CHAPTER 42 #2
She shakes her head. “I don’t believe you.”
“Then don’t,” I say, shrugging. “But it’s the truth. I’ll do anything for you, Iris. Anything. Even tolerate your family.” She slides down the wall, sitting on the floor with her head in her hands.
I sit down beside her, not touching her. Just being close. “I just want a peaceful life,” she whispers, her voice breaking with exhaustion. “Is that too much to ask?”
“With me, yes,” I say honestly. “My life will never be peaceful. There will always be danger. Always be blood. Always be chaos. But I promise you this. I will protect you. I will keep you safe. And I will love you until the day I die.”
She lifts her head, tears streaming down her face. “I don’t want protection. I just want to be normal, Ilay. I want to live a normal life.”
“What does that even mean?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“It means waking up without worrying if someone’s going to shoot at me that day,” she says, her voice rising with desperation.
“It means going to work at a law firm where the biggest drama is office politics, not whether my client is going to have me killed. It means coming home to a house that isn’t surrounded by armed guards.
It means marrying a normal guy. Someone who works a nine-to-five job.
Someone who doesn’t have blood on his hands.
Someone who takes me to dinner without checking for snipers first. Having normal conversations about normal things.
Maybe having normal babies who won’t grow up learning… ”
My hand shoots out, grabbing her throat and slamming her back against the wall so hard the picture frames rattle on their hooks.
“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?” I roar, my vision going completely red. Her eyes go wide with shock and fear, her hands coming up instinctively to grip my wrist. “Ilay…” she gasps, her voice strangled.
“A NORMAL GUY?” I bellow, my face inches from hers. “YOU WANT TO MARRY A NORMAL GUY?”
“I didn’t… I just meant…”
“You just meant WHAT?” I snarl, my grip tightening slightly. “You just meant you want some other man? You want HIS babies? You want HIM to touch you?”
“No! I didn’t mean it like that!”
“THEN HOW DID YOU MEAN IT?” I scream, and I can feel myself shaking with pure rage. “Explain to me how you can sit here, in MY house, after admitting you LOVE ME, and tell me you want to marry someone else!”
“I just want a normal life!” she cries, tears streaming down her face.
“WITH ANOTHER MAN!” I roar back.
I release her throat only to punch the wall right next to her head with all my strength. The drywall crumbles under my fist, leaving a gaping hole and white dust everywhere.
She flinches violently. “How DARE you,” I say, my voice dropping to something low and deadly. “How fucking DARE you.”
“Ilay, please…”
“You think I saved you just so you could run off and marry some boring, pathetic, NORMAL man?” I ask, laughing bitterly.
“That’s not what I meant!”
“That’s EXACTLY what you meant!” I shout, my voice echoing off the walls. “You said it! You said you want to marry a normal guy! Have normal babies! Live a normal fucking life!”
I grab her face with both hands, forcing her to look directly at me. “Let me make something very clear to you, angel,” I say, my voice shaking with barely controlled rage. “There will NEVER be another man. Do you understand me? NEVER.”
“You’re hurting me,” she whispers, more tears falling. “Good,” I spit. “Because you just ripped my fucking heart out.”
I release her and pace away, running my hands through my hair roughly. I want to break something. I want to destroy everything in this room. I want to find this imaginary normal man and kill him a thousand times. The thought of her with someone else.
Some normal, safe, boring man putting his hands on her. Kissing her. Fucking her. Getting her pregnant. Making her happy in ways I never could. I spin back around, and she’s still pressed against the wall, crying and shaking.
“You want to know what will happen if you try to marry someone else?” I ask, my voice eerily calm now.
“I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him slowly. I’ll make him suffer in ways that will make Hell look like a vacation.
And then I’ll kill everyone he’s ever loved.
His parents. His siblings. His friends. His coworkers.
Every single person who ever mattered to him. ”
“Stop,” she begs, covering her ears. “And after I’m done,” I continue, stepping closer to her, “after I’ve erased him from existence, I’ll come for you. And I will make you wish you never said those words.”
“I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
“You DID mean it,” I say. “You meant every word. You want to escape me. You want to pretend I don’t exist. You want to live some fantasy life with a man who will never love you the way I do.”
“That’s not true!”
“ISN’T IT?” I shout.
I grab her shoulders, shaking her.
“You’re MINE, Iris! MINE! Not some normal guy’s! Not anyone else’s! MINE!”
“Okay!” she screams back. “Okay! I’m yours! Just stop!” But I can’t stop. The rage is consuming me, burning through my veins like poison.
“Since the moment I saw you, you’ve been mine,” I say, my voice breaking slightly. “Every breath you take belongs to me. Every heartbeat. Every thought in your head should be about ME. Not some imaginary normal man who doesn’t fucking exist.”
“I know,” she whispers, her whole body trembling.
“Do you?” I ask, leaning in close. “Because it doesn’t sound like you know. It sounds like you’re still fantasizing about leaving me. About building a life without me.”
“I was just… I was just scared,” she says, her voice barely audible. “I’m scared of this world. I’m scared of the violence. I’m scared of losing you.”
“Then don’t fucking talk about marrying someone else!” I roar. I step back, breathing hard, trying desperately to get myself under control. She slides down the wall again, pulling her knees to her chest, sobbing into her hands.
And suddenly, all the rage drains out of me like water from a broken dam, replaced panic. What if she really does want to leave? What if she really does hate me? What if I’ve pushed her too far this time?
I kneel down in front of her, reaching out to touch her face. She flinches away from me, but I do it anyway, gently this time.
“Look at me,” I say softly. She doesn’t. “Iris, look at me.” Reluctantly, she lifts her head. Her eyes are red and swollen, her face streaked with tears.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it. “I’m sorry for scaring you. For hurting you. But you have to understand. The thought of you with someone else… it drives me insane. It makes me want to destroy everything.”
“I know,” she whispers.
“You’re mine, and I will never let you go. Never.”
I stand up, running my hand through my hair again, trying to calm down. “Get dressed,” I say, roughly. “Let’s go have breakfast. You need to eat something.” She doesn’t move. Just stays there on the floor, staring at me with wide, frightened eyes.
“Iris,” I say, softly. “Come on. You need to eat.”
Slowly, she nods and gets to her feet. She won’t look at me directly. Won’t come near me.
I fucked up. I scared her. But I’m not sorry for what I said. Only how I said it.
She disappears into the bathroom, and I hear the water running. When she comes out ten minutes later, she’s changed into clothes I had brought for her. A soft gray sweater and black leggings. Her face is washed, but her eyes are still red and puffy.
She follows me downstairs, keeping several feet of distance between us. Like I’m a wild animal that might attack at any moment.
Maybe I am.
The dining room is large, with a long mahogany table that could seat twenty people easily. But it’s just the two of us. I pull out a chair for her, and she hesitates for a long moment before sitting down.
I take the seat beside her, close enough to touch but not touching.
The housekeeper brings out breakfast. Scrambled eggs with herbs, buttered toast, fresh fruit arranged artfully, and steaming coffee.
Iris stares at her plate but doesn’t pick up her fork. I eat a few bites, watching her out of the corner of my eye. She just sits there. Picking at the edge of her napkin. Moving her fork around on the plate but not actually eating anything.
Minutes pass, and so does my patience. “You don’t like the food?” I ask finally.
She jumps slightly at my voice, like she forgot I was there. “No. The food is fine.”
“So why aren’t you eating?”
“Can’t I just not want to eat?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. “You can,” I say calmly, setting down my fork. “But there are consequences.” I stand up and walk to the kitchen door, calling out. “Maria. Helga. Come here, please.”
Two middle-aged women appear in the doorway almost immediately. They’re the housekeepers I hired yesterday. “Yes, sir?” Maria asks, smiling politely. She glances at Iris, her smile widening warmly. “Good morning, ma’am.”
Iris tries to smile back but it comes out shaky and weak. “My wife doesn’t like the food,” I say pleasantly, as if commenting on the weather.
Both women’s faces fall immediately, panic flashing in their eyes. “Oh no,” Helga says, wringing her hands anxiously. “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Is it not up to your standards? Is something wrong with the taste? We can make something else. Anything you’d like. Please, just tell us.”
“No,” Iris says quickly, her eyes darting to me in panic. “No, it’s not that. The food is fine. Really. It’s perfect. I’m just… I’m not hungry right now.”
“Okay,” I say with a slow nod. Then I pull out my gun. Both women freeze completely, their faces going white as sheets. Iris’s eyes go wide with horror. “Ilay…”
I point the gun directly at Maria’s head. “She refuses to eat your food because she thinks it’s shit. She’s just too polite to tell you that you’re awful cooks.”
“No!” Iris shouts, standing up so fast her chair falls backward with a loud crash. “No, that’s not true! The food isn’t terrible! It’s perfect! I’m just not hungry!”
I keep the gun trained on Maria, who’s gone completely still except for her trembling. A single tear rolls down her cheek. “Are you going to eat, angel?” I ask calmly, not taking my eyes off Maria. “Or do I have to put a bullet through somebody’s skull this morning?”
“I’ll eat!” she says desperately. “I’ll eat! Just put the gun down! Please!”
“Then start eating,” I say simply. She grabs her fork with shaking hands and starts shoveling food into her mouth frantically. The women stand there frozen, watching her eat with tears streaming down both their faces now.
Helga starts crying silently. I keep the gun pointed at them until Iris’s plate is completely empty. She eats everything. The eggs, the toast, every piece of fruit. All of it. She’s eating so fast she’s barely chewing.
When she’s done, she looks up at me, her face pale and her eyes pleading. “I’ve eaten. Everything. Now let them go. Please.”
“Good girl,” I say, lowering the gun slowly and tucking it back into my waistband. I turn to the women with a pleasant smile. “You’re dismissed. Thank you for breakfast, it was wonderful.”
They practically run out of the room, stumbling over each other. Iris stares at me, her chest heaving with rapid breaths. “Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to threaten them? They didn’t do anything wrong!”
“Because if I didn’t, you wouldn’t have eaten,” I say reasonably, sitting back down and picking up my coffee. “You would have starved yourself. And I can’t have you starving yourself in our house.”
“They were innocent!”
“I know,” I say, taking a sip. “That’s why I didn’t shoot them. But you needed motivation. And now you’ve eaten a full meal. Problem solved.”
She stands up, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “You’re insane. You’re absolutely insane.”
“We’ve established this,” I say, completely unbothered. “Multiple times now, actually, seriously you have to come up with something better, insane, crazy, unhinged, screw loose, your vocabulary should be more extensive, pretty lawyer.”
She turns and walks toward the stairs, her whole body rigid with anger. I watch her go, resisting the urge to go after her.
She’s scared of me now. And I’m my book, that’s good. At least now she won’t have grand delusions of another man.