick in his mouth. “Concerning what happened between us, your knowledge of Percy and failing to tell me after I had said how much I did not want you finding out about my past. I—”
“Philip, you need to know that was wrong of—”
“Please,” he cut over her. As he did, he made sure to be looking at her so she could see that he was not upset. “If you wish to apologize, you may. But only after I do first.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you are doing?”
He laughed gently. “Trying. The thing is, I was angry with you. Furious, might be a better word. But it wasn’t until some time later that I came to realize it was not you who I was angry with, but myself.
I only wish I’d realized this a few days ago or before it all happened. ” More nervous laughter.
“What do you mean?”
“You know about Percy. You know about my mother. So, you must know how I behaved when I found out what she did to my father. I refused to forgive her, thinking it the right thing to do. And even when she fell sick, still I would not forgive her. And then, after she died, the guilt I felt…” He felt it then, a pang in his chest. “But I am stubborn.”
“I have noticed,” she said with a sly smile.
“And rather than admitting that I was wrong, I doubled down. The same goes for marriage, blaming my mother, using that as a reason not to wed. I was so convinced that I was in the right and that nothing would change that. And then…” Finally, a smile found his lips, one that reached his eyes. “And then you happened.”
“Oh…” she stammered, and he could see hope flash behind her eyes.
“I have been wrong about so many things,” he admitted, and as he did he could feel the weight of all he had done wrong leaving him.
“Most of all, I have been wrong in my inability to admit that mistakes, poor choices happen to all of us. And when they do happen, to ignore them or push them to the side or to stay angry…” He bit into his lip, his chin quivering.
“I am tired of always being angry, Iris. And I am sick of blaming people for these mistakes. Especially when they don’t deserve it. ”
“Does that mean…”
“It might be too late to say it,” he said quickly.
As he did, on a chance, he reached for her hands.
She allowed him to take them, and Philip felt her touch spread through him in ways he had forgotten.
“But I am sorry, Iris. I should not have blamed you—dammit, I should have told you everything in the beginning. You made a mistake. As did I. And where I don’t deserve forgiveness, you do. ” He squeezed her hands. “So much.”
Iris took in a deep breath and it looked as if she were trying to keep herself from smiling. “May I speak?”
“Please?”
“As is the theme today, I too would like to say sorry.”
“You don’t have—”
“I do,” she cut over him, raising a warning eyebrow. “What? You think you’re the only one allowed to ask for forgiveness? I should not have kept my secret from you, and I should have told you as soon as I found out. That was wrong and I am sorry.”
Philip could not help but smile. “It goes without saying but I forgive you.”
“I thought you might.”
His smile grew. “I should have come here days ago, Iris. But…”
“You are stubborn.”
“And stupid. But I’m done denying what I know and what I want.”
“And what do you want?” she asked.
He squeezed her hands as he met her eyes. “I want you as my wife, Iris. Our marriage was… strange, to say the least. It didn’t always work. But it has changed me for the better, and without you there I fear that I might revert to what I was.”
“Oh. So, you only want me there to keep an eye on you.”
“What?” His eyes widened. “No, that is not—”
“I am joking, Philip,” she said with a soft chuckle.
“Although…” He saw it then, uncertainty behind her eyes.
Philip felt his chest tighten, not at all sure what it meant.
“As you have been thinking lately, as have I.” She hesitated then and he could feel in her hands how nervous and unsure she was.
“I appreciate the apology, you have no idea how much. I just worry…”
“Worry about what?”
“That you and I are too different to work,” she said with a bereaved sigh. “Is that not how this all started to begin with? Despite how far we came, that we started at such different places. Don’t you worry that we are doomed to failure?”
“Do you?”
“I have done…” She looked away. “And these last few days I have convinced myself of the fact.”
Philip’s first instinct was to panic. He had not expected this at all. Of all the things to worry about, that Iris thought they were not compatible was beyond his realm of expectation. And where he might have devolved and broken down as was his way… no. She cannot be more wrong.
“Clearly, you and I have different ideas of what it means to be compatible,” Philip said, his smile growing. “From where I stand, if anything, we are too similar.”
She frowned and leaned back. “What do you mean?”
He laughed. “When we first married and I wanted nothing to do with you. What did you do?”
“I…” She considered.
“You treated me as I was treating you. Stubbornly. And when we did finally confront one another, what happened?” He raised an eyebrow.
“We fought. Then we made up. Then we reverted to how things have been because at the slightest hiccup, our natural inclination was not to talk about it but ignore one another. And our last fight, again, we did the same thing. I think I was in the wrong, you think you were in the wrong, and rather than confronting it we chose to ignore it.”
“Philip…” She shook her head. “That is not—”
“Our past has defined us,” he spoke over her.
“Different upbringings, the same result. But through it all, one thing is certain, Iris.” He let go of her hand and rested it on her cheek, refusing to break eye contact.
“That you and I are the same. For better or for worse, we are too similar not to be together.”
Her brow furrowed. “I… I am not so sure I agree.”
“That is because you are stubborn.”
She widened her eyes at him. “And you are not?”
“I am,” he agreed with a large smile. “And that’s the entire point.”
Philip held her face with one hand, looking into her eyes, seeing her come around. But as stubborn as she was, she still fought against what she must have known to be the truth.
And in that, Philip knew what he had to do.
Iris opened her mouth to argue a final time but Philip did not give her a chance. He pulled her face to his and planted a passionate kiss on her lips. Iris froze, half made to pull away, then melted into him and allowed the kiss to take her.
Philip’s other hand found the side of her face so he could hold her there. Lips parted. Their tongues meshed. And as the sun shone down upon them, their kiss finalized and confirmed what they were both feeling.
Enough with the lies. Enough with the doubt. I love this woman, and I can feel in her kiss that she loves me too.
But still, there was one final thing Philip needed to do.
He pulled away, still holding her face in his hands. “Before you say anything else, there is something I need to show you.”
“Show me? What…”
“Not here,” he said. “You want to see how willing I am to change? To make this marriage work as I refused to do before? Let me show you how.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will,” he assured her. “But first, you need to come home.”
She did not respond but she did not have to. A smile took her face, reached her eyes, and in those same eyes he saw her answer. Just as he saw how much she loved him.
Philip’s only real regret was that he hadn’t thought to apologize sooner. A mistake, he knew, but one Iris was willing to forgive him for.