Chapter 35 THE FIGHTER INSIDE HER
Chapter 35
T HE F IGHTER INSIDE H ER
Boston, Massachusetts
Present Day
Tiny is great on a leash, and he walks like he’s the president’s dog as he and Charli approach Miles Pemberton’s grave back in Boston. Finding him turned out to be easy. A quick search during the plane ride led her to Findagrave.com, where she entered the name Samuel Hall. He’s in section one of the Morris Maron Cemetery in the North End.
She hasn’t even changed her clothes since getting home at two p.m. After catching a cab from Logan Airport, she had dashed inside, smothered Tiny in hugs and kisses, and then led him right out the door to finish what she started when she first left Costa Rica.
These older gravestones don’t look too much younger here in the New World. Half of them tilt to the side, with lettering that is hard to make out and moss inching up the stone. It’s far colder here than in Winchester, though, and the grass has not yet come to life. The only flowers are the ones left by loved ones.
The site of Miles’s gravestone takes Charli’s breath away. He’s buried next to his wife, Margaret. Their gravestones stand three feet apart. Charli hesitates for a moment, wondering if she’s doing the right thing, bringing Lillian back to Miles with Margaret’s body right there.
Knowing in her heart that she is, Charli steps closer. The etched wording reads: H ERE L IES S AMUEL P HILIP H ALL 1863–1925. M AY G OD R EST H IS S OUL .
It takes her a while to gather herself as she gets lost in the idea that what is left of his body rests in a coffin beneath her feet. If Frances is right, a little piece of a person’s soul remains in their final resting place—no matter whether they are buried or cremated, and that piece is a window into the rest of him, wherever that may be.
Charli leans down and touches the stone, running her fingers along the wording just as she’d done with the carving in the tree. She closes her eyes and feels Miles’s presence once again. She senses the pain he must have felt in losing Lillian, in being betrayed. But she also senses gratitude. Maybe she’s imagining things, but she believes Miles is grateful for what Charli’s done. There is closure now and, therefore, peace.
Tiny pushes his nose into her fingers, and she smiles. He can feel it too.
Lowering to a cross-legged seat, she asks Tiny to lie beside her. He does so happily and rests his head on his paws.
“I don’t know how much explaining I need to do, but I came to tell you that I know that you loved Lillian with all of you and would never have hurt her. I know that it was your brother and your father who were responsible. And I hope that if any piece of you is still entangled in this web, and I think it may be, know that all is right now. You are a good man. I know it, and I will make sure the generations to come know it too.”
She pulls the brooch from her purse. “I can’t imagine this needs explanation. All I can tell you, Miles, is that the love between you and Lillian will never die. If I could talk to you in person, I’d tell you that I would still be stuck in life had I not been awakened by your unrest. By giving you this, I hope you can sense that Lillian still loves you and always will.”
With her fingers, Charli digs a small hole in the grass and pushes the hair brooch into it. As she covers it up, she whispers, “May this be the end of our struggles.”
Not a second after the words leave her lips, a sense of calm and contentedness wash over her. The joy in her body shoots up out of her, and her heart beams.
She sits there for a while, petting a trembling Tiny, and experiencing a wave of gratitude. It didn’t turn out exactly as she hoped, but she’ll never be the same. No more pretending. No more self-sabotaging. No more letting Mom win. And no more allowing red or even yellow lights to slow her down.
Her father is next. As she drives his way, the sun sets over Boston, its rays spraying like hope over the city. When he answers the door, he cracks a big grin toward her, and it quells the worry that had still been burning inside her. He’s still here, still fighting.
She pulls him in tight. “You look good.”
He hugs her just as hard. “Honey, you’ve only been gone a little while. Don’t pretend you missed me that much.”
“I did.”
When they let go, he says, “I thought you’d like to know I turned down a pretty great offer for the boat yesterday.”
“What?”
“Hey, we agreed to fight it out. I’m doing my part.”
“I’m speechless.” There’s a sense of unfamiliar optimism that she welcomes, and she wonders where his change of heart is coming from, the constellation or their phone call. Whatever it is, her father is back on track.
As they walk into the kitchen, she asks, “You gonna have room for me in the regatta this year? I’d love to join.”
“You can be my first mate any day, Charli. But I do think I might sail the world before too long. I’ve put the pieces in motion.”
“Hold on. What? Really? You should.”
He nods with a glimmer of excitement usually reserved for children who are racing out the door to play with their friends.
Her heart fills with joy, so much so that her mouth stretches wide. “You realize you’re the best dad on earth, right?”
He kicks out a laugh. “I don’t know about that. Just the luckiest dad out there, that’s for sure.”
She’s not sure if how they got here matters nearly as much as the fact that they are here , in this place where everything seems possible.
“So, what now?” he asks, reaching for the bottle of wine on the counter.
She shares with him all the things that have registered, and she talks about saying goodbye to Noah, how difficult it had been. “Maybe one day we’ll be in a place to work it out. I don’t know. But in the meantime, I’m going to open my bookstore.”
He lights up. “I’d love to see you do that.”
“Yeah, me too. A lot to figure out, but there’s time.”
“What will you call it? Same thing as before?”
“No, I’ve got something better.”
She’s back to work in the morning. And though she’s still not in love with this job, it feels like a means to an end now, which makes it far more palatable.
“Ah, Charli, so glad you made it to work today. We’re all honored.”
Charli is in her cubicle, tapping away at a new report.
Marvin pokes her on the back. “Let’s see you in my office, huh?”
“I’m busy right now trying to ...”
“Nope, we’re not gonna have that. Let’s go, right now.”
She walks down the carpeted hallway and follows him into his office. If he fires her, she’ll find something else. Something better.
“Have a seat,” he commands.
She sits in one of the two visitors’ chairs facing his desk. A bottle of Vaseline hand lotion sits next to a grimy calculator. An Excel sheet stretches across the screen that swings from the wall.
He clicks the door shut. “So ... how is your mother?”
She turns back to him, uncomfortable that he’s behind her. “She’s fine.”
“Good,” he says.
I should come clean, she thinks. I don’t want to lie anymore. If I’m not meant to be here, so be it.
“And are you glad to be back?”
“No, not really.”
“You don’t like your job, do you?”
“Well, it’s fine, I suppose. I mean, it’s better than digging graves. No. I’d rather dig graves, but I don’t like dead bodies. It’s better than ...” She has to think hard. He lets her. “It’s better than not having a job.” How about that for honesty?
He takes the chair next to her—not his on the other side of the desk, but the one right next to her. “I do like your humor. We have fun, don’t we? You and I, chatting back and forth.”
Cringing at his onion breath, she shakes her head. “No. I don’t have fun. I’m just trying to do my job.”
He smiles, almost like he thinks she’s flirting with him. She sits up straight and moves to the edge of the chair, away from him. He turns to her, puts a hand on her armrest. She’s a second away from standing and rushing out the door. Only the fact that she wants the job keeps her still.
“I don’t intimidate you, do I?” he asks.
“Not in the least,” she says, drawing her hands toward her lap as fast as a tape measure pulls in tape when the button is smashed. She makes eye contact with him. “Is there something you’d like?”
He gives a chuckle that makes her cringe. “Oh boy, is there.”
She tightens. He’s making a pass at her.
“I don’t feel comfortable,” she says. If he’s not careful, Charli will put up a fight that he never could have seen coming. She’s taken her fair share of self-defense classes, and she’s not afraid to use what she’s learned.
He removes his hand from her armrest. “You know, I give you a hard time, but I think I’m a good boss. I didn’t even say anything when you came back with a tan when you took time off to help your mother. Last I checked, no one was getting tans in March on the Cape.”
She almost mentions her mother’s tanning bed, but that’s not who she is anymore. That’s not who she’s becoming. Instead, she comes clean. “Look, Marvin, you’re right. My mother was never having surgery. I was in Costa Rica; that’s where I got my tan. Most recently, I was in England doing some genealogical research. I’m sorry I lied about that. And I completely understand if you have to fire me. But I’m back now and willing to put in some hard work.”
He smiles at her, as if he’s either not surprised or doesn’t care. Either way, she’s creeped out.
“It’s okay,” he whispers. “We all tell little fibs, don’t we? I think I’m willing to let that go. I’ve been thinking about ways to promote you, to get that raise that you’re always begging for.”
His insinuation is obvious and lights the match of her female fury. She’s enraged not only at him but at every man who’s ever tried to play such a game and for every woman who’s been a victim of it. This feels worse than anything her mother ever said to her.
His hand goes up and toward her as he says, “Let’s do a little back-scratching. I can help—” The moment he pats her arm, she recoils and backs away so quickly that the chair slams into the floor with a thud. She’s on her feet and moving to the door.
“Where are you going?” he asks sweetly. “I’m not doing a thing, just trying to help you.”
“I bet you are,” she says, twisting the knob, noticing the door is locked. She quickly unlocks it and rushes out as she hears him calling after her. She can’t believe this kind of thing still happens.
She rushes to her cubicle and grabs her purse. Her neighbor asks whether she’s okay.
“I’m leaving,” Charli says. “And you should too.”
The woman juts out her bottom lip.
Charli isn’t done. Men like this need to be exposed. She places a hand on the cubicle wall and raises her voice. “Everyone, can I get your attention?” It doesn’t take a second for the large room to go quiet. Heads turn.
“Marvin just touched me and made it clear that he would give me a raise in exchange for sexual favors. And I quit. I hope you will too. I wish you all the best.”
Charli rushes down the stairs and jogs across the parking lot. Never again will she let someone speak down to her or treat her as less than. No, she’s done. Because she is the one who determines her worth, and dammit, she is worth something. She’s a good person who wants to do the right thing and shine her own light into the world. Even if she never opens a bookstore, even if she never finds love, she still matters.
After shooting an email exposing Marvin’s behavior to every higher-up she’s met in the company, she drives out to the Cape. How many times has Charli come out here with hopes that she and her mother will have a nice time, only to return under a dark cloud of sadness? Every. Single. Time.
This visit will be different.
She does not have any expectations.
When her mother opens the door, she says, “Where the hell have you been?” Her robe flaps in the sea breeze. Her lipstick is heavy, the alcohol on her breath flammable.
“Hi, Mom.”
“I’ve been calling you and ...”
“Yeah, I got the messages.”
“No apology, nothing. How easily you forget I dedicated half of my life to you.”
Charli recognizes a flash of anger rise up, but she acknowledges it and lets herself feel it as opposed to swallowing it down. She takes her time too.
When she’s ready, she says, “I can see how frustrating that must have been. Could we sit and talk? I have some things on my mind.”
Georgina notices Tiny for the first time. “If he’s coming inside, you need to wipe his paws.”
Charli raises a towel. “Way ahead of you.”
“Okay, come in. Let me get a drink.”
“Could you wait until after, please?”
Georgina groans.
The women sit in the sunroom in two chairs that face the sea. Tiny curls up next to Charli. The water is calm this afternoon, barely a ripple.
“I want you to know, Mom, that I love you. Because of that, I want to tell you a little bit about my life, what I am going to do to change.”
Charli doesn’t tell her about the constellation or her trip to Winchester. What she says is, “I want the best for you, but I can’t be here for you any longer. I need to look out for me . I came out here to assure you that I can still love you from a distance, and that’s what I’m going to do. Our past is too harsh on me, though, and I’m asking that you respect that. That you respect that I need some space.”
For once, Georgina has nothing to say. She licks her lips and stares out to the sea.
Charli adds, “I believe that you have the power to change, Mom. I believe that it’s never too late for self-discovery, and I hope that you can find a way to ease your pain.”
Georgina slaps the armrests of the chair. “Well, shit, Charli. I don’t know what to say. I guess it’s good you’re finally growing up.” A tear rolls down her mother’s cheek, and she starts shaking her head back and forth. She looks like she’s fighting something back, and then she lets it out, a sob that sprouts in her eyes and comes over her whole body.
“I’m sorry, Charli. I could have done better.”
Georgina has never once said she’s sorry. Surprising even herself, Charli slides off her chair and wraps her arms around her.
“Thank you for saying that.”
“Don’t leave me, Charli.” She’s a wet mess.
Charli lets go and stands. “I’ll always be pulling for you. But I gotta go.”
“Yeah,” her mom says pitifully. “Yeah ... yeah. Go, please, go.” Georgina motions for her to leave. “Please go.”
As Charli and Tiny take their leave, a sense of empowerment comes over her, so much so that she feels like she can walk out this door and go and do anything. Because she’s done it. She’s broken free from those invisible chains that had been holding her back, and the rest of her life will be her reclaiming her lost years and becoming the woman she knows she can be.