26. Emmeline
26
Emmeline
I hold tightly onto Uri’s hand as I lead him out of the gym and down into the kitchen. He’s tense with every step we take, his breathing loud and heavy.
I don’t know if he’s panicking or if he’s just coming to terms with his decision, so I stay quiet. He didn’t protest when I said we needed to go back to the pack, that he’d benefit from being with them.
But now that we’re actually going there, I’m probably just as nervous as he is.
Will Sterling be upset I didn’t shout at Uri? I was so angry when I left him, and that all crumbled when Uri started to open up.
Will Paxton take this personally and feel like it’s another failure that rests on his shoulders?
What about Oscar? My scent-sensitive alpha is unlikely to be happy that we’re coming back to him when Uri’s scent is so distressed. Will he blame me? Think I’m a bad omega for not being able to soothe my alpha properly?
“Breathe,” Uri demands, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand as he pulls me to a stop. I freeze, turning hesitantly to look at him. “Good girl. You’re starting to panic, little omega.”
“I’m not.” The lie is bitter on my tongue, and Uri just grins.
“Want to try that again?” he teases.
I grimace and shake my head. “Fine. I’m just… nervous, I guess. The last time we were all together… it didn’t go very well, and I’m scared of the response.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, little dove,” he says softly. “But I can understand why you are. How about we go through and get comfortable in the living room instead of the kitchen where everyone will be gathered? I guarantee there’s at least two blankets you can burrow under and a fire I can turn on to warm you up.”
“Not that… living room that I was in earlier?” I tentatively ask, shivering at the thought of going back into that cold, sterile room. The anxiety slams into me sharper and more painful than before.
Uri shakes his head. “That’s not somewhere we typically gather. It’s specifically for when we have guests at the home that we don’t want to invite in further.”
I nod slowly, another wave of anxiety washing over me. This one’s stronger than the last, and my entire body trembles.
“Come, let me show you,” he says, and I’m a little amused as he takes the lead this time. No longer tense or nervous, my alpha gently pulls me along, not tugging, just encouraging.
His steps don’t slow or hesitate, even when we walk past the kitchen where the other three are, and I’m relieved when he takes me down the left corridor rather than back towards that living room.
He pushes the door open, and it’s like every single nerve relaxes when I’m hit with a wave of their combined scents. The spicy cinnamon from Paxton combined with the sweet honey from Uri. A strong wave of almond and nutmeg from Oscar melding beautifully with the green tea from Sterling.
I had no idea how nice it would feel to bask in their scents, but, goodness, I don’t think I ever want to leave it.
Uri steps to the side, and I don’t hesitate in pushing past him to get closer to all of them. I should be ashamed at the way my instincts guide me—at the way they force me—but I’m not.
I’m just relieved.
Relaxed, even.
As Uri promised, there’s blankets here, and I don’t pause before grabbing one from the back of the sofa. It’s large, thick, warm, and I am in love with the pale blue colour.
It’s beautiful.
And mine.
I take a deep inhale and let out such a loud purr. For the first time in… well, forever, I finally feel at home. These scents—these men—they’re everything.
I rub the blanket over my neck, my scent gland tingling as I scent mark myself with their scents, and then I do the same with my wrists. Only once the blanket has some of my scent, too, do I wrap it around myself.
My smile is wide when I look over at Uri, and the instinct to keep purring can’t be ignored.
“I take it you’re a fan,” Uri says with a laugh. I don’t even blush, the embarrassment that should be here is so, so far out of reach. “I’ll go let the others know we’re going to be chilling in here, okay?”
“Okay.”
As he leaves, I take a moment to look around the room. I can’t help but compare it to the other sitting room and how much happier I am here instead.
The sofa alone could fit at least five—maybe even seven—people, and two oversized armchairs flank it like thrones. I don’t know who sits where, so don’t take a seat, but the large selection of cushions is something that makes me very happy.
There’s a huge TV on the light blue wall, and on the off-white wall opposite is an array of photos. I don’t look too closely, but Uri’s dark curly hair is obvious, even from here.
There’s a fake plant pot on the windowsill and a huge bookshelf that I plan to raid at some point. Once things calm down, at least.
Right now, I just want to sit under this blanket for the next twenty-four hours and let myself soak up all of the calm and contentment before I have to go back to work on Monday.
“You guys good?” Oscar asks, barely even looking at me as he enters the room. He walks straight over to the window and starts adjusting the curtains.
Paxton follows after him, wearing a pair of black shorts and a white t-shirt. His hair is damp, and he smiles at the sight of me.
“You look so cosy,” he says, grinning. “Are you happy in your dress?”
I glance down and shrug. I’d prefer some soft pyjamas. Maybe some fluffy socks. Definitely taking my hair down.
But then again… do I really want to leave?
“Let me go grab you something to wear,” he says, and I gasp. He smirks at me, a teasing glint in his deep brown eyes. “You don’t have a very good poker face, little treasure. Your head says one thing, but your body says another.”
I groan, and he laughs. Without even an ounce of hesitation, he steps towards me, brushes a soft kiss against my forehead, and strides out of the room.
Uri and Sterling walk into the room one after another, and I don’t know what was said in the kitchen between them, but they’re far more relaxed. Uri genuinely looks younger, as if a lot of tension has been eased.
Sterling smiles at me. “You can sit down, you know.”
“She’d be wasting her time,” Oscar says, moving away from the windows. It’s darker in here now with the curtains closed, but it feels so much cosier. The alpha— my alpha— doesn’t hesitate to turn on the lamp in the corner of the room.
“Don’t say that,” Uri snarls, his growl echoing through the room in the best way. Sterling immediately edges forward, but I think my purr gets far more of a reaction from the men.
It’s problematic, really, how turned on a simple growl makes me.
Is that something I can blame on pregnancy hormones?
I doubt it.
“He didn’t mean it offensively,” I offer when three pairs of eyes turn to me. “Paxton has gone to get me something to change into.”
“Yeah, that,” Oscar says, waving his hand. As he strides past me, I get a stronger whiff of his nutty scent, and my eyes flutter shut.
I’m obsessed with it.
With being here with them.
“Well, I’m just glad we’re all back together,” Sterling says, and I can’t tell if the cheer in his voice is genuine or emphasised to make a point.
“Me, too,” Oscar adds, finally finishing preparing the room. He regards Uri carefully, and I don’t know what the pointed look on his face is for. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be coming back.”
Uri cocks his head, raising a brow. “What were the odds?”
Sterling groans, mouthing something at me that I miss. I giggle anyway as he places his glass of water onto the coffee table. He doesn’t bother with a placemat before dropping onto the left side of the seven seater.
He spreads his ankles out in front of him, getting extremely comfortable. I’m quite jealous of how much he’s sunk into the sofa. It looks so perfect.
Uri moves to the other side of the sofa, spreading out so his feet are directed towards the corner of the long L-sofa. Oscar still hasn’t chosen a seat, and, honestly, it’s making me a little anxious.
The others are content, and Sterling tosses the TV remote towards Uri. Oscar doesn’t comment, just rocking back and forth on his heels. I tense briefly when I hear footsteps but relax as Paxton joins us once more.
“Here you go,” he says, passing me over a long-sleeved jumper.
I don’t know who it originally belonged to, the scent completely gone from it, but I do know that it’s mine now. It’s huge, red, and a very soft material. There’s a pair of small, pink pyjama pants to go along with it, which is quite surprising.
“We bought a few bits for you this afternoon,” Paxton says with a sheepish neck rub. “The size might be off, but we figured you’d want something of your own.”
“That jumper is mine,” Oscar protests, and I immediately offer it back to him, despite the urge to whine and shove my head in it so he can’t take it back for himself. Oscar just shakes his head. “No, you can have it. I was just correcting Paxton.”
“You’ll get used to, well, that,” Paxton says, and I nod. “Go get changed, and then we’ll get a plan made, okay?”
I shiver and nod my head. I keep a tight hold of the blanket, not willing to part with it in case any of the others take a liking. Sure, they’d probably give it back to me anyway, but then I’d feel guilty, and it would be a whole thing.
This way, I get custody over the blanket and the jumper.
Paxton directs me to the downstairs bathroom, and I quickly get changed. The speed at which I strip the dress off to replace it with the jumper is impressive. I’m more leisurely with the pants, using the toilet first, so I can get myself sorted.
I think once I cocoon into that sofa, it’s going to take a lot more than my tiny and weak bladder to get me to move.
But yet, when I re-enter the living room not even ten minutes later, there’s an awkward tension in the air that wasn’t there before. Oscar’s now sat down on the floor, just next to the coffee table. He has a tablet in front of him, but he’s quite tense.
Paxton’s face is tight with frustration, and Uri looks like he’s one step away from leaving.
Again.
Sterling’s the only one who seems unaffected. I don’t like it. I don’t understand what has changed so rapidly or why they’re all so… angry at one another.
“What’s going on?” I ask, looking around at everyone nervously.
Paxton’s face immediately softens, and he shakes his head. “Nothing, little treasure. We’re okay. Come, sit.”
He gestures at the long sofa that Uri and Sterling are sharing, and I’m tentative as I move towards it. Every single eye is on me, and, honestly, I’m scared to even breathe .
“Are we back to the lying, then?” Sterling drawls, and I startle in my movements.
I come to a sudden stop, not even a foot away from him, and he reaches out, lifts me onto the sofa, and somehow manages to adjust the blanket around me so I’m burrowed under it. He’s flawless in the moves whilst still giving Uri a stern look.
“Our omega just rescued Uri from a spiral. Let’s all just sit down before someone starts doing push-ups to cope,” Paxton says. He’s trying to joke, to keep things light-hearted, for my sake, I think.
But his tone falls flat, and nobody’s lips even twitch.
“Don’t you think that maybe…” I trail off, not sure if it’s my place to intervene.
“Maybe what?” Oscar demands, looking over at me. “I don’t have enough data to guess what you were going to say.”
“Do you think that if we’re doing this, or trying… that we should, I don’t know, try and get on the same page?” I bite my bottom lip. “You guys are a pack. A family. And it’s just… well, sad.”
“What’s sad?” Uri asks gently.
“All of you.” I tug the blanket in closer.
Oscar goes back to tapping his tablet very aggressively. His scent sours, and it tickles my nose in an uncomfortable way. I hang my head, burying it into the fabric soaked in his nice scent instead.
“I think Emme is right,” Paxton says gently. “We’re broken. Our pack, our minds… we’re just fucked.”
“I haven’t been fucked,” Oscar protests, his eyes darting to mine in fear, I think. The look on his face is almost like he’s urging me not to believe the lies Paxton’s saying.
So earnest. So… cute.
I bite my lip, not wanting to smile, but, goodness, he’s adorable.
“Pax doesn’t mean literally fucked,” Sterling says, rolling his eyes. “He just means that we’re a mess. That we’re barely functioning.”
“I didn’t stay because I thought I was ready,” Uri says, and my heart stammers. I clutch the blanket tighter, terrified. “I stayed because Emme asked me to.”
Two pairs of eyes dart to me, but I don’t have the confidence to meet them. I can’t.
I don’t want to fix him. To fix any of them.
I don’t think I can.
I’m a big enough mess all on my own.
“You asked him to stay?” Sterling asks softly.
“I did.” I bite my lip, not hard enough to draw blood but close enough. Tears well up in my eyes, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the whine of distress.
All three alphas immediately react with purrs and low growls. Sterling pulls me closer to his side, wrapping his arm around me.
“Use your words, little treasure,” Paxton pleads. “Tell us.”
“I don’t want to fix anyone. I don’t think I can, and I’m scared of that kind of pressure,” I whisper, and I feel Sterling freeze underneath me. “But I also, well, I don’t want to be the reason that you’re all hurting any more either.”
“Oh, love.” Sterling’s words sound harrowed, tortured, even, as he brushes a soft kiss to my temple. Unlike my alphas, he doesn’t growl or try to soothe me with sounds.
He uses his touch.
Soft kisses, gentle hands, and tight hugs.
It makes everything inside me calm, even though, rationally, I know it shouldn’t.
Sneaky beta.
Oscar puts the tablet down and scoots closer along the floor. He doesn’t sit on the sofa, but his hand goes underneath the blanket to wrap around my ankle.
Firm and gentle. Warm and cold.
Oxymorons, sure, but it suits Oscar just perfectly.
Paxton gets off his sofa to come and sit next to Sterling and I, and Uri adjusts so he’s sitting up and paying full attention. All of them get as close as they can, and the urge to nest is hard to ignore.
I want them all with me.
Somewhere safe.
Somewhere I can leech their scents, their warmth, their presence.
Because even though we’re all together right now, part of me is scared that they’re going to disappear once again.
“You’re not the reason that we’re like this, little dove,” Uri says gently. “You want to blame someone? Blame me . This is my fault.”
“It’s neither of your fault,” Paxton says sharply. “We all know where our trauma goes back to.”
“Ugh,” Oscar mutters, shaking his head. “I’d rather die than have to hear her name again.”
“So dramatic,” Sterling teases.
“Let’s stay on point,” Paxton says, his eyes darting around the room with a warning. “We were never built to function alone. It’s been the four of us for so long, and, after her , we’re all fumbling along.”
“Seems a bit dramatic,” Oscar says, tightening his grip on my ankle.
“Do you think… could I go home?” I ask, clutching the blanket in my hands. I lift my head and meet Oscar’s eyes, not feeling brave enough to look at Sterling, Uri, or Paxton.
But instead of understanding, I find confusion in Oscar’s icy grey orbs.
“I don’t think any of us want you to leave, little dove,” Uri says, shaking his head.
“Not a chance.” Sterling’s grip tightens on me, and I relax into his hold once more. “Nothing will get resolved without you here.”
“Without putting the burden of our issues on you, little treasure, Sterling’s not wrong,” Paxton says with a heavy sigh. “None of us have really recovered from—” he cuts himself off to look at Oscar before finishing his thought, “Lacey.”
Oscar gags, and I have to smother my giggle in the blanket. Now is not the time to laugh, not even a little bit.
The grip on my ankle tightens, and Oscar buries his head into the blanket that I’m clutching.
“I can’t stop breathing you in,” he murmurs.
“You what?” Sterling asks, but my cheeks are a darker red than Paxton’s shirt at this point. I heard Oscar crystal clear.
“It’s all well and good calling out our problems,” Paxton says. “We never really unpacked what she did to us. We just… shut down, then moved past it all. But if we’re not willing to do something about what happened?—”
“I don’t deserve to be here,” Uri says, cutting Paxton off. “Every single time I let my guard down, I hurt someone. First, Henry. Then William. Then Lacey.”
Henry must have been the first boy. But there was a second? I wonder how old he was. I wonder what happened to him.
“Lacey was a toxin that deserved everything she got,” Sterling snarls. “But you did fuck all to her. She was manipulative. Poisonous. Darkness. ”
Uri hangs his head and has a full body shudder. “You don’t get it. None of you do.”
“Who is William?” I whisper, my voice tentative, my limbs trembling.
Uri doesn’t look up at me. His eyes stay fixed on the floor, on some invisible memory nobody other than him can see. His jaw clenches, and, for a moment, I don’t think he’s going to answer.
I wouldn’t blame him. Not after how much he’s shared tonight.
But then, quietly, he shares, and my stomach clenches tighter and tighter with each word he speaks.
“He was a beta that we went to university with,” Uri says quietly. “He was a year younger. Quiet. He… looked up to me, I think. I don’t really know. I didn’t understand, not until it was too late.”
Sterling stills behind me, the tension in his shoulders nearly vibrating. There’s a look shared between him and Paxton that I don’t understand at all.
“He attacked me one night. No warning. Nothing. He was angry. At me, at himself, at the world.” Uri’s voice drops, and he hangs his head in his hands. “I broke his arm and his ribs. I punctured a lung. He nearly died. He was in the hospital for weeks and then transferred out of the university—I never saw him again after that night.”
Uri’s voice deepens, the husk clear to hear. I can’t see his tears, but with the way his scent turns bitter, I know they’re there. He’s truly broken, and I fucking hate the world for letting this happen to him.
Paxton growls low in his throat, his chest vibrating. My eyes fly to his face, but my alpha isn’t looking my way. Instead, he’s focused on Uri, and, honestly, I’m quite scared of the intensity in his gaze.
Angry, frustrated, and… guilty ?
“You were attacked, Uri.”
The giant alpha shakes his head. “I just reacted. I hurt him. Once again, I acted with my fists rather than my brain.”
“Oh, fucking hell,” Sterling hisses.
“Don’t,” Paxton warns as Oscar’s hand tightens around my ankle. Honestly, I get the feeling I’m going to bruise there from his hold. “You were attacked that night, Uri. You suffered a concussion, a broken leg, and a couple of cracked ribs. You’re lucky his shot was so shit and he shattered his baseball bat or you would be dead right now.”
I whimper, a shudder wracking through my body, and I let Sterling and Paxton comfort me. Uri still refuses to look my way, his guilt dragging him down.
“I’m so mad that you’ve found a way to feel guilty over that night and that fucking fool,” Oscar says, rolling his eyes. There’s an edge of annoyance in his tone. “You acted in the best way you could. His injuries were all due to self-defence, and, honestly, you could’ve snapped his neck and still got off with it.”
“I would’ve,” Sterling mutters, the dark tone causing me to shiver.
“Nobody talked about your injuries because of him, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that we ignored your grief,” Paxton adds gently. “But this ends tonight. We’re not going to sit here and let you wallow and drown in guilt when there’s nothing you should be ashamed over.”
“Nothing,” I echo.
I reach out and place my hand on Uri’s knee. He’s hunched over, his body just in reach, and I know that this small touch is what he needs. I can’t fix his pain. I can’t erase his guilt.
But I can reassure him that, no matter how badly he thinks himself a monster… I don’t agree.