CHAPTER 38
IRIS
He falls quiet for a moment after that while his hand continues to stroke my hair with a rhythm that’s slowly losing its coordination. I notice his movements are slowing down significantly and his breathing is becoming deeper and heavier with every passing second.
"I'm tired," he mumbles with a thick voice that sounds foreign coming from him. "That's strange."
"You should sleep," I say softly as I try to keep my voice steady so he doesn't suspect anything. "I don't get tired this early," he says with confusion clouding his eyes. "I usually stay up until three or four in the morning."
"It's been a long week," I offer as an excuse.
He leans down to kiss me with sluggish movements, and I turn my face away at the last second so his lips land on my cheek instead.
, He pulls back slightly while his eyes struggle to focus on my face.
"Not this again. It feels like one step forward and two steps back with you.
" "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm just tired. "
"Then sleep," he says as he wraps his arm around me from behind to pull me back against his chest. "I've got you." But his grip is getting weaker by the second and his breathing is getting heavier as the drugs take hold. A few minutes pass before his arm goes completely slack around my waist.
"Something's wrong," he mumbles, and his voice is barely coherent now. "This isn't normal because I don't just fall asleep like this." I stay completely still and silent as I wait for the inevitable. "The wine," he says slowly as realization cuts through his confusion. "You drugged me."
My breath catches in my throat but I don't deny it because there's no point in lying now. He laughs quietly, but the sound is rough and fading fast. "I knew that drink tasted wrong."
I turn slightly to look at him while tears stream down my face. "Why would you drink it if you knew?"
"Because even if you gave me poison I'd take it," he says as his eyes struggle to stay open and a small smile touches his lips. "I'd take anything from your hands, Iris. Anything."
"You're insane," I sob.
"I underestimated you though," he says with his words slurring badly now. "I thought maybe you put a little something in there to make me drowsy but I didn't think you'd try to knock me out completely. How much did you put in there?"
"Enough," I whisper. "Enough to kill someone," he says as his smile fades. "But not enough for me. Just enough to put me to sleep for a while so you can leave."
"Yes," I say as my voice breaks. "Smart girl," he mumbles while his eyes finally close. "But it won't work because I'll find you. I always find you."
"I know," I whisper. "I meant what I said," he says, his voice barely audible now. "About your family. One year is all they get. I'm giving them that year for you because that's how much I love you."
"I know," I say again as the tears fall faster. "Don't cry," he says as his hand tries to reach up to touch my face but falls short. "You're doing what you think is right and I understand. That doesn't mean I won't come for you though."
"I know you will," I say. "Good," he breathes out. "As long as you know." Then his breathing evens out completely and his body goes limp as he falls unconscious.
I sit there for a long moment watching him sleep and memorizing every line of his face because I know this might be the last time I see him.
"I'm sorry," I whisper to his sleeping form. "I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry for lying to you and for drugging you and for leaving you, but I can't watch you destroy them. I can't choose between you and them so I'm choosing neither. I'm choosing to run."
I force myself to move, even though every part of me wants to stay, wants to climb back into bed with him and pretend none of this is happening. I try to stand but my legs give out immediately, too weak from everything we just did, and I collapse to the floor beside the bed with a soft thud.
I can barely walk. My whole body is shaking, sore, and exhausted, my legs feel like they're made of water, like the bones have been removed and replaced with jelly.
I grip the edge of the bed and pull myself up slightly, then start crawling toward where my clothes are scattered across the floor, my movements slow and unsteady, my arms trembling with the effort.
Every muscle screams in protest, my thighs trembling so badly I have to stop and catch my breath, barely able to support my weight even on my hands and knees.
I reach my dress and pull it toward me, sitting back on the floor to try to put it on, my hands shaking so badly I can barely grip the fabric, my fingers fumbling with the material.
It takes me three tries to get it over my head, my arms too weak to lift properly, too sore from bracing myself against him, my whole body protesting every movement.
I manage to pull it down over my body, not bothering with my bra or underwear, just needing to be covered, needing to get out of here.
,I look back at the bed, at Ilay sleeping peacefully, his face relaxed, all the tension gone, oblivious to what I'm doing.
Fresh tears stream down my face but I force myself to keep moving.
I have to get out of here before he wakes up.
I grab onto the dresser and pull myself up using it to support my weight, my legs shaking so badly I nearly fall again, my knees buckling.
I take one step, then another, holding onto the wall for support, my body barely cooperating, still feeling him inside me, still marked by everything we just did, my inner thighs sticky and sore.
I make it to my purse and grab it, slinging it over my shoulder, the weight of it nearly pulling me back down to the floor.
The door feels a million miles away., I force myself to walk, one shaky step at a time, leaning heavily on furniture, on the wall, on anything I can use to stay upright, my vision blurring with tears.
I make it to the door finally, my hand on the handle, and I stop, unable to leave without looking back one more time.
He looks peaceful in sleep, younger somehow, without all the violence and rage that usually defines him, his body covered in marks from my nails, evidence of what we did, of what I'm leaving behind.
"I'm sorry," I whisper to the empty room, to his sleeping form, to the ghost of what we could have been. "I'm so sorry for everything." Then I turn the handle and pull the door open, using the frame to support myself as I step into the hallway.
I freeze.
Seven guards stand in the hallway, all of them turning to look at me the moment the door opens, their expressions alert, ready. They were stationed outside the entire time. "Miss Iris," one of them says, stepping forward. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," I say quickly, my voice shaky, trying to move past them but my legs nearly give out. Two of them immediately move to support me, their hands reaching out. "Don't touch me," I say, pulling away, bracing myself against the wall. "I'm fine, I just need to leave."
"Where is the Pakhan?" another guard asks, his eyes moving to the open door behind me. "Is he alright?"
"He's sleeping," I say, trying to sound normal, trying to keep my voice steady. "We just had a talk, it got intense, I'm just leaving now. Don't disturb him."
"We should check on him," the first guard says, starting to move toward the door. "No," I say sharply, louder than I intended. "He doesn't want to be disturbed. He told me specifically, no one goes in there." They exchange glances, clearly uncertain.
"Miss, you don't look well," one of them says gently. "Let us help you."
"I said I'm fine," I insist, pushing off the wall and taking a step, my legs shaking so badly I nearly collapse.
Three of them move forward immediately, their hands outstretched to catch me.
"Don't touch me!" I nearly shout, catching myself against the wall.
"I don't need help, I just need to leave. "
"We can't let you leave like this," the lead guard says firmly. "The Pakhan would have our heads if something happened to you."
"Nothing is going to happen to me," I say, tears starting to stream down my face. "I just need to go home, please, just let me go."
"We need to check with the Pakhan first," he insists, moving toward the door again.
"If you wake him up, I will start screaming," I say desperately, my voice breaking.
"I will scream so loud this entire hotel will hear me, do you understand?
He's finally sleeping peacefully, don't you dare wake him up. "
They all freeze, staring at me. "Please," I beg, my whole body shaking.
"Please just let me go. He knows I'm leaving, we talked about it, everything is fine, I just need to go home.
" The guards exchange uncertain looks, clearly torn between their orders to protect me and their orders to not disturb their boss.
I take advantage of their hesitation and start moving down the hallway, using the wall for support, my movements slow and unsteady.
"Miss Iris, wait," one of them calls out, following me. "At least let us escort you. Let us make sure you get home safely."
"No," I say, not stopping. "Stay here. Guard him.
Make sure no one goes in that room until he wakes up.
That's what he would want." I make it to the elevator and press the button with a trembling hand.
Two guards follow me, staying close but not touching me, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.
"We really should check on him," one mutters to the other.
"She said not to," the other responds quietly.
"And she's his... you saw how he is with her.
If she says leave him alone, we leave him alone. "
The elevator arrives and I step inside, gripping the railing immediately. The two guards move to follow me in. "No," I say firmly. "Stay up here. Watch the room. I'll be fine."
"Miss—"
"That's an order," I say, my voice shaking.
"From your Pakhan's wife. Stay here." They hesitate, then step back, letting the doors close.
I collapse against the wall the moment I'm alone, my legs giving out, sliding down to sit on the floor.
The ride down feels like it takes hours, each floor passing slowly, my body shaking with exhaustion and tears.
When the doors open, I force myself to stand again, gripping the railing so tight my knuckles turn white, pulling myself up on trembling legs.
I make it through the lobby somehow, one agonizing step at a time, leaning on every surface I pass, the wall, a chair, a decorative table, anything to keep myself upright.
The night concierge looks at me with concern, starting to move toward me.
"Miss, are you alright? Do you need assistance? "
"I'm fine," I manage to say, my voice hoarse, waving him off with a weak hand.
"Just tired. Please, I'm fine." He hesitates but doesn't follow as I make it to the exit, pushing through the revolving door with the last of my strength.
Outside, the cold air hits me like a slap and I nearly collapse again, my body shivering violently.
I see a taxi parked near the entrance and wave at it weakly, barely able to lift my arm, my whole body threatening to give out.
The driver sees me and immediately gets out, his eyes widening as he takes in my state, rushing over to help. "Miss, are you okay?" he asks, genuine concern in his voice as he opens the back door. "Do you need me to take you to a hospital?"
"No," I manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper. "No hospital. Just drive. Please, just drive." He supports my weight as I practically fall into the back seat, my body collapsing against the leather, unable to hold myself up anymore.
"Where to?" he asks gently. I give him the address of the estate, my voice shaking, barely able to form the words. He nods, closing the door gently, then gets in the front and starts driving.
As we pull away from the hotel, I look back through the rear window one last time, seeing the building disappear into the distance, knowing that upstairs, seven guards are standing outside that door, protecting a man who doesn't know yet that I've destroyed him.
Tears stream down my face, my whole body shaking.
I just drugged him, lied to his guards, and left him unconscious in that hotel room.
And I know, deep in my bones, that when he wakes up and his guards tell him I left, when he realizes what I've done, there will be nowhere far enough to hide. He will find me. He always does.