Chapter 2
Hugo longed for the freedom with which Earnest lived his life.
Imagine saying such things—inviting an illegal act—without any care in the world.
Hugo shouldn’t even be here with the soft candlelight casting shadows on Earnest’s handsome face.
He placed the candle on the small bedside table, making sure it was exactly in the middle of the surface so it wouldn’t catch on any of the surroundings.
It provided only a temporary distraction from the temptation of Earnest, who was beyond what Hugo had the willpower to resist. A Lord has a duty to the title to marry an eligible young lady.
“Why are you not kissing me already? Stop asking boring questions and kiss me.”
If only he could. If he were a different person with a different upbringing and no responsibilities, then he could kiss Earnest and thread his fingers through Earnest’s sandy blonde hair. He wanted to kiss Earnest’s eyelids, to touch him everywhere, but it was against the rules.
No son of mine would dare be a molly.
And the one time he’d broken that rule—the one time he’d dared—afterwards, his skin had become too tight with tension building and building.
He’d sent Earnest away as he awaited his punishment, not wanting Earnest to know the truth about his life.
A little voice whispered that he hadn’t wanted Earnest to get hurt with a punishment too, but that couldn’t be right because that would mean .
.. something he didn’t want to think about.
“Earnest. You know I can’t.”
“You can. You are an Earl. You can, quite literally, do anything you want.”
Hugo was rock hard—his body wanted Earnest’s words to be true—and he wished he could adjust his pants so Earnest wouldn’t notice, but of course, he didn’t move because any movement would make it obvious.
The night hid his sins, for now, concealing those secret desires that his father had tried to beat out of him.
“There is an etiquette, Earnest. I’m not going to get into bed with a guest without his permission.” It wasn’t the real reason, but it would have to do because he wasn’t going to demean himself with the truth; that he didn’t have the willpower to be who he was supposed to be.
“I give you permission now.” Earnest’s voice was rough, reminding Hugo of the way it had sounded after he’d fucked his throat, and he couldn’t ignore the shiver that galloped up and down his spine.
“You want me to get into bed with you?”
“Sure. We are so good together. We shouldn’t waste this opportunity.” Earnest was so casual, so relaxed about this, everything that Hugo wasn’t and couldn’t be.
“I can’t.” Hugo needed the reminder that this didn’t mean anything to Earnest. It was just a piece of fun for him, which shouldn’t be so appealing.
Damn it. He yearned to live his life with such freedom, and to not have to check over his shoulder for the looming presence of his father, just in case, before he did anything.
“Bosh. You are a Lord. I bet you could literally do anything, and no one would blink an eyelid at you.”
“You already said that.”
“Oh, now I’m the boring one?”
“I prefer to adhere to etiquette.” Hugo breathed out, slowly remembering that his father had been dead for seven years and five months now.
Any punishment wasn’t going to happen. Not anymore.
Even after so many years, the fact that he couldn’t do anything without worrying about what might happen, was the worst part.
Earnest was correct. Hugo was the Earl now.
He could ... be with Earnest if he wished, for the night at least, without worrying that he was going suffer through his father’s latest version of making a man of him.
Never mind that if he gave into temptation, he might never stop wanting, and then what?
A pillow bounced off him and he flinched.
Had Earnest just thrown a pillow at him?
“Don’t be so boring.”
“I like boring.”
“Why?” Earnest sat up and spread his arms wide, and the blankets slipped down to his waist. Having his ‘guest’ exposed like this was too much. “Did you throw me out because I’m not boring?”
Hugo stiffened, his whole body going rigid. “There are rules around elicit affairs among the ton, and none of them include having you stay in my house. I can’t believe you stayed on my lawn where everyone could see you.”
“I think you’ll find that the rules of the peerage don’t apply to me.” Earnest was barely visible in the dim light of one candle, and yet he was so beautiful with the flickering light cast across his bare chest. All those muscles and hollows and shadows and promises...
“No?” Hugo fought against the ugly voice in his head that he really shouldn’t be standing here with Earnest in his bed, naked from the waist up. A rush of heat enveloped him. Was Earnest completely naked? In his bed? Oh God. Thinking of that was too much. His heart was beating far too fast.
He changed the subject. “Why didn’t I know you were knighted? When was it?”
“Forever ago. It must be coming up eight years now. Why don’t you know that?”
“Eight years ago?” Hugo did a quick calculation; he’d been twenty-two and in Italy without any English newspapers.
“Yes. It was in all the papers.” Earnest frowned, and Hugo wondered if he was insulted that he didn’t know about his knighthood.
Hugo had assumed Earnest was a baron because he acted without a care in the world.
The freedom in Earnest’s decisions was something Hugo craved.
He could never. Rules had to be followed to prevent consequences.
“I was travelling then.” He blinked, staring into the dark, staring anywhere but Earnest’s naked chest with his perfect amount of chest hair, a slightly darker blond than on his head.
Hugo’s brain unhelpfully provided him with the memory of the rest of Earnest’s body all the way down to where Earnest’s cock jutted out, beckoning him.
Not tonight. Tonight it was covered by blankets.
What a shame. No, he meant, thank Christ because he’d damned well explode if he saw the beckoning beauty of Earnest’s cock.
He’d wanted to taste it, like Earnest had done to him, but he had been too embarrassed to ask.
Unable to break one of society’s rules with real words. He gulped.
“And you didn’t get the news?”
“No.” Hugo blinked, trying to remember what they’d been talking about. What news? Oh, the knighthood. Hmmm.
“Where on earth were you?”
Far away and learning that nowhere would be far enough.
Hugo’s shoulders slumped a tiny bit because this was a miserable tale, although it certainly would distract him from wanting to suck Earnest’s nipples and taste all his skin.
He shouldn’t be here. With a trembling breath in, he knew he wasn’t strong enough to walk away from Earnest who stared at him with round brown eyes as if Hugo was the most fascinating thing in the world.
He could get used to having such attention paid to him, except it also made him want to shrink into the smallest of spaces.
If no one noticed him, no one could hurt him either.
“I was travelling.” He didn’t want to talk about it while Earnest was here, inviting him with a flutter of lashes and seducing him with all this talk about how he was an Earl and how he could have Earnest if he wanted.
“And you accused me of being repetitive. Were you on your grand tour? How bourgeois.”
It hadn’t been. “It was expected of me.” The truth but nothing like the truth, not even close.
“And did you enjoy viewing the masters, and galivanting your way through continental Europe?” Edmund made it sound like he’d been fucking his way across Europe when the truth was much less enjoyable. Imagine living in a world where such a thing were possible.
“It was a little difficult to enjoy it when people looked at me and decided I couldn’t possibly be the son of an English Earl.
” All his life in England, everyone had known he was his father’s heir because people knew his mother, Lady Horden.
It’d been confronting to realise that society only accepted him in England; where they knew about his grandmother and mother, and why he wasn’t as pale as most of the other heirs.
At school, he’d been friends with the boys who had Indian heritage; the few of them sticking together by necessity.
When he’d travelled, he hadn’t been protected by his father’s Earldom.
“Oh.” Earnest with his blonde hair couldn’t possibly have known what it would be like.
“It became easier when I swapped roles with my travelling companion, George Baker, and then we were admitted everywhere.” He sighed.
He hadn’t enjoyed that either, accepted only as a servant and knowing he was living a lie which left him constantly anxious and exhausted.
And when he’d arrived home, he’d had a moment of joy when his father showed him that he’d kept all his letters.
He’d finally done something that his father thought worthwhile .
.. Until his father burned the letters in front of him and called them a waste of time and money.
Hugo might have grown too big for his father to beat, so he’d simply found other ways to devastate him.
His father had died soon after that, and Hugo had stepped into his role as Earl, knowing he’d never be good enough.
And here he was proving his father to be correct.
Earnest reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling his knuckles towards his mouth.
“I’m so sorry.” Earnest’s hot breath over the back of his hand made his balls tighten.
Heat shot through him, something like embarrassment at being so easily aroused and .
.. desire. God, so much desire. If he kissed Earnest, perhaps he could taste some of that illusive freedom and have it for himself for just a small moment.
“Don’t be. It was a long time ago.” Coming home had been a big reminder of what he’d been trying to leave behind.
He’d love to stop being scared, and as Earnest kissed his knuckles, he fought the urge to flinch and look over his shoulder.
He’d spent his entire childhood tiptoeing around, trying to make himself invisible, trying to be the perfect son but continually being told he was never good enough.
He couldn’t shake the habit; of needing to follow the rules for survival.
“Horden. Look at me.” Earnest’s voice shook him out of thoughts.
“Yes?”
“We are good together. Come and enjoy ... me.”
They had been good together, so good that Hugo had told Earnest to leave and never come back, which Earnest hadn’t done, instead he’d created a scene, and everything had gone as badly as Hugo had predicted.
Yet here they were again, with Earnest’s stubble scraping over his knuckles until his knees softened.
Weakness. But he didn’t care. He wanted Earnest and fate had put him conveniently in his bed.
Need grew stronger than fear and he lifted his chin.
“Show me, Earnest. Show me how good we are,” he whispered. Earnest curled his fingers around Hugo’s wrist and before Hugo could think, he found himself pulled off his feet. He collapsed awkwardly onto Earnest’s bare chest and wondered why he’d fought so hard against this.
“What is wrong with me?” He was still whispering, knowing he shouldn’t want any of this, but desperately needing it. Needing Earnest.
“I could make a list.” Earnest grinned, his eyes twinkling in the low candlelight.
“Aren’t you supposed to say there’s nothing wrong with me?” He wished it were true. Earnest kissed him. Not on the mouth like he’d been expecting, but on the tip of his nose, and then on his chin.
“But there is so much wrong with you. You are an Earl. You are far too uptight and worried about things that no one in your position ought to worry about. You threw me out. And you dare to be far too handsome for someone so boring.”
Boring was his survival mode. “I can’t help being an Earl.”
“Even so. There should be rules against that sort of thing.”
His stomach clenched in a strange way. Was that almost a laugh? How foreign. “The rules reinforce my right to be an Earl.”
“Yes, it’s a problem.”
“You are a radical?”
Earnest scoffed. “No. I’m just a fool who knows the world wouldn’t be better without the peerage. Someone else would just fill the power gap, and besides without you and the ton, I’d have no income.”
“Excuse me?” None of this made any sense, but then it didn’t matter because Earnest kissed him.
Properly this time with his mouth and tongue and lips stealing all of Hugo’s breath, and incredibly stopping the rampaging swirl of thoughts in his head.
This was why he needed—craved—this. He forced his body to ignore the instinct to worry about when his punishment would come, and he fell on top of Earnest’s bare chest. He’d already been there, essentially had landed there, but he let the tension release from his torso until he collapsed properly with his body sagged over Earnest. It was nicer like this, not to be all stiff and awkward, although one part of him was erect and hard.
“There is something wrong here.” Earnest’s breathy whisper against his ear reignited his worst fears.
“What?” He couldn’t disguise the panic in his voice and he flinched, looking over his shoulder again.
“You have far too many clothes on.” Earnest purred against his neck, then tugged at his cravat, putting pressure on the back of his neck. It shouldn’t be good, but it was.
“Oh.” He’d expected ... something else.
“Let me help you fix that.” Earnest wrapped his arms around Hugo’s back and rolled them both so he lay on Hugo.
Hugo gasped, completely unprepared for such tomfoolery.
The blankets caught between them, and it was annoying and hot and overwhelming.
What was it about Earnest that shocked him out of his usual carefully constructed life?