Chapter 15 #2
“Are you ready to press on, Miss Bennet?” Darcy asked.
“Yes, I suppose so.”
He looked at her for a moment and then said, “Would you rather climb Thorpe Cloud instead and see the view?”
Elizabeth smiled sheepishly and said that she would. “But I do not want to take anyone away from a walk along the river.”
“I shall climb with you,” he said. In a louder voice he said to the others, “Are any of you intrepid enough to join us?”
“If you prefer to climb Thorpe Cloud,” began Miss Darcy, “we could all—”
Colonel Fitzwilliam put a hand on her arm and then looked pointedly at Hester.
“It shall be too much for any of us,” Hester said, “but you must climb it with Mr Darcy.”
“We shall go ahead to Lover’s Leap,” said Colonel Fitzwilliam, already leading Miss Darcy away, “and you can meet us back here when you have seen all there is to see.”
The others followed the river, and she was left only with Darcy.
She had been wanting to engage a moment of his attention all week, but it was clear from his pensive look that his mind was still on other matters.
How much can I cheer a person whose income this year is not guaranteed and whose friend might be a killer?
Forcing a smile, she said, “Thank you for bringing us. I know you have a great deal on your mind.” She wondered if he wanted to talk more about Carew’s death and what it would mean if one of his friends had caused it. “What occupies you now?”
“A variety of important occurrences, continually interposing to distract my mind and withdraw my attention, must explain my seeming neglect of–of my friends.”
Elizabeth did not see how she could force him to speak about his suspicion that his friend killed someone. “I know you did not wish to come today, so you need not pretend for my sake, but you can speak of those demands and occurrences if you like.”
Darcy was silent so long that she wondered if he was going to answer. “I have many demands on me, and my tenants seem to think it is but for them to ask and everything they want is done, and when it is not done directly, they grow frustrated. And I grow frustrated when I am powerless to do more.”
He paused to gesture where they ought to ascend the hill.
“The sides of this valley are in almost every part steep and craggy; however, there is a tolerably good ascent this way.” After a moment he added, “I am afraid I shall not appear to my advantage if it is known that I spent a day sightseeing whilst my tenants are rebuilding.”
His honesty both surprised her and flattered her. “None blame you for this tragedy, you know,” she said.
“Yes, I know it was the misfortune of weather and chance, but the end result will still prevent us from making tolerable crops this year. I shall be in arrears; it is only a matter of how much. I did not have debt before this and refuse to run to debt now. I can weather the—” Darcy winced.
“I can help my tenants and remain solvent if I retrench.”
They left the shallow section beneath Thorpe Cloud and were now climbing higher.
“You are unused to financial travails, that is clear,” she said.
“But you appear to have a plan to manage the disaster, and so long as you meet your tenants’ immediate needs, I do not think they will begrudge you a moment of recreation now and then. ”
Darcy nodded as though determined to believe this. “I will endeavour to not act so afflicted, at least when I am enjoying your company.”
This made her heart beat a little faster.
If only good manners allowed the woman to speak first. She was half ready to disregard all propriety and tell him that she had come to love him, to put her arms around him and finally kiss him as she had wanted to do since they played the parlour game before the storm.
“Affliction is the good man’s shining time, so it is said. ”
“At one point you did not think I was a good man, or a gentlemanly one.”
This was said with an uncertainty that surprised her. He only needed to believe that she wanted him to repeat the sentiments and renew the offers she rejected in April. Perhaps she really ought to consider speaking first.
“My dear Darcy, now I think you are everything that is benevolent and good.”
To all appearances, he was sure he had looked perfectly composed when Elizabeth called him “my dear Darcy.” But it still felt like his heart was beating so violently that his pulse could be seen from a distance.
Since the storm on Monday, he had an ever-present feeling of woe, as well as an urgent need to fix everything directly and to do much of it himself.
Add to that the pain and grief of Utterson or Balfour being capable of murder, and Darcy knew he was hardly fit to be in company.
The guilt he felt whenever he was not acting on behalf of his tenants must be discernible if Elizabeth was prompting him to talk of his cares.
When he returned to Pemberley, he would immediately have demands upon him.
There would be letters to answer, his steward to meet with, his banker to write to.
Balfour and Utterson would return, and he would somehow find the wherewithal to behave no differently towards them whilst he and Fitzwilliam gathered what evidence against the guilty party that they could find.
And, fool that I am, here I am alone with the only woman I have ever loved, and I am talking about the demands upon my time and my purse.
He would ask her to marry him when they reached the summit.
The hope of feeling her heart beating against his chest as he kissed her was now crowding out thoughts of Pemberley and storms and destruction as they ascended Thorpe Cloud.
The thought of soon indulging in every possible passion with her made his heart race.
He was certain that Elizabeth admired him more than the last time he asked, but he felt far more anxiety than he had at Hunsford parsonage.
“Your sister was right to suggest our seeing this place,” she said, looking all round as the incline grew steeper.
“Do you think Dovedale and Derbyshire beautiful?”
She smiled as though this were a foolish question. “There is a character of wildness to Derbyshire rather than a straightforward beauty, but I like it very much.”
Never had the exquisite sight, smell, sensation of nature—tranquil, enlivening, warm—been more attractive to him as seeing Derbyshire through Elizabeth’s eyes. “The view of Dovedale from the top is said to be one of the most pleasing scenes of the Peak.”
She nodded, but the exertion required now made it a little harder to climb and speak at the same time.
When they reached a flatter, grassy bank, Elizabeth exhaled loudly and stopped.
“This is quite the excursion!” she cried, looking up at Thorpe Cloud that, from this vantage point, blocked most of the sun.
“It looks so steep I fear I shall have to crawl on my hands and knees to reach the top.”
Darcy silently thought that would be pretty near to the truth, but he did not want to discourage her. Instead, he pointed in the other direction for her to take in the view. “There is an immensity to it,” he said quietly.
“There is. It is too magnificent, too interesting a landscape for quiet contemplation.” She seemed to catch her breath, but rather than begin again, she stared at him with deep interest.
“What is the matter?”
“Do you still love me?”
He had never before been simultaneously shocked and made so happy. Elizabeth dropped her gaze and her cheeks were pink, but there was no doubt in his mind that she wanted an answer.
“With all my soul, my heart, and my strength. Do you love me?”
She could not look him in the eye, but her voice was unhesitating when she said, “I do not have words strong enough to tell you with what ardency I love you.”
“Elizabeth,” he said, raising a hand to her chin to lift her gaze to his, “I want to turn to you for consolation when I am melancholy, consult with you when I need advice, make a friend of you to share every experience.” Although she was smiling, he still felt real apprehension and anxiety when he asked, “Will you do me the honour of marrying me?”
“Yes, happily and eagerly, yes,” she said, giving a little laugh before putting her arms around him and laying her head against him.
Darcy put his arms around her waist and felt a delight at knowing for certain that Elizabeth loved him.
Of all the burdens now facing him, to have this uncertainty resolved, this important matter settled in the way that he had long hoped for, was a profound relief.
As he was recognising how wonderful it felt to hold and touch Elizabeth, she pulled away, smiling. Darcy captured both of her hands, unwilling to lose contact with her so soon.
She gave another shy laugh. “I have wanted you to offer yourself again for so long!”
“You cannot have had such feelings when you first learnt that you would be staying in my house,” he said with a laugh of his own. “Part of me wonders if you wanted to hide in Bingley’s carriage for the entire fortnight.”
She blushed, and he suspected that might have been the case. “My first feelings of esteem and attachment were formed not long after arriving, and have grown steadily and swiftly to a perfect admiration and love.”
Their amusement faded, and a tender look appeared in Elizabeth’s eyes.
He was about to ask if he could kiss her when her gaze dropped to his mouth.
He gently pulled on her hands to bring her near and leant down to place a delicate kiss on her lips.
It was fleeting, but the warmth of it, the meaning of it, made his pulse drum in his ears.
“You are not upset that I spoke first?” she whispered after, still holding his hands.
“Not at all. Although, once we had reached the summit I was determined to ask if your feelings for me had changed.”
“I had wondered if you might rebuff me, but at other times I was certain your affections were what they had been in April.”