CHAPTER 29
IRIS
The sun is already up when I open my eyes, and my cheek still throbs with a dull ache that pulses every time I move my jaw, but at least I can talk now without wincing like I’ve been struck all over again. Letting my gaze drift from the edge of the bed, then down to the floor.
That’s odd I think to myself. Neatly arranged close to the door are shopping bags, piled high beside the bed like someone has robbed an entire mall and dumped the loot in my room, designer labels I’ve only ever seen in passing stacked in neat rows with dresses and shoes and handbags and jewelry boxes gleaming under the morning light.
I stare at them and feel nothing, no excitement or gratitude or even curiosity, because none of this matters when the only question burning in my chest is whether Ilay is even alive.
That’s all I care about right now.
Is he alive?
The question has been clawing at me since I woke up in this place, gnawing at the edges of my sanity because every time I close my eyes I see him on that road, bleeding and falling, and I don’t know if he made it or if I’ve already lost him before I could figure out what he even meant to me.
The door swings open and the maid walks in, her face bright and cheerful like she’s been waiting for this moment all morning.
“Oh, miss, you’re finally up,” she says, practically glowing with satisfaction. “Come, let me help you bathe, the masters have been waiting to have breakfast with you and they’re so eager to see you looking well.”
I glance at the bags again, my stomach twisting. “What is all this?”
“Oh, the masters bought everything for you themselves,” she says, beaming like this is the best news she’s delivered all week.
“Master Roman, Master Kirill, and Master Radimir went out personally to pick the finest things, they want you to feel comfortable and at home here, they said you’ll look absolutely stunning today, miss. ”
I don’t respond because there’s nothing to say, I just follow her to the bathroom and let her fuss over me while my mind spirals.
After she helps me wash and dry my hair, I walk back to the pile of clothes and grab the first thing I see, not caring about brands or impressions. I ignore the expensive jewelry in velvet boxes and reach for my own simple pieces from home.
Then I make my way downstairs, on unsteady legs, I feel a lot stronger than yesterday and I follow the sound of voices until I reach the dining room.
We round a corner and reach a formal dining table filled with plates of food.
When I walk in, Roman looks up and goes still, like any sudden movement might send me running, while Kirill remains beside him, silent and watchful, his eyes following me as I cross the room.
Radimir practically jumps out of his seat, his face lighting up when he sees me. He takes a step toward me, arms half-raised like he wants to hug me but isn’t sure if he’s allowed. “You’re awake, I’m so glad, I was so worried about you all night.”
I step to the side quickly, putting space between us before he can close the distance. “Please don’t.”
He stops immediately, his face falling just a little, and I can see the hurt flash across his features even though he tries to hide it. “Right, sorry, too fast, I understand, I just….I’m happy to see you up.”
Roman clears his throat. “Morning, little sister.”
Kirill nods. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I say flatly. I sit down and they all sit too, moving carefully like they’re afraid of scaring me off, and one of the staff asks if they should bring more food.
Radimir speaks before I can. “Bring her more options, let her choose whatever she wants.”
I shake my head. “No need, this is fine.”
“Are you sure?” he asks gently. “You should eat properly, you need your strength.”
“I’m sure.” Breakfast is quiet and awkward, at this point I’m not hungry, I’m just waiting for a chance to ask the only question that been plaguing my mind.
“Where’s Tessa?” I look up at Roman and Kirill.
Roman exchanges a glance with Kirill, then looks back at me. “She had some complications, her ribs weren’t healing right so we moved her to the hospital, she’s in surgery now to make sure everything heals correctly.”
My chest tightens. “Surgery?”
Kirill nods. “She’ll be fine, the doctors said it’s routine, they just need to make sure there’s no internal damage.”
I want to see her, I need to be there, but I’m so weak I can barely make it down the stairs without feeling dizzy.
I hate that I can’t be there for her, she’s in a hospital bed because of me.
“Can I see her when she’s out?” I ask quietly.
Roman nods. “Of course, as soon as she’s stable we’ll take you.”
I look down at my plate, guilt twisting in my stomach. Tessa got hurt because of me, she came with me when she should’ve stayed safe.
After breakfast, the four of us move to the study, and the moment the door closes I know this is going to be hard.
We sit down and coffee is brought in, I take a cup but I don’t drink, my hands won’t stop shaking and I feel a lump in my throat, along with a throbbing headach.
Radimir speaks first. “I want to say again how sorry I am for what happened, for how my men treated you, it wasn’t right and I should’ve protected you better.”
I look at him and say. “You’re only sorry because I’m your daughter, if I was just some random woman you wouldn’t care.”
He doesn’t argue, his eyes dropping, and the truth sits heavy between us.
“But,” I continue, “I’m not here to judge you, I came to deliver my mother’s message and then I’m leaving.”
He nods slowly. “Alright.”
I take a breath and recite the words, every single one burned into my memory.
“She wanted you to know that she doesn’t hate you, she said: ‘I don’t hate you, I love you, I know you did everything you could for us to be together but it wasn’t meant to be, I hope you live a better life than I was able to, I’ll never forget you even in death, even as I took my last breath all I could think about was you and the time we had together, we have a child, one that our love created, and I pray that one day you’ll meet her and love her the way I wished we could have together, but my time is up, with love, Elizaveta. ”
After my word ends I don’t cry, he on the other hand starts to tremble, tears spill over, and he turns away like he’s ashamed but they keep coming. “Elizaveta,” he whispers, his voice breaking. “My sweet Elizaveta, I’m so sorry, I couldn’t save you.”
He keeps repeating it like she can hear him, and part of me wants to comfort him but I don’t because I don’t know this man.
So I stay seated and let him cry while Roman and Kirill watch.
Roman moves his gaze to me, and once he sees that I'm staring at him. He smiles and open teeth smile. From where I’m sitting. It looks so forced and terrifying.
I catch myself laughing quietly, not because anything is funny but because this whole situation is absurd.
Roman smiles thinking he amused me, and Radimir looks up. “At least my crying made you laugh.”
I blink. “Oh, no, it wasn’t that, it’s just his face, he looks like he’s always one second from either killing someone or telling a joke.”
Roman leans back, amused. “Well, Dad, looks like I made her laugh before you did.”
Kirill smirks and Radimir frowns. “Shut up, Roman.”
Radimir turns back to me. “Thank you for the message, it meant more than I can say, I just wish I could’ve seen her one more time.”
“Even if you had, the illness would’ve taken her,” I say honestly.
He nods, swallowing hard. “So now that you’ve told me everything, can I ask you something?”
“We’re already talking, ask.”
“You said you want to leave Russia,” he says slowly. “Why not stay with us?”
I don’t hesitate. “No.”
“Why not?” he presses. “You don’t have family in Germany anymore, but here we’re alive and we want to know you.”
“Alive for now,” I say. “And even if I stayed, what would I be staying for, this place is nothing but danger and bad memories, at least in Germany I had peace.”
But even as I say it, I know it’s not entirely true, because Germany is empty now without my mother, and here at least there are people who want me even if I don’t know if I want them back.
And then there’s Ilay.
If there’s peace, if they broker a ceasefire, maybe I could see him without it being a death sentence, maybe I could figure out what we are without everyone I care about ending up dead.
Radimir leans forward. “Just try, get to know us, maybe you’ll change your mind.”
I look him in the eye. “You’re criminals, I’m a lawyer, I put people like you in prison.”
He smiles faintly. “I don’t care what you do, as long as I have my daughter here I’ll take it.”
I sigh, exhaustion pulling at me. “No, I’ve made up my mind, and besides I need to know if Ilay is alive.”
The words slip out before I can stop them, raw and desperate, and I don’t even care anymore because that’s the truth, that’s the only thing that’s been burning in my chest since I woke up.
Roman speaks up casually. “Oh, he’s alive, that man’s impossible to kill, trust me he’s fine.”
Relief floods through me so fast I almost gasp, my chest loosening because he’s alive, Ilay is alive, and suddenly everything feels just a little bit more possible.
But Radimir’s expression shifts, his eyes narrowing. “Are you and Ilay together?”
My eyes widen. “No, absolutely not, it’s just a client relationship, I’m just relieved my family didn’t kill him.”
I turn to Roman. “Why did you kill Spencer Wright?”
“Orders,” Roman says simply. “Spencer had documents that could’ve shifted the balance, right now Ilay controls about seventy-nine percent of Russia’s underworld and half of the top crime networks across the EU, if he’d gotten those documents he would’ve had leverage over the political networks we control, and that last percentage would’ve tipped everything in his favor, we couldn’t let that happen. ”
He pauses, then adds, “Our father controls most of the political side, he has ties that go deep because of our mother, who’s dead now, she was the daughter of a very powerful governor who was regarded almost like a godfather in certain circles, so father has influence that Ilay doesn’t, but if Ilay had gotten those files he would’ve been untouchable. ”
I stare at him. “So that’s why you killed Spencer and kidnapped me.”
Roman nods. “You were leverage, we needed to know what Spencer found out.”
I scoff. “Don’t you feel any remorse?”
He smiles. “I feel remorse for what happened to you and for innocent people, but men like Spencer knew the risks.”
I shake my head. “I just wanted to know if you had a conscience.”
I stand. “I’ve said what I came to say, it’s time to leave.”
I’m almost to the door when Roman grabs my arm. “Can we talk privately?”
I look at Radimir and Kirill, then nod. “Fine.”
“Can you give that old man a chance?” he says quietly. “He hasn’t done anything to hurt you, just stay a little longer.”
I narrow my eyes. “Why.”
He exhales. “We’d even consider a ceasefire with the Morozovs if it means keeping you safe.”
His words catch me because if there’s peace maybe I could have both, maybe I could see Ilay and have my family without everyone dying.
I sigh. “Okay, I’ll stay for a while, but after that my decision is mine.”
He pulls me into a tight hug. “Thank you, little sister.” When we return, I look at Radimir. “I’ll stay for a while, but only for a while.”
Radimir stands so fast his chair nearly falls, and he crosses the room and wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair.
“My princess, thank you.” I just sigh, letting him hold me even though it feels strange because I don’t know how to be someone’s daughter anymore.
But in my mind, only one thought remains clear. Ilay is alive. And somehow I need to see him, I need to figure out if I can have both him and this family without losing myself or watching everyone I love destroy each other.