CHAPTER 49
IRIS
The second earring drops from my fingers as I lunge for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before I'm vomiting, my whole body heaving over the bowl while I grip the sides with white knuckles.
It comes in waves, each one worse than the last, until I'm just dry heaving with tears streaming down my face and my throat burning.
Sitting back on the tile floor, I press my forehead against the cool porcelain and try to catch my breath, my stomach still churning, then force myself up to rinse my mouth and splash water on my face, fixing the mascara smudged under my eyes and reapplying my ruined lipstick.
I walk out of the bathroom and find Ilay waiting for me in a dark suit that fits him perfectly, his hair pushed back, and his eyes immediately scan my face before his expression shifts. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." The lie comes out automatically. "You look pale."
"I'm fine."
"Iris.’’ A sigh escapes me as I lean against the doorframe, my legs still feeling shaky.
His jaw tightens and he crosses the distance between us in two strides, one hand coming up to cup my face while his thumb brushes across my cheekbone.
"If you're not feeling well, we stay home. I'll cancel everything."
"No." I shake my head, making his hand drop. "You already planned something, and I don't want to ruin it."
"You're not ruining anything. If you're sick—"
"I'm not sick, I'm fine." I force a smile that probably looks as weak as it feels. "Really. Maybe I'm just stressed. I jumped back into that case I'd been putting off and it's been a lot."
He doesn't look convinced, his eyes searching my face like he's trying to read something I'm not saying.
"This job of yours—"
"Uh uh." I cut him off before he can finish, pushing off the doorframe to stand up straighter. "You promised. You promised I could keep my career, so don't you dare take back your words now."
He stares at me for a long moment, something unreadable flickering behind his eyes.
"I mean it, Ilay. You can have everything else, but this is the one thing I'm asking you not to take from me." His mouth curves into a smirk. "So your family dying is still on the table?" I smack his chest hard and he laughs. "That's not funny."
"It's a little funny."
"It's really not." He catches my wrist before I can pull away and brings my hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to my knuckles while his eyes stay locked on mine.
"Fine. Your career stays, but right now I'm giving you two hours to rest. I'll go downstairs and get you some medicine, you're going to take it and lie down, and then we'll see how you feel. Okay?"
I want to argue because I hate being coddled, but the truth is I still feel like garbage and two hours of rest doesn't sound terrible.
"Okay." He leans down and kisses me, soft and sweet, then pulls back to study my face.
"You're so beautiful." Another kiss, then another, little pecks all over my face—my cheeks, my nose, my forehead, my eyelids—and I can't help but smile.
"Brighten up that smile, angel. You're about to make me the happiest man in the world, and you're about to be the happiest woman on the planet. "
"That's a big promise."
"I always deliver." One more kiss, before he steps back. "Now rest. I'll be back." He disappears out the door and I crawl into bed and close my eyes.
***
Two hours later the medicine has settled my stomach and the rest took care of the dizziness, so when Ilay comes back to check on me, I'm sitting up in bed and ready to go.
"Feeling better?" he asks, and I nod. "Much.
" He holds out his hand with that look in his eyes that makes my pulse quicken despite everything. "Then let's go."
***
The beach is private, a stretch of sand that looks like something out of a dream with the sun already set and the sky dark and dotted with stars, lanterns lining the path to the shore with their warm glow flickering in the evening breeze, and there's a table set up near the water with white linens and candles and flowers, and behind it all, an entire orchestra waiting with instruments ready.
"Ilay." My voice comes out breathless. He doesn't answer, just guides me forward with a hand on the small of my back, pulling out my chair with that infuriating smirk on his face. "You hired an orchestra?"
"I hired a lot of things. Now sit." I sit in a daze, still trying to process the fact that this man rented out a beach and hired a full orchestra just for dinner, and the food starts coming, course after course of things I can't even pronounce with each one better than the last, and we eat and talk and laugh, and for a little while I forget about everything else—because right now it's just us.
When we finish eating, the orchestra starts playing a slow and romantic song.
Ilay stands and offers me his hand. "Dance with me.
" I take it and let him pull me to my feet, and we move to the music with his arm around my waist and my head against his chest, the sand soft beneath my heels and the breeze warm and everything feeling perfect in a way I didn't think was possible for us.
He spins me out and pulls me back in, and I laugh at the joy of it, and he does it again and again until I'm dizzy but in a good way this time, then the music slows and he stops.
I look up at him confused, about to ask what's wrong, when he drops to both knees in front of me and my heart stops. "Ilay."
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small velvet box, opening it to reveal a diamond so massive and ridiculous it could only come from a man like him, and when he looks up at me, his eyes look raw and vulnerable.
"Iris." His voice cracks on my name. "I'm not a good man.
I've done terrible things, hurt people, killed people, lied and manipulated and destroyed anything that got in my way, and I'm not going to stand here and pretend I'm sorry for any of it because I'm not. "
His hands are trembling as he holds the ring up to me.
"But you. You're the one thing in this world I would burn everything down for.
You're the one thing I would die for. I would put a bullet in my own head if you asked me to.
I would carve out my own heart and hand it to you on a silver fucking platter if that's what you wanted. "
He takes a shaky breath and I watch his throat work as he swallows.
"I am obsessed with you. Completely. Utterly.
In a way that should probably scare you.
I think about you every second of every day.
When you're not with me, I can't breathe.
When you're upset, I want to kill whoever made you feel that way, even if it's me. Especially if it's me."
His voice drops lower, rougher, desperate.
"I'm begging you, Iris. I'm on my fucking knees begging you.
Please do me the greatest service and pick me.
Marry me. Take my name. Let me spend the rest of my life proving to you that I can be the man you deserve, even though we both know I'll never come close. "
Tears stream down his face and he doesn't bother wiping them away.
"You could destroy me with a single word.
You already have, just by existing, just by making me feel things I didn't think I was capable of feeling.
I am completely and utterly at your mercy, and I'm begging you—" His voice breaks. "Please. Please marry me."
I reach down and smack him on the head, and he blinks up at me through his tears. "What the—"
"Stop with all this dramatic shit." I'm trying not to laugh even as my own tears start falling. "I'm proposing to you."
"I know, and you're being ridiculous." I drop to my knees in front of him on the sand and grab his face with both hands, forcing him to look at me.
"Yes. I'll marry you. I'll take your name and let you spend the rest of your life trying to prove yourself to me, even though you don't have.
" He stares at me for a second like he can't believe what he's hearing, then he lets out a sound that's half laugh and half sob and crashes his mouth against mine, kissing me like I'm the air he needs to breathe.
When he pulls back, his hands are shaking as he slides the ring onto my finger, and he presses his forehead against mine. "I love you angel."
"I love you too ilay." We stay there on our knees in the sand with the orchestra playing and the waves crashing behind us and the stars overhead, and for the first time since this whole nightmare started, I think maybe, just maybe, we might actually be okay.