CHAPTER 35 #2
"I know," he says, his forehead dropping to rest against mine.
"I know, and I've regretted it every second since you walked out that door, I've replayed that moment a thousand times, wishing I could take it back.
" We stand there for a moment, breathing the same air, the tension between us so thick I can barely think straight.
"Why are we doing this to each other?" I ask quietly. "Why can't we just let go?"
"You know why," he says. "You feel it just as much as I do, this thing between us, it's not something you can just walk away from, it's in our blood now, in our bones."
"I have to try," I whisper. "People keep getting hurt when I'm around you."
"Then let them get hurt," he says, his voice hard. "I don't care about anyone else, I only care about you, the rest of the world can burn for all I care."
"That's the problem," I say, pulling back slightly to look at him. "You don't care about anything except what you want, you don't see the damage you cause, the lives you destroy."
"I see it," he says. "I just don't give a fuck, not when the alternative is losing you, I would rather watch the world end than lose you." Silence falls between us, heavy with everything we're not saying, all the impossible choices, all the pain we've caused each other.
Then he steps even closer, eliminating the last bit of space between our bodies, his hand moving from my face to the back of my neck, his fingers threading through my hair.
"Iris," he whispers, his breath warm against my lips, his eyes searching mine like he's looking for something he's afraid he won't find.
Then he kisses me. It's not rough or demanding like I expected, it's slow, almost careful, like he's afraid I'll disappear if he moves too fast, like he's trying to memorize the taste of me.
I don't know why I kiss him back, I should push him away, should tell him this is wrong, should stick to my plan and keep my distance, but instead I find myself leaning into him, my hands coming up to grip his shirt, pulling him closer.
The kiss deepens, his tongue sliding against mine, his hand tightening in my hair while his other hand presses against the small of my back, pulling me flush against him so I can feel every line of his body.
I can feel the hard planes of his chest, the way his heart pounds under my palm when I slide my hand up to rest over it, the evidence of how much he wants me pressing against my hip.
He walks me backward until my legs hit the edge of the bed, then he pulls back just enough to look at me, his eyes dark with want, with pupils blown wide.
"Tell me to stop," he says, his voice rough, strained.
"Tell me you don't want this, that you don't want me.
" But I can't say it, the words won't come, all I can do is pull him back down to kiss me again, harder this time, more desperate.
He responds immediately, his hands moving to the zipper of my dress, sliding it down slowly while his mouth moves from my lips to my jaw to my neck, kissing and biting gently at the sensitive skin there, marking me.
My dress falls to the floor in a pool of fabric, leaving me standing in just my black lace bra and matching panties while he's still fully clothed. "Not fair," I whisper, tugging at his shirt with trembling fingers.
He smirks slightly, pulling back to unbutton his shirt with quick, efficient movements, then shrugging it off his shoulders to reveal all that golden skin, the hard muscles, the scattered scars, the tattoos covering parts of his chest and arms.
I've never seen him like this, shirtless, completely bare from the waist up, all that power and danger on full display.
"You're staring," he says, amusement in his voice despite the heat in his eyes.
"I've never seen you without your shirt," I say, my fingers reaching out to trace one of the scars across his ribs, feeling the raised tissue under my fingertips. "You're covered in scars."
"Occupational hazard, and mostly by your dear old daddy and grandpa," he says, catching my hand and bringing it to his lips, kissing my palm. "Does it bother you?"
"No," I whisper. "It’s sexy." He pulls me down onto the bed with him, his body covering mine, his weight pressing me into the mattress while his hands explore every inch of exposed skin, learning the curve of my waist, the dip of my hip, the softness of my thigh.
His mouth follows the path his hands take, kissing down my neck, across my collarbone, lower still until he reaches the edge of my bra, then he looks up at me with a question in his eyes.
I nod, unable to form words. He reaches behind me and unhooks it with practiced ease, tossing it aside, then his mouth is on me again, his tongue circling my nipple while his hand palms my other breast, the dual sensation making me gasp and arch into him.
"Ilay," I breathe, my fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer. "Say it again, baby" he murmurs against my skin, his teeth grazing my nipple gently.
"Ilay," I repeat, and he rewards me by sucking harder, sending sparks of pleasure straight down to my core. He moves lower, kissing down my stomach, his stubble rough against the sensitive skin there, then he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my panties.
But instead of pulling them down with his hands, he leans forward and catches the lace between his teeth, looking up at me with those dark, dangerous eyes while he drags them down my legs slowly, the sight so erotic it makes my breath catch.
"You're going to kill me," I whisper. "I wouldn’t dare," he says with a wicked smile, tossing my panties aside.
"I'm not done with you." He spreads my legs wide, settling between them, his hands gripping my thighs to hold me open while he just looks at me, his gaze so intense I feel exposed in a way that has nothing to do with being naked.
"You're so beautiful," he says, his voice clipped. "I could look at you like this forever."
Then his mouth is on me, his tongue moving in slow, deliberate circles that make my hips jerk off the bed, chasing more of that sensation.
He holds me down with one hand splayed across my lower stomach while his tongue continues its work, alternating between broad strokes and focused attention on that bundle of nerves that makes me see stars.
"Oh God," I gasp, my hands fisting in the sheets, my head falling back.
He slides one finger inside my pussy, then two, curling them to hit that spot that makes my whole body tense, his mouth never stopping its assault on my clit.
The combination is overwhelming, pleasure building low in my belly, coiling tighter and tighter with each stroke of his tongue, each thrust of his fingers.
"That's it," he murmurs against me, the vibration sending another wave of sensation through me.
"Let me hear you, I want to hear every pretty sound you make.
" I moan louder, my inhibitions completely gone, my body chasing the pleasure he's giving me.
He adds a third finger, stretching me, his pace increasing while his tongue works faster, harder, pushing me closer and closer to the edge.
"Ilay, I'm going to," I gasp, my thighs starting to shake, every muscle tensing.
"Come for me," he says, his voice commanding. "Let go, I want to taste you when you come."
I shatter, my body convulsing around his fingers, waves of pleasure crashing through me so intense I can't breathe, can't think, can only feel while he works me through it, his mouth gentling but not stopping until I'm gasping and pushing at his head from oversensitivity.
He kisses his way back up my body, his lips shining with evidence of what he just did, then he kisses me deeply so I can taste myself on his tongue.
"You taste so fucking good," he says against my lips. "I could spend hours between your legs."
"Later," I gasp. "I need you inside me now." He stands, unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants down along with his boxers, stepping out of them and kicking them aside.
Then I see him fully naked for the first time, and my breath catches in my throat.
He's big, bigger than I imagined, thick and hard and already leaking at the tip, and suddenly the reality of what's about to happen hits me.
"Oh my God," I breathe, my eyes widening as I stare.
"That's not going to fit, there's no way.
" He looks down at himself, then back at me with a slight smirk.
"It'll fit, I just prepared you for it."
"No it won't," I say, genuine panic creeping into my voice as I sit up slightly. "Ilay, you're too big, I've never... nothing like that has ever..."
"Iris," he says gently, moving back over me, caging me in with his arms on either side of my head.
"Look at me." I drag my eyes away from his size to meet his gaze.
"Trust me," he says. "Your body can take me, I made sure of it, I prepped you, stretched you, got you so wet you're dripping, you can do this. "
"I don't think I can," I whimper, even as heat pools in my core at his words. "You can," he says firmly, kissing me softly. "And I'm going to go slow, I'm going to make sure you feel good the whole time, I promise I won't hurt you more than necessary."
"More than necessary?" I repeat, my voice going higher. "The first time always hurts a little," he says honestly. "But I'm going to make it as good as possible for you, just trust me, okay?"
I nod slowly, even though I'm terrified.