Chapter 29 #3
“Indeed not,” Elizabeth said. He gave her a disbelieving look, and she began differently.
“Fitzwilliam, I think you have improved in civility since I have known you, and you could hardly be called selfish now. You have no improper pride.” She stepped closer.
“I can say now with complete honesty that you are perfectly amiable.”
“I thank you for defending me so valiantly. However, in general, I cannot forget others’ offences against myself as soon as I ought, and Mr Wickham’s transgressions .
. .” Darcy shook his head. “Elizabeth, I could have hated him forever and been glad about it, and I might have found not only satisfaction but joy in knowing he suffered, and delight if he died.”
Implacable resentment was a shade in a character, but she did not fear for him any longer.
Darcy must have come to fear that wrath would consume him if he willingly allowed Wickham to contract typhus and die.
“Did seeing Mr Wickham in the Fleet make you realise that his incarceration for defaulting on so many debts was as far as justice could go? That nothing could restore Georgiana to us?”
He seemed to be speaking more to himself when he said softly, “Seeing him reminded me of what it means to be a good man, a man my parents would be proud of, a man you could esteem. I am glad that I went, otherwise . . .”
“Otherwise, Fitzwilliam, you would be a young man of good fortune with everything in his favour who was remarkably sad and angry, and happiness would elude you for the rest of your life.”
“My resentment, my hatred for Mr Wickham, never went so far as to let him die in gaol, thanks to you.”
Elizabeth put her arms around him. “I might owe you the same thanks. My ire at the injustices I suffered as a dependent at my relations’ mercy might have someday been released upon a single target, like Mrs Cuthbert or Mary.
I might have become a bitter woman. It already made me very ill.
” She pulled away to look into his face.
“I am grateful you married me when I asked.”
“I just gave you a home. Whatever resentment you were able to rise above had more to do with your own character than me.”
“If I had been unhappy in Netherfield’s lodge with you, if you disliked me, if you did not respect me, I might have resented you, too, and been discontented and bitter.
It might have even stopped my heart after all.
I went from meagre comfort to amiable camaraderie to a partnership with a man I can both love and respect. ”
“You just needed to have a change from the place where you felt oppressed by the anguish of your heart. That you happened to love me is incidental.”
After she kissed him, Darcy gave her an expressive look and said, “Elizabeth, what do I not owe you? I might have remained hateful if not for you, and not just in regard to Mr Wickham. It might have cast a shade over my temper for the rest of my life. In this whole affair with Georgiana and Mr Wickham, you have been a comfort to me, a counsellor, a friend.”
She tried to sport with him to tease him out of his pensive mood. “Is that all I am to you?”
He did not catch her tone. “It was in the beginning,” he answered in earnest, “but not any longer. I ardently admire and love you now.”
Elizabeth gave an amused sigh at his gravity.
“How convenient for your temper that you found someone to love in Meryton.” She toyed with his waistcoat buttons and then rested one hand against his chest. “Even half the sum of attraction to me might have been enough. After all, you had nothing else to do in a small market town.”
Darcy finally understood her lively manner and grinned. “And you had hardly anybody in your life to love. You might as well have married me because I was single and present.”
“I suppose I might as well love you because we are married.” With the edges of her teeth, she nipped at his lower lip. “Do you think you might have an affection for me, too?”
“I may as well treat you affectionately since you are here. My feelings for you are tolerably intense.”
“Only tolerably?” His heartbeat thundered under her palm, even through his clothes, as she gave him a bold look. “Perhaps you could improve upon those feelings right now?”
He kissed her fiercely, his hands twisting the back of her gown.
As Elizabeth kissed him back, fumbling with the buttons of Darcy’s trousers, she was aware of the flushed heat of her own skin, her heart beating faster.
While his tongue still tangled with hers, he unfastened the drop-front of her gown, and then made quick work of untying the panels underneath it and roughly pushing any fabric he found out of his way.
Her breasts employed his hands and mouth for some time, and once she hitched her skirt up, so did everything beneath it.
Elizabeth had only managed to work his trousers to the floor before closing her eyes and nearly expiring in bliss.
She was barely able to stand let alone move from the languor of all of her limbs when he was done, and Darcy gently pressed her to sit on the edge of the bed.
She eagerly fell back with a smile while Darcy stood in front of her, pushing her skirts up to her hips.
She never felt more adored than she did when his eyes ran over her, pleasure lighting his face, as Darcy stepped between her legs.
A sigh of anticipation slipped from the back of her throat.
His slow movements had her moaning for more, and they soon gave way to a rapid, demanding pace until he fell on top of her, his wonderfully heavy weight pressing her down.
She wrapped her legs and arms tightly around him as he kissed, sucked, and bit at the curve of her neck.
His quicker thrusts, laborious breathing, and soft moaning declared the imminent approaches of his own rapture and brought hers on again.
After, while they laid next to each other, she knew he was listening to the steady beat of her heart.
As far as she could judge, he was deep in thought.
“Why are you solemn, Fitzwilliam? You proved that your feelings have moved beyond merely tolerably intense to an ardent admiration. And that my heart is capable of strenuous exercise.”
He exhaled a soft laugh. “I am happy to prove it at any time of your choosing.” His expression shifted to seriousness. “What we said before, about my having nothing to do in Hertfordshire, and you having no one else in your life being the only reasons we married . . .”
“I was sporting with you.”
“It is true that you did not wish to be pitied or tyrannised in your last months of life, and I never wished to be admired for a fine house and noble connexions. However strange or even selfish the means by which we came to find one another . . . are you now happy, dearest Elizabeth?”
“Are you?” she asked, knowing the answer full well.
“More than I ever thought possible.” Darcy held her a little tighter.
“And so am I. I may have always been at someone else’s mercy, but you cannot think that what we found with one another is less valuable because we initially married for convenience.”
“I think we have something that can scarcely be put into words. I once thought that affection in domestic life might be possible, but that passionate love was rare, unlikely even.”
“It still is rare and unlikely. That only means we must value what we have all the more.” Elizabeth rested her head against his chest. “Do you remember that Georgiana said that I married you because you are attractive and clever?”
“I remember. She also said I married you because you are engaging and cheerful.” His joyful tone grew more thoughtful. “I know there is more to our union than that, but perhaps she was not as wrong as we imagined her to be at the time.”
“I had previously thought that love was the only foundation of happiness in a married state. However, I find grief, convenience, and a fatal diagnosis to be an equally profitable foundation for domestic felicity.”
Darcy exhaled a small laugh and ran his fingers through her hair. “We married for reasons few would comprehend if they were discovered by the world.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Who could believe that our arrangement could lead to such a union as we now have?”
“So, far from being really injurious to our felicity, our arrangement was perhaps conducive to it. It provided us something we could never have found with anyone else, and by presuming our time was finite, it made us more patient and grateful than we might otherwise have been.” She gave him a lingering kiss.
“My heart ailment led to the happiness of my life.”
“I am so thankful your heart is well, Elizabeth.” Darcy’s voice was low and affectionate. “I need a lifetime with you.”
THE END